Sinking Lower and Lower

i think it is like this: you can sink down into the gutter of sexual shame, where you have to fuck anyone who asks, and be passed around from lap to lap, because you're considered easy and you just give in, partly because you can't say no and partly because, although you can barely admit it even to yourself, you actually like being treated this way.

and that's very shameful, and you can and will be humiliated for it. but once you are basically known as a pass-around whore, and it is seen as appropriate for you to be roughly handled, slapped in the face as a joke, once your whole wardrobe consists of whore clothes, and it becomes normal for you to be gangbanged after a party, or to be brutally ass-fucked until you start liking it, and nobody has to ask your permission anymore, they can just grab you and fuck you whenever they want: anyone, anywhere, any time...

well that's just wonderful. everyone wants a bimbo slut at their party, you'll be very popular, at least with the guys. but what if they want to push you lower? what if you want to be pushed lower? where exactly is that lower place? what does it feel like to be pushed there? what are the rules there?

see, i think that when you are just a whore, you can always make the excuse that it's not your fault, you just happen to be easy to manipulate. you're gullible, you have a really hard time saying no. especially to all these cute guys! especially after you've had a couple of drinks!

it's true, you actually do crave the attention. and sure you wish you were admired for your mind instead of your body, but that's never going to happen! get realistic! and though it's only a half-truth, you can still convince yourself you are merely a passive participant in all this. it may not be true, not really, but it helps to have a dodge, especially when the shame is so overwhelming that you can't stop crying.

but what if you want more? what if you want to make your life worse? what if you want to punish yourself, to really make yourself miserable by degrading yourself even further? how do you get there? will these guys still push you? are there other guys who would push you even lower? how do you get there from here, how do you arrange to be driven even further down?

you will meet men who can point out the way, can help dig you deeper into the pit. but now you will find levels where you have to admit you want this. the cost of entry is this admission of guilt. "i like it too" is a phrase you will find yourself using, even in the nastiest situations.

now you will be seen as a true skank, a disgusting, needy, "damaged" female, a sick girl who sluts around constantly, just looking for compromised situations. because she wants it, she needs it, she gets off on it.

now you are treated much worse, because now it's your movie, you're the sicko who wanted this. now everyone thinks of you as disgusting, they are universally repulsed by you. you carry your neediness like a foul odor, and everyone can smell it.

and this is where humiliation becomes an intrinsic part of sex: they know that you know that they know. they presume zero naiveté on your part. you can no longer play the bimbo card. you know whats going to happen, and you are still there, offering your sweet, skanky ass up to them. you are low-hanging fruit, and their hesitation to pluck becomes the bitterest of humiliations.

because look at you, look how you dress, look how you respond to these creepy and degenerate scenes, seeking out bullies and scathing trash-talkers, getting aroused by derision, swooning and whimpering in response to being called dirty names, all but asking to be treated like trash.

but now you have found it: this is where the golden orgasms are. the constant, ever escalating, ever more shameful orgasms. because being witnessed responding is what triggers you to lose all self-control, spurs you to respond more deeply, more wildly, and much more shamefully.

but of course there is danger here, because here men lose control too, and they lose it more aggressively and more selfishly than women do. some men will hit you with their fists, some will deliberately hurt your breasts and fanny. they will fuck your anus without lubrication and laugh about it: "see, she makes her own lubrication when it bleeds!" they will parade you publicly, forcing you to demonstrate your submission inappropriately, often in front of exactly the wrong person. "oh you know her from work? don't worry, she loves every minute of this!".

and what happens when they push you lower still? what if you want to be pushed lower still? where is this new, even "lower" place, what does it look like, who inhabits it, what are the rules, what is the price of entry? and what does it feel like to become lower and more debased than the needy skank you have already become?

now you are way down here, and everything does look different. here you become especially, specifically attracted to the ones who push you around the most. you start responding to being slapped, showing the meaner men that you want it. that you want their derision, their abuse.

now word gets around that you like being spanked, you like being tied up, even being whipped. men seek you out, corner you at parties, flirt with you by aggressively mocking you even if they don't know you. because they know your reputation. everyone knows your reputation, it is the kind of thing that is impossible not to gossip about.

and that's a big part of it, there is no reason for the men to be subtle or covert about anything here... you are presumed to have no dignity, and no right to privacy at all.

because now you're not really a person anymore, you're just a damaged cunt.

everyone now assumes you'll do everything, you like anything they like... you exist merely to fulfill their sadistic needs: you are expected to be a bottomless pit, a dirty hole, a urinal, a spittoon.

now it seems perfectly natural for five guys to drag you into the back room of a porno shop and rape you with their fat fists. they might steal your clothes, or burn them in front of you, and write disturbing things all over your body: "punch my tits" "i fucks dogs" "i drink piss" "rape slut".

