Skeeter 06

Skeeter 06

"Let me get this straight, Skeeter. The blue Polo shirt wanted to trade sex for a ride to the store to get you some chewies and then the black logo t-shirt wanted to trade sex for a ride to the store to get you some chewies and then the shaggy t-shirt wanted something totally different, which was a trade of sex for a ride to the store to get you some chewies. Does that sound about right then, Skeeter? Also, the blue Polo shirt is Todd and the black logo t-shirt is Burt and the shaggy t-shirt is, well, Shaggy, so."

"Well, Lydia, they all sounded different in my head until you just said them all out loud, so."

"So, what about the button-down shirt then, Skeeter? Did he want to take you to the store for your chewies then?"

"Oh, I mean, that's Eric and he wants to trade for sex and not take me to store for my chewies. But what a back kisser, whew."

"There, you see, sis? Skeeter just explained every single possible scenario to you and it's obvious that I'm his best bet to get him safely to and back from the convenience store for a couple of bags of chewies and then I believe it was you yourself, sis, who said that your "special little friend" Skeeter went into convolutions if he didn't get his daily dose of chewies, so?"

"Fine, but let me remind the both of you that you're both younger, pure and innocent and there are plenty who would try to take advantage of you both of you. And at the same time! Case in point, the blue Polo shirt, the black logo t-shirt, the shaggy t-shirt and the button-down t-shirt. So, Sandi????"

"OMG sis, two hands on the wheel, seat belt on, cell phone down, lock the doors, move in with the Nuns, yada, yada, yada."

"Skeeter?"

"Oh jeez, mom, seat sheepishly, don't make too much eye contact with other drivers and wear an appropriate maid uniform while dusting the Nuns house, blah, blah, blah."

I mean, they were all safe suggestions, right? And safe driving suggestions get you safely to the party store and back.

"Stop here in the alley, Sandi. The cowboy hat said to flash your headlights twice."

[Blink, blink]

"Skeeter, I'm wearing a decent sports bra, so my innocent shirt may come off at some point, okay?"

"Sandi, a good sports bra is the same as a shirt, so. Flash your lights again."

[Blink, blink]

"Here they come, is that the right ball cap? Also, I guess so seeing how you just front flipped into the back seat then. I mean, are we nervous or shy about maybe doing stuff in front of each other, Skeeter?"

"Maybe next weekend, Sandi, but not tonight. I'm going with the flow tonight for sure, but I still need my chewies, Sandi, so."

[Glove box opens, flip, flip, flip]

"OMG, Sandi, where did you find chewies that are made and branded by a company that is actually called "Chewies" then? That's wife worthy!"

"LOL, well, I put in the effort and searched around, but we will talk about my need for a college food money "daddy" later, but hush for now and well, hush and go with the flow."

[SUV doors open]

"Well, is anyone feeling shy or timid tonight then, hmm?"

"Would Sandi be driving the four of us to the Short Falls Lookout Point in just her sports bra if any of us were shy and timid, ball cap?"

[Driver's door opens, oh, shirt whipped off, walks around SUV]

"Are you driving my SUV, cowboy hat? My better side is in the passenger seat next to my mixer hook up, so."

I mean, I had been in a couple of alleys before with some people, so it wasn't exactly new to me, but it was the first time I went the way of the sneaky headlight flashing hook up way, LOL.

[Back seat]

[Mwah, ummah, smooch, smooch, smack, smack, ow, ow, mwah]

[Front seat]

[Mwah, ummah, smooch, smooch, smack, smack, ow, ow, mwah]

[Back seat]

[Ugh, ow, gag, woof, ga, ga, ga, ug, ow, slurp, lick, stroke, aga, aga, aga, woof, ugh, oh]

[Front seat]

[Ugh, ugh, ugh, brr, brr, ow, ow, ow, slurp, slurp, kiss, kiss, grr, grr, grr, ow, ooh, oh, aga]

[Weep, zing, whoop, ping, weep, weep, zing, ping, whoop]

"Snap! My phone's blowing up and I'm sure it's my over protective sister who still thinks of me as sweet and innocent, so blow your hats boys so we can go!"

[Back seat]

[Ugh, ow, gag, aga, aga, aga, woof, ugh, oh, oh, oh, ooh, ooh, squint, squint, ooh, gulp, gulp, gulp]

[Front seat]

[Ugh, ugh, ugh, ow, ow, ow, slurp, slurp, ow, ooh, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, gulp, gulp, gulp]

[Back seat]

"Ahh, I tip my hat to you Skeeter! And I need a smoke now, but ahh."

[Front seat]

"SOB, Sandi, you can wear my cowboy hat! That was wife stuff! Also, I need a nap now, but ahh."

[Back seat]

[Skeeter mimics the back hand swipe across the mouth motion that innocent Sandi made]

"Snap! My sneaky sister is checking up on us, Skeeter! She asked for a tall ice tea to make sure we actually went to the party store!"

And then, huh, I really expected the ride away from the Short Falls Lookout Point to be silent and awkward, but nope. It was happy, talkative and well, fun. Like a real double date! Not that I posted that before I even needed a few chewies for the after taste, which wasn't all that bad, but it was my second time and all, so.

