Sinful Needs of the Flesh Vol. 02

But, like always, life has a way of interfering with things, and although it happened over a long period of time, Sami and I eventually grew apart. The phone calls and letters became less frequent. I was fully immersed in school and my girlfriend, among other things, but my cousin was still constantly on my mind. I found myself frequently comparing my girlfriend to Sami. It wasn't fair, nor was it intentional, but I missed her so much. Perhaps subconsciously because of the comparisons, I wound up breaking up with my girlfriend.

Harsh reality finally started sinking in when I received a letter from Sami telling me that she had a boyfriend. It had been over a year since I had last seen her, but I wasn't surprised. In fact, what DID surprise me was the fact that she hadn't found someone sooner. A perfect girl like her wouldn't stay single for very long, and could pick any man she wanted. I was happy for her, but it still shattered my heart into a thousand pieces. While I always understood Sami and I never a future together, it still broke my heart to know she was with someone else . She was my family, and in all actuality, I hadn't even known her for very long. But I had still loved her.

I was in a state of depression for a long time after that, all due to a relationship that I knew was doomed from the very beginning.

The heart can be fickle like that.

But time heals all wounds-- to some degree, anyway-- and although the process took a considerable amount of time, I was able to eventually move on from Sami. Time gave me a better, more mature, perspective on things, and although I knew I had been in love with Sami, I realized that there had been an unhealthy obsession on my part, too.

Some time later, social media exploded onto the public consciousness and, with it, the ability to reconnect with people whom I thought were long-lost to me.

Breanne found me first. Using a particular social platform, she located my online profile and contacted me. I was so delighted! Time had been kind to her. Breanne didn't quite appear like the Goth-raver chick anymore, and it made her even more beautiful than I remembered. I also discovered she was currently living in North Dakota as a single mom, and working at a job that she really loved. She immediately showed me pictures of her little girl who, at 10 years old, wasn't really a little girl anymore.

Had it really been that long?

I skirted around the topic, but couldn't avoid the elephant in the room for very long.

I asked Breanne about her sister.

"She's doing well," was all Breanne said cryptically.

I considered trying to find Sami on social media, but prevented myself from doing so. Over a decade had passed since I had last seen her, and while I still thought about her from time to time, I reluctantly decided to leave the past where it was.

That was why I experienced trepidation and conflicting emotions when Sami messaged me through social media. I didn't respond to her immediately, afraid to make myself vulnerable and open my heart again. But I was curious. Feeling only a little bit like a stalker, I viewed her online profile after much self-wrangling. Immediately, I was bombarded with pictures of her family... of a tall, ridiculously handsome man who could only be her husband, and of adorable children, a boy and girl, whom she seemed to be holding in every picture. They both appeared to be around 3 years old, and were spitting images of their mother, and of each other.

Twins!

I also noticed a lot of surfing pics. My cousin was still apparently spending a lot of time on the beach. And she still looked goddess like in a 2-piece bikini. In fact, she looked exactly the same as I remembered.

I didn't need to delve too deeply into Sami's public online profile. What little I saw made me smile and filled my heart with joy. I didn't feel a pang of loss or heartbreak as I feared I would. She seemed happy and like she was in a great place in life, which were all that mattered. I was genuinely happy for her.

I messaged Sami.

It took her only a day to respond. She sent me her cell number, and I didn't hesitate to call. We spoke to each other for the first time in a decade, and it was simply 2 people reconnecting. We caught each other up on our respective lives, and the more I spoke to my cousin, the more I realized I was happy to have her back in my life.

We hedged around it, but eventually got around to talking about what had happened between us at our family reunion all those years ago. We had a serious discussion, and even laughed about it. It was a grownup, positive conversation, and both of us felt much better afterwards.

It enabled me to finally put closure on that aspect of my relationship with Sami, and allowed me to see her as she really was: my cousin whom I was always feel a special kinship with.

I got to know Sami and Breanne again-- really, for the first time-- and I was happy to have my cousins back in my life.

Not long after that, I met a girl named Amanda.