All Comments on 'She Did'

Why did he give her 60% of their investments? Makes no sense, she should have gotten the 40% portiom.

Congratulations on publishing your first story. It was an impressive debut and I look forward to reading your next story.

Always good to see idiots get they just reward. He gave her too much. Should have folded his company and opened one under a new name.

Meh, he gives 60% and Sheri takes her back.

One of the best stories

I bet Sheri's husband now talks falsetto so only provides money to the family

get an editor

It is always good to see a new writer enter the fray. But, in your case, it is a very mixed blessing. You really need to engage a volunteer editor. The number of you malaprops, bad grammar and just plain word errors was astounding and could not be solved with a simple proof reading. You really need help.

AA++

Quite a few spelling errors, and misplaced words, the story boarder on average because of these errors, it made it like reading a fairy tale, more action, more depth, more soul next time please

You NEED to edit. Using the right word in a sentence makes a difference. Would and wouldn't in a sentence is different. Every time you used would, it should have been wouldn't. Missing words and words that just shouldn't be there takes away from an other wise good story! 2*

Pretty good but you needed to proof-read the story more carefully; lots of errors where you would leave out a word and it changed the meaning of the sentence. The other thing is that this deserved more detail. I know that many on here don't like to invest the time to read 15000+ word stories. But this should have been fleshed out more. As it currently stands, it is more like a detailed outline of a good story.

Good start. Keep writing. This could have been stretched out a bit

you had the wife secretly having an affair for a year and then suddenly have her throw it in her husband's face by telling him she's going out with another man?

where do these stupid people come from?? why didn't his wife ever expect wrong doing?

It was OK but we didn't hear any confrontation. Was she bothered that she got caught? What happened to her? Seemed there was more to say in this story.

WTF? Gave wife house and 60 percent of his investments... Caught her and lover in blatant attempt to turn him into a wimp cuck and there is no payback...

2 stars cause there is no pathos and little logic.

By numbers crap! Been done before . You also need a proof reader.

My Gawd author. Tale has so many childish errors that I strongly suspect that you do not let your tale(s) rest for a couple of days before reading again before publishing

Can't believe the scum bag conned his wife into taking him back again! should have cut his balls off

Pretty good first story. Thanks for posting.

Your first story... but do u research before? Kids were in his custody... but he gave her the house??? Makes no sense!

Not a bad first attempt,pt, but please get yourself a proofreader. There Arte a number of glaring mistakes in your story.

Sigh. He had her texts, he really didn't need any more proof. They've been having a successful affair, why did they they think that he'd submit to being a cuckold? Why wouldn't his wife press charges, with her own husband having evidence that Sheri brutally attacked her?

write more stories please.

Please get someone to at least proof the story for spelling errors and wrong words.

Thank you arsawyer for that news item.

You need an editor.

average... no real build up. Wife wouldn't go from sneaking around to flaunting it like that.

Very typical…and not that well written. Far too many errors for the story to have been carefully re-read or edited.

That worked. "Ah shit" was my favorite line of all, but a wife taking out her rage on the cheating wife was a pleasant change of pace. I hope you keep writing.

Lots of potential. Plot idea good. But execution of it very stale and abrupt. Som3 thoughts:

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SHOW don’t just TELL. This needed lots more conversation, especially between hubby and wifey.

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Way too much like a news report. Again, even when it’s not conversation…SHOW don’t TELL. The narrative got boring.

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The whole point of this type of story is the denouement. Readers want to know “why”…and they want to EXPERIENCE the final acts of discovery, confrontation, and results. Virtually none of this was provided. Lack of any exchange between wifey and hubby after the process server got there really robbed readers of any satisfaction.

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You get one ⭐️more than this deserved because of the relative novelty of the fight between wives 😎

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Overall then….3 weak ***. But please internalize any well meaning critiques you get here….especially from other authors who understand the effort it takes to tell o GOOD story WELL.

Okay. Kinda bare bones. D

Way too convoluted to comprehend. Don't give up your day job.

Very little real emotion, just lots of statements of events.

Is English your 10th language?

Very good story, but please edit your mistakes

Not bad for a first story although it felt a bit rushed.

It is a standard menu item in this category so no points on originality. More interaction with the kids, especially the daughter, would have added a degree of human emotion which was pretty much missing.

No consequences for the man? Not cool at all!

Bitch got away almost scot-free. Way too little revenge or payback for a year long affair!

First off, just a thank you to you and all the writers here who give me something to read from time to time. I am no english major but arent there Volunteer proofreaders available? An editor would be even better. An editor would tell you the entire interaction with his 15 yr old daughter was oddly written. Then weeks go by and the daughter never comes up again? There are more issues but you get the idea.

Confusing, it seemed some parts were hastily squeezed in?

