All Comments on 'Shadow of The Wolf Ch. 04'

that you are keeping Alex a strong female. And although she seems to be struggling w/the choices in front of her, she isn't cowering down with indecision rather she seems to weighing all her options. Not that she has alot of options being mated to not just a Alpha but one "hot Alpha". As she learns about dream sharing and being able to block Rance she also realizes how much calmer she is when he is soothing her thru their bond. So as she prepares to dine w/him only to be told by her protectors to stay put, danger is here! Great place for a cliff hanger. You have left me wanting more, so hurry w/the next chapter...hehe-he

Keep it coming! I am really enjoying this series!

Ok, I'm a little freaked out. I wouldn't want that crazy thing after me. I really like the characters in this story, keep up the good work. Looking forward to the next chapter.....

Love it!

Thanks for the update :)

I can't believe I missed third chapter OTL

But I finally caught up and things are getting interesting. Now that she is no longer safe in her home, she has no other choicw but move in with Rance. Hoho.

I wonder what strange creature that is.

That was one heck of a way to leave us.....LOL

Great Job, do it again very soon!!!!

Oh my gosh... It's like getting into the good part of a book and having it end suddenly... More please!!!!!!

You have a good story going here. I few spelling errors but nothing major, all of us writers do it here. Keep up the good work. I am intrigued and looking forward to the next chapter. You go girl....I have a great affection for wolves and werewolf stories

A cliff hanger!!!! Waiting impatiently.......... :D

I've posted a teaser of chapter 5 on my blogpage. The website add is on my Lit. member profile. Thanks for reading! I appreciate all your comments and feedbacks.

Whether intentional or not, that should send her running straight into the arms of her mate!

Can't wait.....damit will have to :) argh cliffhangers please please continue soon

Few stories are this intreguing to me. I need need that story!! I like how you keep it going, like a real story, not like a few other stories I have read that don't have good fluency! Keep it up, and you could probably try for real publication! This is great start for something that is obviosly a wonderful writing talent. I love the confusion taht makes it more real and relatable, which is essential to a good and sensational story.

Really can't wait for the next chapter...

Dear Writer,

Knowing that this is a site for hobby writers, I don't care to critique grammar or spelling errors or otherwise harangue some poor author. I believe in judging the stories here on creativity and originality.

However, I'm having a very hard time enjoying yours because of your questionable mastery of the English language. Your story is saturated with the (1) overuse of cliches - almost one in every sentence; (2) incorrect word usage - too many of your words mean something completely different to how you use them; (3) repetition - many words are then followed by their synonyms or an explanation of their meaning; (4) verbose dialogue - would be a lot stronger if you self edited - read it aloud to yourself & you'll see how rigid and unnatural it feels; (5) and lastly, your love scenes are uninteresting and some of the worst I've ever read. Your story would not be harmed by a less is more approach to your descriptiveness. I admit it's very hard to write sex scenes. There's sex, porn, and erotica. The first simply describes words on a page. The second describes words used to create a physical arousal w/out a plot. Erotica describes words used artfully to arouse, storytell and engage the reader's emotions. Decide which one you want to write.

The other critique I have relates to your inability to create strong, believable characters. Your Alpha is content w/her being away from the mansion when shifters are being slaughtered. That doesn't make sense. When a writer has drawn a character well, the reader can almost predict his/her/its behaviour. For all I know, Rance may break out into song. I can't say its beyond the realm of possibilities. You're already asking me to believe he doesn't care that his mate is safe.

I want to say that if you're young (underage) or have learned english as a second language, then don't take these criticisms to heart. If you aren't, your style will improve if you increase your reading. Overall, your errors are ones I commonly see when a writer is struggling due to a lack of comfort w/word flow and proper word usage. This isn't a problem that is easy to fix.

In concluding, your story, while very derivative, is entertaining and it's to be hoped that its quality will improve chapter to chapter. Don't give up!

Great story!!!!!!! Need more now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was wondering what was off in the strands of this story. While I enjoyed the premise there were elements that weren't jiving. For some reason as I was reading the comments, yours stood out as extremely pointed and valid. Your were right on point and gave the author excellent suggestions for pulling things together better for future chapters.

I was in agreement with you on some of the reasons for some of the technical issues, but the potential is inherent in the story. Some tweaking and editing should remedy some of this. Now as for the descriptions of the lovemaking....aaahhhhhh.....time will tell or a colorful editor....think?

Story has 'good bones'.

I read the really long commentary one reader offered up and while some points are valid, others are not. Yes, this is a hobbyist site and a person coming here to read a story for their own pleasure without having to pay to read the story should in my view, cut you some slack. Granted the criticism was only offered to further aide you in the future with your craft. You will find that you cannot please everyone and that you should create a world and characters that you know well and can envision in your minds eye vividly. Your next task is to incorporate intrigue, action and tension into the story to keep your readers waiting with baited breath to turn the proverbial page. Having done all that, you must make your characters become real in the mind's eye of your reader so that reading the words on the screen begins to play out as a movie to your reader. Have you done that in my opinion? Yes.

I completely disagree that the sex scenes are not erotic and I don't think they're pornish level either. You could use vague terms like his member or her sex if you were trying not to be so blatant but the story is meant to be erotic and I believe that goal has been accomplished. Some of the points my fellow site member made would have/should have been caught by an editor. Because there are several kinds of editors you could have, it's hard to know which one you really need. I believe the cliches she mentioned were intentional and not accidental.

I believe that you have a burgeoning talent here. There are ebooks with less volume, description, story content, and pages on sale on Amazon.com right now selling for 2.99 with a steady volume of sales. I'm glad in the end the one commentor did tell you to continue to write. When you put something out there in the universe, not everyone will think it's great and the negative ones or the ones that point out the flaws are the hardest to forget. Practice makes perfect. Oh wait, that was a cliche right? Besides, I'm kinda hooked on the story so I say, keep writing shug! :)

You articulated the same problems I am seeing in the story, though I am more focused on the grammar, punctuation, and word usage.

blackduchess, you are a very good storyteller, and I too disagree with willeriley about the sex scenes. I find them pretty hot! You mention at the beginning of your chapters that you have two editors, but with all due respect to them, they aren't catching mistakes in your story. Perhaps that isn't what you have asked them to do, or maybe it just isn't a strength for either of them. You might benefit from a good proofreader who will catch the language errors. Such a person might also be able to teach you along the way so that you can improve.

Good luck, and I agree with others that you should keep writing!

I like that Alex is a strong female character, and that she is thinking about the relationshipt, without the usual back and forth that too many female character go through : she accepts the situation but also keeps some distance and try to make her own mind, not just cower to the "power" of the alpha. i like that she is described to be on the "chubby side" and not a flat stomack exotic goddess. But what about the red hair?? And why are most of the female character to be petite? It is so cliché to have a big big man and a small small female....