Smoking Addiction in Seven Lessons

Clarissa was stunned into silence as she witnessed all across the room students hooting and hollering as they lit up cigarettes that they clearly had at the ready. It was like a wild smoking fetish fantasy that she would masturbate to, but this was reality. Within seconds, everyone except Ernie was smoking, blowing long white streams throughout the room, exhaling smoke rings, and performing ghost inhales. She had this burning desire to join them; to inhale deeply and stroke her pussy; to force smoke into Ernie's lungs and laugh maniacally as he coughed until finally submitting to the power of the smoke.

But that was fantasy. She had to deal with reality before she got fired.

"That's enough!" Clarissa yelled at the top of her voice as she stood up from her desk with a bolt. The room immediately fell silent. Never before had these teenagers seen such an expression of rage from their favorite teacher. Clarissa picked up a waste basket which she had filled with water just in case Karen had decided to light a cigarette. "You will throw your cigarettes in this trash can - NOW!"

The teenagers did as they were told, passing around the waste bucket quickly.

"Class dismissed," she said.

"But Ms. Knowles," Ernie replied, "my pizzas...."

"Everyone out!" she shouted. As Karen moved back to her desk to pick-up her things, Clarissa grabbed her by the arm and said in an icy tone, "Except you. Take a seat."

When everyone had filed out of the room, including Ernie with his ten boxes of pizza, Clarissa lit into Karen with a fury that the teenager did not expect.

"I don't know what has gotten into you, young lady, but your behavior today is absolutely unacceptable. I could have you expelled for what you just did!"

Karen expected such a threat, which is why she convinced everyone to light up, hoping that safety in numbers would shield her. She immediately, therefore, sought to pivot the conversation.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Knowles. I've been under so much stress lately, especially at home. I think maybe I was just acting out in a way to get attention."

"I read your report, Karen, so spare me the psycho-babble," Ms. Knowles said bitterly, still in an irate state that surprised Karen. "You definitely have my attention!"GOD, I wish I could have a cigarette!!!!!

Clarissa put her hands up on her face. She knew she was not handling this well.Breathe, Clarissa, breathe. "We need to have this talk when I've calmed down," she said in an honest assessment of her current state of mind. "I expect you here at 4 pm today, and you better have a damn good explanation to convince me as to why I shouldn't send you to the Dean's Office and have him deal with you."

Karen knew that would be a disaster. "I'll be here," she promised with a nod. "4 pm." She picked up her back-pack and her purse and headed towards the door.

"By the way," Clarissa said, "it was an excellent presentation...until the end."

The teenager smiled. "Thanks," she said appreciatively, and then walked out.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph," Clarissa murmured as she plopped down on her chair.What the hell am I going to say to her at 4 pm? She took a breath and felt her nose tingle at the pleasant odor of smoke still wafting in the room. If it were up to her, she'd make the whole damn school a safe-smoking zone; but it wasn't up to her.

She stood up from her desk and began to open all the windows in the classroom, praying that no administrator would pop their head in demanding an explanation for the smell of second-hand smoke. She had no intention of sending Karen to the Dean, of course. She saw the Nerd Squad as extended family. She therefore wanted to keep what happened in class todayin the family.

++++++++++++++

There was still at least 45 minutes to go before her next class, so Karen walked out to the lunch court where she found all of her friends eating Ernie's pizzas. When they saw her, they began to clap. She half wondered if she was dreaming.Should I take a bow? She decided she would.

Ryan, Nancy and Christine all came up to her.

"I don't know why you did what you did, but it was a helluva lot of fun," Nancy said patting her on the back. Karen smiled. She didn't want to out her mother, so she had to leave the reasons for her lighting up in class a mystery to all except Ryan and Christine.

"You were magnificent, babe," Ryan cheered as he gave her a kiss and a slice of pizza.

"So what happens now?" Christine asked.

"I meet her at 4 pm," she replied.

+++++++++++++++++

After her final class, there was nothing for Karen to do before meeting with Ms. Knowles except to head over to Rosie's with Ryan. After all, the school's own library was basically a study hall for zero period students, and so closed at 2 pm after the final bell. She had never been involved in after school activities such as band, cheer, or sports. Indeed, unless a one had some activity in the sports/music complex at the far end of the campus, students were expected to be off school grounds by 2:30 pm.

