All Comments on 'Sister in Wheelchair'

I found the double dashes starting off the lines that would have normally been written enclosed in quotations difficult to read. There seemed to be a lot of cruelty in all the characters. Hope she really was at a happy place by the end of your story, but it seemed like a difficult journey to get there.

Started very rough and all over the place. Stopped reading and didn’t finish

Impossible to follow who's speaking. I'm sorry. I write dialogue heavy stories, too so that isn't the problem but without reference it is very hard. Good plot, good characters.

Unreadable, I quit after the first dozen paragraphs.

First, your format is awful. I liked the storyline and plot but the brother doesn't seem to ever cum. I can't really tell if they even really like each other. I hope you finish this story with some better descriptions of their lovemaking and a path going forward. Why is she in a wheelchair?

yeah, odd formatting, and characters that were hard to like, made this a bit of a 'meh' for me.

Very difficult to read and get through with the dashes etc. seemed a little disjointed

Good story but bad format with no appropriate punctuation for the dialogue. Suggest you find an editor.

English uses quotation marks, not crap like this.

-- So why no...?

I have to agree with the people complaining about the lack of proper dialog punctuation. The dialog was also easy to get lost in because there were very few proper structures for determining who was speaking. For example,

"I'll fix that for you," Victoria said, "if you bring me and a bottle of wine to the pool, both on the edge thank you."

-

I'm sure that you have a good tale about the love between siblings here, but I wasn't interested in trying to decipher your own personal code to suss it out. Please take a writing course for beginners then fix this story and resubmit it. 1/5

RIDICULOUS!

This was hard to follow. There was no flow to any of the dialogue. Poorly written.