Secret Prayer Ch. 02

The nurse came back into the room and put the medicine through the IV line. It felt like a cold rush of new liquid and then Gage was feeling out of it again. He pulled the top of the hospital gown away from his neck because he was feeling suffocated by it, so there was just a little peak at his chest as he finally fell into a fitful sleep. He looked so young sleeping there in the hospital bed with the hospital gown just barely on his shoulders, wires connected to his chest and the tubes of the IV coming up from his arm to the medicine above him.

Jarek sent a few texts to his boss explaining further what was going on and setting up when he would make up his missing shift before getting comfortable and falling asleep while watching the steady rise and fall of Gage's chest.

The nurse came in and out of the room during the night to keep checking Gage's vitals. Jarek didn't wake every single time she did, but Gage did because she had to check his blood pressure and temperature each time.

In the morning, bright and early, the doctor came into the room while Gage was finishing up ordering breakfast. He ordered a breakfast for Jarek too, which he paid for out of his own savings, despite Jarek's objections to that. He wasn't going to let Jarek stay all night and end up with no food before class.

Once he was off the phone, the doctor said, "Well, on the plus side, your knee isn't broken or anything. You sprained it pretty badly, though. It's an injury you really should do physical therapy for once the infection is taken care of. Once we get the culture back, you can leave the hospital so long as you use crutches for a week or so."

"Physical therapy?" Gage replied with a look on his face that spoke to him being unsure. "I probably can't do that until I get back home..."

"When are you going home?" the doctor asked.

Gage checked his phone, looking at the date. "In a little over eight months."

Jarek looked incredulous. "I'm in school for physical therapy. Is there any way I can help?"

The doctor looked unsure about that, but asked Jarek a few questions about whether he knew what kind of exercises to have Gage do for an injury like this. At the end of his questioning, he looked back at Gage and gave a shrug. "As much as I would rather have you with a licensed therapist, if your friend is your only option then it should be fine, but I would not recommend you go over eight months without physical therapy for it. You could do far more damage to it over time just from walking around and end up needing surgery when you get home."

Gage gave a nod to show he understood, and then the doctor told them he would see them again later and left. Gage waited until the doctor was gone and then looked at Jarek. "You're already so busy as it is. You don't need me taking up multiple days a week working on this stupid thing."

"I don't think it's stupid. I think it would be good practice for me and I don't exactly dislike your company," Jarek pointed out.

"Well, only if you want to," Gage replied. "But if I start annoying you or anything, then tell me to leave at any time. I'm sure I can handle waiting for physical therapy if I need to."

"Only if you promise not to assume you're annoying me. If you are, I'll tell you," Jarek said, "Though, I personally agree with your doctor. You can't afford to wait for physical therapy if you plan to make a full recovery."

"They won't let me go to physical therapy multiple times a week, though. It takes away from what we're doing here. If I told them I had to, then they would probably send me home early, but it's not a good thing to be sent home early. People talk. The entire ward would know about it by the time I got home, and talk about how if I put my faith in God, then I would have been fine to finish the mission. There's no way the MP would give me permission to do it." Gage blew out a breath at the end of his little speech and frowned at how it sounded. "I must sound so pathetic right now."

"Not at all. You're just trying to figure out the how of it. Does the mission president decide where you will spend your time? What if it's under the guise of trying to convert someone?" Jarek asked.

"Sort of," Gage replied. "He gives us direction sometimes, but most of the time we're free to choose which neighborhoods we go to. If he gives us a direct order, though, we have to do it. And if he tells us something is forbidden, we have to listen. If it's under the assumption that the person who is inviting us over or to an event is interested in converting, though, then we're allowed to do whatever our host asks us to, within reason. No drinking, no sex, no drugs, nothing illegal. Other than that, we have the green light."

Jarek nodded. "I certainly won't force you, and I definitely won't ask you to lie. I just need to know how best to help you."

Gage considered that for a moment, thinking about what the best course of action was. Lying was something no church-going LDS member was allowed to do, even lying by omission. At the same time, though, he knew he had screwed his knee up royally. He wasn't really allowed to make friends on the mission, and certainly wasn't allowed to date on it. If they told the Mission President the truth, then Gage would have to spend less time around Jarek because he would be deemed a distraction.

The idea of not being able to spend time with Jarek at all, beyond a hello, goodbye type of situation made him more upset than he would have liked to admit. This was a golden opportunity to be able to spend far more time with Jarek than he would have had, all under the guise of pretending to convert him even though Gage had absolutely no intention to even try at this point. He could never bring himself to try and talk Jarek into anything that would try and oppress him the way he knew his church would.

He was just about to answer when both the food and Tate, followed behind by the Mission President, arrived. The person who brought the food put the first tray down in front of Gage before putting the second one, labeled "guest", down on the tray attached to the couch where Jarek was.

Once the man had left, Gage took over introductions. "Jarek, this is our Mission President, Richard Hartman. Mission President, this is Jarek Phillps. He's one of our hopefuls. He is the one who wanted us to go to the ER last night, and has graciously offered to take care of taking me through physical therapy exercises in exchange for helping him read through the Book of Mormon."