She was surprised, therefore, as she entered the main building to recognize the distinct odor of cigarette smoke. Ms. Knowles' classroom was half-way down the hallway, and as Karen walked down the corridor, she could see through the windows of certain classroom doors teachers sitting at their desks feeding their addictions. She wasn't surprised to see her science teacher puffing away since his clothes always smelled of second-hand smoke. But her art and math teachers? This was a shock - and to be doing it in their classrooms!

The door's window to Ms. Knowles' room was covered with a poster of Eleanor Roosevelt, so Karen could not see inside when she knocked at the appointed time. When she opened the door, she was both thrilled and surprised to see Ms. Knowles also sitting at her desk with a stack of papers in front of her and a nearly spent white-filtered cigarette between her fingers.

"You're smoking," she said in awe as she took a chair next to the corner desk.

Clarissa, who had considerably cooled down since her earlier blow-up, smiled. "Half the teachers in this school smoke, Karen. You probably saw quite a few of them on your way in." She took a final puff and snapped it back while stubbing her cigarette out in the ashtray. She tilted her head and exhaled a quick blast out of the side of her mouth. "As long as we leave the windows open," she said pointing to the wall to her right, "admin doesn't care if we light up after the students are gone."

"May I?" Karen said reaching into her purse.

Clarissa hesitated. "Well, youknow the smoking policy for students at this school. But I think we can make an exception since its 4 pm," she said with a wink. Just to be safe, however, she got up from her desk and walked towards the classroom door to lock it. When she turned around, she saw Karen tilting her head downward and lighting the tip of her 120 freehanded with a cheek-hollowed puff. "You've quite a beautiful style for such a young smoker," she said impressed as she walked back towards her desk. "But then I already knew that from reading your paper." She picked up her B&H pack and the ashtray, and then she motioned towards the center of the room where they could sit at two student desks as equals. Clarissa considered this an informal counseling session to discover why Karen felt the need to act out in such a way that morning.

As Karen watched her favorite teacher pull out an all-white 100 from the gold B&H pack on the desk, she said, "I always pictured you holding a 120."

"Oh really?" Clarissa said with the unlit cigarette bobbing up and down between her lips. She then lit the tip freehanded and took a powerful puff, snapped it back after letting the smoke inch out of her mouth, and exhaled through her nose. "I've tried Virginia Slims," she said after taking another draw and then pulling the B&H out of her mouth. "It was a long time ago, though" she added wistfully, thinking of the mother of the student in front of her. But it was time to deal with the matter at hand. "So," she asked in a businesslike manner, "what's going on with you? Why did you light that cigarette in my classroom? And why on earth did you convince your classmates to do the same?"

Karen didn't really have any speech planned, deciding to just go with her gut. "Well, I think it may be a cry for help on my part."

Clarissa wasn't having it. "Karen, let's cut the crap," and she could see that Karen was considerably taken aback by that comment. "Keep in mind that I read your paper. I don't see this as a cry for help. What I see is a young woman who decided to explore the boundaries of addiction and, like many of us, discovered how pleasurable it can be. Am I right so far?"

Karen meekly nodded her head as she slowly puffed on her 120.

"What you also discovered is that you have some amazing talents in leadership skills, as clearly demonstrated by the fact that everyone in the class except Ernie lit up on your command. That's impressive. Scary, but impressive." Clarissa brought the cigarette up to her lips for a powerful puff conveying that she was in control. She French inhaled the smoke and held it in her lungs, exhaling only as she continued speaking. "So clearly you did this in order grab my attention. Well, you have it. What is it you want?"

Karen was feeling very small at the moment. Obviously this brilliant woman had figured out her plan. She just didn't know why she concocted the plan in the first place. The teenager had to think fast.

"Ms. Knowles..." Karen's mind was racing for a reason. "I'm having difficulty telling my mother something."

"Oh?" Clarissa asked, hoping that they were finally getting to the heart of the matter here.

