All Comments on 'Ski Lodge Betrayal'

Please write alternative versions where they reconcile and no baby

You weren't kidding when you said you struggle writing dialogue.

The only tip I can give is to read out-loud every line you write. If it sounds unnatural to your ears, change it. If it doesn't, we might just have too different ways of speaking.

Decent story, dialogue was stilted and the big No No is jumping from 1st person POV to 3rd person mid-paragraph...

Your 5th paragraph almost lost me, as it had no relevance to the story. As mentioned in an earlier comment, please work on your dialogue. As to the actual plot, it worked well enough. However, one of the keys to a good story in this Literotica category is to at least let someone keep the moral high ground. You lost that when your main character decides to blackmail the other two stupid wives into sex because he believes they “owe” him. That and future stories commercials mixed into the story dropped your rating from me to a 2.5 rounded up to a 3.

The MC was also a predator.

All too familiar.

It's common practice to have one brainless person in a loving wives story, usually it's a wife expecting to go on a date and thinking her husband won't mind, or something similar. Here the author has really gone to town with a full cast of idiots. One arrogant knobend who imagined he could survive after destroying so many lives, two men who just cowered in the corner letting it happen, four women hit by the Martian slut ray, and thinking the knobend is some kind of sex god. And finally yet another guy who knows what's happening but is too stupid to do anything about it.

Nevertheless it was an entertaining read, if only to see what the idiots would do next. But in the end rather depressing knowing four families were destroyed through sheer stupidity.

1st and 3rd person POV was and is a NO-NO!! It makes a sentence look out of place, and says the author doesn't consider the reader, when writing the tale. How can one be saying I and then the sentence is saying they? Get your tale together! The use of everyone is a cheat takes away from the main idea and intent of the tale. READ some of the well written tales on this site, for further clarification. R.I.P.

OK story but could have really used an editor. The switches from first person to third person were maddening. Plus, a lot of Lit authors seem to have a problem knowing the difference between "platonic" and "plutonic." :D

The story didn't flow and just appeared too clinical for me. 3 stars.

This was terrible...in and out of first person, cookie cutter plot, no character or emotional development and inconsistency of behavior...

Pretty much a paint by numbers standard LW story.

It was entertaining enough until the author decided that Rob & Elaine had a plutonic relationship rather than platonic. Then when we got to the LEAGLE issue rather than legal I was pretty much done.

I love how in these types of stories it's always a couple that's been married for 20 years. That specific detail makes these stories so much more difficult to believe. After that long, if the marriage is a good one, the loving wife would talk to her husband rather than automatically believing false accusations. Plus, in this one Elaine is an IT professional. She wouldn't have recognized cropped photos that were copied from the company's social media page? She knew what Rob was in Miami for ... She wouldn't have known that his work agenda would have had him working late at night, this her not being able to reach him in his hotel room? Plus, in this day and age she didn't call his cell at all?

Putting details into a story that make no sense just to move the story in the direction the author wants rather than having them be believable and realistic really damages the integrity of the story.

Good story that was similar to many others but this happens a lot on LW. Keep it up. Thanks for you effort. SK742

This was good except he lost some of the high ground by blackmailing Tara and Lizzy into having sex with him. Why would he even want to since they were disgusting participants just like Elaine? He really lowered himself doing that. If that was left out, it would have been a more satisfying story.

First person to third was annoying, but I'm no english teacher. It annoys me when this text editor puts the red squiggly under english because I didn't use capital e. Maybe I'm saving my "E"'s. You as many other writers on this site show men to be stupid when recognizing a cheating spouse. I've only knew 1 man like that. He had 4 kids, each had a different father. We finally decided he was too lazy to screw his old lady. She was getting it else where. Real men react quickly and real men do not take a cheating bitch back. Last point, there is no way kids do not see the trouble between parents in a case like this.

well written *****

Guess waiting 10 years between stories got you rusty. You went from first to third person all the time.

Even the first page was disjointed. In the same paragraph you told about his anniversary month and why 20 years ago they picked that month.

