All Comments on 'Ski Lodge Betrayal'

An editor is needed. Roe, not Rowe v. Wade. Easy enough to find. “Plutonic” relationship, what, one way out in space? The word is platonic. Nothing real in this tale, the characters were poorly operated marionettes.

platonic friendship = non-sexual friendship

plutonic = either about the celestial body, or from deep magma/igneous strata

There was little to hold the reader's attention and the story kept switching the point-of-view. It also sounded a lot like another story with a similar lodge on a hilltop theme.

So be it!

Shit story.

She cheated

He stayed for kids.

Another stupid cliche. As if kids don't know about separate rooms etc. All teaching them is fuck around and no serious consequences

Need both parents. Only if they are really together so kids see affection etc

Lesson for kids.

Shit happens deal with it NOW

Went from far fetched to ludicrous pretty quick. The two husbands first wrapped in this would have divorced and/or assaulted the boss.

Keep writing and I look forward to the next. Your overall premise is good. Some constructive criticism is to choose between first, second, and third person and stick to it throughout the story.

This story uses a well-worked theme that has been covered by many others. It's an ok attempt but the writing style made it difficult to follow at times. Fairly well written but nothing very new to hold the reader's attention.

Thank you for sharing

Can we have, just once in a while, a new tale without the same annoying and boring plot with a whore cheating wife and a brainless wimp cuck husband ? Maybe the reverse, at least 1 every 100 tales ? And stop with the excuse of the kids, for not divorcing, because it doesn't work: the kids need loving parents, not hating parents; much better separated parents, each one with their own new life. The divorce is not a taboo, it's just the inevitable consequence of the devastant betrayal of one, or both, party in a marriage. A simple solution ? No betrayal, no divorce. Or, no marriage, no divorce.

"If you don't like it, write your own story."

...

As already said, multiple times, this is not how this platform works: the rule is "If you don't like it, give the story a negative feedback". Writers can't seriously expect to receive only positive feedbacks, it's almost impossible.

First of all the POV was constantly changing formats making it hard to follow and reflecting poorly on the author . Secondly the story had so many parallels to at least one other story I’ve personally read on this site that it nearly screamed plagiarism, not saying it was but the similarities were uncanny and again, reflects poorly on the author. This author does have the potential to write very good stories that grab and hold a readers attention and interest. I feel that if the author was to use a good editing software and beta reader after a fair search of similar stories to avoid the duplicity in O.P.’s releases, they could become a well-read and highly respected author of erotica. Good luck and keep turning them out, the kinks (sic) will work themselves out with practice. Just don’t let negative criticism get to you and look for them as a learning curve on how to improve, then surely you will succeed as you have the abilities and skill, you just need the practice. Thank you for the efforts, it takes courage to put yourself out there, you have taken these chances, yeah you’ve faced harsh criticisms but your talented enough to shine brightly and beautifully. P.S. I changed P.O.V. In this comment addressing you, the author, directly and suddenly, as opposed to fellow readers, to illustrate the disruption in the flow as you most certainly did in your story.

Yeah, I agree the story was nothing new, but I still like it and look forward to more of your tails.

one request of the author going forward. Please write stories that center around and INCLUDE erotica. It's why I come to this site, and it should be why 99% of people come here. We are looking escapism about sex and characters that love and enjoy it in a variety of ways, plain to kinky to freaky.

I don't come for moral warnings about the evils of cheating, unprotected sex, bullet points on the divorce process and how best to get revenge on a cheating spouse. Everyone knows those things and hear enough of it on the news, at church, on social media or at work, we don't need it on a website that's mission is to provide "original self-published sex stories."

There are too many authors that focus on this class of story and it is Literotica's second biggest problem, behind Loving Wives category comment trolls and ahead of authors that yank their stories to sell online.

If you want to write those stories and Literotica had a sad and depressing category, great, put them there. Otherwise, please put them on another online service or a blog because this isn't the right place for them.

The MC is an idiot. The story is poorly written and poorly edited.

