by DreamMaker12
Is it his intent to really damage the girl? Her anus could be really injured without any prep
Very very cool. Just what I was looking for. Can't wait to read more. Get some more on the characters, and especially more of this over all.
Could use a bit more work. The one bit where the dungeon is described uses no imagination on your part. The idea of this story is to do the readers thinking for them, not the other way around. It really does have excellent promise though! I would love to see more!
Either get yourself a Spellchecker or a good Editor!
I really found this good - and well deserving of being continued; I hope you do expand it - it has a lot of potential.
4 *s for now, and I'm sure there will be five if it has a second chapter.
Thank you.
A different presentation style, something like a play, the characters were a little 'stagey' too. I enjoyed it though. Kept reading to the end to see what happened which meant it had to be scored 5*
Will you write something else in another style or continue this one in the same style. Will enjoy finding out. Storywriter07