The MC sees his wife acting like a slut at the christmas party and finds out the dynamics of all the cheating. Does he talk to the other husbands? Nope. Nor does immediately talk to his wife and say they need to talk quietly for a few seconds. He dances and watches and then confronts his wife.

Later there is NO dialog about what is going on but suddenly there is a ski resort thing planned. The cruise ticket thing does not appear again until way later in the story. You mentioned it and then dropped it. He should have said, guess what, "I'll be going with somebody else because our marriage is over if you participate at all in any of those activities."

This story hit a few plot lines found in other stories but they did not mesh in the least.

Poorly written, disjointed, hard to follow, tropey, and then Rob jumps the shark and starts blackmailing for sex. Other than that, good story.

a bit hard to follow at times but a good story. Rob sliding over to the dark side was just stupid.

Poorly written, quite disjointed switching from first to third person. Well worn plot filled with loads of improbable situations the. The good guy was demoted to a piece of garbage to match the rest of the cast. Unusual for a story to not have a likable character.

Won't belabor with my comments - what the others said. 3.4*

Between a "plutonic relationship", frequent confusion between first and third person and characters and a plot that is so over the top as to farcical this story has to be intended to be a satire on the LW genre, right?

A lot of typos. Too many stories have as their focal point the failure to communicate, and particularly failing to communicate information that spouse was cheating or not believing the spouse. This story really had nothing going for it, as it was all just the failure to address husband, and then everything after that was stupid. Also the "legal" (not 'leagle') stuff just shows that author knows nothing about the law.

Get an editor. This story is very similar to way to many here 2*

What a mess, grammatically, logically, and morally. Too confusing t make sense.

Standard trope for the loving wives section. A self-centered, narsisstic wife that ruined her life. Average fallout and average ending. I did love the word "climacteric".

Very poorly written, stilted dialogue, far-fetched actions by a cartoonishly evil villain, his sluts and a wife who turns into a slut on the basis of two photographs that showed nothing improper occurring even if the MC was dining alone with a female co-worker, which he wasn't. Seriously try harder. This story line about the debauched weekend at a high end resort has been done to death. It works as a device only if the writing is very good, the characters are believable and the dialogue reads like really people talking to each other. This fails on all counts and gets 2** entirely for the fact that you at least were willing to write and post a story.

No!!!!!! Rob could have stopped it as soon as he heard of the program. All he had to do was take it to Peter's upper management. Alternatively, Rob should have approached Peter and tell him if he continued his pursuit of Elaine, there would be hell to pay.... and by that outline a plan to destroy Peter, who had to know Rob was holding all the cards. Sorry, but I have to give it a low rating, not for writing skill but for lack of a better action plan.

Stupid. At least fifty if not seventy five percent of all the loving wife stories out there always have the wife deciding that the so called evidence that their husbands are cheating must be true..so the wife just HAS go out there and fuck the other guy

This author has a very defensive attitude, what's with all this 'if you don't like it write your own story'? LW is a bearpit and the author won't survive long with such a thin skin. As it happens, I did like the story and scored it four stars. Yes there were some mistakes and plot holes as mentioned in other comments but all in all it was a good read with a satisfactory outcome. One mistake I feel merits highlighting was the use of the word 'plutonic'. I've come across stories by other authors where this word has been used but to the best of my knowledge there is no such word in the English language; the right word is 'platonic'. I hope I haven't upset your delicate sensitivities by pointing this out.

i disagree with the last sentence. even in this shitty situation, Rob got to keep all his stuff, raised his kids to college, got to sleep with other women while completely ignoring that dumb slut, and then moved on to another woman, that's about as good of a win as you'd like

Well....that was really....not very good. I asked my PLATONIC girlfriends what a plutonic relationship was but they couldn’t tell me. Why all the concerns about kids? They were depicted as if they could care less one way or the other. The “misplaced revenge” wives in these types of stories are expected to be stupid but, this one takes the cake. All of that outrage over two photos of colleagues together with no unapproved skin showing? Laughable! Oh, and the 1st vs 3rd POV thing, too. This story gets a big D in red ink with a circle around it and a “needs improvement” as a comment.

