Shawn and Tyler Ch. 05

"Tyler, you look a mess," Dawn replied.

"Well, how would you feel if you discovered your boyfriend loved someone else?" Tyler responded and looked down.

"I know, Tyler, I have known about this forever. I know it's a fucked up thing between them, but he swears it is over. Tyler, Shawn does love you more than life itself."

"I don't believe you."

It took two weeks of Dawn talking with Tyler before he would even call Shawn, and when he did, Shawn was so down in the dumps. "Well, if you are going to be depressed when I call."

"Sorry, Babe, I didn't expect you to call. Does this mean that you forgive me?"

"I'm starting to, but Shawn, I can't trust you yet."

"Come over, Babe. I've missed you." Shawn was actually pleading with him. He had missed him so much he couldn't believe himself.

"No," Tyler responded. "I'm going to have Dawn bring the rest of my research to me."

"Then can I come to your place, and I'll bring it if you want?"

"No, I'll call you, but I'm not ready to see you just yet." Shawn, at that response, broke, he wanted Tyler to forgive him, but he didn't let it come over the phone. Shawn knew he didn't have excellent moral judgment. He missed and loved Tyler. He couldn't believe he could be so stupid that he fucked up this relationship.

They talked briefly, and Tyler finally said he had to go. When they hung up, Shawn called Dawn and let her know that Tyler had finally called but wouldn't let him physically see him. Dawn said she would work on her end, hoping Tyler would come around soon.

Shawn was home one day when Dawn came by. "Damn Shawn, you look like shit, and so does Tyler. What the hell am I going to do with the two of you."

"He still won't let me see him. I fucked up beyond belief." Shawn was so far into the dumps that Dawn didn't know what she would do with him or Tyler.

"Yeah, you did." Shawn looked at her. "I'm not going to lie to you, he is pissed, and he has all the right to be." Dawn decided to tell the truth.

"I just wish there was a pill to make me forget all this," Shawn responded.

"What do you want to forget?"

"Maybe it would be best if Tyler had someone better than me," Shawn responded. "I'm not good in any sense. I just would hurt Tyler left and right."

"Shawn, you don't mean that. You love Tyler, he still loves you, or he wouldn't be the way he is right now. You just have to find a way to make it up to him. You'll have to find a way to never fuck up again."

"I love him, but I'm no good for him. Look how much I hurt him. He doesn't even want to see me. He doesn't want to stay on the phone long when we talk." Shawn hung his head.

"It's your punishment. You are going to have to serve. He loves you too. Do you think he isn't hurting?"

"I know I have hurt him, and I wish I could take it back and stop his pain." Shawn got up and walked away. "I feel lost without him."

"Shawn...."

"I know what it feels like to let someone in and let them know the real me. And now I know what it feels like to lose them because I was a stupid fucking idiot."

"Shawn...."

"What?" Shawn turned around to look at her.

"Just give him time." Shawn just looked at her and walked outside, he didn't know how long it would take, but he was sure he had lost Tyler.

As the month went on, Shawn thought Tyler would never come around. He would call, but the phone calls wouldn't last long, and Tyler sounded distracted when he talked. Shawn found out the hard way not to try to surprise Tyler by coming and seeing him. He didn't call Shawn for a week as a punishment.

And then Shawn was beside himself when Tyler called again. Tyler was so distant. Shawn just knew he had lost him. He wondered why Tyler was still calling. Was it just to fuck with him?

Shawn helped Dawn and Dean move into their new house, as did Tyler, but when they were finished, Shawn made an excuse to leave because he knew that Tyler would go if he stayed. He felt Tyler didn't want Shawn there, but Tyler knew it was taking Dean and Shawn to move many of the large items. Dawn pulled Tyler over in the corner and asked him to please talk to Shawn, but Tyler said he couldn't. Tyler never spoke directly to Shawn when they were moving things because he didn't want to look at him too much. It hurt him to see Shawn, but it was hurting him even more not to see him.

Dawn called Shawn later that evening, saying that it was odd having Tyler and Dean in the same room. Stated that Tyler left not long after he had because if looks could kill, Dean would have been dead. Shawn said he noticed that Tyler didn't even want to look at him, but he still didn't know what to do. Whenever they spoke on the phone, he apologized every time.

***

At almost three months, Tyler walked into Dawn's office and asked if she had a few moments. She, of course, said she had all the time in the world for him. "Dawn, I love your brother, but he doesn't know how much he hurt me."

"Tyler, he does, he knows. Give him a chance." Dawn responded. "Shawn is hurting so much because he hurt you."

"How did you do this for so long? How could you know about them and just let it be?"

"Because Shawn begged me, I told you this, he begged me not to date Dean, and I had this crush on Dean forever. I told Shawn there is nothing that he could say that would deter it."

"Is that when he told you?"

"At first, he didn't want to, but then he finally decided it was the only way I would listen to him." Dawn looked at Tyler. "At first, yes, I was put off. I didn't want anything to do with either one of them. I couldn't believe someone who wasn't gay would want to fuck my brother. Apparently, they had been doing it for about a year when Dean started looking at me."

