Sliding Into Home

Just then Jessica's phone rang. She excused herself to take the call, and I was left to try and comprehend what had just happened. It appeared as though I had gotten Fiona pregnant just over 19 years ago and Jessica was my daughter.

I was still trying to get these thoughts into my brain when Jessica came over and very apologetically said she had to leave to go to work.

"But Jessica, I still have so many questions."

"I'm so sorry Adam, but I have to go. I will ring you tonight when I am finished....... I'm sorry for throwing all of this onto you and having to leave. I will talk to you tonight. I promise."

I stood up, and Jessica gave me a hug. I held her close to me for a few precious seconds before we moved apart. The look on Jessica's face showed how much this all meant to her. Looking at her I was actually seeing my daughter. We moved apart, and she left the café.

I sat back down and took a deep breath. Sitting on the table in front of me was the picture that was taken all those years ago. Looking at the picture, Fiona and I both looked so young. I couldn't get over that she had brought up such a smart, clever, intuitive, resourceful girl. I just had to speak to her and get to the bottom of this once and for all.

I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to come to terms with this. My mind went back to that night before I left home........

Everything changed between Fiona and I on my last day before going overseas. We spent the whole day together. It felt really different between us, as we both knew we wouldn't be seeing each other for a long time. We walked hand in hand and cuddled up close at every opportunity, which was totally unlike us. As night fell we had dinner together, before driving to the headland overlooking our local beach.

Sitting there in my old second hand car, Fiona and I cuddled up close and told each other how much we would miss each other. Looking into her beautiful blue eyes just melted my heart. Fiona held my gaze and leaned in towards me. I did the same and we kissed for the first time. We pulled apart after a moment. My eyes opened and so did Fiona's. We both smiled and leaned in again. Our kisses became passionate, desperate, wanting each other.

Soon we moved into the back seat of the car. Our embraces and caresses moved into full blown love making. We made love in the most passionate experience I had experienced. I completely enjoyed Fiona's beautiful curvy body. We shared everything with each other and had the most amazing time together. We spent the night together in the back of my car, sleeping snuggled together under a blanket, waking as the sun came up.

Saying goodbye as I dropped Fiona back at her home was the hardest thing I had ever done. We hugged and kissed, tears being held back. We promised to keep in touch. Watching Fiona as I drove away, seeing the tears pour down her face, I truly knew what heartbreak felt like.

Fiona moved to Newcastle for University and early in that first year she fell for a fellow student, Paul. They became engaged quite quickly and married and had their daughter soon after. We kept in touch through emails of course. The last time I saw them all was when I had a flying visit home after my third year away. Our lives gradually moved apart and we lost touch. They were still living in Newcastle the last time I had heard about them.

My thoughts were dragged back to reality a little after 9pm when my phone rang. I could see that it was Jessica's number.

"Hi Jessica. How was work today?"

"Hi Adam. It was okay, thanks for asking. Ummm......... Adam, how are you?"

"I'm ok. It has been a big day for me. I started out going to meet a fan and ended up with....... Potentially a daughter."

Jessica giggled a little as I said this.

"Jessica, I have to see your Mum. I need to talk to her....... I have wanted to catch up with her since I have been back in Australia, but didn't know where she was. I can't even remember her married name."

"It's Jones by the way. And yes we should go and see Mum together. I need to talk to her about this. Find out once and for all."

"Yes Jessica. You and me both."

We arranged to travel together to Newcastle on Thursday. Jessica was going home for the weekend and I agreed to take her home so I could see Fiona again. Jessica and I arranged a time to meet on Thursday morning at her College at the University and said our goodnights.

That night curiosity got the better of me and I went on the internet and tried to look up Fiona. I couldn't find anything much about her, but I did find that there was a Fiona Jones that ran the Newcastle branch of a nationwide chain of clothing stores.

Falling asleep that night was difficult as my mind raced. Jessica could be my daughter. Why hadn't Fiona told me? What was going to happen now? Would Fiona even want to see me? I eventually drifted off to sleep.

