All Comments on 'Shoe'

Not a good story. The whole Suzy scenario is so plainly false as to detract from the story, and a police captain confessing to a murder is ludicrous. There was a decent story there somewhere, but it has not yet found words.

I must have missed something. That was a terrible cop story and should have never make it to press.

Well I enjoyed it!

sad for the cheating wife...

Not too bad. Could have had more character build up IMO though. Keep up the good work. Only giving 4 stars because of the lack of character build up that I mentioned above.

The so called police procedure described is completely ludicrous. He would have had some kind of legal representation present at least. The attitude of the investigating officer is beyond belief. There may be a story here somewhere but it isn’t showing itself at the moment.

Actually, if you don't ask for one, no 'lawyer ' magically appears. Don't you watch the police shows? I know all cops aren't on the up and up, but if you screw up, the attorneys will get it tossed. 5 stars because it was good, just a little bit sappy with the blonde cop not totally in detective mode. But (and I'm not sure ) she loved him. The Bear approves. Just too short. More, please.

The BEAR

Well I'm joining Britease on this one, I enjoyed it.

Just an enjoyable read.

A solid 3* story scetch!

Keep up the good work.

Look forward to a full story some time!

Given the theme driven nature of the story, well done. Little to heavily driven by narrative, but clean plot lines and a “happy ending “ made for an enjoyable read 4.2*

Okay. D

Waste of time. Could have been a winner.

Captain did the world a favour killing that hoe, always they both got what they had coming to them

A bit too simple.

Nice payback!

eh.

the ending was a bit rushed...

and I did suspect the captain...

and Buddy and the male cops in the precinct

and also Suzy. Suzy was my second suspect after the captain because of the dead whore wife's bi experience.

thanks for sharing this AlTend.

Good story but probably belongs in NE. Thanks for your work. I look forward to reading more from you.

reasonable man

It started out feeling like it was going to be an interesting story, but then it just ended as if the author couldn't think of anything else. Should be re-written.

"Your prints are all over the clip and bullets." - Duh, it's his, well, his wife's, gun, would it be so unbelievable that he's handled it and knows where she kept it?

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Wouldn't a cop be smart enough to use a different gun?

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"somehow discovered where that gun was." - A bedside table isn't exactly an unusual hiding place.

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Blocks of apparent dialog without quotation marks.

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Buddy himself has just said that the Captain calls him a "wimp-cuck" and sends on menial cases to get rid of him for a while, practically admitting the Captain is her lover, maybe Buddy, too!

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Conveniently missing evidence also gives reasonable doubt, and the other prime suspect goes to the lab and evidence just happens to disappear?

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Thought a transmitter might be in the cigarettes, or maybe stuck under the table-top.

I couldn't tell, was he an experienced cop or a emotional rookie? You wrote him all over the place with bipolar tendencies.

short and to the point, but not a LW story or in any way erotic

You know what happened 5 mins in...the obvious heel turn of the Captain spelled everything out in act 1.

A totally irrelistic tale with an idiot MC who should be a smart detective. Why submit himself to an interrogation without a formal accusation ? And why without his lawyer ? And why his police colleagues agreed with him organizing the meeting trap, without any proof against the captain ? Weak MC and weak tale.

Not too bad. Good plot which could have been executed better. Thank you for the story.

Gotta love a happy ending

So Buddy knew the Capt. was nailing Shoe's wife and couldn't put the pieces together? Also it's not difficult to shoot a tight pattern at close range. 3

Definitely a potentially a very talented writer. The woketard, ungrammatical use of pronouns loses a star, however. "They/them" requires a plural antecedent. When you use the plural pronoun in discussing the semen and sex, it stupidly suggests a gangbang. Narrowed to just one suspect, and evidence points to "their" guilt? You are either being thoughtlessly sloppy or trying to virtue signal to the Gramsian Marxist idiots. 4

Loved the simultaneous misdirection and clue that's thrown on the table along with the "clunky, old-fashioned transmitter."

Overall, good story. 5 stars...