and of course they will photograph you, posting your pictures all over the internet, making sure your demeaning photos are spread far and wide, downloaded by thousands and re-posted to god knows how many websites. your shameful, dehumanizing photographs will be impossible, ever, to remove from the public sphere.

and your face will be in these pictures, your real name and address, all your contact information, even photos of your driver's license. your phone will explode with sick and derisive messages. you will be stalked, hassled in public, threatened by disturbed, misogynistic loners.

they will make sure your public reputation is permanently ruined, that the whole world knows you are somehow less than human and deserve no rights or protections, no private life or identity separate from your identity as a depraved, masochistic fuck-doll.

and of course you will never be able to work in the "straight" world again, no one will ever hire you, or if they do they will soon find out what a skank you are, and fire you immediately for fear of being contaminated by your reputation. it goes without saying that no one will ever marry you. your life will be destroyed by these malicious maneuvers: you will have no conceivable future except as the whore you are proclaimed to be.

so now you just have to live in the moment, you are uprooted like a drifter, you have no plans and can make none. you are permanently helpless and directionless, no better than a crack whore or a heroin addict. but for you, the sex is not a means to an end, it is not a way to earn quick cash for the next fix, it is the fix itself. violent, degrading sex is your drug of choice. and yes it does excite you. it excites you even more now... and you do want more.

sometimes now the men give you money for sex. but that's not really your motivation for yielding to them.

and anyway you can't keep anything together now, you have no self control on any level. when they give you money you don't save it for the rent, you just spend it on whatever comes along: laser removal of your pubic hair, adult tattoos, breast implants, six-inch heels, whatever. or you let some charismatic guy talk you out of your money, and then you cry when he disappears.

you begin to believe you are actually subhuman, that it's not mere trash-talk. all the sexy guys who fuck and hurt you seem to know exactly what you are. they have convincing arguments, if unspoken. and it's not terribly complicated: you are merely a sick piece of filth, a desperate nothing, a hole.

and how can you get lower than this? what if the men who know you and know where to find you want to push you even lower, want to see you flush yourself down the toilet like a worthless turd? and what if that is exactly what you want? or at least what your pussy wants.

and as difficult to fathom as it may be, you can't help but steer yourself in that direction. you can't resist betraying yourself, degrading yourself more completely, even to the extent of putting off the men with milder inclinations in favor of the sickest, most dangerous and sadistic perverts you can find.

so now your reputation takes another plunge: you have alienated the last of those who speak for the BDSM crowd, you will nevermore be considered a "safe and sane play partner".

now only strange European men will deign to contact you: the angry, sophisticated psychopaths of a former age.

and this new crowd is different: they are tougher, more intelligent, and their misogyny is more ingrained. they will encourage you to think of yourself as a dirty pig, a canine bitch in heat, a lactating milk cow. they will encourage you to submit in ways that you had never thought of. they will have you peeing in public, fucking animals on film, smearing poop on your breasts.

and they will mock your body continuously, exaggerating every flaw and making your best features feel like faults: your "slutty" big tits, your "fat and nasty" ass, your "putrid", "swampy" twat.

and they will make you admit you are stupid constantly, and not only stupid but verging on retarded. and they will really make you believe it.

and of course they have discovered that your whole, messed up situation is exclusively your own fault. because obviously you sought it out, you set it into motion, you are the one who wanted and desired everything that is happening to you now.

and you can easily feel the truth in this perspective. they are smart and articulate, and you are really just a bimbo at best. you can't read a page of one of their fancy, serious books. you are uneducated, female, American, and you probably have a learning disability. compared to them you are basically a barn animal.

so you come to believe everything they say. their arguments are solid, and aren't they just encouraging you to take responsibility for your own life? how can that be bad?

because even though you didn't map out a path to this outcome, even though you were sucked into various rabbit-holes along the way, and pushed here and there by mean-spirited men, you are ultimately responsible for your own fate. it was you who gave in to your own perverse urges, you who succumbed to your neediness, you who invited this chaos willingly into your life.

so what is it that you want now? and for the first time, you are asking this question of yourself seriously. what do you want?

and with just a wee bit of philosophical nudging from these well-read men, just the tiniest amount of coaching and coaxing, the answer becomes obvious: you want pain. you have always wanted nothing more than pain.

you want to be hurt. you are what these men call a "child of de Sade". you are a masochist.

and you are encouraged to realize this by everyone who will now speak to you. all these Germans and Russians who are ever so much smarter than you, ever so much more worldly, better educated, and wiser. you are encouraged to think of yourself as a player, not as a pawn, and what is more you are encouraged to commit, to dedicate yourself fully, and to make the choice to embrace your destiny, to play this game out to its inevitable, bitter conclusion...

and the whippings, the gangbangs, these things are all par for the course these days, but they are not very challenging to you anymore, they are your day to day life. simple brutality is a dead end... you need men who will take an active interest in your undoing.