No payback or revenge for a 1 year affair. Lame.

Good first effort! There wasn’t much character development and we don’t know why his wife suddenly acted the way she did or what emerged from the divorce proceedings. The ending was very abrupt too - almost as if you exceeded your length sssignment

""""""I would eat or drink anything that she had in the house for fear of being drugged or worse. The was a high level of disrespect for me in his messages to my wife."""""" What does this mean? I can see NO bearing on the story.

It felt quite hurried, with very little background and planning for revenge. Needs more 'meat' to be a true 5*, but I gave it 5* just for how well he took the cucking. ;)

First part was decent, but then the narrative fell apart and the story moved too quickly. Decent first outing - 3*

Not really worthy of a comment, needs an editor at least.

Fairly. cut and dried LW situation. Hubby learning from his elder (?) daughter really suxs but a ten year old might say ‘boyfriend’ but most fifteen y.o. would be more direct! Several legal technicalities are probably lurking in his ‘evidence’ except the last, using HIS cell-phone in his house (in most USA states.)

After finishing the last draft, authors should put it aside for several days, then read it, sentence by sentence, and see if each sentence makes sense with the prior sentence, and leads to the next. Missing words, poor spelling, wrong words (closely spelled like probable intended word.) Too much dependence on narration, not enough of the tale uses actual conversation between/among characters. An important character in all LW accounts is the adventurous wife. We-The-Readers have to depend on the narrator’s (Hubby) depiction of Sweetie to know much anything about her … not even disclosures written in her text messages! Was Sweetie always that way? Was she seduced by the bear claws her colleague’s hubby provided? It is easy for WTR to not give a shit about people with whom we have such limited exposure.

A badly written and preposterous plot written by an adolescent boy.

Good first story!

4

This was Okay for a first story. All the plot points were hit. There could be a lot more character development to make it more human. Instead of saying how the people acted, have them say it through dialogue.

Hhmmm, yup, sure nuff. Some butt kickin goin on. Good tale LP

She shoulda made the cheater eat our heros cum out of her pussy before taking him back… and then peg him regularly

Learn to spell and punctuate properly. In this day and age, it’s almost automatic.

Not bad for a first story. Grammar could use some work.

Good beginning and middle. Ending was too abrupt with few details.

He gave her way too much in the divorce....

You have a great story started, it fades and ends too fast without enough ends wrapped up. Get a good proofreader. Don't sweat comments too many are just jerks. I try to be constructive and honest. Try more details, instead of just saying you work with cement, mention hauling 80lb sacks or wheelbarrows all day long, the mixing and the dust from it, details are good to have up to a point then it becomes mundane, and I don't know where that line is. Really the best of luck and don't give up.

When the author intends a negative statement, as in "she would not like it", it is important to include the word "not".

This was poorly written and apparently not edited at all.

A good start, nice job.

You need a proofreader. Also, it felt rushed in parts, because where you would be better served "showing", to were "telling", instead. Also, in cases of assault with a deadly weapon, the victim often has no choice of whether the perpetrator will be charged. There's no way she's walking out of jail without some charges pending. Also, MC's quest to "rearrange his ball sack" may not have met the criteria for measured self-defense, especially since the attacker was down and bleeding. The presence of steel-cap work boots when he had changed out of his work clothes might add weight to the district attorney's consideration that MC over-reacted and went beyond normal self-defense.

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A good first story. 3/5.

I think there's a proofreading error in the text that's not trivial. Here's the text: "I would eat or drink anything that she . . ., etc." It seems as if the negative would be appropriate: "I wouldn't eat or drink . .. etc."

You've given us a fairly conventional plot that's told in LW. It also ends rather quickly, tersely. What is lacking any non-evident emotional component to the plot. One unusual plot element is the response of the aggrieved wife -- she attacked the cheating wife with what could be a deadly weapon! ! followed by a significant one-sided attack. But the description in almost clinical. Is that reasonable? Realistic? Seems like a more drawn-out interaction between the two would add to the plot. Just a thought. My sense is that you'd do well working on dialogue elements in general. Third person descriptions are good and useful, but usually as set-up elements in a plot/story and not as something that simply relates the history of events.

Good luck with the on-going (never-ending?) challenge of writing skill development !!

Given he has proof of her adultery through the work of the PI and her recorded confession, why the hell does he give her the house and 60% of their holding?

First attempt. Keep going. You can only improve.

Not generally a fan of BTB, but deserved in this case.

For a first story it’s a great start. Try to work on us liking or hating your characters they were a bit cardboard. Good though.

If you aren't going to get an editor, you need to proof read it carefully yourself.