This story just fizzled- only a few paragraphs in after a promising start, and we've got a pretty good idea 'whodunnit' and who's going to end up together.

I'm pretty disgusted with all the characters in the story. All reprehensibles.

It was obviously the Captain as soon as he opened his obnoxious mouth.

Nice job, keep writing.

to northstanderrhino...as if YOU could do better

A but rushed

Love it when a dirty cop gets what’s coming to him.

To short a story with an obvious conclusion.

Well done!

Nice!

Loved it.

Short and to the point. An enjoyable loving wife police procedural story. 5*

Thanks for your writing, I enjoyed the story.

Decent story. Too bad it was blatantly obvious who the killer was. Making the captain a bit more realistic rather than the over the top cliche he was portrayed as could have helped the story as well.

A very well written tale. Good suspense and follow through. 5 stars. DMW aka Sumnut96

what about the cops who were treating him bad, they just became friends suddenly.

Nice work, but maybe a bit rushed ? It was a "whodunnit" as well as a LW, and I liked that her husband was a cop. But a whodunnit plays better a little more drawn out and mysterious.

Nicely done. Maybe you tipped your hand a bit by making the Captain so obvious, but still a fun read.

I look forward to reading more of your submissions.

Fun to read. Good job.

Ed

Finally. A piece of intelligent, intriguing, work of fiction. Thank you..

Hastly written, half of it doesn't make any real sense, overall bad.

Great idea for the story but the execution didn't work that well. You projected the bad guy too soon, you need to spread the revelations out, so the final confrontation works. It just happened too fast. Plus the MC has too little emotion to make it work.

Interesting enough story.

However I was often confused when the main character was speaking out loud and when you were just reporting his thoughts. I’d like to suggest that you pay some attention to your quotation marks. There need to be quotation marks at the beginning of any paragraph that is a quotation, even if the speakers words are continuing from the previous paragraph. And you need to be sure to put quotation marks at the end of the speaker’s words you are quoting, so readers know that what follows are your description of the thoughts of a character or the actions of him or others.

Awesome story! Thanks for writing!

A great story.

The plot was tight

with no unanswered important questions.

Well done!

Top ratings from me.

Good read, quick story, unfortunately knew the ending as soon as the Capt. entered the story.

Thanks for writing, keep it up.

very poor read. wasn't well written.

Very good cop story. I thought it might be the captain, but Buddy looked good too. You kept me guessing to the end. Good job.

I liked it. I had a feeling the captain did it, when he started disrespecting him in the squad room. I knew the cigarette pack had a microphone in it too. I guess I watch too many cop shows on TV. ;-)

2X what njlauren said.

THANK YOU nonetheless for a fun story.

Let me tell you this. In real life if this was to happen, I am a United States Marine.

I took care of the trash. If you know what I mean, I hate arrogant trash like this. so if you’re trash like this.. you never know if there’s one like me. Waiting for your arrogance.. S.S…

Very Mickey Spillane , I mean that in a good way . Five stares

No cop would talk without his union rep, and/or a lawyer...

Good story!

5

Shoe? Detective??? Really!!!! Well this must have been meant in an oxymoron tongue and cheek sort of way. He is without a doubt one of the dumbest detectives ever. Well given the level of police departments quality today, he might be one the brighter ones at that. Cheating for months ......no clue.......Oh just noticing his partner of several years.....just way to much bullshit to take.

Story has a good premise but is woefully unworthy of the topic.

Ok story with massive holes in it. 3* is all I can give it.

Yes. Keep writing.

Love@anonymous below deriding the police (as if he has any first hand knowledge) as he writes comments in the troll section of literotica from his parent’s basement. Loser.

Short and lovely! I love it especially when an arrogant bad bastard gets his comeuppance! Full Marks 5 – Stars!

Nice tale AITend...great unfolding of the trap

I wonder if Humphrey Bogart ever resorted to such shoddy tricks?

Read again. Good and original. At least original to LW. Could be improved with editing but not much. Four stars.

Good read but it has been posted before with the same outcome

Liked it.Seems a little predictable well done just the same. 4