All Comments on 'Slow On The Uptake Ch. 01'

This was not bad, but was a little rushed and you had a lot of grammar/punctuation errors. A grammar check from Word would probably find a lot. I hope you can do that or get an editor, I think it would really help bring out what you have here.

Your story has a lot of promise, and I'm looking forward to seeing if there's more to the story of Blake and Sam. However, the misspellings, the gaps in sentence structure ("She thick had shoulder length strawberry blonde.", for example) and the homophones (words that sound alike, but mean totally different things (such as their (possessive pronoun - "it's their stuff") and they're (contraction meaning "they are")) really seem to throw your story out of whack.

I'd recommend using the Editor service that is offered here, as they seem to really do a great job in helping to find and correct these things.

Again, a very promising story, and keep on submitting!

...because I'll certainly read it.

Great job! I think it's going to get a lot of popularity afterall(:

Em

Pretty good, but don't feel the need to spell out every thought and feeling of your characters. A few well chosen words will say it all beautifully.