All Comments on 'Simon Says Revenge Ch. 08-12 - Finale'

This was so goddamn stupid, I actually my IQ dropping. There was nothing redeeming about this bullshit and I’m sorry I ever read it.

It's a soapbox. Tedious, hectoring, nagging, poorly informed....kind of like the bitchy wife from Hell.

From someone who reads and likes edrider73's crap, I already question your taste as it is. What I wrote made perfect sense. A criminal went to prison where she belonged, she felt guilt and postpartum depression and a host of other extreme feelings, probably had serious mental illness as it was, based upon her behavior, and she hanged herself after letting her ex-husband and his new wife raise their baby. What's exactly stupid about that? That's realistic. So is poly, which happens far more in real life than mono missionaries seem to think. My story didn't have some guy just meekly put up with abuse like the men in your favorite author edrider's stories do. If that's what you like, keep reading his BS, but don't troll mine. You're not gonna find his kinda garbage in my writings. period.

You put a less than stellar story in four different areas. Good luck having anyone actually reading any chapter of this.

Ok, I waited until I read the whole thing before commenting. The first part was good, but Michelle becoming his girlfriend/sex slave? Then you added in his rich boss who had numerous boyfriends herself, and then Carla as a lover/wife to Michelle, Carla's sister Ana who is bi-sexual. Finally Oscar, the gay man. Ok, I can understand a polygamous marriage, but I see 2 major problems with how you did this: 1) There are so many people involved that STDs could be a major issue. This should have been a CLOSED group marriage. Any of Jamie's numerous boyfriends could infect her, and therefore the group. 2) I can understand providing Oscar with a place to live if he needed it, but he is a GAY man. The only person he would want to have sex with is Simon, who is straight. If Oscar wanted to become a woman and go through SRS, then that would be a possibility but there is no reason for a single gay man in that family. Considering Jamie and Simon's intelligence there should have been a family meeting to setup a polygamous marriage so everyone know what is expected. Lastly, Danielle's kid should have been DNA tested to determine paternity. No way should any man accept the child of his cheating wife and her lover.

This story went off the rails once Michelle offered herself to Simon, and became fantasy.

1. It's not fantasy to have polyamory. It happens all the time.

2. What makes you think that Jamie doesn't test her boyfriends?

3. What about BDSM is fantasy? People do it all the time. BDSM was what it took to have the absolution effect that Michelle needed to loosen up and not be a dead lay.

4. No one claimed that Simon is straight. In fact, I tend to think that he's bi like me.

5. 26th NC isn't content to troll others. Now he's decided to troll me, too. He's getting pathetic.

6. Jamie being rich enables her to have the resources to track people for this kind of deal.

7. Why should he test for paternity when that would risk the child becoming an orphan? To assume paternity in this case is better, even if it meant raising her lover's child, than to throw an innocent child out on the streets. Besides, this way, they can raise it with their values, not society's warped, pathological ones.

Sorry, but you do score 1/5.

I understand that this is written as a comedy, and in places it was hilarious, if not right over the top. But, it was also seriously a stupid, stupid story. Not one character in this woeful tale came out a winner, your hero came across as the most stupid loser alive. Funnily, he ended up back where the story started, a clueless cuckold, not even in charge of his own life anymore.

I like some of your stories, but definitely, not this one.

BTW, before you get too bent and twisted over the less than stellar comments and scores you are attracting, remember this?

You do not write just for yourself, you also write for us, the readers of stories on Literotica.

You also put your stories up for judgement through the scoring process and for comment as well.

If WE like or dislike a story we score it accordingly and we also comment accordingly.

That is part of the process on this page.

If you do not like it, you can turn off the scoring and comment process.

But you take the risk then, that the people you write for, will no long read your stories.

I will continue to read your stories and score them in accordance with how they strike me and continue to comment on how good or bad they are.

You, SevMax, are never to old to learn new tricks. Take on board what readers think and act on what they say. The choice is yours.

It's your story, and you can make Simon bi if you want to, but there's been NO indication of that, ret-conning it to accommodate including Oscar is cheap.

I still don't see why Jamie wants or needs her other men if she's so in love with Simon.

Taking a pot shot at FTDS isn't cool either.

There was no need to make a political rant against feminism.

"my chubby blonde slut pleaded with me." - Did I miss something? Michelle's "chubby?"

I guess you're entitled to your views on monogamy, but please excuse me if I say that they're full of shit!

A cuckold is a faithful husband to an unfaithful wife. That's what a cuckold is. If he's not faithful, he's not a cuckold. Period. You're entitled to your wrong views, just as sbrooks is entitled to his wrong views, and when did I take a "potshot" at FTDS, sbrooks?

Also, it's not cheap or retconning if I never said that Simon was straight. Straight isn't the default setting on sexuality, no matter how much society thinks so. Society is wrong about that, just as it is wrong to shove monogamy down people's throats and to celebrate violence and a barbarous death cult like Christianity. That's my perspective and it won't change.

...having or loving one does not exclude the other. That's the whole point of polyamory.