So the children, Ryan and Sophie, didn't wonder where the baby came from? And they didn't wonder why their parents were sleeping in separate rooms for YEARS? Big hole in the story! And the cliff-edge ending? Some work required but predictably entertaining.

Blah!!

Writer seems to have a case of utter stupid’s! Story was emotionless bland and beyond redemption. Common sense i the story line was non existent !

The repeated jumping from 1st to 3rd person and back made this hard to read, and as such I ended up skipping through much of it. Also, leagle is not a word. Legal is, however.

He lost a lot of years of his life to save their daughter from a divorce? Really?

No comment on the naivety of the story - it is expected. Thumbs up for trying to portray people who do not go on a crusade to burn the bitch, as may morons would like to. However, it would be good for the author to try to polish their English - it is nery wanting! In addition, he/she should try to clarify the difference between Plato, the philosopher who was all about the ideal - PLATONIC - relationships, and Pluto the God of the underworld who reigns ove the PLUTONIC realm. Mind you the term "plutonic" is used in geology to signify all types of deep igneous rocks. Best of luck...

Once given the evidence that they were set up by Peter, Tom and Sam should have not only filed the class action lawsuit but also filed for divorce from their wives.

Since they were legally separated what Rob did on the cruise is acceptable. Rob demanding revenge sex from Lizzy and Tara makes him just as bad as Peter.

I agree with Hcop, your dialogue was stilted, almost like you had a partially fleshed out outline or bullet points that just needed a little work. The characters and up lacking emotional qualities and seem wooden. The story had lots of potential however. 3/5

Well, not sure what's worse the flip flopping POV or the blind use of Spill Cheque. Think Spill Cheque is worse wrong words , screwed up grammar. Gave every indication that the writer is not English first.

If you want to Control your story and be Master of your comments, enrol in some creative writing courses. What could have been good great even wound up average. Even as a Technical writer you should be able to self edit to a very capable degree.

Plutonic: formed by solidification of magma deep within the earth and crystalline throughout.

Overall I liked the story so 4 stars. As Crios mentioned this could have used an editor. I found the story stilted and hard to read.

Story was as dull and lifeless as a bowl of plain oatmeal.

Monotonous, boring and zero emotion.

Jesus, where to start? Not only did you put up a carbon copy of a story that’s been done about three dozen times already, but you couldn’t even be bothered to proofread it. Hell, you switched from first person to third in the same damn paragraph.

Started okay, ended up ridiculous

Generic story but could have been more entertaining if it had been better written.

WTF is up with the large number of alleged wordsmiths on this site and the word “plutonic”? Unless your characters are carrying out their assignations on a volcano or the (former) ninth planet, the word is platonic. Also, “climacteric” is the time leading up to the menopause. I guess that bastard child was the last-gasp of her fertility.

I gave you a five to encourage the next stories even though this is really a 3 for me to encourage you to keep writing.

BTW I would be MORE interested in Bob and the divorcee. It could be in LW as a part 2 or in another category. I have followed you now so pick whatever.

1) Stay in first or third person.

2) Use a site like grammarly which will catch some of the errors that are other words like 'plutonic'

This has got to be one of the worst pieces I have ever seen on this site. The premise that the mc stayed married and in the home for the health of the kids is ridiculous. If the kids just accepted this hostile environment as the norm and were not affected by it means that they are ad stupid as absolutely every other character in this brain dead rag.

Some grammar issues. 1st to 3rd person issues. Blackmailing ruined the story

There was a lot I liked, but his repeated desire to reconcile with a woman who would do this to him knocked it down.

Worse, he ended up almost as bad as Peter by demanding sex from the other two brainless bimbos who, despite being horrible bitches, were also victims. Personally, I would have given the videos to the husbands without the wives present and continued to refuse to touch either woman, even after their divorces were final.

I also disagree with the stay together for the kids, but this one was exceptionally stupid. He comes home early and they help him move him move their mother into another bedroom but they don't ask any questions or notice any changes in their relationship? Sorry, but they are teenagers not toddlers. Even if this had happened when they were younger so they grew up with their parents in separate bedrooms, they would see the difference with their friends parents and eventually start asking questions.