"Yes, you see..." Karen was stuck. She had no idea what to say. Then, she suddenly remembered Christine's cousin. "I think I'm transgender." Karen said the word without even fully knowing what it meant to be transgender.

"Really," Clarissa said with some skepticism as she sat back and brought the cigarette up to her lips but paused before taking a puff. "Does Ryan know?"

Shit! This woman knows all about Ryan. Of course she does. She just read a report detailing the smoky sex we've been having the last few weeks. "Um, no," Karen responded evasively. "He doesn't. Neither does my Mom."

Clarissa, who of course knew of Myung's bisexuality, didn't want to dismiss out of hand what this teenager was saying and might therefore be experiencing in trying to deal with conflicts of identity. "Well, are you afraid of how your mother may react if you tell her you are transgender?"

"Yes," Karen nodded emphatically. "You know she's from Korea. Very old-country thinking."

That wasn't the Myung that Clarissa remembered. She began to wonder if Karen was making this whole story up. Or perhaps she just had a very strained relationship with her mother like most teenage girls. It was entirely possible, even likely, that Myung hid her bisexuality from her daughters. She simply didn't know.

Karen continued. "That's why I'd like you to be there when I tell her."

Clarissa's heart skipped a beat. "What?" she asked in disbelief.

"You're a counselor who deals with these issues all the time, right? I really trust you. I've decided to tell my Mom tonight, and I really need you there with me...for support."

This was all going too fast. Clarissa had of course met with many parents in the past, but none of them were her former lovers. None of them still held the powerful pull over her heart like Myung. "No," Clarissa said out of hand with a quick puff and exhale, "that's not possible." She took another nervous puff.

"But why?" Karen pleaded.

Clarissa could see a look of real anguish on Karen's face. Clearly something was bothering this girl; and clearly she wanted her to meet with her Mom. But why? She wasn't buying the transgender story. There was another reason, but she didn't know what. The counselor in her felt an obligation to try and help, even though every fiber in her being was telling her to send this teenager home alone. "Okay," she said reluctantly, "I'll meet with your Mom."

"Thank you, Ms. Knowles," Karen said as she leaped out of her desk and hugged the teacher. "How about tonight at 5:30 pm? That's when my mother usually comes home." Karen took a piece of paper out of her backpack and began scribbling on it. "Here's my address. It's not far from the school." The teenager was giddy as she walked towards the door.

"Um, Karen," Clarissa said as she pointed to the half-smoked Virginia Slims between the girls fingers. "No smoking on school grounds."

Karen slowly walked back as she took a massive puff, inhaled, took another puff, inhaled that, and then began a third puff as smoke poured down through her nostrils. Clarissa could not physically prevent her nipples from hardening. Even her pussy began to drip as she watched how this teenager had mastered the art of smoking after less than a month.

"Thanks again, Ms. Knowles," Karen said stubbing the now spent cigarette in the ashtray on the desk. "See you at 5:30."

PART 28 - REUNION

Clarissa Knowles parked on the street outside of Karen's home. She took a double pump on her B&H and snapped back a huge ball before hissing an exhale between pursed lips. The last time she was this frightened was just before coming-out to her parents when she was 16. Ironically that turned out to be a joyous occasion as her mother and father accepted her with open arms. "We were talking between ourselves about having a surprise coming-out party for you," her Dad teased. Clarissa looked up at the house with tremendous apprehension. She had no idea whether this would be such a joyous moment.

It had been 21 years, after all, since she and Myung had had a conversation as Clarissa had chosen to respect the wishes her ex-lover expressed in her letter, no matter how heartbreaking it was for her. Whenever by chance they saw each other at a local business or a community celebration, they pretended that they were strangers - which was not an easy thing to do in a small college town where everyone knew each other. Myung had never attended any high school activity with her daughters; never came to a Back to School Night or an Open House. Clarissa never had any cause for a parent-teacher conference concerning Ari, nor did she expect she would ever need one about Karen. And yet here she was now sitting in a car outside of Myung's home.

The teacher took one more double pump on that cigarette and put it out in a cookie tin she used as an ashtray. As she exhaled getting out of the car, the spring breeze quickly grabbed the smoke and blew it like a mini tornado down the street.That's what my stomach feels like right now, she thought to herself: a turbulent twister. She walked up the pathway to the front door and rang the doorbell.

