All Comments on 'Small Concrete Actions Ch. 04B'

I'm not buying the ex giving MC a woman of her choosing counts as a pass let alone making it even. It kinda reels of manipulation.

I thought the boob job after losing a bunch of weight was realistic. Most women would attest to it except for the poor ladies who have huge ones. A lot would love to have a reduction the natural way. But nature can be cruel.

Even though the author did a decent job writing this episode, 750 words is way too short for a reconciliation to work.

Four stars for giving it a go.

And just like that the story went to hell. So this isn't really a 750 word story. It's a story with multiple chapter of 750 words. And the decision to take the "new" woman back was terrible. After all those years why trust her? Because she's lost weight? Gotten new boobs? Shows you a polygraph she's had years to beat? And some flowery journal that SHE wrote, again with years to perfect? Could he be any dumber? And to top it all off, she gets pregnant just to trap him. Not a good or well thought out ending. Try again.

No breast feeding for Katie, I guess.

Superb! 5/5

a reconciliation (and not a Raac) does not go well in such a short text.

Thank you for posting these little chapters. I agree with some other commentators that they could have been written as one. Equally, I have looked forward to a new one each day - so your plan has certainly worked for me. I am also already looking forward to reading a longer story from you.

A better ending would've been to have him watch the video, read the letter, then crumple it up and throw it in the trash. Then he continues to date women a decade younger than his unfaithful ex-wife.

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He turns down the Xmas invitation from his parents, but decides to go next year instead... and introduces Katie to his beautiful second wife. Katie pretends to be pleased for the happy couple, but spends the evening depressed and miserable. He actually sees the moment her heart breaks when they announce the pregnancy... and now Katie truly knows some of the pain she inflicted on him. Instead of the agony of betrayal, she gets to feel the pain of regret at having destroyed her best chance at long term happiness with a loving husband.

But why did she fail the firtst time, why is he still available, why not if he feels he has to be with her not also see others?

You could have combined all these short chapters into a single story THEN flesh it out a bit with a little detail, nuance etc. That would have made it a far better read. stil gave you 4 stars for what is basically 1 story.

So..... Katie had taken several 'small concrete actions' over the years, but it was the small silicone action, along with some weight loss action that swayed him. Shallow Hal rides again.

Conclusion: you played to your audience, rather than writing your story.

There are those that would never accept any form of reconciliation and you’re likely to get some hate from those folks. Your couple had five years to move on and find someone new, but are still drawn to each other. There must be something there that binds them, so reconciliation seems their best option. Certainly a prenuptial would have been necessary, but otherwise, I think they would make it. Well done, especially for a first story!

Why take her back when he doesn't understand what happened the first time(s). He admitted to flirting and minor fooling around with others.

Also, why did it take 5 years to provide the requested information? That is a long time.

Can't believe he didn't move on at all.

Well….looking forward to your next story — to see if you’ve learned to include conversation as a way to illustrate personality and emotion, and have learned to “show” and not just “tell” the tale.

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As well….bigger chapters. 750 word chunks doesn’t work. In fact, in your case, it probably contributed to the lack of story richness that conversation brings out.

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Your story plot was decent…the execution was lame. Have you learned anything?

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2 **

The writing is good. The math is atrocious. Writing a 3750 word story and publishing in 5 parts doesn't make 5 750 word stories. Saying "only count 4 parts" doesn't make it a 3000 word story.

As you have obviously discovered, a 750 word story is difficult to write, more so to write well. So, if I send 750 words of a story every day for a hundred days, did I write a 75,000 word story? Or, did I write 100 750 word stories?

Ahhhh damn you....yeah this is okay RAAC. You did well.

This is so bad that I'm scoring the 1st three one star lower than I would have, just because.

Completely unrealistic … the world and 40 year old cheating women just don’t act that way. 1/5

I actually preferred the ending in 04A, and starting new with no bad memories. This one wasn’t all bad, but really requires suspension of disbelief to accept Katie’s story and the reconciliation. Good overall effort.

