All Comments on 'Siblings Share a Morning Alone'

He is definitely going to the pool party. Just saying’.

Simple. Short. Hot. Thanks!

Great that he creampied her. Eager for more of these two having a romp.

Great writing, please dont stop.

Dare I say better than the original.

Man, this was so hot, so well written.

I hope there's more to come.

And I know I'm being greedy but, can mum come in somewhere?

Well done. I can't think of anything that you did wrong. Actually, I can't think at all.

5 Stars. Great story, I especially like the descriptions and details of what they're doing. The only topper would be if the last sentence would be their mother coming home early and catching them fucking.

Am I the only commenter see the ridiculous errors in this story? First you have so many sentences of them talking ending with a “ but you don’t have one in the beginning of them talking. And for the love of god it is crotch not crutch. **

Also it would have ended better with the mother forgetting her purse or something with them suddenly realizing she is standing there watching them.

There are a lot of issues with the incorrect tense/perspective being used. And grammatical errors. The story premise is light, and simple, but that's fine and enjoyable. Focus on keeping your perspective consistent and proofreading and it'll improve your writing by leaps. Thanks for the contribution.

The technical problems with the writing are quite distracting and ruin the reading experience. Among other mistakes, you keep jumping between past and present tense.

First correction: "Tess decided to rub her hand over the crutch of my pants."

Crutch: a staff or support to assist a lame or infirm person in walking, now usually with a crosspiece at one end to fit under the armpit.

Crotch: a forking or place of forking, as of the human body between the legs.

I also found the flip flopping back and forth between past tense and present tense to be very annoying. 😬

For example: "I'm already cummingggg!" Tess moaned as her legs quivered and her pussy pulsated.

With an explosive release, I fill her with my warm essence, Tess gasps and moans in delight, we both feel utterly consumed by our intimate connection."

This is an excellent example since "Tess moaned" in the first sentence and "Tess moans" in the very next sentence. Straight from past tense to present tense. The second sentence was also a "run on".

What you should have written: With an explosive release, I filled her with my warm essence. Tess gasped and moaned in delight. We both felt utterly consumed by our intimate connection.

Please find yourself a good editor or even better, take a remedial writing course. 3/5

I expect Bek might be joining in before their mom.

Hotter than the first part, which already was hot itself. However, how were they able to have sex without taking off her shorts?

Will be waiting for future parts. Both the pool party with friends and beach trip woth mom seem like great setups for more fun. You should organize those in the series for easier read though.

Sizzling hot 🔥 and they have genuine feelings not just lust. This is a great series

Enjoyable read.

One thing from second paragraph should read of rubbing hand on brother's "crotch".

As Australians would know "crutch" is normally used as a verb and relates to removing manure dags from the rear end of sheep including the wool from which they hang.

Thanks for a good read :>)

Sincerely hoping that you continue the series!

Good story, but for God's sake find another word besides 'toned' to describe body parts! Perky and toned must be the most overused words in erotic literature.

Was definitely hot had a few spelling mistakes, but otherwise was very enjoyable. I was hoping for a bit more specifics referring to body measurements. I absolutely love the hair pulling. Another thing that needs to be improved is the describing of the directions and transitions of arm and leg placement like in the shower as well as the reaching around her hip to play with her clit. Some of the kissing scenes didn’t make that much sense it needed to be described more like for example, The riding scene led into kissing but considering the front of her body was facing away from his front the description was lacking. But all in all it good. I hope there’s more to come.