Shivers

It would have been so easy to blame it on the cold, or the storm, and agree to never talk about it ever again. Easier than trying to find the words to say what it had really meant.

What it still meant, and the hopes that it had fanned into flame.

A terrified, flickering flame.

"I..."

--

"- hate you!" Katie screamed angrily, her ponytail bobbing around as she did. "Why did you have to go ahead and ruin everything!? You just had to keep your damn mouth shut!"

Will cringed, and wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground. It wasn't like she didn't have a good reason to be pissed at him for letting it slip. Not that it was all his fault, either.

"I thought you were going with Suzie." He mumbled, the half-excuse sounding hollow even to his ears.

Katie crossed her arms, "You're still a jerk."

He thought quickly, trying to come up with a way to fix things. After he'd accidentally dropped that his sister was planning on a hotel getaway to their conservative parents at his weekly visit they had realised what he hadn't, and taken away permission to use the car.

That had been yesterday.

Today, Katie had turned up at his apartment to scream and yell about not being able to shack up with her boyfriend. He did feel guilty about it, and even more guilty about feeling relieved.

Katie had always had the worst taste in guys.

If there was a jerk, leading a group of assholes around like he was some kind of gangbanger, then Katie was absolutely certain to swoon if she got any kind of attention.

Which she would.

Not just because assholes like that can smell the naive trust exuding from her, but because Katie got attention wherever she went. She was the town's claim to fame, a tennis player who had very nearly qualified for nationals, which was as close as anybody had ever got to being famous.

It meant that she was both extremely fit, and that she attracted looks wherever she went. Her decision to stay at home had been a practical one, it was easier not to attract too much attention, and she wasn't allowed to drive herself, by her contract.

Well, apart from sneaking off to see her boyfriend, apparently.

"I'll drive you."

Katie raised an eyebrow, "Um, what?"

"You're an adult. What you do on your time shouldn't be dictated by your manager or mum and dad." He shrugged, "So I'll drive you up and drop you off."

She glared at him, "Like Dad would let me go, now. He'll probably threaten to kick me out of home if I go through with it. I don't want to have to move out!"

"That and they'd both probably cut you out. Assholes." He agreed with her, "Which is why we won't tell them."

"They're not that stupid. The timing would be obvious." Katie glared at him.

He shrugged, "I'm taking you camping. To make up for your boyfriend dumping you when you said you couldn't go. Dad'll get to indulge in some self-righteous rant, and Mum will be so proud that we still get along."

"That..." She seethed, and then sighed, "I guess that might actually work. Still doesn't make up for it. I didn't even want to tell them I was dating anyone, yet. They always..."

"Ruin it?" He laughed, "Why do you think I haven't brought a girlfriend home since I moved out?"

"Because you haven't had a girlfriend in two years?" Katie said hurtfully, and absolutely honestly.

It was sort of true, on some level. He'd had a few relationships over the years. He'd been hiding them long before he left home, but his relationships had never lasted.

Sometimes it felt like everything he touched just fell apart. The girls he dated always hated him when all was said and done. Sometimes he understood why, and he tried to make himself better, but most of the time he thought he'd been the perfect gentleman for them.

His last relationship had lasted all of two weeks, and well... Her bra was still hanging from the bathroom door handle behind his sister.

He couldn't help it, the way she'd said it. He pointed, "So, what, I'm a crossdresser?"

"One night stands don't count. My loveable manslut." Katie said, raising her nose in the air, but seeming less sure of herself.

"Well, we have a plan." He moved the conversation along, "I'll turn up with a few bags of my own, you can just bring whatever. I'll call Dad, let him know my plans. So... Expect the usual from him."

"No one's ever good enough for him." It was Katie's turn to mumble.

He reached over and grabbed his sister in a hug, "Hey. Things can get better, you know? You're the star of the family. Besides, you're about to get laid."

"Gross!" She shoved off him with a laugh, "You can't say that when you're hugging someone!"

He laughed at her, "So, staying for dinner, twerp?"

Katie finally stopped her intimidating stance that was about as frightening as a kitten, and dropped onto the couch, "If you're cooking. Missed your paella."