We’ll done on both conclusions. I think I like “A” better, but this one was nice in how you had her present the proof he asked for. 4* for “B”

Yes, you could do with a proofreader and I believe in time my 4 star wil be a 5. Good 1st start, thanks, hope to read more from you!

I'm not a Catholic but I believe in forgiveness. She earned it.

Liked it better but the " It didn't make things right, but it did make us even" idea is bullshit. Not remotely the same. One time cheat followed by 5 years of celibacy qualifies for reconciliation consideration but in no way are they even. She sent her sister and knew it was coming as compared to her lying and cheating blindsiding of her husband.

I'm a grown man crying....................a 5

You asked only for positive feedback. Can provide none. This was not good.

Oddly for some reason, I am on the fence over this one. Its not the RAAC that is causing it. I cant put my finger on it but something in it just hit me wrong but I dont know what.

I kinda like this better just because I'm a sucker for good reconciliation stories. This is a good story but my complaint about it still stands, its too short. 4 chapters (technically 5) each a page each when each chapter could have easily been several pages. There is a good story but right now its more of a story outline then a real story. I REALLY hope the author doesn't make the 750 words at thing for all their stories as they have talent but unfortunately I felt wasted it after the first chapter by the 750 word limit. Still gave it 4 stars, a decent effort.

Ok, I've read all 5 chapters. Had it been in one complete story I think it would have been better. When you limit yourself to 750-word constraints it's like running a race with your arms strapped to your body. I can't think of but one story in the 750-word format, and there have been many, that I gave 5-stars to and only because it made me laugh out loud. It wasn't yours, sorry. 4-stars because you are a first-time writer. Keep at it.

Great first time out. Would be a great story even if it weren’t up your first time out. Thanks.

Not a fan of multiple choice endings. These characters belong to you, so I think you should decide an ending and go with it. To me multiples just dilute instead of strenghten the work.

Yet, you are the writter so do whatever you want.

I'd say her actions were a bit more than "small concrete". However a lie dectector test were I am not picking the tester and reviewing the questions before taken is not the most convincing thing in the world. It sure wont make you unsee what you saw in your own house and bed.

Three stars.

I agree with all of the other commenters that a 5 part 750 word story isn't the way to go. You're better off going with one story, and adding more to it. A 750 word "flash" story doesn't allow for needed details to make a good story worth reading, I only say that as I just finished reading "Destruction and Rebirth" by Soul71, and it was very good. Sure it was 10 pages long, but it captured heart felt reactions of pain and pleasure, a very vindictive ex-wife (who turns their teenage children against him), and a new love that allows him to rebuild himself and live happy. The ex-wife ends up being committed to a mental ward after she looses her mind, because the husband had moved on with his life without her. It had all sorts of back stories running thru it, along with 2 weddings, and multiple families getting together for a large monthly meal (something they did on a regular basis). Give it a read, as it'll show you that you can make a longer story work better with a back story, more details, and good writing skills. A "flash" story isn't the way to do it. Maybe just write the chapters out, until you have the whole story fleshed out, then ask for someone to read it before trying to publish it.

Does he know why she sought another man yet? Besides the usual; it was just sex, or she thought she wouldn't get caught, or it didn't take anything away from him, or it was exciting doing it behind his back, or did she feel unattractive because she was getting older? You know, all of the common reasons used to justify cheating.

This was decent, if a bit over the top ( 5.yrs celibate?). A yr,okay, but 5.is a bit much. I think this could be a really good study but the 750 word hindered it. Fleshed out this would have real emotions. I agree that Katie sending Claire was not the same thing, it would have to be him funding a woman, bc among other things it brings the possibility he would like the other woman better,that is real pain

An interesting experiment in alternate endings. But what could make Katie think he would still be available in 5 years? And if Katie just wants her husband back, and is not interested in other men, why would she get an expensive and risky boob job? Who was that for? In fact what was all the physical alterations for? Wouldn't it be better if Katie had become a temporary lay nun in a religious order that helps children or battered women? So she becomes a sex goddess, and gives him a piece of paper that is supposed to prove she's God's gift to sex but just flaunts it and never does it? And we never did get her to explain how this Arcenaux guy turned her into lust slut for a day, but then she never fucked him or anyone else ever again.