..what's wrong with that?

...where the characters take me. You might think it over the top. I think that a lot of the extreme violence that I find in some stories over the top myself. People don't do that level of violence unless they're seriously deranged, if you ask me.

Thank you, Max, for including me in your rant . But my comment was a statement of fact about your migrating stories. I didn't mention how bad your story really was or ridicule you as an author. How is this trolling? Why is an opinion contrary to yours pathetic? Are you and your fellow deviant authors so thin skinned that criticism can't be tolerated? The majority of my comments are positive or constructive, but if the story is trash, I'll call it trash. You called me out, so I'll tell you, your story was the lowest kind of trash.

And you deliberately follow me around to me to attack me and troll me, first on other people's stories when I defend them, and then on my own. So, yes, it's trolling, because you're following me around just because I disagree with your inane views and you, like most prudes, can't handle any dissent. Calling me a deviant is the classic calling card of a prude, by the way. Only prudes call people deviants. It's a tell-tale sign of a prude. You're the ones who can't handle contrary views. And to trash my stuff over disliking the content? That's not a healthy critique at all. You don't dislike my story because of my style. You dislike it because of the subject matter and because you personally despise me. You need to get some mental help, dude.

..that's a matter of opinion. Why does it matter that they are in multiple categories? I post them in whatever category seems to fit that chapter. Deal with it.

On my! We certainly made Max mad because we don't care for his subject matter or style of writing. That makes us prudes in his small mind. If I upset you, don't put your stories in LW, I don't troll anywhere else. You are free, and welcome to post where ever you please , but I'm also free to read and comment when ever I please. You're popular in LW, come back soon.

Now I know why some stories don’t have endings. And probably should be left that way. Not really, just this version of this ending.

@SevMax2 - No shot at FTDS? - "At least you didn't kidnap her and/or her lover, chain them to a fucking stove in a secret cabin out in the fucking boondocks somewhere, starve and abuse Ramone to death, and rape her repeatedly until she had like, fucking Stockholm Syndrome, or some other crazy response. You've let the law handle things. You didn't take the law into your own hands like some fool vigilante." - Since that's EXACTLY what was done in his story, I'd call that a shot.

I'm no expert on human sexuality, but in my layman's view, straight IS the default, and it's not just what YOU did or didn't say. You're building on prior stories, where there wasn't even a HINT that Simon was bi. I DID say that it was your story and you could do what you wanted, but with NO prior indication that he was bi, you making him bi just to fit into your story, IMHO, is retconning.

There's nothing WRONG with Michelle being chubby, just that I don't recall her ever being described that way before.

You're certainly free to post wherever your muse takes you, but it's a simple fact that when you post a chapter in LW for a story that started in other categories, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. I made a rare exception to read this story only because of the reference to FTDS. Most LW readers aren't interested in Non-Erotic, Anal, and definitely not Fetish!

...about Michelle or Simon from Damon's work, so that left a blank canvas to be filled in.

As for FTDS, I like his work in general and I actually enjoyed his version to a degree, but while I like his stuff, I found the MC's behavior in his version deeply disturbing for its violence and lawlessness. I prefer using the law and authorities, not taking them int one's hands (unless there is no legal recourse, which there is one here). What I find "over the top" is not a harem or kinky sexuality, but extreme and lethal violence, vigilantism, etc.

As for sexuality, as a pan/bi guy, it is far from "default" to me and I know of far too many closet cases to believe that society's "default" heterosexuality is anything but a comfortable myth that straight people tell themselves. The whole downlow scene is testament to that fact, with sad consequences given the price of their self-deception and deception of their spouses.

My preference and leaning tends to be for a smallish circle of knowing, willing lovers who share within that circle, but don't tend to go outside of it without tests or protection. My bias tends to show up in my writing there, just as yours toward monogamy does in yours. I don't bash your writings, by the way, if you've noticed. I've read a few of yours, I don't recall which, but I haven't, to my recollection, harshly attacked or condemned them, especially over something as petty as what category is selected.

Again, I pick whichever category suits the chapter in question. Some chapters are heavy on anal or group or gay sex or lesbian or BDSM or whatever, and those chapters I try (with apologies to Yoda) to put in the appropriate category, though with so many fetishes in one story, deciding that sort of thing is very tricky.

The harem stuff was mostly to give Simon a future to live for rather than clinging to his past with Danielle or focusing on violence as the means for revenge. I preferred to have him let the State and Law handle justice, given that her behavior was outright criminal (as was the MC in the version by FTDS, though again, I enjoyed it on a visceral level as a form of vigilante justice). Since she was almost certain to go to jail as soon as medical attention was sought, it also gave him a chance at a better, more favorable divorce.

Again, we're talking past each other, though at least you're more civil than some folks and don't seem to go for the throat in a trollish way. We're just very different folks with a very different moral code from the sound of it. Like Nietzsche, I acknowledge that there are multiple moralities, and no one morality is "right" or "wrong." I just prefer mine and see it as more life-affirming, more about sex, love, etc. than about violence and death. There is a time and place for killing, but there is also a time and place for the other, and in my view, there's far too much war made and far too little love.

