by cashcrunch
Just as the previous reviewer *liked* the shift into second person, I didn't. In fact, nothing puts me off a story quicker than second person narrative.
Step INTO your character's thoughts, and use either first or third person.
It's more credible, more addressed to your audience, who are not, trust me, mosty 18 year-old girls.
BUT - I agree that it's great you've taken the time to edit.
I look forward to seeing more from you.
I like the changes you made at the beginning, starting off with third person POV then switching to second person POV. I'm not big on infidelity stories, but this one was well written. It's obvious you took the time to have it proofread thoroughly. Not a bad read.