Shelly & Danny

"No, you didn't, Shelly. To you I was still the skinny, short kid. The wimp. Your dad is a big guy and in your head your image of a man is a big tall guy. I didn't fit that image. You saw what I did that day as a fluke. Did you see me as someone worth dating after that? No! You still went after all the jocks. The big guys. You saw them as men. You saw me as one of your friends. Barely any different than one of your girlfriends."

"You're wrong Danny. You have a lionheart. You not only saved me, but you went after a guy much bigger than you to save Simone..."

"Yeah, and my wife had to save me from that too."

"Don't you dare say that, Danny. You weren't supposed to win with that bastard that day and you weren't supposed to win with Tom. They're both much bigger than you. But what matters is that when it counted you risked your life to save us. The last thing you are, Danny, is a wimp."

"The problem is Shelly, that maybe, just maybe you think that right now. Or maybe you're just saying that now. But all this time you didn't think that ... Anyway, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

"What are you talking about, Danny?"

"Look, I take part of the blame. You saw me as the friend, as less than a man and I bought into it. I was a kid with no life experience, and the girl I wanted with every cell in my body was telling me in every way possible that she didn't see me as boyfriend material. As a guy worthy of her. But these big jocks you got all giggly about. You never said those exact words, 'Danny, I don't see you as a man, but I see these other guys as men.' But everything you did screamed it loud and clear. The problem is that I bought into it too.

"When I went to college that all changed for me. Women treated me differently. Maybe they didn't lust after me, like you lust after Tom, but they still desired me. They respected me for the qualities I did have to offer. But then my dream girl, who had always been unattainable, one day knocked on my door. All of a sudden, she wanted me.

"And then after we started dating and you agreed to marry me, I always let you get away with all your shit. Part of me was so grateful that your highness finally wanted me. Like you were finally anointing me with manhood. I was too passive. I should've pushed back and put you in your place a long time ago. It's one thing that you cheated, but the way you did it and then threw it in my face and expected me to just accept everything and kiss your ass while you're fucking around on me. That shows that you had absolutely no respect for me as a man. As a human being.

"So, I take part of the blame. You were a selfish, corrupt person to start with. My not pushing back and standing up for myself made it easier for you to keep rolling with it and becoming completely corrupt. Like they say, absolute power corrupts absolutely. I gave you way too much power in this relationship, and I mean from the seventh grade. So, you ended up thinking that your shit didn't stink. We all want to feel special, Shelly. We were supposed to make each other feel special. But I was doing everything I could to make you feel special and it went to your head. You weren't doing shit to make me feel special, and I let you get away with it."

Shelly absorbed what I said for a couple of minutes, "You're right, Danny. You fucked up and I fucked up. Now we can work on fixing things together... Maybe get some counseling."

I shook my head and laughed, "You truly are something else, Shelly. NO, you're the one that fucked up. When I kept thinking about how my life came to be the shit that it is right now, I wanted to see if there is anything I could've done differently. If there was something in my control that I could've done differently so that I don't find myself in the same situation again.

"What I should have done is be more honest with myself about what kind of person you were, and never married you. And if I did marry you, I should've never let you mistreat me and let you get away with it, like I did. So, my admitting my mistakes doesn't take away from all of the blame being yours.

"It's like a woman driving into a bad neighborhood late at night getting robbed or worse. Yeah, for her own good that should be a lesson for her not to do that again. But that doesn't take any of the blame off of the criminal. Where we're at is 100% your fault Sherry. My lesson is to never allow anyone to do it to me again."

With some more tears running down her face, Shelly nodded and we both got quiet.

Shelly mumbled something I couldn't understand.

"I didn't hear you, Shelly. What did you say?"

"You fought for her, Danny. Why didn't you fight for me?"

"Fight for you? FIGHT FOR YOU? You can't be that delusional, Shelly! What was there to fight for? Was Tom forcing you to fuck him? No, you were a very willing participant. What the fuck would I be fighting for?"