Yeah, a nice effort, but not believable. Still, thanks for the effort.

It is QuickMagazine policy not to read, much less score and comment on, a multi-part story until the last part is in the books. So I read all 5 parts (yes, I know parts 4 & 5 were alternates to each other) this morning. This had the makings of a 5-star tour through familiar LW hotspots, but breaking it up into these 750-word segments got in the way. Basically, aside from the likes of Skippy47 and moreandmore, the 750-word format usually results in sketches rather than full canvases. Which made this reader have to suspend some disbelief to buy into the plot. One example being how did the MMC get to "divorce intact" (whatever that means)? How much alimony did he have to pay? Based on earnings before the filing, or on what his new salary had become right before the filing? Inquiring minds would want to know. Another is that the idea of "small concrete actions" seemed to more or less disappear after the first chapter, until the idea resurfaces in the two alt ending chapters (4's a & b). As for the choice between 4a and 4b, 4a is the more plausible, since it doesn't require one to suspend any disbelief that the MMC wouldn't be skeptical about the veracity of what Katie wrote. As one of today's commentators noted, the lie detector questions could have been skewed to get those results, and who's to say that the report itself wasn't fabricated through a corrupt bargain between Katie and the tester? Also, wouldn't he want to verify the story about Claire by checking with her (Claire) about it? So, I gave this a 4. Masustacy does seem to have a clue, but should tie up more loose ends in the future, and avoid yoking himself (or herself) to artificial constructs. I checked out this new author's Lit bio page, and noted that he/she plans to next post a 10k word story. That's probably around 9 or 10 pages. This reader would much prefer something more modest, say, like 4 or 5 pages. Just saying.

This is what hop-scotch must feel like. What's the point?

A WIMPY CUCK WRITER WITH WEAK MC WHO TAKES BACK A CHEATING SKANK!!

CUCKADOODLEDOO

Thanks for the heads up in the comments!

Please ignore mean spirited jerks that hide behind anonymous. Thank you for you 5 part story.

This was the best ending.

Thanx for a very good and clever tale.I for one love happily-ever-after stories. LP

Very, very good!

Just another shitty story about forgiving the unforgivable.

She is just a disgusting and selfish human like all cheaters

The author writes clearly and interestingly. The plot made sense and was easy to follow. I would gladly read more from the author.

But … something seemed to be missing, many stories here tell of a spouse’s difficult struggle with betrayal and often divorce. Others tell of the cheater’s guilt and grief over their actions. Here, while there was doubtless emotional pain and struggle on both sides, little of it finds its way into the actual telling of the story. Without some struggle (emotional, familial, financial, etc.), a story is just a recitation of events: this happened, then this happened. This story was heavy on a narration of events, but weaker on giving insight into characters and their struggles through conversations, thoughts, etc.

Two minor quibbles since the author asked for feedback: I would avoid less like “callipygian” that will be unfamiliar to some readers. And lots of writers where confuse “worse” and “worse:” “worse” compares two things (the weather today worse than yesterday; Katie meant to say that losing him was the “worst mistake of her life” (worse than all the others).

Good job with story series. Very good writing for a first timer. Looking forward to reading more from you in future. Thank-you

Great idea. Keep writing. The only thing I'd like is more character development. If a series, 2-3 pages is good for a single idea.

Other than that I really enjoyed your ideas and writing.

Pretty good writing but you never addressed Katie having the most intense screaming orgasm of her life with another man.

Torn between 4a& 4b. Think I'll go with a.

A was a much better ending.

The 750 word stories were mediocre. The "pick your ending" stories were lame because you just should have picked one and written it and the reality is that you didn't write any 750 word stories - you just wrote short, uninformative blurbs that added up to 4 chapters and not a lot of good things happening.

Enjoyed. Well written. Actually preferred ending 4b. Although liked a as well just not as much. Both sisters did have a similar problem. Women are such odd creatures.

