She Had a Second Thought

This is my second story. This one is under "Loving Wives," titled "She Thought She Was Normal," it being in Humor and Satire. Please be gentle with your comments as inside this tough masculine exterior is a very delicate person 😉.

She Had a Second Thought

There comes a time in a man's life when he has to sit up and take notice. It was a day after Christmas when that time came marching into my life. And by marching, I mean like Nazi storm troopers. My wife, Dottie, of 14 years was the one sounding the drum of the march.

She stood in front of me with legs spread, hands on hips and said "I will be leaving in a few minutes and will be gone for a month." I just looked at her. She asked if I had anything to say.

I said I was waiting for the next boot to fall.

She said she was going with her boss, Fred Johnson, on a long cruise.

One might think that I would start wailing and carrying on, but quite contre, mon ami. Little did she know but I had her down to rights for sure for the last five months, complete with videos, photos, recorded telephone conversations and a fifty-page report from the private investigator.

I just looked at her, rather blankly at that, and told her to have a good time. I really meant it.

She was somewhat non-plussed, thinking I was in the dark. "Don't you care?" she asked.

I really smiled and told her that one time I did, but I have known about her tryst, that I have heard what she has said about me and the two daughters, so this did not surprise me. I said that my love for her had been drained away by her callous treatment of me and the girls, so what she reaped was from what she sowed. I told her I was aware of the so-called month-long seminar Fred Johnson dreamed up to tell his wife and the staff of the company where the two of them worked. I then added I was quite surprised she did not try to con me with that one.

I looked at my watch and said: "You had better get to moving your bags outside as Fred was due here in five minutes."

She looked at me with her mouth agape, wonderment in her expression but not guilt. "You are taking this too easily, what's up?"

"Oh, you will soon see. But I promise you this, in a day or two you will regret you ever met Fred. And I hope you have joined rooms with separate beds." Her askance expression prompted me to add: "In three or four days, the ship is going to hit the sand, so to speak."

"What do you mean by that?" she fired back.

I told her she knew how I loved springing surprises on her so she would just have to be patient. "Just know that all the rooms on the cruise ship are sold out so you will have no choice but to stay with your accommodations. I hope the doors between the two rooms can be locked, too."

"What are you going to do, Jack?"

So, I told her that, in addition to telling Fred's wife, then a visit to Fred's and Dottie's boss, then an email to everybody on our email list. Her face turned white. Talk about death warmed over.

About that time the sound of the Fred's car horn tooting interrupted our "chat" (LOL).

She turned to the door, I stood, and took her two suitcases to the car. Her expression was priceless.

"Hi, Fred," I shouted cheerily as he opened the car trunk.

"Errrr, hi Bob, did not expect to see you."

"Why not old chap? Afterall, you are taking Dottie on a cruise she has been wanting for a long time, and it's not costing me a dime." I added: "Remember nothing for her to eat after 7 PM or else her nighttime flatulence will make you wish for a gas mask." I glanced at Dottie. No way would have I damaged my camera by getting a picture of her.

I guess he had a stroke of genius so he said nothing other than open the car door for Dottie, then get in and drive off. His parting grimace returned him a smiling nod.

Fred was not aware of the bug in Dottie's purse so I could listen in and record what they would be talking about. This should be juicy, I thought.

His first words to Dottie, were "You sure did a great job on selling him on the idea of a special seminar, but a cruise seminar?" "I am impressed." His second one though: "But he knows we will be sharing a bed?" "How did that come about?"

She told him that Bob knows; he has for five months and has photos, telephone recordings and videos. She told him of the P.I. report also.

Fred asked what she thought Bob would do with that information.

She told him that Bob had mentioned something about the "ship hitting the sand," on the third day or so, but I know these cruise ships have great navigation tools, so I'm not too worried about that.

Fred gave her a sideways look, ahh, Dottie, that is not what he meant. He meant "fan" not "sand."

Dottie said "what fan?"

Fred thought of Gracie Allen. (You younger readers might want to check her on YouTube. )

Then Dottie told Fred the other things I was going to do.

He gasped, did a U-turn and returned to our house. He told her to get out and take her luggage.

She did so. She stood looking like a lost puppy. She looked at me as Fred drove off. There were tears, more than just tears.

I had loved her with all I had, but what is a man to do after he sits up and takes notice?

The divorce went about as expected; crying, begging, apologies, etc. But the incriminating evidence in the P.I. report of her low opinion of me and the kids, left no wiggle room for me.

She said all of that was only to rev up Fred, ergo the second thought.

I stuck it out and it became final six months later about the same time as Fred's. The children live with me. I guess the ship can hit the sand in more ways than one.

For those of you who remember George Burns and Gracie Allen, I suggest you look up 'Dancing On The Ceiling' -- An Old School Mash Up, turn up the sound and have a very enjoyable skit.