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I finally settled on a 3, as there was largely a balance between the good parts and the bad. He mostly stood up for himself and didn't just roll over and take her back, so it's still better than most of the stories posted in this category. Not that that is a particularly high hurdle to clear...

Good story.

Agree with other commenters. The constant switching back and forth between 1st and 3rd person was distracting. Pick one and stick with it.

Also agree that Rob blackmailing the other couples for sex as revenge ruins him as a sympathetic character. There was no need for that.

Lastly, I’ll say what I often say: staying together “until the kids grow up” is misguided and stupid. Kids are far better off with divorced parents, than with parents that live together in a loveless marriage filled with contempt and bitterness.

I think you meant to use the word "platonic" instead of "plutonic".

They have vastly different and (in the context of the story) contradictory meanings.

Constant switching POV from first to third and back again was disconcerting, very poorly written.

A bit of a mess.

Very cliched premise and written poorly.

Thanks for trying to entertain but needs a lot more polish to make it an enjoyable read.

His marriage was over; well, maybe. Kissing another man, being groped, he was pretty sure it was over. Lack of sex, no respect, hurtful comments, now that's too much- he's done. Going upstairs to have sex with Peter- ok, now he's REALLY done. Pictures? he's done again. Videos? oh boy, now he's almost for SURE going to divorce her. Someone else's baby? final straw- he's done. Of course, there's always counseling..... I can see the sequel now- he's considering leaving her, this time for real. Sheesh.

Gave it 4*s, would have given it 5 but it just seems like author read all the other stories of this type and just copied and paste. Author didn't bring any newness to this storyline.

This what happens without communication. Amazingly the "wronged" husband turns into a sexual predetor himself

when he blackmails the wives and husbands who were also deceived for sex. Sad.

Clumsy writing, re-worked old story.

This story was worth a quick read, but it had numerous problems, including constantly changing between narration perspective (first person or third) and past or present tense. Such errors are very annoying. Also, the story moved slowly and was rather boring. Incidentally, the word you were looking for that means "nonsexual" is "platonic", not "plutonic". Please keep trying, but get a good editor if you can, or at least proof-read future stories more closely.

I am fascinated by how many authors write about how raising kids in a totally disfunctional family is better than divorce. Kids are raised and see how their parents interact so poorly with each other and then are expected to have healthy relationships of their own. Roughly 50% of marriages end in divorce. I have seen numerous studies that show that staying together for the sake of the children can actually do more harm than good. Especially in this case where the wife is locked out of the master bedroom, and she is carrying another man's child.

Poorly conceived and poorly written; too many errors to list. The author appears to be quite arrogant, apparently believing that any criticism of this substandard story is without merit.

🤣

A good candidate for “show, don’t tell”.

The story started out well, with lots of drama, etc. But once it passed the drama of the lodge it seemed to bog down literally. The actual end was full of retribution, but done in an exceedingly, in my opinion, quick and uninteresting method. Rating: Average.

"Some people don't have enough sense to fill a gnat's ass".....My Grandfather Ellis C.

This was horrible.

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You purposely typed legal in capital letters, and you STILL spelled it as LEAGLE, "plutonic", really?

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The worst is the constant changing between 1st and 3rd person, sometimes from paragraph to paragraph. That takes really stupidity.

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Of course, there's the hackneyed plot of the wife falling for clearly doctored "proof", not talking to the husband, cheating, followed by the "Oh, no! What have I done?" and the cliched "Can't we get passed it?"

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Actually, I was wrong. It wasn't horrible. Horrible would be an improvement.

Nice story. At least the cuckold didn't fold. Thanks for the story and the effort.

Rob was a dumb ass! Are you kidding me? He took care of the town whore, his wife, let the slut stay in his home nursing her back to health, then took care of her bastard offspring. What a cuck! He probably damaged his fictitious kids more by keeping her around and lyiing to his kids, who are almost adults and introducing this skin rat growing inside the slag, than if he had kicked her to the curb when the hospital called. This was a very messed up story.