This was a very good story. Tight and to the point. Both ending fit the narrative. Hope you decide to publish again? 5 years no sex for K and planned seduction by C didn’t fit story flow….Also sister cheaters seemed contrary to husbands desires in the end so Recon with K might have been developed differently…like I stated in beginning of comment.,,very good effort and will check new L/W new stories for more.

Meh. Does.notjing to address his sexual insecurities after what he saw and she responded to the big asshole. Supposedly Myra set that all aside. Umm how?

Re: the lack of editor, I read through the series twice and only noticed one grammatical error and one awkward phrasing. That is superior to even the most experienced writers who have very good editors. Both endings were appealing but the reconciliation touched me more than the other. Keep up the good work. Autofan without a password.

Originally I liked 4A better, but after some reflection this does appear to be the better outcome. Still would have to have more discussion about why and also why she gave herself so unreservedly to the asshole ex jock. But yo be fair this is all 750 word project stories and surely all of those questions are covered in detail in her 5 year diary and her own work with Myra.

what happenede to wife and kids from 4A

I liked both endings A and B. The chance for Redemption and for a clean start. The only thing I didn't like about the story in general was how his parents decided with her when she was the one that had the infidelity. Other than that keep up the good job

Not bad. Problem is the genre. Hard to get deep feelings in 750 words.

Both endings acceptable. The major critique is obviously to having cut in small pieces what should have been a 1 or 2 part story. All in all, good job.

Sorry but the previous chapter was much better. Should've continued with the Heather character and no reconciliation with the parents either...

The sex with the sister did not make them even. He was not cheating her. It is really a brand new grievance for him. Secretly recording sex to show to an ex feels like it might even be a crime. Regardless, super creepy and stay away from that family.

SO THIS WAS THE CUCKOLD ENDING

TRAILER PARK TRASH VERSION

Your plan "B" was a standard trope. AVOID THOSE. Every writer uses them because they lack creativity so NEVER use the.

Your plan "A" was good.

Overall score: 3.95.

[I set the bar high. Read Todd 172 and saddletramp to see where I place the bar.

A disappointing and somewhat disjointed jangling conglomerate of clichés, which never quite melded together naturally. It all felt a little forced and unnatural, lumpy and not quite flowing right. I loved being introduced to the word "callipygian" in praise of her meaty arse, yet it's insertion only added to the stuttering lack of fluidity in what was clearly textual constructs, rather than impassioned prose!

Not wrong per se, but a trifle light on cohesion, inspiration and yes, passion. All IMHO, of course, and I'm sure future works will start to `flow' much better as a more relaxed writing style begins to emerge, as your confidence grows.

You are a great writer. I liked the alternate endings. Finish Rete and Trident please. Thank you so much for your time and effort,all your stories are great.

A great series of short stories. impatiently expecting for "Rete and Trident" next part(s) release.

I can understand how some people coukd never reconcile with Katie after her despicable fling. But be honest, based on whatbshe did and endured afterwards for five years, if you think she will always be a cheater and there is no possibility of reconciliation, then can any LW that cheats even once, ever be forgiven or reconciled? It all comes down to his personal choices. But in this alternate ending, she certainly made a lot of sacrifices without ANY expectation of being with him again (counseling, celibacy, polygraph, watching her sister have hot sex with him, and her diary). Seriously what else could she do?

I've read some of the comments - some of which are ridiculous. katie made a huge gamble in her five-year quest to reconcile. (maybe he would remarry). But all in all, the sacrifice she made was incredible and I'm happy they got together again.

Fem-pov one-sided cheating tale defending the slut wives.

Great job, nice ending.

Thank you for a new word: callipygian /kăl″ə-pĭj′ē-ən/. Adjective, relating to or having buttocks that are considered beautifully proportioned. Enjoyed the series.

This was the turkey ending.

A nicely done series of 750 word short stories. The inclusion of two endings was a nice touch; added to the series.

Great stories. I can't figure out how I missed your stories.

This ending is far superior, it ties together the tale, and brings it to a close where the preceding chapters matter. 5 stars for the last chapter.

*5* What more can I say?

