All Comments on 'She Played and She Paid'

Can't wait for more adventures of Kim

If you're protagonist had actually been to "Collage", he would know how to spell "Roll Playing".

Get an editor next time around.

Read up on "show don't tell". This is a somewhere between a summary and a real story. You need to start describing what happens so we can picture it, not just tell us that "X happend". Its rough and has the potential to become a lot better.

0

Telling a story that's completely from one person's point of view, with no dialog except for what's described by the slob telling the story? I remember listening to a classmate describe a movie she'd seen the night before. She managed to get the point across, but not in any kind of manner that held anyone else's attention.

You also managed to tell the story, but not in any kind of manner that would hold anyone's attention.

See where I was going with that?

and the writing would look better, but you still don't have a story, just a description of how this guy is a completely retarded cuckold who apparently needs to keep fucking his ex despite the fact that every other guy in the neighborhood is giving him sloppy sixty seconds. Money or not, he's pretty much a pussified bitch whose only real victory is getting an unrealistically successful divorce with nothing more than a few cheating pics. He leaves without his manhood, without his dignity, and without anything you can seriously call a story worth telling.

You're an idiot! Can you even count to ten inches? This is shit!