*************

Thursday arrived and at 11am I was waiting out the front of Jessica's residence at Sydney University. She came out looking all casual Uni student, saying goodbye to her friends. When she saw me a big smile came over her face as she bounded over and gave me a hug. I loaded her bag into the boot of my car and we headed out on the trip 3 hours north.

As we talked in the car, I was amazed at how well I got along with Jessica, and how much of a wonderful person she was. We talked about a lot of things and she even made fun of my car and my driving.

"I thought you were an athlete. Can't you go any faster." She said with a laugh.

"I only speed around the bases, never on public roads...... When I was young and driving with your mother, she always used to say to me..."

Then we both said together "Slow down. You're going too fast. Are you trying to kill me!!!?"

Jessica and I both looked at each other and laughed at this.

When the laughter faded away I asked "So Jessica, what did Fiona say when you told her I was visiting with you today?"

Jessica looked out of the car window. "Hey Adam, did you see that Porsche that just went past the other way. Was it a 911?"

"Jessica, you did tell her I was coming didn't you?"

Jessica turned and looked towards me with a real guilty look on her face.

"Fiona doesn't know I'm coming?"

"No Adam, I thought it would be a great surprise." Jessica said, a little nervously.

I was disappointed by this. "So what is your plan? To show up on the doorstep and say 'Hi Mum, look I brought my father home.'"

"No Adam, not at all. I didn't tell Mum as she might not like the idea. I have worked out what I want to do though."

Jessica then ran through what we were going to do when we arrived. I wasn't sure that it was a great idea, but we didn't have any other options at this stage.

We arrived at Fiona's house a little after 2pm. Jessica directed me to park in front of the next door neighbour's house so Fiona wouldn't look out of the window and see me coming.

I retrieved Jessica's bag from the back of the car and we made our way to the front door. The house was an older style, very nice suburban home in one of Newcastle's suburbs. It was neat and tidy and the gardens were beautiful.

Jessica knocked on the screen door and yelled "Mum I'm home."

I stood just to the side, out of the view from the front door. I could hear Fiona coming down to the front door.

"Oh Jess it is great to see you. Haven't you got your key? You could've just come in." Fiona said. Hearing her voice brought a smile to my face. She sounded just like she did when we were young.

"Mum, I have brought a friend home with me. Is that ok?" Jessica said.

"I wish you had let me know Jess. But it is alright." Fiona replied as she unlocked and opened the screen door.

As Fiona did this Jessica grasped my hand and pulled me around into sight.

"Hi Fiona." I said feeling slightly embarrassed at surprising her like this.

I could see Fiona's face change as she recognised me. She beamed her beautiful smile directly at me, just like she used to.

"Oh my god, is it really you Adam?" She said, her voice quivering a little.

"Yes it is Fi....." I replied as Fiona came forward and wrapped her arms around me. I did the same and we hugged each other really tightly. Fiona had her face buried into my shoulder. As we moved apart slightly I looked down and could see a few tears in her eyes.

"I can't believe it. You're back and I am seeing you again....... Come in, come in." Fiona said as she took my hand and led me into the house.

We all moved into the lounge room. Fiona directed me to sit on the couch and she sat down next to me. Jessica sat in an armchair opposite us. Looking across I could see Fiona beaming at me. She looked great and I was trying to take this all in. Her hair was still a beautiful caramel colour, shoulder length. Her smile was still entrancing and her blue eyes sparkled. She looked a little 'softer' in the middle than when we were young, but who wasn't.

Fiona reached out and squeezed my hand as we spoke a little about how Jessica and I met at the game on the weekend. I told Fiona that when I realised Jessica was her daughter I wanted to come and see her. Things were going well, but I noticed Jessica was starting to look a little anxious. In a lull in the conversation Jessica spoke up.

"Mum, when I caught up with Adam after the game we spoke for a long time, talking about a lot of things." As she said this, I noticed Fiona stiffen in her seat and begin to look nervous.

Jessica continued "As we chatted I showed Adam that photo of you, me and him together when I was a toddler and....... I told Adam......... that I......... thought that he........ Is my father."