"I don't mean fight for me that way. I mean why didn't you fight for me to come back to you? To win me back from him."

"God, Shelly! I honestly don't know if you're completely insane or if I am at this point. Fight to win you back? You were my fucking wife. We were supposed to be on the same team. You weren't some free agent that two men should be fighting over. I shouldn't have had to fight for you. You're the one that fucked up by cheating on me. You were the one that was supposed to be fighting to win me back. Not the other way around! What the fuck is wrong with you!"

Tears started coming down Shelly's face, "You're right Danny. You're right about everything. The more you gave, the more I took, and the more I thought I deserved.

"And you're right. It's my job to fight for you. To win you back. And I'm going to win you back mister." Shelly said this last part with a forced hopeful smile on her tear streaked face.

"No, you're not Shelly. That ship has sailed away for a while now. We both need to put this mess behind us, walk away and move on."

"I'm going to win you back, Danny. You have to give me one more chance. Please! I can't make it without you, baby."

Since I first caught her, this was really the first time that Shelly and I were having a real conversation, and I was getting the chance to really get it all out there. The problem was that all these emotions and talking were drawing down on my meager energy reserves. I decided to change the subject.

With a little chuckle, "Simone said that you did a number on Tommy boy's face."

Shelly gave a nervous laugh, "Yeah, I guess I lost it there for a minute. It was awful Danny. When he was punching you, I was screaming my head off for him to stop. And then when you fell to the floor and grabbed onto his leg and I saw him winding up to kick your face it all hit me in that split second. Everything Danny.

"After he shoved me into the car I was looking back and I saw you grab on his leg. I saw him wind up to kick you. And then you were yelling for Simone to run, like you had screamed for me to run. That split second everything came back. Everything morphed together. I was so angry at Tom. I blamed him for everything. For the way we hurt you. For the way I hurt you. For every fucked-up thing I did to you. It was really all my fault, but I took it all out on Tom."

Shelly had her arms wrapped around herself. She was sobbing and her whole body was shaking.

Simone walked in to that scene. Shelly looked at Simone and ran out of the room.

Simone watch Shelly make her hasty exit and then she looked back at me. I simply shrugged at her. I was too emotionally and physically exhausted to explain anything at this point.

"Danny, I need to get going. Shelly and I talked quite a bit when you were out. It's obvious that you two still have things to work out. So, I'm going to pull myself out of the situation."

When I started to protest, Simone held her hand up to stop me, "Danny, you're still living with her, you're still in limbo. It's obvious you two still have a lot of unresolved issues, and have feelings for each other. At best I'm going to be a rebound for you, and I'm not looking for that. I couldn't handle that with you Danny. I'm sorry. I need to go!"

And with that Simone walked hastily out of my life. I had made two women cry and walk out on me within minutes. I was obviously getting better in dealing with women.

Isn't It Ironic

If luck is when preparation meets opportunity, then I must have prepared really well for what ended up happening. I had set out to create a wedge between Shelly and Tom. And I had set out to damage their self-image, by exposing all of their faults and everything they were insecure about, like they had attempted to do to mine.

Ultimately, that morning Tom attacked Simone and me, because I had used Shelly to shatter the last vestiges of his crumbling self-esteem. He wanted to fuck Simone in a misguided attempt to try to rebuild it, and at the same time hurt me and Shelly.

But here is where I got really lucky. If one could ignore being beat to a pulp, that is. Three weeks after entering the hospital Tom left it in handcuffs. To make a long story short, he was charged with aggravated assault and attempted rape. In the end his attorney made a deal with the prosecutor for the attempted rape charge to be dropped, in exchange for Tom pleading guilty to aggravated assault. He got a two-year sentence for attempting to salvage his self-image.

Here is the ironic part. While Shelly was fucking around on me, and then treating me like shit, life sucked for me, but was seemingly great for her. But when she finally did the right thing and defended her husband from an even worse beating and her husband's girlfriend from being raped, she got a ninety day sentence for her troubles.

