Slow Learner

I must admit you took me by surprise the other night, when you stopped by and pulled your dick out right in my face.

You say you are a Slow Learner, but that is bullshit; what you are is a silly little boy in a man's body. You have been playing games with me off and on for months, in this odd little text-message safe-zone bubble, saying all the right things to get my attention, but with no follow-through or intention, and never in person.

At first it was just amusing to me, receiving random texts from you, telling me what you were going to do to me, what you would make me do to you. You talked a decent game, but I didn't take you seriously; we were bros. I didn't know what made you decide to start sniffing around me all of a sudden, but it provided a bit of free entertainment, so I tried not to overanalyze. I chalked it up to late-night boredom, and neither of us acknowledged it when we saw each other.

You have continued texting me occasionally when you are masturbating, and you say all kinds of lovely things about shoving your dick into the hole of your choosing. But such talk never carried over into reality, and I thought we had an understanding that it was strictly make-believe. I figured that for whatever reason, you enjoy the shit I say to you when you are jerking off. End of story.

So yes, I was rather caught off guard to find your erection pointed at my mouth like a microphone, and you looking down at me expectantly with that goofy grin. I know that I should have laughed at you, told you off, or left you with the blue balls I threatened you with.

I mean, it is one thing to send a few dirty messages to help a friend rub one out. It is another matter entirely to comply when a friend just shows up unannounced and whining for a blow job, especially when that friend is as sexually selfish as we both know you are...but what can I say? You have a really nice cock, and you do know how to coax a response out of me. I quite enjoyed sucking you off, and I hate to admit that I wouldn't mind getting my hands/mouth/insert-body-part-here on you again.

I know I gave you a bunch of shit: telling you to choose wisely where you wanted to come-in my mouth, on my tits, etc.-because it was the only shot you were ever going to get with me; telling you I would probably hate myself tomorrow for sucking your dick. I was just being bitchy, because you were acting like a spoiled brat, and because I was irritated with you for your ongoing cowardly bullshit, acting as though the words "Slow Learner" formed a shield to dodge my queries of just what the hell you thought you were doing.

I simply felt like being mean to you, but not so mean that I didn't swallow enthusiastically. I didn't mention it previously, but I really like the way you come: long, slow spurts that I could lap up leisurely, a lovely finale to the already quite pleasant exchange between my mouth and your cock. But no way was I telling you that at the time.

Despite every snarky thing I said, I think you and I both know that I will get on my knees for you again, should you ask me to. And I expect I would be nicer to you next time, let you touch me if you want to, and show you some of the things you want to see. If you can manage to adequately provoke my spirit of accommodation, that is...

Your most oft-repeated request has been to watch me fuck myself. You have said numerous times that you think it would be hot to see me make myself come; and I can assure you, it would be. It is. I have a variety of toys, but when I have an audience, I prefer to use my hands. I don't need lube, but I may still ask you to spit on my pussy just because it feels good and will make it extra-slippery for me to slide my fingers in and out with one hand while I rub my clit with the other. And after I come, I will look you in the eye while I lick my fingers clean. Unless of course you care to do the honors.

But I am telling you now, if you try to give me that Slow Learner spiel again, you will feel my teeth in a way you will not enjoy. Manipulative, adolescent tactics are not the way to get what you want from me, and you are really not a slow learner at all. You caught on rather quickly when it came to getting my attention and compliance via text message, and I will remind you that it wasn't achieved by slapstick methods.

In other words, please remember going forward that if you want me to obey your commands, you have to actually issue them as commands. If you are unable to impose sufficient authority to entice me to submit, then I will only laugh at you. When handled properly, I am an obedient little kitten, but if you stroke me the wrong way, you will get the fanged, feral alley cat in response.

So, should you decide you would like to come and play with me again, I strongly suggest you revise your approach. The wheedling suggestions, petty attempted guilt trips, and tentative nipple-tweaking might work with all your other girls, but they probably buy your Slow Learner excuse as well, poor things.

I am not one of those girls. You know this already, and I suspect it was lack of confidence that prevented you from demonstrating your understanding of what turns me on. You need to get over that, and concentrate on what you know about me.

Don't let me block you and shove your hands away when you try to touch me; grab my wrists and pin me to the fucking wall, damn it! One of the very first texts you sent me was something about you shoving my face into the couch and tearing my pants off; where is that guy? Maybe you should send him over next time. So many texts about you using my mouth, fucking my face, and then you didn't so much as grab my head even once. It almost hurt my feelings.

You are not a slow learner, and you know what I like. From my perspective, it all seems perfectly straightforward. We can file it as a one-time encounter, or not; realistically, the situation will likely be dictated by our respective mood swings and whether or not they ever decide to compliment each other.

Either way, should you find yourself in my company and in the mood to get your dick wet again, please endeavor to set aside the social anxiety and self-indulgent laziness, and make the effort to do as I ask. You know it will be well worth your while, and if that isn't sufficient motivation for you, then you are not worth mine. Let me know what you decide.