All Comments on 'Seeing Her Pt. 01'

Savage! More emancipation, please.

Outstanding!

Fix the category and fix the tags. This is a cheating wife LW story. 1/5 for the wrong category and completely misleading tags,

As a woman who experienced motherhood early in my life, I know exactly what Madeline is experiencing - some men lose interest? lose desire for the mother of their children? Get worn down in life? I don't know exactly what it is..but, to be viewed as an object, even as a sexual female object - without the passion, without the desire...is demoralizing. "Honey I want to fuck you tonight"..yeah, sure, ok..sigh

And when you meet a man who can't keep his hands or eyes off of you....you DO experience that renaissance again, of being a WOMAN, not an object. Three cheers for Madeline for taking that step to ENJOY being treated as a woman with her OWN sexual desires and needs.

Guys, there's a WORLD of difference being treated as the LOVER rather than the wife/mother...5* my friend.

In response to the previous comment: There is a reason why writers don’t post stories like this on Loving Wives. The comments section there is a horror show.

While I am sure the fact the couple is still technically married will not be everyone’s cup of tea, it is pretty clear there is no longer a working relationship there. (Not to mention the fact the husband checked out long before she did).

This possibility would be better as an Erotic Coupling, but I assume the story becomes a Romance as it progresses.

Aaanyway. Fantastic writing and a compelling start!

Thank you!

First of all, I want to address a few of the comments partly: one saying that somehow this should be a 1/5 because it's not in the category the commenter thinks is appropriate is really tacky: never downgrade an entire story because you feel it's miscategorized. Second, there's nothing wrong with the tags I see. While every commenter might pick up on different nuances or particulars, none of those things mentioned detract from the story. Another suggested placing the story in erotic couplings; this commenter is correct, as there really isn't any romance here now. It's very much on an animalistic and instinctual level that Madeleine obviously needs; both of them since what the other needs, and that's exactly what this story hinges on and does a beautiful job of playing upon. Kudos there.

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I enjoy how many times you coordinate the active verbs to reflect her playing, and how everything resonates within her--and especially between her and Frank--which you write masterfully during the last few paragraphs of their coupling to resonate the act, which also closes the entire joining in an explosive crescendo. It's obvious you deliberately considered how you wrote this, by carefully selecting words to reflect meanings that would best suit the musical qualities even contained in the sex.

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As I stated, your grammar and story flow is nearly flawless; things that need fixing: you need to smooth this out to make it perfect by fixing compound-adjective hyphenation that was not done during the story, and was a moderate distraction at a couple points. I'll give you a few examples:

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She wore a figure hugging black dress that hung to just below her knees...

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...should be figure-hugging

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The halter style top covered her full breasts and accentuated her bare shoulders....

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...should be The halter-style top

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It was open on the sides almost to her waist and when she turned they saw the back was cut almost to the top of her perfectly framed butt...

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...should be her perfectly-framed butt...

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I think after you see these examples, you'll notice the kind of pause that happens grammatically before the noun, and you'll be able to make these hyphenations a lot easier and include them where needed.

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That aside, I love how you used Jenn and Louisa to indirectly frame that their mother should freely embrace her sexuality (and clearly grant her permission). I'm glad Louisa now condemns her dad for not appreciating her mother the way he should. You also painted his rejecting her sexually and as a complete woman to other people by only framing her as a mother; it was obvious she directly told him that she wanted him to be rougher and more assertive with her. The fact he chose not to follow through then showed he had already been involved with the new arrival. The cool thing about how you frame this is that Madeline was not looking for a man to appreciate her; however, Tim was the one stepping out, and he's going to get used by that tart. On the other hand, it's obvious Frank just wants to please Madeline, although he will extract his own pleasure but not at her expense. That's a huge difference! "Seeing" a woman in other words is something where a man values ALL of her, on every level...something shown beautifully in one clip from the movie "Hidalgo."

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On the personalities: you absolutely nail Madeline's and there's not a single thing about her that is out of character; you do the same with Isla, as she fulfills everything too; even Jenn (from memory) is the exact playful and outgoing character that she should be, so either by pure happenstance or by deliberate research you manage to nail these character's personalities so everything they do fits. I really praise you on this, because I've read pieces from some authors where they use names and they think somehow it's just free: the fact is that all names have meanings, and those meanings define their character. However you did it, you succeeded brilliantly in this area. More, ISLA is not just a metaphor for Madeline's isolation from her husband, but it's also her recuperative space to rediscover her true self.

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There was a slight deviation that was oversold, and that was the therapist thinking that Madeline suggested she had been raped or abused; this was too much of a leap even for the therapist, as she should have just asked the main question necessary to find that out. Otherwise, you pictured the probing exchange the therapist should have engaged in, and totally painted it authentically.

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I'm unsure what the commenters seem to think was so wrong about the first part that you wrote, so I will have to read that and see if they were correct or somehow they were projecting what they wanted to see onto the story instead of accepting the story as it is and evaluating it for if the structure fit the way it should have. In terms of this story, I really have no major complaints, and really the things I found were very minor. You should pat yourself on the back for this one, and continue onward with this kind of quality. Well Done! 5 *****

Quite a few dissertations for comments so I’ll keep mine short. Extremely well written story that most long time married couples can relate to, at least on some level. It IS in the wrong category (sorry C). I mention it because, while there a many crossover readers, the largest harshest critics are in LW. I’m a n the fence on downgrading scores as a result. Brilliantly authored seduction of Madeline balancing emotions with eroticism. I’m hoping Frank gets the goods on Tim as he asserts his ownership over Madeline. 4.7* for this chapter.

@Demo...I agreed, since I supported the previous commenter about better placement in EC (my 5th line). ;) I simply said don't dock it and ignore the story, as this can easily be switched if the author knows what to do.

Frank is a player, a user, she is a loser falling for such base seduction. The writing is very good and well played using the third party of a psychiatrist to dig into background of the fallen. Justification of a poor husband/relationship to have or enter into an affair is a piss poor excuse, want out get out then play. Romance don't think so but its better here than LW.

@MayDay:

I clearly forgot I reviewed both chapters of "Beautiful Honesty" and found nothing lacking/needing redoing; in fact, you scored far higher on those 2 than this one (with the readers of course), so even readers far and away approved how you handled that one.

About the only other thing that struck me here was during her first performance, I seriously kept thinking Kip Winger would jump out from behind a curtain with his band and start belting out "Madelaine"....!!! ;)

your mc creates her own dilemma and then set her up to complain for what she is complicit about? She creates the situation of disconnect for her husband and then has the gall to think life is not what she wants......... wow So you created a failure relationship right out of the gate and think it will end well? Might as well cancel life as she imagined with all that stupidity.

WOW. I am NOT sure what some think they read, but this story reflects a VERY common scenario, where the guy stops seeing his wife as a sexual being--AND ESPECIALLY stops seeing all of her--and consequently spoils the marriage where the woman, who has invested tons emotionally, has the terrible "options" of either just sticking it out and hoping in vain the guy will "get it" or outright divorce him. One of the KEY points is that she DIRECTLY tells him what she wants and THAT is a VERY mature, womanly thing to do; he refuses, so it's clear quickly he already buried the relationship long before that point. Elizaloo really hit on large parts of that well, and for others to be running down Madeline is so unfair to you and your story.

Wonderful! I can identify with Madeline…some of her situation hits a little too close to home. Her stupid husband won’t give her the rough sex or BDSM she ASKED HIM FOR but he can give it to his side piece. I hope Madeline gets the fulfillment she deserves.

I'm speechless. One of the best erotic stories I've ever read. Bravo!