"We can't buy beer, in case you hat boys want some, so?"

Oh, and it's not like I posted that my date wasn't ashamed or embarrassed to be seen with me outside of Sandi's SUV either! Oh, LOL, and it's not like Sandi put her pullover shirt back on either.

"Sir, where do you shelf your chewies then?"

"Middle aisle (and in my pants)."

You know, there should be a rule that when an asshole mumbles under his breath, well, he should actually keep it under his breath!

"Oh, I'm not a fortune teller, but I foresee blood sugar problems in your future then. This is a lot of little bags of chewies."

"Well, it's only a few extra bags of chewies and only because I have been a very good date for my sneak away date, so."

"Oh, so you like things on the sneaky side then, um???"

"Skeeter, out of the shell Skeeter! You can find me Chang, visor hat, so?"

"Yeah, well, which one of those hats back there near the beer coolers was your "happy hat" date tonight then, Skeeter? And are you coming back tomorrow for more chewies?"

"Oh, I mean, this isn't a kiss and tell class, visor hat, but the ball cap isn't smiling because your prices are so low then. And I have my chewies every day, so."

"Well, I mean, when I'm not working and not wearing this work visor hat, Skeeter, I mean, I wear a ball cap backwards, so?"

"Oh, well, it's rude of you, visor hat, to hint that you want to sex me in my butt while I'm on a date already! I know what wearing a ball cap backwards means! Also, I failed at that before, so what do you have to say for your rude ass self then, visor hat?"

"Oh, no, no, I wear a business logo ball hat backwards, Skeeter, not a sports ball cap, so?"

"Hmm, well, how much do you weigh then, visor cap?"

I mean, my vision, if and when, is be smashed into a bed, not crushed! And bouncing is okay.

"Hey, visor cap, this is all together and you're not right for my special little friend, Skeeter, so?"

"Well, your transaction is complete and I clearly stated that I wear a "business" logo ball hat backwards, so?"

"Oh, well then, I'll walk our current dates outside and leave you two alone for a moment, but only for the exchange of phone numbers! We are on the clock, visor hat! Oh, were Skeeter's chewies free?"

"(Whimpers), yes."

"Be quick about things and look Skeeter in the eyes. Let's go guys!"

Simp, Sandi said he was a simp for me, but I wasn't sure about that because none of my software will allow "he's simping so hard for you" or even "he's so simped over you", so I'm not sure that simp is a real thing anyways, so visor hat was just horny for me, I guess. Or maybe the little red squiggly lines would go away if I were a real girl, maybe, right? Also, squiggly is a fun word to say.

"Visor hat, my life has been crazy over the last four weeks and I'm not complaining, but I am technically way out of my comfort zone, so don't expect too much from me, okay? Also, whew, this has to be my last weekend of dressing like a street worker too! Also, your security cameras and screen, well, I'm at least a pretty slut, right visor hat?"

"I think you look nice, Skeeter. Your tights are barely sheer, which means you're basically covered up and your Denim shorts are absolutely of an appropriate leg length and the double shirt thing works for you, so?"

Um, was that a compliment or did he just call me granny? And hopefully he didn't notice that my tights were a little squiggly from all the action I had just went through in the back seat of Sandi's SUV, which was more fun than saying squiggly. And there was a lot of wiggly too!

[Beep, beep, beep]

"Snatch some more free chewies, Skeeter. I love you! And I need to see you again! I'm a simp for you!"

[Snatch, snatch]

Well, I didn't want to be rude, so. Also, I still don't fully understand the whole "simp" thing, so.

"Ah, Sandi, did we have a plan C for after sneaking back into the mixer and casually handing off Lydia's tall ice tea and showing her proof positive that I had my chewies and then what was plan C?????"

"Whoa, Skeeter, what do they put in your chewies? Red pill stuff? Anyways, ask the guys while I drive with one hand on the wheel and my other hand working my lip gloss and my phone and [beep, beep] and then I'm game, if you're game and if the boys aren't through yet, so?"

"Who did you just beep at then, Sandi?"

"The Nun's house! We were expected there too, remember?

Guys, right? Are they ever really through? Nope!

"Pass me a few chewies for my man juice breath Skeeter because my sister, Lydia will try to smell my breath in a sneaky way. Also, Skeeter, since we have been side by side tonight, I mean, if cowboy hat wants to ride my horse and all, so?"

"Oh, um, hmm, ugh, ball cap, ooh, ah, um, well, ball cap hasn't really said, um, I'm a boy, ooh, um..."

[Ball cap flips his ball cap around backwards indicating that boy butt sex was okay]

"I did buy the condoms, Skeeter, so?"

"Well, if ball cap wants to get wiggly and squiggly with me, I mean, this has been quite a night anyways and I don't know if this counts, but we could "sneak away" and just go to my house, but my bags of chewies stay on my nightstand!"

"LOL and smashed, not crushed, right Skeeter? And that's actually to you, backwards ball cap."

Well, the last four weeks had been crazy and that evening was quite the evening with all of the sneaky back-alley stuff and then the sex in the seats stuff and visor hat actually seemed interested, not to mentioned that ball cap did put in all the tremendous effort to spin his ball cap around backwards, so.

End Skeeter 06