Story was ok, it’s been done many times before some better some worse.

Oatmeal1969 there are 31 other categories here, so this submission had no sex, big fucking deal move the fuck on to another story or category. Stop whining like a five year old that didn’t get what he wanted for Christmas.

Please check the difference between "platonic" and "plutonic". There really is no word plutonic however if there were it would relate to a heavy radioactive metal.

Karma!! She knows all and helps the just. 5 stars, The Bear approves. I liked your style, but I think I would have caused more of a scene at there lodge. the end would have been the same. And the bitch got too much. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.

The BEAR

Read 'The Bridge'. Now that IS a good story.

Robinhod

enjoyed the story ignore the negative comments you will always got them "The Bridge" is a good story and this is close but reading this there looks like there are a lot of spin off chapters to come i give it 5 stars keep writing

So what did they talk about? ***

the characters and plot became increasingly implausible, to the point where I could not read further. It's too bad, because it started off well.

Too many suspensions of disbelief, plot holes and jump the shark moments along with actions that don't make sense to even rate this.

Gets a big nah from this reader.

Good ending!

5

Great potential but lacking in so many ways.

Lots of very, very, silly errors!

Example - "Elaine and Rob lived together in a respectful plutonic relationship."

Plutonic meaning - 'relating to or denoting igneous rock formed by solidification at considerable depth beneath the earth's surface.'

I think you possibly meant plAtonic?

Platonic relationships are close friendships without romantic or sexual features.

What's up with these men who never say anything to their wives when they do something petty, boorish, or downright betraying? Also, why did he call Elaine's office to tell them she can't come to work? Hell, she's injured at a Company event. That's just one of the minor things sooooo screwed up about this lame story. What kind of boss seduces an employee and sends photos to the employee's husband? Also, when I read the pissy dialogue these characters speak, I hear Richard Simmon's voice. I expected MC to click his heels and turn Elaine into a Gucci bag.

-

Maybe the stupidest line of the whole story: [Sophie was really excited to have a new baby sister.] Makes it sound like Sophie was like 7 instead of a teenager! I mean, the birth of this new half-sister finished ripping apart her parents' marriage! Where do these writers get these silly ideas? The second funniest line? "PLUTONIC relationship!" LOL. Is that like Mickey's relationship with his dog, or the "it was a planet, then wasn't a planet, and now is a planet again"? And "LEAGLE husband?"

-

I tried to stop reading, but there were too many unintentionally funny things I'd have missed!

As one who lived for a few months in a house like this it just doesn't work. My siblings and I knew it wasn't right and we were miserable. We finally told our parents to get the divorce and after dad moved out life got a lot more pleasant for us and actually them.

⭐⭐⭐

Well written from a technical perspective, but the story line leaves much to be desired as some commenters describe. The plot is too telegraphic. Not too bad for a practice piece. Also, BTW, the characterization is way to cardboard. Would a longtime wife really be this naive, even a fictional one? And the husband's calm doggedness is just too convenient for he plot line. More plausibility in emotional development is needed, like what happened emotionally previously to the couple to convince the wife the husband was cheating so easily. Such misjudgement doesn't come from no-where. There would have been an initial confrontation from the offended spouse BEFORE taking such a drastic course of revenge sex. The bones of the story are good, but character development needs much improvement.

Rob won, he got rid of the trash. She lost something worthwhile.

It was done before and done much better than this stupid tale. Do you plagiarize much?

Can anybody tellement me what à "plutonic" relationship is ?

The stupid story was flat, poorly written, and suffered from an anemic lack of dialogue. As a reader, I want to see, hear, and feel the action. Don't tell me a story with blah, blah, blah, fool--show me. Go read some good fiction and learn how to write freakin' dialogue!

I like this sub-genre of LW. While so much of this story follow the plotline of the others, you provided an entertaining read. I wish Anonymous would put up or shut up.

I believe in regard to below comment, I believe "plutonic" is explosive in nature almost atomic.

Great story, however, closure was fast and weak.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the read.