men who know how to really hurt a woman's body, how to make her go into convulsions with the intensity of her responsiveness. men who know exactly how to exploit your current debauched situation, how to make you drool and sputter with internalized derision, how to turn your face and nipples and armpits absolutely crimson with overwhelming, scathing humiliation, to make you croak and sob with shame...

and how to make you lie down and wallow in it, to admit how much you like it, to admit that having your face ground into the dog doo of self-disgust is actually your greatest joy, the creme de la creme of your perverse neediness, the ultimate, horrible fulfillment of everything you are or can become.

oh, it isn't just that people like to call you a dirty little piggy-slut, it's that you actually are a dirty, sickening, depraved little piggy-slut.

you are so much less than an animal: you are a a human toilet.

you are a piss-mop, a pincushion, a punching bag.

and now, with the help and sponsorship of these older gentlemen, you can learn to completely subvert your own self-preserving instincts. now you can truly step on board, truly embrace your fate and commit yourself to the program!

you will now deservingly submit to any punishment these men can conceive.

that is just who you are now, and these Germans and Russians, these older, wealthier gentlemen, they can find amazing ways to hurt your female body. they can hurt your mind and soul too, with just words. these men can play your delicate nerves like harp strings. they understand everything, and they really don't pull any punches.

it is really very intoxicating, and your heart beats wildly as they slowly bind you for their nightly games. these men "get" you completely, and are therefore rightfully entitled to remove every tiny vestige of control and self-determination you have ever had, or will ever have again. these strange, Eastern European men have now come to own your ass, both figuratively... and, as an added irresistible thrill, they now own you literally.

Why? How? because you sign whatever they tell you to, as part of their games. but now you know it was never really a game. you have given your body to them and now they will keep you. you must let them dress you in expensive fetish clothing. you must let them control your diet. and now you must let them guide you aboard their sinister, private jet and whisk you away...

and as you land, outside of the United Sates for the first time in your life, you realize you are now an import.

you have been trafficked.

you have no identity, no country, no legal status or protections: you have put yourself entirely into the hands of these men, you have signed contracts in languages that you don't even understand, you are an owned slave and you don't even know who owns you exactly. perhaps this whole group of men owns you, jointly.

yes, that must be it. they all own you. and they will use you.

and they will use timing, anticipation, agonizing tension, shame, self-loathing, fear and adrenalin as readily as they will use needles, electricity, bladder manipulation, chemical irritants and thin supple canes.

and as things progress, they will use cylinders of glowing hot metal to sear your ripe anus and leaking, smelly twat, hurting you in ways that take weeks and months to physically recover from.

and you will never, ever cum again, but you will always be brought right to the teetering brink, the agonizing withdrawal of friction becoming the most devastating physical torture you can bear.

and as they work you into a frenzy and deny you again and again, your desperation will become constant, and you will discover a bouquet of less wholesome sensations creeping in to satisfy your needs.

and with drugs and dark psychiatry, your masters will retrain all your urges, replacing orgasm with injury, fulfillment with raw agony, and the endlessly tantalizing suspension of sexual release with the compulsive, brutal drive to submit to their intimate games.

now your need to cum will seem mere foreplay, a necessary but insufficient condition for your ultimate climactic experience: an unearthly, synapse-shattering seizure that can last hours if not days, and is incomparably shameful and intoxicating.

although these "paingasms" will not occur frequently, you will become helplessly addicted to them, and you will cherish every minute of their pursuit. pain will become your ultimate, if not your only, mode of joy.

for at last you have sunk to the very bottom: you are nothing but a shit-smeared rape-hole, a torture barbie, a disgusting girl-gimp with no possible use except as raw, sacrificial flesh to pulverize and degrade beyond any imaginable limit of human suffering.

but this is not the end: you will not be snuffed, you will be preserved impeccably, attended by strange doctors and kinky wound-care nurses, broken and rebuilt continuously as a means of maximizing the length and degree of your agony, to extend your only value as depraved, expensive entertainment, for another month, another year, another decade.

and it will be remembered that you chose this life, that you put yourself here, that this was all your own doing, the perfect realization of your ultimate sexual fantasy. this was a project you willingly undertook, spawned in a frenzy of shameful acts that you encouraged yourself to impel and let go unchecked. you will be reminded constantly of this, and made to repeat this information endlessly, as each new client becomes curious about your story. everyone must know your shame, and you will relish the fresh humiliation of confessing it, even as regret grows slowly and surely into despair.

you will be marked with this stigma forever, that you were not some captured slave like the other girls, but that you chose this for yourself. and this fact will define you and compel you to degrade yourself willingly. likewise it will inspire all your handlers to treat you with utter and merciless contempt.

and it will inspire you to treat yourself with merciless contempt too, because you really deserve this, your skanky pussy and fat ass and titties all deserve this endless series of punishments and humiliations, this never-ending parade of degradation and torture.

because you were the chooser, you were the decider, and you will be the one to experience the consequences of your fateful choices from now until the day you pass into whatever horrifying afterlife awaits.