All Comments on 'Sluts - Rachel Ch. 01'

A good start. The one-line description up top though is misleading. I'd assumed she'd be taking the virginity of some sperm donor without a life. Your story looks promising but is nothing like that.

Katie , Dee , Lisa , Bev , Amanda ----- ----- all of the females that's actually that's really that's totally

perfectly legal . they should gang up on Dean . Rachel's father . along tease him relentlessly .

along tease him ruthlessly . along make it become so crazy so insane . he falls hook line absolute sinker

....

how many of these females does Dean become sexual with same time ,

how many of these females does Dean become sexual with ,

how many of these females does Dean become sexual with same time when it originally begins ,

whom of these females does Dean become sexual same time ,

does Rachel get sexual her father prior any of her friends do ,

does Rachel literally catch her father getting sexual any of her friends ,

what does become outcome of Rachel catching her father getting sexual with any of her friends

....

Riley does sound just as wack thee others . she best become included somehow someway

chapter two better become couple pages . least that . possible more

So the story was ok, even if it only flirted with incest. There was no ACTUAL incest that happened. So WAY too short in that context. HOWEVER, your story description makes me think you need to find a dictionary. I was immediately confused about a dad being a virgin, and now I definitely think he's not. That is unless you were planning on going a certain direction with your plot, and you failed miserably at setting it up. I mean you wrote like a thousand words here and did NOTHING with them except establish the fact that Rachel's dad is apparently fuckable, and he's in a loveless marriage. You didn't completely flush out your plot, or establish how he's a virgin (if he really is one).

Time to go back to the drawing board on this one. You should probably retract this story until such time as it's more sussed out.

I loved it. Can't wait for the rest ;-)

good start, keep it up

Hi … it’s an interesting start … I like it. Because of your description, I thought, the storyline would be ‘different’… hope your story continues…. Looking forward …

How can one take a father's virginity? If he's a father, he must have had sex. Check your grammar, buddy

"I'm not going to fuck my own dad," - shame, it seems

Don't know what I was expecting. The story is called Sluts after all.