All Comments on 'Sister Golden Hair Delight Ch. 12'

Five.

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I really like the way that you are putting little comments about the future into this story. We don't know what's going to happen, but know that this simple fairy tale is not necessarily going to continue in the same happy vein.

It is perhaps becoming a little clearer with this chapter - Philip is a key character I would guess...

You're developing quite a complex story here - and kudos to you. Keep writing!

F

PS in terms of editing - I do think you could do with a little help. One thing I've noticed throughout is that if you have someone speaking over more than one paragraph, you need to include quotation marks at the beginning of each para, but not the end. When the speech does end, you close the last para with quotation marks. Makes it much easier to read!

Thank you for your comments about the editing of the dialogue. I am making the changes you have suggested but I have already uploaded up to Chapter 20 so it will be a while until the correct versions start being seen.

Please forgive me about that and I think you will be happy after that chapter.

Sophia

Well, I've read this far in one gulp. Outta time to continue, darn it. I've never left anyone a comment before, but... you know you're a real writer, don't you? If you don't write for a living...a good living... you should think on it. Nice, Lady.

Mike

I thought her name was katlynn or something like that... id have to go back and check. Was I that indulged in certain parts of the story that I missed the part with her name changing