Jarek and Gage could see Tate raise both eyebrows from where he was standing behind their MP, surprised to see Gage lie so smoothly to someone. Mr. Hartman, on the other hand, seemed incredibly pleased to hear that. Jarek rose from where he was seated and offered the mission president a handshake. "A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hartman. Elder Belford here has told me a bit about you. It's nice to put a face with the name."

"So nice to meet you as well," Mr. Hartman said before he came over to look at Gage's knee. "Looks like they did a lot for you here, didn't they? Took out a lot of tissue."

"It was infected," Gage responded with a nod of his head. "I should be out within a few days though, and then I can go around with Elder Caldwell again so long as I stay on crutches for a week or so."

"Well, don't push yourself too much," Mr. Hartman commented and then came back over to Jarek. "Are you sure about giving him physical therapy? We don't want to put you out or anything. Elder Belford is the type you could show him the exercises once and he'll do them regularly."

Jarek nodded. "I'm a student at the University for physical therapy, honestly, so he's really doing me a favor; letting me practice the skills and information I'm learning on a live patient."

Mr. Hartman gave a nod of his head at that. "Alright, that's fine then. I'll have Elder Belford keep me updated on everything. I hope they'll get you into the church some day to see a sermon. Oh, you two should bring him in on the first Sunday of the month to your home ward here." Here, he turned back to Jarek to add. "I always have my missionaries take part in giving their testimony to the entire congregation. It's good for their morale. Bishop Allen is always so happy to see new faces too."

"Every face is a new face for him," Tate mumbled. "He can't even remember most of them as is."

Jarek chuckled at that and kept the pleasant expression on his face that he had plastered there as soon as the stranger had entered the room. Gone was the comfortable, relaxed version of Jarek that Gage had seen from the beginning. This Jarek was still personable but it was obvious to Gage, who felt like he had gotten to know him quite well, that this was a mask put on to protect him from an uncomfortable encounter.

Gage couldn't help but lose his own tense smile as he watched it. It hurt to see Jarek put a mask on like this. Luckily for Gage, Mr. Hartman had turned his attention back to Tate, who had obviously displeased him by making the joke he made.

"Bishop Allen is a good and fair man, and you would do well to remember to show respect to him, Elder Caldwell," Mr. Hartman lectured. "He may be getting up there in years right now, but he holds the wellbeing of the entire congregation under consideration and does whatever he can to help. I've been hoping Elder Belford would keep you in line, but if he won't, then I'm happy to find you someone else to be your companion."

Tate shook his head. "No, that's not necessary, Sir. Forgive me for my impertinence. It was rude and uncalled for."

Mr. Hartman gave an acknowledgement to what Tate had said before he turned back to Gage. "Well, I'm not going to take up too much of your time. Take care of yourself, and keep me updated. It was so nice to meet you, Jarek."

With a handshake to Jarek again, Mr. Hartman swept out of the room and shut the door behind him. It took a few minutes before anyone seemed to relax. Tate slumped down into one of the chairs in the room while Gage leaned back into his pillows.

"I hate that man with every fiber of my being," Tate said.

Gage let out a breath and looked at his companion. "You shouldn't make those jokes in front of him. He can make the rest of your mission hell."

"He's already made the whole thing hell, Gage," Tate cried. "What do I care? The worst he can do to me is reprimand me and send me home. The whole ward already talks about what a lost cause I am. It will just solidify that for everyone."

Jarek unplugged his phone charger and packed his backpack before settling down on the couch to eat. "He reminded me of the Deacon at my Confirmation," Jarek said quietly, keeping his face aimed at his food as he ate.

"I'm guessing that's not someone he would want to be compared to," Tate said.

"I'm sorry," Gage said before Tate could add more. "You shouldn't have had to run into the man ever, and I made it necessary."

Jarek looked up at that, "No, don't do that to yourself. I made my own choices to get where I am. I just wasn't prepared for the reaction I had. Don't worry about it."

"I should have given Gage a heads up," Tate pointed out. "I didn't expect him to want to come to the hospital though. He caught me by surprise."

"Tate, did you know he put you with me to get you in line?" Gage asked Tate suddenly.

Tate gave a small snort. "Of course I did. You're basically the mission's golden boy this go around. I've seen them before in my dad's ward too. They're so annoying. Perfect, sociable, can get practically anyone talking to them. Just the all around Mormon superboy. That's you. So of course when I found out that I was being assigned to you, it was pretty clear why."

"I'm not perfect," Gage stated flatly.

"Oh I know," Tate said with a grin. "But I didn't know that until the first time we stood on this guy's doorstep."

Jarek looked over at Tate, confusion plain on his face. "What happened?"

Gage blushed and looked away while Tate's grin got bigger at that question. "What, you telling me you didn't notice the way our little golden boy practically undressed you with his eyes? I've never seen him make that kind of face before."

"I was a bit distracted the first time I met you two," Jarek responded. "I was reasonably certain that woman was going to try to leave something important at my house as an excuse for a second 'date' and the first one wasn't that awesome."

