All Comments on 'Senpai's Harem Pt. 03'

There is so much here that would have been better left unwritten. When I first started this chapter, I was afraid that DnD would stretch on for the entire chapter, with nothing happening. Thankfully, the character creation session did serve a purpose, as it did serve to add some amount of character & tension. So much of what came after, however, seemed to serve little purpose. That's my biggest problem with the story. You need to economize more with your writing. Be. Concise. If something does not serve a literary purpose - if it does not serve the plot - don't put it in.

I look forward to whatever you do next.