Aside from the 1st to 3rd person disaster, it wasn't a terrible story. Hell, I finished it, lol. It was hard to like Rob (or you) as he was so self-riotous. I was kind of hoping that Peter had him stabbed at the end when he got out of prison. I think you need to keep true to your characters in your next story. Keep writing, you'll get there.

Good grief, the MC had all the information he gathered from Lizzy, used that intel to protect his wife and marriage, yet he just went and took pictures to gain evidence of his wife's moving away from their relationship. He even had knowledge that Peter had sexual designs on his wife. He could have been more proactive, yet he wasn't. He allowed his marriage to falter, and be destroyed. What an idiot.

Man, what a train wreck! Plutonic relationship is funny, the grammar not so.

The story itself is solid enough, but the jumps between perspective and tense, along with the spelling mistakes and the "notes to self" about other stories, really detracted from this.

Others have critiqued the dialog and grammar. So, I'll just comment on the story line and detail.

It's a burn-the-bitch, with no husband violence or drunk behavior, so I'll give you credit for that. But the two teenage kids old enough to spend the weekend home alone would have quickly picked up on their strained relationship, particularly when the baby was born.

And one detail threw a wrench in the plausibility: When he confronted his wife and took her wedding ring, a normal reaction from the wife would have been then to shout at him for it being payback for his infidelity. That would have stopped all further infidelity, as they would have gone at it, and the deception would have been revealed in time to stop it.

Not much love in the comments. I thought his response to her affair was measured and controlled. That was a nice change here. What was difficult was the changes between 1st and 3rd person. That didn't work.

Me thinks you are better off writing these great stories than the other published ones. Yes it’s looks like it’s been some time since you posted a story but this type of story is what readers want to read and you have certainly hit the mark especially with the amount of reviews you have received. I know some people will be haters of this type of thing but just look at your other works you posted. Just look at the amount of likes you have had for this compared to all your other works. It’s telling you this is what you are great at and I’m proud to have read this story. So please get writing more of these types of stories you will soon get an extremely talented writer mark lol .

Liked the plot and the characters as described.

The spelling and grammar had many issues however it was easy enough to get by them.

The writing style … mannequin style is the best descriptor I can think of.

Welcome back! Looks like you need to shake the rust off. Looking forward to your next tale.

Since I appreciate your entertaining story, I don't want to lambast you; however, several elements combined to prevent the tale from ever gathering enough momentum to compel me to read to the end. It became work to read. That's not good.

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First off, I don't find the mechanics of her created mistrust believable. The cropped photos of his "liaison" in Miami were somehow posted to the website, cropped and leaked to her all before he got home? I think not; but you just have to adjust your timeline a little to make it work.

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Second, inconsistent characters. She is an IT professional but doesn't know how easily photos can be shopped? According to LW, it is quite easy for a charismatic man to manipulate multiple professional women to sacrifice their happy homes in order to become sluts for him. I'm sure it does happen occasionally, but I'm also sure that it happens more in environments that are highly stressful, where dominant leadership makes an impact--and a big impression. Otherwise that ray gun will run out of juice before even the first woman is transformed. And I didn't get the idea that her job was very stressful.

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Third, there's nothing wrong with switching between 1st and 3rd persons in the creative phase. But your proofread should have caught it and fixed it. Every time.

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And last, dialogue. Yeah. Your story was way too unemotional because it lacked dialogue. Saying words is how most real persons express their feelings and thoughts. We know how hubby felt because of how we would feel, but not because you had him express his outrage. And we certainly couldn't understand how his manipuled wife felt, because she never did express herself.

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Here's a suggestion: instead of coming up with an outrageous plot that is almost impossible for a normal writer to create dialogue for, try something simple as an exercise: how about a husband and wife disagree where to eat dinner because the wife thinks hubby flirted with the waitress last time. If you can create the dialogue for that conversation, you can move on to more complex disagreements.

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Good luck.

First and third person made it hard to read. Only 3 stars.

It’s a good story, but I question use of the laptop contents. Rob initially had the laptops hacked to gain access. Rob gave Peter’s laptop to his lawyer to prevent tampering, after Rob tampered with it.

