All Comments on 'Shackles Ch. 01'

Love it!

one of the better stories in a while. hope you continue it soon. I'd like to know how he escaped. i hope nile can control his reaction when he's notified as his lawyer that arden was released. What a terrible world you drew a pic of. The vamps were being treated like people were in death camps. i hope nile can make a difference. i wonder where arden will go during the day. hope he tells. Where was he from? Is he returning there? Will the agency go after him? What is his history? What can he learn from tasting Nile's blood? I hope you can answer some of these questions next chapter :)

Curious to see what you will come up with next.

I thought you started out very good. I liked the description of the interaction in the prison. I like the world you've started to build. However, I quit reading during the sex scene, not because it wasn't well-described, but because you didn't bring me along. I needed more fear, more shock, more outrage from Nile. I needed description of how Arden overcomes that. It would be helpful for Nile to have desires for Arden right from the start when he first sees him. You described how the nip gave him goosebumps several times, but wasn't there anything else? His smell, his look, his aura? His personality certainly didn't seem to be a draw, but I was able to assume that he would get better at some point. However, I was not able to suspend my disbelief that Nile would let Arden have his way so easily. Surely he would have put up more of a fight.

I rated it a 4 because the beginning was good. Usually if I quit reading a story before the end I'll rate it a 3.

Good stuff :) keep going.

I appreciate the compliments as well as the constructive criticism. Let me confess, this is my first attempt at an erotic story. It is a learning experience for me. Please forgive me if I left out some things or didn't fill out some parts enough. I will take everything I learn from this and apply it to whatever else I write. Bear with me. Let me know what I'm doing wrong and what I'm doing right.

Overall, so far so good. You do have an excellent storyline, and it's got me piqued. The main thing that sticks out to me is the lack of character build-up. Arden attacked Nile -- there should have been a little bit more fear lingering within Nile, with deeper questioning of himself and his behavior towards Arden. It seemed a little abrupt to have Nile give in so easily without a little bit of soul searching as to why he's feeling the way he is. Also, it's not enough for Arden to lay low and then suddenly appear. How and where was he hiding? What, if anything, did he encounter in the process? What about his POV? What makes Nile so special to him? Is there a bonding/mating process yet to be realized? Well, you get the idea...

Not everything has to be explained at once, obviously. Hints, teasers, cliffhangers are all good, and you can certainly use a little bit more in this story. Just be careful not to add layer upon layer without providing answers to what you've already laid out in previous chapter(s).

Again, a wonderful story. Can't wait for the next installment! :-)

Very nice and I won't add what has been said but a great start

LOVE LOVE LOVE... Haven't been any vampire stories written lately and this is just great. Agree with others that it was kind of jumped ahead with the whole sex scene but I'm definitely not complaining . I like stories that move along and not stories with a ton of chapters that are pretty much about the same thing. Keep up the good work :)

For a first time story this was pretty good. The end was a little rushed, and I too would have liked more development between Nile and Arden, but it's a learning curve.

Very nice beginning.

This story has my heart, I've had a similar experience of corse not a vampire but you get the gist. I absolutely adore the way it's written. Please I want more... No I need more

3 stars keep writing