Sleeping with the sister doesn’t balance the scales because they aren’t married anymore. It seems like another offense against him. I think it’s an actual crime to film someone having sex without their consent. Did the ex know that they continued having sex and he was close to proposing? Also, the parents casually asking if she could be at the family Christmas for a carefully orchestrated ambush. He should have said she could go and not shown up himself. At the very least, he should have walked out as soon as she started.

I don’t see how he would be close to either sister ever again.

As for the parents, I would make their holiday scheduling easier. I would tell them that since they prefer a daughter to a son, they can schedule events around her to their heart’s content without me around anymore.

I'm sorry, part 4b sucked. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't normally subscribe to this, but in this case, Heather is a better choice. Love your wife and kids. The Bear liked part 04A. Thank you for the effort. I almost sat scratching my head with the switch. Then I remembered the opening salvo. Nice. The Bear approves.

The BEAR

So in a nutshell … Not bad for a first effort! But ... you definitely need an editor!

Would rather see him with a woman who understands and is enthusiastic about fidelity and commitment. I don't hate the ending, but I don't like it much either. Nicely done.

You should have just stayed with 4a. When I read she sent her sister to him, that lost any remaining trust in her.

Thanks for the effort to entertain and I think you’ve taken an interesting method to do it. The problem ,I see, is that it made the story stilted. Repeating the opening every time presumes that readers might start mid sequence; not likely, a distraction and projects a lack of confidence.

Good luck with your writing and wish you well.

Just asinine. Also, it's creepy as shit for Claire to violate his trust by recording their sexual liaisons. This started out well, then went downhill faster than a flaming dumpster.

I liked this ending. I thought you did a great job. The repetitive intro was unnecessary but not a big deal. Anyway, thanks!!!

That was a good story broken into 5 - 750 stories. It really was one LONG story with a couple of endings. Your breaking it into 5 stories doesn't make it any less a whole.

Ironically Katie's answer to his questions were creative. Sending her sister Claire doesn't bother me as much. They weren't married. He had a thing for Claire. A crush. But her watching put her through some measure of the pains he caused him. Her diary showed her intimate thoughts over 5 years. If the MC wasn't happy with anyone else then so be it. His choice. I don't subscribe to the "once a cheater, always a cheater". Some people make terrible choices, doesn't make them evil. All depends on the circumstances. He divorced her straight away. Counseling went nowhere. He made his demands and she at the time had no clue how to respond, and she set him free. She didn't make the divorce vindictive. She owned what she did. Some guys can forgive others can't. At the time he could not. Five years with her being celibate and him having nothing substantial is quite some time. It clearly wasn't about the sex. It was about her seeking a thrill. Cruel? Yes. Forgivable? Not for some time and clearly merited divorce. Later on? Depends on his life.and circumstances. His choice. Well written.

Chit

This worked as a reconciliation. She did what he asked for to the best of her ability. He didn't realise she still wanted him back. He has tried moving on. She didn't want to move on. Did she do something stupid? Of course she did. Why? We don't know but she was genuinely remorseful. It made them happier being together rather than apart and 5 years is a long time so both had time and opportunity to find someone and move on if they had wanted that. Don't like the whole sister thing that was bad. I can see why she did it but it just felt wrong on a moral level and I'm not sure how he will feel at family gatherings if the sister is there. But overall this was very good. If you can find an editor I think it will help your writing style and make your stories stronger. BardnotBard

Excellent story. I liked both endings.

Not only do whores not get a 2nd chance, this isn't even consistent with the previous parts. For instance, what happened to him having cut his parents off? And how did "she sent her sister" turn in to that whole relationship, which goes entirely unremarked?

So 1 star all around.

Not the ending I expected, bit of a cop out.

I'm not a fan of alternate endings but this one was good although both said endings were equally delightful leaving me in dilemma as to which ending I preferred. Sigh.

I can only reach orgasm when reading LW stories when the wife dies on a cross in great agony at the end. Not really, but there are paradoxes here: the prot is better off with someone like Heather, and both Claire/Katy have the same character flaw, so now he has invited that back into his life. LW is not about penitence but about escaping mentally fucked-up people. They always get better, but they never get well.