Self Doubts

She nodded, "I agree! Now to the other issue, - kids. I honestly haven't given it much thought because I never thought I would get married again. I'm 29, so I guess I thought I'd have about ten years to make that decision. The thought of never having kids is not a deal breaker for me. I know it weighs heavily on you, but I'm not Sally, I'm not consumed by the idea of motherhood. As to your situation, have you ever actually been tested?"

"Yes, when Sally and I were having problems. They said my sperm count was extremely low and with little mobility. That almost guaranteed we wouldn't conceive. I think Sally tried to live with that, but couldn't, so she started looking for a replacement. I'm not sure if she "auditioned" any guys before she left me, but who knows?"

"Matt, I know we haven't said the words, but I'm falling in love with you. If you feel the same way about me, I think we can work through these issues and have a wonderful relationship. Is that something you'd want to do?"

"Don't move!"

I got up and ran out to my car and then ran back into the house. Amy was still sitting on the couch. I approached her and bent down on one knee. Her eyes grew wide and one hand flew up to cover her mouth. I reached into my pocket and withdrew a small box.

"I got this yesterday and thought I would keep it until I could arrange some special event, but I don't want to wait. "Amy, will you marry me?"

"Oh my god, Matt! I,... are you sure? I mean, with what happened, are you really sure this is what you want?"

"I'm sure! I almost ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me, but you've stuck by me. You've shown me you are the type of person I hoped you'd be. I think I fell in love with you the first time we kissed. Please Amy, will you marry me?"

"YES! Oh, Matt, this is a dream come true!"

I slipped the ring on her finger and she turned her hand back and forth as she looked at the ring. The 3/4 karate diamond sparkled in the light.

"It's beautiful." She hugged me and we kissed deeply.

"I love you, Amy."

Epilogue

We have been married for six years and things are still outstanding. We still hang out with Ben and support the band. Ben is engaged to the new female lead singer and Terry is still married to Jill. Amy works one evening and Saturday mornings at Jill's dance studio. She does it mostly to keep in shape. "To lose the baby fat" is what she says. Oh, yeah, about that, we have a two-year-old daughter that is a miniature of Amy. It seems my condition made it ALMOST impossible for me to father a child. When Amy became pregnant, my old jealousy and self-doubts tried to crush the joy of that announcement. I fought it and kept an upbeat attitude throughout the entire pregnancy. When "Jillian" was a week old Amy drug me to a lab and insisted on having a DNA test done.

"Matt honey, I don't want you to have even the slightest of doubts, we'll get the test done and those demons will be forever vanquished."

I protested, saying it was silly and that I trusted her completely, but she was insistent. She framed the results and hung them up in my study. It is a constant reminder of her devotion and her willingness to do anything to assure our happiness together. I'm not holding my breath that lightning will strike us again, but we aren't doing anything to prevent another pregnancy. In fact, we try NOT to prevent it at least three times a week!