All Comments on 'Slave is Exposed Pt. 03'

About time you submitted this 3rd chapter! What exactly have you been doing for the last 4 months? You’d better have a good excuse or you will be getting the cane!

Successful mainstream writers choose to either write stories on various themes or stick to stories aimed at one specific type of reader. You seem to have chosen the second course and I’m sure that the type of reader your stories are aimed at are enjoying reading them. But I think you need to consider the wider readership you could attract. You do cram a lot into a page but you are capable of so much more.

There needs to be more light and shade on your characters. Dommes aren’t 100% sadistic. By appreciating that and introducing a little compassion for the submissive (doesn’t necessarily have to be genuine) and even some humour you are widening your potential readership. I’m sure, now with several stories under your belt, it’s something you could do and should consider.

The chastity cage could have done with being expanded (pun intended) because the spiked CB-6000, which I assume is the one you are referring to, is a particularly vicious little piece of equipment that fitted in with these ladies very well. As regards the fastening him to the bed. I found it a little confusing particularly how the leather strap was making him arch his back. I think that part could have been longer with more description. The writer, and I know from my own attempts, can see in their imagination everything. But it has to be described in such a way that the reader can, easily, see it in their imagination as well. I know that some readers don’t need any imagination to enjoy Lit stories but many people are here just to read a good story. I am, as I’ve said before, enjoying your writing as I’ve seen it improve, and I look forward to the next instalment and to see a little more of him being exposed.

One final thing, and this is just a personal opinion. I don’t think lesbianism and female/male femdom go together. You can throw in cuckolding or sci-fi or even erotic horror but, as in this story, lesbianism adds nothing to the story. The primary readership certainly won’t be there for the female/female action.

I see the one-star trolls have been out already but I’m sure the ratings will climb. This seems to be one of the primary categories they inhabit.

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This is the second most unhealthy series I've read. It's totally abusive and toxic

Well, too bad that this story is left unfinished. I wished that some authors would complete their stories instead of just leaving them. Some go to other sites. Some just stop writing. This was a good story to keep going deeper into the punishment of the slave. Too bad.