I looked back from Jessica towards Fiona and I could see tears starting to run down her face. Her beautiful face creased up as she started to cry. Seeing her like that took me right back to the day I left for California seeing her cry as we said goodbye.

Fiona was now crying, with her head slumped down. She stood up and left the room, sobbing. Jessica was looking upset in the chair across from me. She just looked at me. I motioned to her to go and find Fiona and be with her. Jessica got up and went to find her mum. I heard her knock on her Mum's door and go into her room. There were more tears and muffled conversations I couldn't make out.

I was there in the lounge room, not really knowing what to do. To be honest I was actually in shock. It seemed as though everything Jessica had surmised appeared to be true. I felt really bad seeing Fiona so upset. A small part of me was upset, possibly angry. Why hadn't she told me about this before?

Looking around the lounge room I could see photos of Fiona, Paul and Jessica from various stages of their lives. It was obvious they were a happy family. There were fewer photos as a family as Jessica got older. Then there were pictures of Jessica just with Fiona.

I don't know how long I was there by myself, but I heard movement in the house and what sounded like the back door opening. I turned around and Jessica was standing there, looking like she had cried a thousand tears. She smiled weakly at me and said "Mum would like to see you Adam." She motioned me to follow her.

We went through the house out to the kitchen, where Jessica guided me to the back door. I could see Fiona outside on the patio, her back to the door, looking out towards the back of the yard. I opened the door and at the sound of the door opening Fiona turned to look at me. I stepped out and could see that her face was stained with tears and she looked really worried.

I walked to her and she looked me in the eye, before dropping her head down.

"I'm so sorry Adam." Fiona said, sounding as deflated as she looked.

I went up to her and put my arms around her and held her close. After a few moments her arms went around me too.

"I'm so sorry Adam that I never told you about Jessica." Fiona said, her voice slightly muffled from her face against my shoulder.

I tried to think of the most consoling thing to say, but it was difficult. "It's history Fi. We can't change it. Please don't be upset." I said.

Fiona held me for a little longer before she snuffled and said "But I thought you'd be mad at me when you found out."

We pulled apart and I looked at Fiona. "I was......... very surprised when Jessica told me she thought I was her father. I still am a very surprised........... I'm in shock actually and very confused. Confused yes. That's it, confused....... You must have had your reasons for not telling me at the time........ Why didn't you tell me?"

Fiona wiped her eyes and said "I didn't want to ruin your chances of playing in the big leagues Adam. You would have given up on your dream and come back home to be with me. You were always the good guy and.......... I didn't want you to hate me for making you give up on your dream. So........ I never told you about Jess."

Fi was looking at me with such sadness in her eyes. It all happened so long ago. I leant down and kissed her on the forehead. We embraced again for many minutes, Fiona's sobs slowly fading away.

After a while I quietly asked "So is Jessica happy now that she knows I am her father?"

"I think she is actually in shock about it. We both are a little."

"That makes three of us."

Fiona and I held each other close. Holding her in my arms again felt great, even under these very strange circumstances. I didn't feel mad at her. I just couldn't believe that she did this so I could play ball overseas and chase my dream. I felt numb.

After a little while I said "Come on Fi. Let's go and see if Jessica is alright."

We went inside and found Jessica in her room, lying on her bed, looking at the old picture of her as a toddler with her mother and me.

"Jessica, can I come in?"

"Yes Adam."

I sat on the edge of her bed and Jessica moved to sit next to me. The expression on her face was difficult to read.

"Are you ok?"

Jessica took a deep breath.

"I think so." She turned and smiled at me, and then towards her mother who was standing in the doorway.

She moved off the bed and went to her mother. They embraced again, as only mothers and daughters can. After a few moments Jessica turned and looked at me. She motioned me over with her arm.

"Come on Adam.... Dad...." She smiled.

I went over and hugged the two of them. As I did I started to cry. The emotion of everything finally hit me. I had a daughter. Fiona and I had a daughter.

Fiona and Jessica both comforted me as the enormity of the situation washed over me. I didn't know what to do. I wiped my eyes and moved out of their embrace.

"I... I need to.... Just a few minutes.... A minute......" I babbled, not making sense.