"Well, not taking requests." He retorted and headed for the kitchen area, "Only got the ingredients for pasta, so it's that or I'll drive you home."

"Whatever. I guess I still love you." She shrugged, "Oh! I'm going to call my boyfriend. Mind tuning out?"

He picked up his headphones.

He really didn't want to listen to his sister talking about a sex weekend with her boyfriend.

He didn't need that particular image in his head, anymore than it already was.

--

Katie didn't know exactly what she'd been planning when she turned up at the apartment to yell at him, but it wasn't... That.

Why did her brother have to be such a problem solver? She came to rant and cry and... And then he had to go ahead and be so reasonable about the whole damn thing.

Only one who was.

Pretending her boyfriend had dumped her when she tried to rearrange their date wasn't going to be difficult.

He had.

She'd already got the call from him and balled her eyes out like she was a teenager all over again. She'd really hoped that he was the one who wasn't going to turn out to be trash.

But no, all he was interested in was bedding the town celebrity for bragging rights to his little wannabe asshole friends. So when it looked like she might be having second thoughts, he dumped her without hesitation.

It was only after all that she'd gone over to yell at Will.

So when he'd been bobbing his head away listening to music whilst he cooked for them, she'd tried brainstorming what to do with Suzie, and got nowhere.

The real problem was going to be coming up with a way to tell her brother after he'd decided to set aside his weekend to drive her up to the city when it wasn't even really his fault.

She was the one who didn't want to move out of home, and was scared of living on her own. Even more scared of getting a roommate.

She'd sort of been hoping that he would let her move in once she was old enough to move out, but by the time that had happened some sort of coldness had grown up between them. He came home, but he avoided looking at her, talking to her.

Katie was still basically the same girl she had always been. The confused teenage girl who stared at him when she hoped he wasn't looking. On the other hand, the moment Will had moved out of home he'd gone from the quiet and scared boy she knew to this confident and charismatic thing.

He'd found himself in the newfound freedom, and she hadn't coped with it at all.

Felt like her brother had been stolen away from her.

And now... Now she had to deal with the fact that not only had he become this confident and perfect guy the moment he ran away, it turned out that everyone else had noticed.

She had really hoped she was wrong when she saw the bra on the doorhandle. That it was just the untidyness of some college chick who had crashed on the couch after a party or... Or an explanation that actually made sense. Even her heart wasn't clever enough to come up with a lie she believed.

Katie knew she wasn't supposed to be jealous. He was free to live whatever life he wanted to, and he was still coming over once a week to see her and their parents... But it felt like another nail in that coffin.

The perfect way out of this would be to somehow convince him to go through with the camping trip. Rekindle a bit of their relationship rather than have him yell at her for not telling him that she was already a dead weight.

She buried her face in a pillow and gave a yell.

Maybe she had changed, after all.

It didn't help her feel better in the least.

Katie had to bite the bullet and let her brother know that he didn't need to say anything. She fumbled with her phone and hoped that he wouldn't call her afterwards.

The text message was simple. Just a statement of facts. As little information as she could tell him, and hope to hell he was as dense about these things as he used to be.

"He dumped me. Don't worry about it. <3 U."

Katie hesitated before sending it. Maybe she should wait until the morning. Make it less obvious that this was past tense.

She left the message in her drafts and threw her phone across the room to try and not think about it. She pulled up her laptop and found her favourite TV show's stream.

Her phone rang.

The computer hit the ground as she had a heart attack. The message hadn't sent, right? She scrambled to get over and picked it up, "Y... Yes?"

"Ah, Katie! It's Dan, here." Her manager responded, "Just checking in on you. I got some weird voicemails from your father. You going to be alright to get to practice next week? Something about the car?"

"Eugh. Just guy trouble. It's all fine." She said, still feeling palpatations. "Usual overreactions all around. Nothing to distract me. We're going for the Open again this year, right?"

"Absolutely. Looking forward to it, just thought I should check in on you." He skirted his actual meaning - he wanted her to move out. Had since he'd first met her parents.

She just... Couldn't imagine being in a place by herself.