Yes, Shelly ended up getting charged for assaulting Tom. Not for the initial hit with the vase, but for kicking his face repeatedly while he was unconscious on the ground. Since both Shelly and Simone thought what Shelly had done was purely self-defense, they hadn't thought to keep the part about Shelly kicking Tom in the face four or five times after he was already unconscious from the detective. Being included in the detective's report, the prosecutor felt his hands were tied, and he charged Shelly with assault.

It would have been even more ironic, and I must admit much more satisfactory for me, if she had kicked him repeatedly in the groin instead. But apparently my preparation wasn't that good. I wasn't going to get that lucky.

And they both will have a felony on their records. I wonder what kind of a shitty job Tom will be able to get in the future.

Two Weeks To Go

After getting out of the hospital Shelly and I went back to sharing our home, each of us in our respective bedrooms. Several times she tried to entice me back to the master bedroom without any success. Honestly, I wasn't sure that I could get a hard-on with her, even if I wanted to.

With the case hanging over her head I left Shelly alone about the divorce. But her attorney and the prosecutor had just agreed upon the previously mentioned plea deal, and in two weeks time she would be reporting to jail to serve out her sentence.

It was as good of a time as any for us to put an end to things. So, I opened a bottle of wine and grabbed a couple of wine glasses and told Shelly, "Honey, we need to talk."

"Shelly, we should get ourselves all settled up, before you have to go in, so that when you come out you can start your new life with a clean slate."

I went into the den and retrieved the manila envelope with the divorce papers. I put them down in front of her.

"In about an hour someone is going to come over to officially serve you for the records, but I thought we would do this quietly ourselves first. This sheet here gives me power of attorney to sell the house. I've talked to a real estate agent and after paying closing costs, she thinks we can clear between 75 and a 100,000. The market is good so she thinks it will sell pretty quick. So, the sale will likely close before you come out. If that happens, I'll put your half into your checking account. If not, we'll split it up after you get out. But hopefully when you come back out you will have a fat bank account to get you going.

"Your boss promised you that he'll keep your job open for you, and I'm still not working so there won't be any alimony either way..."

The whole time I was talking Shelly's eyes were fixated on the divorce papers.

"Danny, please, I don't want a divorce..."

When I started to cut her off, she held up her hand.

"Honey, please let me have my say and I promise to let you say anything you want after that."

I needed her cooperation to make this as simple and painless as possible. So, I nodded for her to go on.

"Baby, I was a selfish, ungrateful cunt. I was an awful wife. An awful human being. But I've learned my lesson. Danny, I was trying to have my cake and eat it too, but the whole time you're the one I didn't want to lose. Yes, I tried not to lose Tom too, but you're the one I really didn't want to lose.

"In the hospital you told me I stopped Tom several times from coming at you. I never wanted him more than you, baby, never! And when it came down to it, I was ready to kill him for you. My head was all fucked up and I thought I could have everything exactly the way I wanted it. That I deserved it all. And somehow, you'd be all ok with it. And then when you weren't, I got stubborn and didn't want to give in. I wanted to get my way, once again.

"Danny, you're my everything. You're my best friend. I can't imagine doing life without you, baby.

"And Danny I've been doing some research. I can have vaginoplasty. Basically, they'll saw up the inside of my pussy to make it tighter. It's a pretty simple procedure, baby. I can have that done and it will solve our sex problem, baby. I'll be tight for you. I'll be tight like Simone. Tighter! I promise I will rock your world baby. I'll be the best wife in the world for the rest of my life."

Shelly pulled forward in her chair, and finished what she had to say with her shoulders slumped forward and her hands clasped tight together, almost as if in prayer. She looked desperate and completely lost. I'm sure she realized this was her final plea. For the first time I believed that she truly loved me. She truly wanted me above all else. That she cannot imagine her life without me.

Even more than when she had knocked Tom's head in with her grandmother's vase. She could have done that out of gratitude, or anger, or a sense of justice. But now she had a desperate look like she was a condemned woman going to the gallows making her last plea for leniency. The arrogant, stubborn, selfish woman was gone and in her place was a lost little girl wanting to be saved.