I walked out of the bedroom and out the front door. I had to walk and settle my mind. I just went out and walked. My mind was churning. I had a daughter. I had a child with Fiona. She hadn't told me.

All these thoughts bounced around my head as I walked. I didn't know how long I had walked for, but I ended up at a sporting field that appeared to be at the far end of Fiona's street. These were big fields with multiple sporting facilities. Cricket ground and practice facilities, baseball diamond, netball and basketball courts and an athletics track.

It was now late in the afternoon and the fields were a hive of activity as teams and players trained. I took a seat and unconsciously watched the goings on. My mind was whirling as the events of the last few days were trying to be sorted. I could see boys and girls training for their baseball teams, doing the drills we sometimes still do in the pros.

Just then a father walked past, holding his daughter's hand. She would have been 7 or 8 and they were headed to the children's play equipment. That brought tears to my eyes seeing them together like that. I mourned not being there to share these moments with Jessica. I worried about all of the things I had missed in her life.

As I was immersed in my self-imposed misery, I saw a young man being dropped off at the diamond by his girlfriend. He would have been 17 and she looked about the same age. They both were out of the car and embraced, kissing like teenagers in love do. He trotted off to join his teammates for training. She watched as he moved away with a happy smile on her face, before getting back in the car and driving away.

I instantly thought about Fiona and I. She had been to so many of my games when I was young. I too had been to many of her sporting events and dance concerts. There had been hugs of course, but never kisses. We had only been romantically together that one time and it truly awakened what had obviously been there the whole time. I missed that, that connection with someone; that connection where you have the strongest of feelings for someone. Not just physical, lustful feelings, but feelings of love and happiness. We had shared those feelings for a long time before we were physical.

I stood up and began to walk back towards Fiona's home. My mind was a little more at ease. Yes I had a daughter and I wanted to get to know her. I realised I couldn't change the past. What had happened was now history. I had to make the most of this opportunity I had been given.

As my travels took me back towards Fiona's house, the skies began to darken. An afternoon summer storm was a common occurrence at this time of year. I must have been walking for nearly an hour when I finally saw my car parked just near her house. The wind had picked up and the first spits of rain were falling.

Approaching the house I could see Fiona out the front waiting for me. When she saw me a big smile filled her face. It was a look I had seen a thousand times before. This time it felt great to see her smile at me like that.

"Are you ok Adam? We've been worried about you. Quick come in before the storm hits."

"Yes Fi. I'm ok. I just needed a little time to process everything. That's all." I replied smiling at my friend.

Back in the house I noticed Jessica had the same worried face that her mother used to have. I smiled when I saw her and she smiled with a mixture of happiness and relief.

"I just had to process everything Jess."

I could see that she needed a little reassurance. I went and held her hand.

"Are you sure you're ok Adam?" Fiona asked again.

"I will be ok. It's....... getting better all the time. Just a lot to take in." I smiled back at her.

"I've ordered some take away for dinner as neither of us felt like..... Would you like to stay for dinner Adam?" Fiona asked.

Turning my head I looked at Jessica and could immediately see the answer she wanted me to say. I could also see what Fiona wanted.

"I'd love to stay. Thank you so much." The relief on their faces was palpable. "It will give me a good chance to get to know.... My daughter.......... And reconnect with my best friend."

Fiona and Jessica both looked happy as I said this and hugged me again.

That evening we ate together and shared a bit more about our lives, in particular about Jessica. I learnt about her schooling, what she was like as a child (much to her embarrassment), the things she liked to do. As we chatted I could see the pride in Fiona's face as she talked about Jess. Everything I had thought about Jess was true. She was a wonderful young woman; smart, funny, resourceful and determined.

By the time we finished eating I looked at the time and realised it was 8pm. I had a three hour drive home that I had to make, as I had a flight to Adelaide in the morning. I reluctantly had to leave and end what had been a momentous day. We were all in a surprisingly content mood, having connected together.

Fiona and Jess both came outside to say goodbye to me. I went to Jess and gave her a big hug.

"Thank you Adam for believing me when I told you that I was your daughter." Jess whispered as we embraced.