"Thanks, I'll talk to you next week."

--

He was a terrible brother.

He couldn't shake the image of his sister and some random guy from his head. Imagining her pulling out her ponytail and shaking her hair out, before giving one of her lopsided smiles.

Thinking of her leaning up against the wall as someone made out with her, for starters.

Will shook his head, trying to break free of the damned and damning thoughts. Trying to tell himself that it was just because he had gone from basically being decked before the door closed every day to cold turkey, and his hormones hadn't settled.

That said, the usual solve for his horny problem wasn't exactly helpful. The entire frontpage of his favourite porn site was, as expected, entirely incest.

He was usually fine with fantasy being fantasy, and having not a damn to do with the real world. The taboo was a fun and easy way of spicing things up, but right now... It just made him wonder if his sister shaved more than just her legs, or if she was a more natural type.

The latter would be his preference, when it came to girls. Not something massive, but not unkempt, either. He'd never slept with a blonde before though, and he imagined that would make it a little different. Less visible, more cute.

Which had him imagining what it would be like to eat out a cute little bush, his head between her muscular thighs.

"Ah, fuck." He cursed and sat up in bed. Why the hell couldn't he get the one untouchable girl in the world out of his head?

Will walked to the kitchen to find a beer and flick on the TV. Sitting down, he was unsurprised to find nothing on that interested him. Flicking over to a streaming service to find movies didn't help much either, he'd already seen them all.

He was lying to himself.

It wasn't that he was just a horny git. He was so much worse than that. Part of his relief at finally leaving home was no longer having to hide his attraction to Katie every day.

She was untouchable, always would be.

Yet, it had been hard going through puberty whilst his sister bounced around in a short skirt. Harder when she'd added a pair of breasts when she'd hit it herself.

His attraction to Katie wasn't just physical, which was part of why he was so reviled by himself. She was... So easy to get along with. He didn't find it difficult to talk to her, didn't get tongue-tied.

He didn't feel like he walked away from every conversation with her exhausted like he'd been fighting a duel. He could just be his normal, slightly awkward self.

She had been his first crush, and maybe he'd never really learned to get over it.

Not that any of this mattered. He'd already spoken to their father, and successfully arranged to pretend to take her camping in a week's time. The man had practically gloated over his daughter being dumped.

Will couldn't imagine how much it would hurt Katie if her father pulled out something like that right after it actually happened.

He wasn't around anymore to try and shield her from the worst of it.

Maybe his running away from her had been a bit of a total abandonment. It had felt like she hated him since he'd left home, always screaming at him about something or other the next day.

Though, she did always stay for dinner, so maybe it wasn't a total

hatred.

He had succeeded in not staring at her every day, but perhaps he had abandoned her and his role as the older brother. It might be unconventional, but helping her to get laid might be the best way to let her know he hadn't completely abandoned her.

He was just a coward.

--

Katie was in zombie mode when her alarm went off. She fell out of bed, literally. Face down and into the floor as she dragged her exhausted body into her morning routine.

It didn't matter that she'd failed to get to sleep until the sun had started to rise. She had to keep herself fit, and in shape, if she was going to win her place at the Open, and keep rising up the ranks.

That meant that as tired as she was, she was slipping into her running clothes and out the door before her brain realised that she'd left her phone behind, and why it had been on the other side of the room.

The thought of the message sitting in her drafts whilst the possibility of Will calling up their dad to tell him their little lie was stressing her out the entire run, but she was already halfway round before she'd woken up.

He was always up ridiculously early on a weekend, probably woken up by a girlfriend sneaking out.

Why was she so jealous about that? And of course no girl would be sneaking out of his apartment. Not like he was living with anyone else.

Thinking about it, she'd stayed for dinner. Yet, the owner of the bra hadn't turned up. Was he so embarassed to be seen around her that he had told them not to come over? Or had she accidentally hit the arrow when she'd guessed it was just a reminder from a one night stand's victory?

That'd be like her.

She always did end up hurting him, and he always tried to do the best by her.

Katie thundered up the steps to her room when she got home, tiredly falling to the ground beside her phone and frantically sending the message. She breathed a sigh of relief.