"He dropped to his knees and continued to pound his face".

very good for a first attempt, characters were a bit one dimensional but ok for a story of this length, deserves 5 stars and I look forward to your future postings

another story where the guy gives away everything to the cheating wife. Stupid.

Good story for a first time. Hope for more.

Several missed negatives: "She called me around ten am telling me her car would run right." "WOULDN'T run right," "I would eat or drink anything that she had in the house for fear of being drugged or worse." "I WOULDN'T"

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The text messages are confusing: There were text messages to "Sheri" that WERE to Sheri, but the Trash folder had messages to "Sheri" that we re actually to Chad. How can she use the same id for messaging both people?

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Missing words: "He dropped to his knees, and continued to pound his face." - "I continued..."

i liked it. the errors will go away as you write more looking forward to it

Well you have a long long way to go with flow, the plot not too taxing for a first timer hope you get better good luck.

that white woman,can get anything from that white man.she fucking her lover for a year and till getaway like a bandit.hubby gets the kids and wife get house,60% of the money.fanasy world .if it was the other way wife get kids and everything else.

Sheri is a fool and deserves nothing. Chad should find himself in a concrete foundation. Buried alive knowing as the cold concrete pours down on him that he is getting what he deserved.

I read both of the stories that you have written so far and noticed a formula. Don't write using a formula, come up with some more organic ways for people to respond when confronted with cheating than cutting their face. A tiny bit more background might help with the storytelling. It's rather abrupt for a wife to just decide to cuck her husband out of the blue. It's one thing to cheat but trying to cuck an unwilling husband is just idiocy. You definitely didn't portray him as a guy that would just take it so it's not a believable plot point that she wouldn't expect violence from him. Nothing brings out a violent reaction like finding out you have been or are currently being set up to be cucked.

Read your second story first and read most of the comments. Then I read this one. Comments about grammar, misspelled words, wrong use of words, major plot holes are consistent in both stories which means you took no ones advice (especially the numerous requests that you use an editor) and have no interest in improving your writing. I'll just move on when I see your stories in the future.

Edit! Nothing insults a reader like being fed a decent meal (this story), with bits of hair and broken glass (typos, wrong words, awkward sentences) in it. Yeah, it's free, but if you have any pride, then try for quality before hanging something out for hundreds of thousands of people to read. Occasional, and one-off mistakes are to be expected, but come on... You're a good storyteller. Improve your game.

Please read through and check the basic mistyping you've made before posting. Remember, you are posting a story in English for readers' consumption, in hope of getting a positive response in line with the effort you put in, not drafting a post-it note for the trash collector because you forgot to sort your recycled from your trash and you don’t care if he leaves a line of spilled debris all the way to the kerb because you really don’t care enough to make an effort.

Great story, but a three for non-editing.

COME ON, PEOPLE.

EDITORS ARE AVAILABLE AT THIS SITE.

Need the wife’s side of the story. Obviously hubby was unable to be man enough for her that she had to look elsewhere.

He was to blame and smirking at a better man was just stupid and in the husbands house.

A good story too bad that some critics could not understand the story due to typos and punctuation.give those their money back. LP

Good story, but if he had full custody, why give the cheating bitch anything?

have to agree with 26th, why give her anything?

Why give her 60% of the investments? silly divorced man :)

The writer must be a cuck also... hubby must have felt real guilty for not allowing his wife to continue to cuck him to give her all that he did.

“ I was generous with our investments giving her 60%. ”. Why? Why do so many writers have their main characters act way too generous to a cheating wife who disrespects them so horribly? Is this a form of being a cuck?

So many commenters on LW stories have a deep seated need to humiliate the authors. Their emotions and intent are EXACTLY the same as the cheating wife fuck buddy when ragging on the cheated husband. They use the same phrasings and deliver them with the same invective. Look at the two Anonys directly below.

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LWlurker

Solid male MC, keeping his self-respect. But why give her one cent more than the law demands

You followed the BTB format of a cheating wife who gets caught so there was little of added information. While you wrote this story in English it is obviously a second language for you.. There a too many missing words or misused words that might feel comfortable in your natural language flow but just don't work in a story written in English. If you want to keep writing in English get some assistance in editing your stories for content and word flow. I don't know the Literotica has a foreign language category for your native skills but if the do try placing your stories in that area if interest.

Buena suerte.

Viel Glück

ښه چانس

Buona fortuna

اچھی قسمت

Liked the husband standing up to the asshole. But hated the cheating.

Almost a good story, but he was too nice in the divorce settlement!

She took him back, how stupid is she?

3 stars and not worth a comment

needs editing and proof read a few times.

Story was interesting. It would have been better with a Proof Reader, A spell checker and a grammar checker. Thanks for your writing.

Thin. Could 'ave been a contender.

Definitely needs to get an editor. Cannot spell worth a crap.