A quite good story but you need an editor as there were any mistakes.

Missed opportunity, accidentally knock an electrical device into assholes hot tub😂😂

Well that was time out of my life I can never get back..Pathetic

You might consider remembering who is telling the story.

I'm thrown off by what seems to me to be frequent POV changes in the narration: from first person recall to a third person overview. Both within the same paragraphs.

I love this kind of story and you have the makings of a good one. I hope you have future submissions but

I would request that you take to heart the constructive criticism of a few other authors and fix the problems they

mention. You have the main character as a regular guy who has to deal with a bad situation by himself. The best

stories are ones where we can imagine ourselves in this situation and what we would do.

Only thing that ruined it for me was the revenge sex because it made him less sympathetic, frankly, I feel like we should all look at divorce cases that involve children before commenting because divorce laws is not on the man's side, even if she cheats. Guess some people don't understand that, it's why I can understand why he stayed, but at the same time, he wasn't with her, he was there for his kids and when time was up, he let her know that this is happening, though, not sure if they had any parents or other family members, doesn't seem like it, but what's done is done. He was appreciated by his kids and left when they did, simple enough to me

The premise had some potential however the story seemed to jump all around. I realize the male M?C was a software engineer type and his character would be more stayed and calculation, however the CEO of of the company incident seemed just dumb. You have Peter doing most of his shit in the open and they are clueless? not plausible... The story needed to be tied down and together.

Not a very believable or consistent story. At the very beginning you have the husband claim how important and frequent his communication with his wife is. Then you report that after returning from Miami almost all communication has stopped, and he can't get his wife to explain why. Apparently the author has never been married, at least not successfully. If the husband had found that $10,000 was missing from the family bank account and that the wife had withdrawn it, would the husband had just complained and then given up trying to get an explanation? When something is wrong in a good marriage you Do Not let it fester. In fact if necessary you take it to the point of getting the conflict resolved or Ending the marriage, period. The wife Does Not get to set the terms of the conflict and drag out or refuse to communicate. Would any business person accept that kind of failed communication to continue with a business partner? Hell No. So why accept that treatment from a supposedly loyal loving intelligent spouse. You plot made the husband look timid, stupid, and incapable of confronting and dealing with the wife's suddenly bizarre and distant behavior. And claiming that the children had no idea the marriage was in extreme conflict is just ridiculous. Never had children either? Oh, in case you didn't know, the mechanism of the Morning After Pill is to abort a fertilized egg. So much for being against abortion.

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A copied but fine plot idea, but the execution was very weak. Better luck with future efforts.

Boring and repetitious story line. So similar to other writers works. Why stay together this kids were young adults and not infants so a divorce would have made much difference. And with a pregnant wife they had to know she cheated. Being around Peter past womanizing activities she should have know better.but you made her into another dumb women. Then at the end he finds a women who will wait . That was poorly done and the closing of this story was rushed.

Revenge plot on the cheating wife and Peter was the good part of the story. The relationship with the children was not realistic at all. Rob’s actions with the other wives made him little better than Peter and ruined the story.

First, you need to pick between first person and third person and then stick with it. God, you switched between first and third constantly. That's just sloppy writing. I found the content to be cliche' ridden and not any different than a thousand other stories with the same plot.

I don't like it. You wrote the story of a wimp named "Rob".

Considering Rob's actions, why wouldn't Elaine initiate a divorce? She would have to know she would likely get primary custody, the house and at least a decent amount of money. Knowing their relationship was over, there's no incentive for her to agree to any of the actions Rob proposed.

Elaine was horrible, but the story is simply a fantasy in Rob's perspective only.

Very good story!!! Well done!

you need a better proof reader. spelling and contexts needs help. a good story after you over the mistakes.

So November was climacteric. Must have been tough going with all the ethylene in the atmosphere. Perhaps it was those atmospheric conditions that created the resulting PLUTONIC relationships.

Nuff said, barely registers one credit.

What a load of unbelievable, badly written crap. Been done a dozen times before and every other story was better, which is really saying something.