..when you call people "deviant," then yes, I tend to see you as a prude. That's the only people I ever use the term "deviant" in a pejorative sense.

Max , deviant may be an outdated word for today's views on sexuality. I'll go with your explanation to sbrooks103x, and just accept that my views and yours will never be in agreement. If you feel that makes me a prude, then I can take that. Good old Lue calls me a moral midget.

Which is a start. Agree to disagree and all that jazz.

And I liked each sides’ spirited defence of their views. I think Nietzsche had two types of moral orientation—slave and master; at least from The Genealogy of Morals, and you could argue that your story was a more realistic depictions of moving from one form of a slave to a master orientation in remaking new values, using sexuality in this way, rather than violence in shaping it—as FTDS story does. From my perspective, American society tends to celebrate violence as a solution to perceived Problems more than sexuality. So I liked the emphasis on the rule of law and on consensual sexual affirmation. I didn’t get a strong sense of the emerging nature on the MC and that would be something that would have to motivated by some groundwork—perhaps in therapy or by some variant of Chekhov’s gun? The doctor’s story felt like a pile-on to me and felt forced (over-sharing...). It was nice to see the officer take his plight seriously in Chapter One, though I also wonder if we have come so far that there wouldn’t also be some biasing about “what a man would or wouldn’t take” that was seen more centrally in FTDS’ story and other places as well—e.g. see comments to the infamous Hildy! and other illegal restraint stories for a flavour.

I found the harem angle pure wish fulfillment but that was where you took the story. I am not certain that the events he underwent wouldn’t have made him a basket case for a bit with some serious PTSD issues. So, while I find the use of the legal system to be more realistic, the happy circumstances afterwards feels like fantasy— but it is cool! It is your take; I like realism throughout if you start that way, but that is my taste. Last point, why not allow the ex to use the legal system as well—mental competency and diminished responsibility arguments? Her mother clearly has resources and is no dummy. They both come across too one dimensionally for my liking.

Frankly, this is not my usual cup of tea. But I really did enjoy the direction you took. You have a unique writing style and I feel it added to the overall plot. The only issue I had was there were so many characters important to the overall theme that I had to reread it at times to make sure I understood their significance. I also really enjoyed the way you presented the topic of sexuality and gender. And although I do believe in monogamy I do not dislike or fear polyamory and can envision how it would be not only acceptable but beneficial for some. The ending was good but as I read I actually felt that Danielle should have in some way been absorbed by the new family unit. Maybe becoming Michelle's slave, pet or possession in some way. It would have been a fitting end for her to be used by all, possibly chained up as a decoration when not in service. I could see her being treated as an artful conversation piece or being bred like a dog in a puppy mill. In that way she could have earned some sort of redemption for her transgressions. Her mother Betsy should have had to suffer more for raising such a degenerate. All in all a really good submission and I thank you.

The original story was simply crap with a great deal of fundamental flaws. It was so bad that it tempted a number of authors to try to resolve the cuckold issues left by the author. SevMax writes his add on but redefines the original story substantially in his sequel by transforming Ramone into a cousin and Simon into a Sicilian. This enables SevMax to redirect the flow into a really nice revenge BTB using the legal system as a foil. That makes a very interesting tale particularly with the legal detail and such.

Then the story takes a turn into polyamory la la land...in Chapters 3 and 4 to the point where we readers find ourselves in a amoral universe of strange. If this is not enough, SevMax waxes long and lame on the virtues of anything other than monogamy. You know like all those vid shows that now proselytize and propagandize us into virtual coma's nowadays.

Sometimes one's reach exceeds one's grasp and frankly this story train would have been much better if it stayed at the station after the second episode. In fact I would submit that the third and fourth parts are more or less epic fails that depart from any conceivable linkage to the original story line espoused in the first part.

Ah well.. the first and second episodes are quite good...so I give it a 3 star rating,

BTW SevMax..a cuckold is a person who wife betrays him in a monogamous married relationship by having sex with another person outside of marriage, That exactly describes the situation in the first episode of your add-on. The verb describing the wife's betraying infidelity is correctly called cuckolding which is the act by either spouse on the other in having sex outside of marriage,

I was a english and writing professor at a local university for 10 years and spent a lot of time teaching my students to clearly define their key terms in their correspondence as the English language suffers from multiple definitions for most words,. Without properly defining one's terms the probability of miscommunication in written missives runs about 80 percent.. as most of communication is non verbal...and the language just begs for people to misunderstand each other since English is a contextual language at best.

Anyway, have fun...and you are a good writer...even if you tend to proselytize your point of view a little much in your story to the detriment of story flow.

OK with the BTB. Michelle was a good idea. I don't care for polyamory. The only polyamorous story I have read and liked involved identical twin sisters who the way they were written came off as one woman in two bodies.

So he went from a cuckhold

(a man whos wife fucks other men)

to a cuck

(a man who LETS his wife fuck other men)

Hardly an improvement