"Oh, I've been there before," Tate commiserated while Gage just shook his head and picked at his food.

"Still, you took a big risk after that one conversation on a doorstep to show me the real you," Gage pointed out.

Tate shrugged at that. "I didn't exactly play the good Mormon boy with the last companion either, but I figured after you looked at this guy like you wanted to eat him up that I was safe enough being real with you. You haven't proven me wrong either, especially since you just outright lied to the Mission President. The Golden Boy has fallen!"

Gage took a deep breath as he considered that. "If the MP found out that Jarek had no interest in converting, then not only would I have to forgo any PT right now, he'd also order us to stay away from him because he would be deemed a distraction, and I don't want that. It was better to lie."

"I didn't see it as a lie. Even by omission," Jarek said, "No one can know whether I would eventually be swayed by your faith by spending more time with you."

"I would never want that for you," Gage replied, shocking both of the other two in the room.

"Well tell us how you really feel, Belford," Tate exclaimed.

"This religion would do nothing but try and tamp down everything that makes you you," Gage responded, keeping his eyes trained on the window and the skyline of Chicago outside. "Being baptized into the church would mean giving up the freedom to love who you want to, and to live the life you want to. You'd be miserable and it'd kill me to watch you accept it in any way whatsoever."

Jarek gave that some thought. "I appreciate that but if it will help you get back on your feet without harming you, I'm more than willing to consider every word you tell me about your faith, Gage."

Gage didn't know how to respond to that, so he went back to eating, though he really had no appetite right then. It was a very selfless thing Jarek was doing, and it made Gage want to know everything there was to know about this man. He decided in his head that he would tell Jarek about it as he was supposed to, but he was going to be honest about how the church would deal with certain issues, and how they had done things in the past too.

More than anything, he was going to take the time they were working together on the physical therapy to really get to know Jarek as a person. Tate was looking between the two of them, deep in thought over what both of them had said. Once they finished eating, it was time for Jarek to head to class.

"I assume we'll see you later then?" Tate asked while Jarek gathered his stuff together.

"Yes. I don't suppose you guys are allowed to have cell phones?" Jarek asked.

"We have them, yes, but we're only supposed to use them on preparation day," Gage replied.

Jarek scribbled his number down on a piece of paper from a pocket notebook he had in his bag. "Text me when you're able to and we will set something up. Feel free to call me from the hospital phone if you want, but I can't answer if I'm in class."

"Of course," Gage replied with a nod and took the piece of paper. "Thank you for everything. I appreciate you being here through the night. It was very kind of you."

Jarek turned to Tate. "Let me know if they don't discharge him today. I have tonight off and I can come back for another shift if need be." He turned to Gage, "You get better, now! I'll stop by after class if you're still here."

They both gave nods to show they understood and then watched as he left through the door, closing it behind him. Gage slunk back onto the bed, but Tate turned around and looked him over for a minute, like he was calculating something in his head.

"The shelf is breaking for you, isn't it?" Tate asked after a few minutes of silence.

Gage looked at him with a surprised expression, though the more he thought about it, he shouldn't have been surprised that Tate had been reading through ex-Mormon groups. It was a phrase that means someone was losing their faith in the church. The easy-going, go with the flow side of Gage wanted to argue that it wasn't, but then he thought about Jarek and couldn't lie.

"Big time," Gage finally said quietly.

"How are you feeling about that?" Tate asked.

"Conflicted," Gage answered honestly. "I don't know that I want to go back home from the mission. How shocked do you think everyone would be if I just walked away from the apartment in the middle of the night and disappeared to go live my own life?"

"I think the MP would think I corrupted you," Tate laughed.

Gage gave a face that said he didn't like that. "You're not a lost cause, Tate. You're a good man, but this religion just doesn't work for you."

"We should just run away, and go and live atheist lives together," Tate said with a smile. "You can become Jarek's boyfriend, and I could find a girlfriend. Find ourselves and figure out our lives, and live happily ever after."

"Sure, but you need to quit smoking," Gage teased.

"Can I at least smoke some weed?" Tate asked with a chuckle.

"Sure, weed works," Gage laughed.

Tate had told Mr. Hartman that they would talk to nurses and people in the hospital about the religion, but they didn't do any of that that day. Instead, they talked about what they would do for their lives without the pressures of their families and the church. The nurse came in and out through the day having Gage try to shuffle around with a crutch. She wanted him to put a little weight on the leg but not enough to rip stitches.

They kept him overnight for one more night, and Jarek did exactly as he said by being there so Tate could go back to the apartment and get some rest. Tate made sure Jarek had gotten some food before he left, and Gage made conversation that wasn't focused on religion this time while he finished up dinner.

By the time they let Gage leave the hospital the next day with a bottle of two weeks worth of antibiotics, Gage and Jarek had a plan on when they would come over to work on the exercises. They gave Gage a crutch and a knee brace and sent him on his way. Gage was still questioning what he wanted to do and how he wanted to handle his life or his religion, but he figured the only thing he could do was to keep moving forward.