"Shelly, when I caught you and Tom all those months ago, I was hoping to hear something like this from you back then. Contrite and apologetic telling me that you will do anything to make us work. That you wanted me over anyone else. That you truly want me.

"But the problem is that you didn't. In fact, you did the exact opposite. And that allowed me to see you and our relationship in a totally different light. It's like one of those pictures hidden in a puzzle kind of thing. I had been going through the motions with you for years. I had gone along marrying you without objectively looking at you or our relationship. I had desired you so much from the seventh grade. I considered you such a prize, that when you finally wanted to be mine, my brain hid the true you and our true relationship behind that puzzle. Behind a fog.

"But just like the puzzle, now that I've seen the true picture of you and our relationship, I cannot unsee it. Yes, sex was less than satisfactory to me too all of those years because of your cave... large vagina... but I was able to ignore that. Or like you said the surgery could have taken care of that. But you chose to betray me and fuck me over instead of trying to talk to me and giving us a chance to find a solution together.

"But we have a lot of other problems too, Shelly. You have no intellectual curiosity. The topics you care about and can talk about are so limited. Am I going to wait for years of introspection and thinking about something worthwhile on your part? Am I going to wait years for you to read hundreds, if not thousands, of books and newspapers so that you and I can actually have a decent conversation about something worthwhile?

"The problems we have Shelly are much more fundamental than your pussy size. They go into all areas of our lives.

"Your cheating with Tom was a wake-up call for the both of us, Shelly. We were and are a mismatched couple from the start. I just wish we realized that sooner and in a different way. But now that we have seen the hidden picture, Shelly, we cannot unsee it. If you have really learned from this experience than with your next man you will be a different person, and can have a much more fulfilling relationship. Sometimes things are shattered into too many pieces to put it back together."

Shelly chose to ignore about half of the reasons I gave her for why we were not right for one another.

"Danny, but I know you're the one I want. I don't want the Tom's out there. Or any other man. I want you. Tom fulfilled one need and he was pretty useless outside of that. You fulfilled every other need, and with or without the surgery I see it now that we could have been a lot better in the sex part too. I have my head screwed on right now, Danny. Please, you have to give us one more chance. Just one more, honey." She said the last with utter desperation.

"I'm sorry, Shelly. The problem is that now I have my head screwed on right as well. If you have really learned your lesson, and aren't the same selfish girl anymore and truly love me then do what I need, baby. Let me go, let me move on. Give me the one thing I want and need from you. My freedom!"

Around one a.m., the morning Shelly was to report in to start serving her sentence, she knocked on my bedroom door. Obviously, I wasn't the only one not able to get to sleep. I opened it to a sobbing, almost hyperventilating Shelly, barely able to breath. She held out to me the divorce papers that, I confirmed later, were signed and dated.

Once I took them, she rushed away without saying a word. My instinct was to chase after her to console her, and make her feel better. But she wasn't mine to console anymore, and I needed to stop being a rescuer when it came to women. For the very first time she needed to learn to stand on her own two feet.

Twenty Year High School Reunion

It was now three years later, and time for my twenty-year high school reunion.

My private practice had thrived over the last three years, to the point that I brought on two CPA's, four junior accountants, and five support staff. I went from making low six figures to now making mid to high six figures. I guess it was another thing Shelly was wrong about. I wasn't only good with numbers. I was a people person who could attract business, and I could manage a growing enterprise on my own.

I realized shortly after I started dating that I wasn't going about it the right way. I was looking at it too unemotionally, categorizing women into numbers on superficial factors and working my way up the numbers. My main goal had been to try to prove my worth to myself and to Shelly. Yes, it did help initially going out with women that I had considered 'low hanging fruit' to salve my bruised ego. But I soon realized that I was still reacting to what Shelly and Tom had done to me and that wasn't fair to the women I was dating.