She'd said what needed to be said.

A firm knock on the door made her groan and roll her eyes, "What?"

"I got a call from Will last night, after you went by his place." Her father spoke through the door, "Sounded like you were really hurt by that worthless kid. I did try and warn you about him. All these guys are only interested in one thing."

She rolled her eyes, angry at her father, before she realised it and felt a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"So, when Will takes you out on the weekend, make sure you don't just mope, alright? Or complain too much about the campsite. Your brother doesn't have to pick up after your crap all the time. Show some thankfulness."

"I'm on the phone!" She yelled with annoyance, making him shut up and leave before she burst into tears. She was already feeling guilty. Now she had to find a way to cancel the trip without their parents sucker punching her with shame.

The phone buzzed, as if sensing her lie.

She looked at the message from her brother. It was just one word, but summed it all up pretty succinctly.

"Awkward..."

Katie had to agree with that.

The next message just served her up more confusion.

"Want to actually go camping?"

It was the easiest way to escape from the lies that weren't all lies. It'd also get her out of the house and away from her parents. But... "Only if it's today. I don't want to be here."

Weirdly, Will didn't respond.

She hadn't exactly expected an instant response to her snark, but she had expected something. Maybe he was feeling put out by her, or maybe he was at work or something.

Katie did eventually make it back downstairs for breakfast. Where her parents took turns telling how awful a boyfriend she had, and how wonderful it was to have an older brother sweeping in to look after her.

Bringing up all the hurt and guilt, as if she wasn't still feeling raw from being dumped, and for making Will feel guilty when it wasn't even his fault in the first place.

Oh, shit.

Now he'd be blaming himself for her being dumped by the asshole, even if it was probably going to happen if the weekend had gone ahead. A guy interested in sex wasn't going to keep her around if she didn't put out.

She wasn't that sort of a girl. She was in it for the romance. She wanted someone who could hold her and make her feel safe without any expectations of a return.

If a guy could offer that, she'd happily surprise him and fuck his brains out every damn day.

Katie spiralled over the entire day, just going through her holiday routine. Feeling guilty but unsure what she was supposed to do about it. She just hit the nets, and tried to enjoy the burn as she practiced her backhand.

It was only when she saw the car parked out front when she got home that she realised just why he might not have replied to her message. That maybe he hadn't noticed the snark.

She should have called him.

Text has no sense of sarcasm.

--

"Let's hit the road!" He pulled away from the curb, his somewhat dumbfounded sister beside him in the car. Getting her away before their parents could finish stripping her down for not realising he was coming had been difficult.

Will reached behind him and pulled out a bag of chips and tossed them to her, "Roadtrip. I hope you managed to pack something warm. The forecast wasn't awesome, and all I've got is my old tent. Sorry, no cabins at this short a notice."

"I... Sorry."

He frowned, "What for? I was bored, anyway."

She kicked at the footwell, "He... Already had. When I was over, yesterday. It's just you were so nice and -"

"Worked that one out. Your brother is just mostly an idiot. Not a total one." Will replied, "Forget all that. I do actually intend to have some fun on this trip. Remember the spot we used to go as kids?"

"Up on the mountain?" Katie said in surprise, "Guess I won't be relaxing. There's nothing to do there but hike."

"There's also the lake. I brought my rod, and about a thousand beers." He said quickly, "So I can fail to catch some fish whilst you get drunk and complain about the jerk who has no idea what he's missing out on."

She relaxed back into the seat, "So you don't... Hate me?"

"I... I've never hated you." He said more quietly. So he really had given her that impression, then. "I guess I need to say sorry, as well. Haven't really paid you much attention since I moved out, have I?"

"You're busy living your life. I'm just your dumb little sister."

He shook his head, "No decent brother would abandon his sister. So I brought the ingredients for paella. Not a perfect way to make it up to you, but best your dumb big brother can manage right now."

"You... Didn't exactly abandon me. Still turned up every week."

He needed to admit to it, or the guilt would eat him up. He just had no way to explain it without things getting damn awkward. "I did, kinda. More like... Avoid you."