"What made you believe it?"

"Dean kept telling me that Shawn lied because I asked a few times. But then I caught them. Kind of like how you did. I stopped to see Shawn. I had a key to his apartment and just walked in. I could hear them in the bedroom. Dean apparently, in the beginning, had a routine of ordering Shawn to do things to him. Dean liked to order Shawn, and because Dean was Shawn's first crush, he did it willingly."

"Will it stop if they have continued all these years?"

"Tyler, they didn't do it all the time, but yes, it is done. Shawn never wanted to hurt you, and it's killing him that he did. He doesn't come around much anymore, and he never comes if he will be alone with Dean." Dawn responded to Tyler.

"Have you seen him lately?"

"No, he is working a lot. He never wants to be home, so, to be honest, I haven't seen him in at least three weeks, if not longer." Dawn looked at Tyler. "Tyler, what are you thinking?"

"I love him and trying to stay away from him is tearing me up so much. I can't stand the idea of breaking up with him because I love him so much."

"Does that mean you want to rekindle your relationship?"

"Yeah, I just don't know how?"

"You just take the step. Shawn misses you when we talk on the phone. He asks about you." Dawn explained.

"Okay, but what do I do?"

"Be waiting at his house for him when he gets out of work, and lay down ground rules, and if he wants you, he will live by them," Dawn responded. "When do you want to do this?"

"ASAP, I miss him," Tyler stated. "Ground rules, do you think he would really abide by them?"

"I know Shawn will. He wants you back. He will do anything. Well, let's see when he comes home tonight." Dawn picked up her phone.

Shawn was on break. He was grabbing a cup of coffee from a shop. He picked up a lot of overtime, which he had been doing over the past month and a half. While waiting for his coffee, he got a call from Dawn. "Hey, Dawn, what's up?" Shawn was handed his coffee and started walking back out to his unit.

"What are you doing?" She asked. She had Shawn on speakerphone so Tyler could hear too.

"Currently, I'm grabbing a cup of coffee. Did you need something?"

"Are you working late again tonight?"

"Yeah, I picked up extra hours. Did you need something? I can drop by late."

"No, but I was wondering if you could come over tomorrow if you're not working." She had to make some excuse for calling him. "Shawn, you sound tired. Are you still not getting much sleep?"

"I get what I need, so please don't worry." Tyler could hear the sadness in his voice. When they talked, Shawn tried to keep the depression out. "Okay, Dawn, I'll call tomorrow and come by." Shawn hung up. He hated that she was worried about him, he had lost a little bit of weight, and he did look like hell. He didn't realize how much he loved Tyler until he wasn't there.

"Okay, he'll be home late tonight, but at least he'll be home. So what do you want to do?"

"I'll be there waiting for him," Tyler responded.

"Good, how about dinner? You could have something waiting for him. Knowing Shawn, he probably only has had coffee today."

"Well, I hope that's not true, but you're right. Maybe having dinner waiting for him when he comes in would be a nice jester. It'll be my white flag." Tyler smiled.

"You being there will be your white flag. I think he'd be so happy that you could have dog food on a plate, and he'd eat it." They talked a little more about what Tyler would make, and the plan was set.

Later that evening, when Shawn pulled onto his street, he wasn't expecting to see anyone at his house. But a car was sitting in the driveway. He could see it was empty, so he knew the person was inside waiting for him. Shawn got out of his car so quickly that he almost forgot to grab his bag that had his duty belt and weapon.

When he opened the door, he was hit with the wonderful smells of dinner and only the kitchen light. Shawn walked towards the kitchen and stopped in the doorway. On the table were candles and two place settings, but no Tyler. Shawn went back down the hallway and looked in the living room. He had passed it because there were no lights on, still no Tyler.

Shawn walked back into the kitchen and looked at the food. It was all in the oven, just staying warm. He went to his room to change, and when he flipped on the light, he found Tyler. He had been sleeping, but when Shawn turned on the light, it woke him, and he blinked a few times and smiled. "Hi."

Shawn just stood there for a second until his brain kicked in. "Hi." Shawn was blown away by Tyler. He had missed him so much that just the sight of him made his heart stop.

"You are probably wondering what I'm doing here." Tyler was looking at the confused look on Shawn's face.

"Yes, no." Shawn stammered. "I hope that you have started to forgive me." Shawn was more than hoping. He was praying and would kiss the ground that Tyler walked on if he was here to do that.

"Yes, Shawn. I have been miserable without you. I couldn't stand staying away from you any longer." Then he took a good look at Shawn. "Honey, how much weight have you lost?"

"I'm okay, Babe, don't worry." Shawn sat down on the bed. He was getting too used to telling people he was okay and not to worry. He didn't even think when he said it to Tyler. "Tyler?" Shawn softens so much when he asks the next question. He hoped that Tyler would think about it before he just answered. "I don't work tomorrow. Can you stay tonight?"

"Yes, but we have a lot to talk about."

What Tyler wasn't expecting was Shawn to break. At that very moment, Shawn finally knew where he stood with Tyler. He knew he had a chance again, and all his emotions flooded to the surface, and Shawn was crying and apologizing. "I'm so sorry, Tyler, I...I want you to know that... I love you, and I'm sorry."

Tyler held him. "Babe, Shawn, it's okay. I love you."

"I know, I'm just so sorry, I am. I was so stupid."

"Yes, you were, but Babe, calm down, let's talk and have dinner." Tyler leaned over, kissed, and hugged Shawn. Tyler left the bedroom while Shawn changed his clothes. He came back a few minutes later. "Hope you aren't too hungry, dinner smells good, but it's not edible anymore." Tyler started laughing.

Shawn smiled, "I'll order pizza." Shawn said as he walked over and hugged Tyler. "Babe, thank you."

Shawn and Tyler snuggled on the couch, talking while waiting, during, and after eating the pizza. Shawn was apologizing a lot while telling him the entire story of how he and Dean had gotten involved with one another and that he promised that it was over for good. They talked until late into the night when they went to the bedroom. Tyler didn't allow anything to happen that night or any night in the near future. Tyler stayed over at Shawn's when he could because he really missed Shawn, but he drew the line about not making love yet.

They agreed about how and when Dean was allowed in Shawn's life for the time being. Shawn wasn't allowed to be alone with Dean for a long while. Shawn said he would abide by this rule. He wanted Tyler back in his life. He loved him so much that he would do anything to get him to stay.

They went to bed that night, Tyler loved being spooned by Shawn, and he slept better than he had in the almost three months they were apart. Shawn was happy to hold Tyler, and when morning came, he was in such deep sleep that he didn't even feel Tyler get out of bed.

Dawn came over the next day to see how everything was going, and she wanted to see how it went the night before. She knew that Shawn would be so happy to see Tyler. When Dawn pulled into the driveway, she saw both of their cars and smiled. She was glad that Tyler was still there.

While walking up to the door, Tyler opened it and smiled. "Hello Dawn, how are you doing today?"

Dawn smiled back, "Tyler, I'm great. I take it you two had a good night?"

"We talked, if that is what you are asking, nothing else happened," Tyler responded. "And we came to some agreements, and like you said, Shawn agreed to it all. We'll see if he follows through." Tyler hoped that Shawn would.

Dawn came in. Tyler asked if she would like coffee, she nodded, and they went to the kitchen. While Tyler served her a cup of coffee, she looked around. "Where's Shawn?"

"He's asleep."

"Asleep. Why? I would have thought he would want to be by your side as much as possible?"

"Have you seen him lately?"

"No, he has pretty much been keeping to himself. Why?" She was trying to think back to the last time she had seen Shawn and believed it had been at least three to maybe four weeks.

"Dawn, Shawn has lost a good twenty pounds, if not more, and looks so beat down. I didn't realize he was hurting and missed me so much."

"Tyler, I told you he missed you."

"Dawn, will you tell me something and tell me the truth?" Tyler looked at her seriously.

"I will try to do my best." She didn't know what he was going to ask but somehow had a clue.

"Shawn and I have been dating for over a year now. During any of this time, were they together?"

"Please don't ask me that?" Dawn didn't want to answer that question, but she could tell Tyler wanted to know.

"Dawn, please. I need to know."

"Only once." Both Dawn and Tyler turned towards the doorway to the living room. Dawn, for the first time, saw what Tyler told her. Shawn was beaten down and had lost more than twenty pounds. "It was when you were just done with classes and were working on your research. It was in May, so not quite nine months ago, but close. I had told him that I couldn't do it any longer. I wanted you." Shawn hung his head and cried. "I'm sorry, Tyler, you deserve better. You deserve someone that can never cause you to hurt." Shawn walked out of the house into the backyard.

Tyler got up and followed him out. Dawn was behind him. "Shawn Michael Michaels, don't you dare walk away from me." Shawn stopped in his tracks. He tilted his head to the side. No one has used his full name since he was a kid. Shawn turned around and looked at Tyler. "I'm not through. I didn't walk away. I came back. I LOVE YOU, DAMN IT." Tyler screamed.

Shawn stood there looking at this little five-foot-six spitfire that he loves. He didn't know how Tyler could still possibly love him, but he apparently does. Tyler walked toward Shawn, and he just stood there. Tyler stood right in front of him, looking up at him. "Shawn, I love you. I'm miserable without you. You promised me last night that it's over with Dean and that you will do what I say. I hope you will walk away if you are in a bad situation again. If not, I will." Tyler wrapped his arms around him, and Shawn hugged back.

Shawn couldn't believe Tyler would give him a chance after hurting him so badly. He just kept repeating that he was so sorry. Tyler kept repeating that it was okay, that they would get through this.

Shawn was good. He was never alone with Dean. He always made sure Dawn was there, or he took Tyler, even though Tyler never wanted to be in the presence of Dean.