-------------------------

Clarissa felt some relief when Karen answered the door. "Hi Ms. Knowles," the 18 year old said cheerily. "Please come in."

This was the first time that Clarissa had entered Myung's home. With three bedrooms and a spacious backyard, it was obviously bigger than her own 2 bedroom cottage. She smiled, happy that Myung had done well for herself as a single mother with two kids.

"My Mom isn't home yet," Karen said as she sat down on the plush chair, a deliberate move she learned from Ari which would force her Ms. Knowles to sit on the couch next to her mother. "I promise it won't be long. She's rarely late." Karen picked up her pack of Virginia Slims on the coffee table and pulled out a cigarette. "Would you like one?" She felt like such an adult offering her teacher a cigarette.

"No, thank you," Clarissa answered with a clearly nervous tone. She never would even consider lighting a cigarette in another parent's home without their permission, but she was ready to make an exception here. Hoping the B&H would calm her down, she pulled out her elegant DeLuxe Ultra Lights pack and new Zippo lighter. Within a few seconds, she felt considerably more at ease after breathing in the smoke of that delicious 100. "So you looking forward to UCLA?"

"Oh, yes," Karen replied with smoke pouring down her nostrils. "It's gonna be a blast." She took a puff. "Did you know," she said in a smoky exhale, "that I'm going to major in psychology?"

So you can figure out how to turn the whole world on to smoking? "No," Clarissa answered, "I didn't know that." After a puff and a pause she asked, "Where is Ryan going?"

Karen suddenly looked glum. "I don't know. He hasn't told me yet."

Clarissa looked at her quizzically.

"He said he's on several waitlists but won't tell anyone which ones." She puffed sadly on her 120 and then French inhaled the contents in her mouth. "I don't like to think about us being apart."

Okay, so if you are in love with Ryan, then the reason I'm here likely has nothing to do with you being transgender. "Forgive me for asking, Karen, but why am I here?" she said with some exasperation.

Karen was surprised at the question and relieved when she saw the front door open and her Mom enter the living room. She was not expecting the look of utter shock on her Mom's face, however, when she saw Clarissa Knowles sitting on her couch smoking a cigarette.

Immediately Clarissa flew into action. All of her professional training kicked in, and the fear and nervousness she had that was tearing her insides apart a few minutes ago had dissipated. "Good evening, Ms. Kwon," she said standing up and offering her hand. "I'm Clarissa Knowles, Karen's psychology teacher."

Myung took her hand but did not shake it, still stunned at seeing this woman whom she had thought about daily for 21 years standing before her. Her pale white skin seemed even whiter than usual at this moment as the blood drained from her face.

"Forgive the intrusion," Clarissa said as she brought the shocked Asian woman into the living room by gently putting her hand on the back of her shoulder, "but there has been an incident with your daughter at school."

The color flushed back into Myung's face as she now focused on her daughter. "What happened?" she asked worriedly as the two women sat on the edges of the couch with a considerable gap between them. She immediately reached into her purse for her Virginia Slims.

"Everything is fine," Clarissa said assuredly, "but Karen is in a bit of trouble. You see, when she was giving her oral report today, she lit a cigarette in the classroom; and she apparently urged all of her classmates beforehand to do the same."

The look of shock had come back onto Myung's face, but there was no draining of the blood this time; rather her visage turned a crimson red. Karen was so concerned with getting these two women together, that she had not considered how unhappy her mother would be when discovering her misbehavior. To have a teacher tell her this in her own home would be a terrible loss of face.

"How could you do this?!" Myung shouted at her daughter in a tone that revealed a Korean accent that only emerged when she was angry. Both Clarissa and Karen jumped at Myung's reaction.

"Ms. Kwon," Clarissa said calmly, not prepared that Myung would start shouting at her daughter in front of her, "kids can act out in a variety of ways."

"Excuse me," Myung said cutting her off, "but Karen is not a kid." She looked at her daughter and added bitingly, "She is an adult. And she needs to start acting responsibly like one if she intends to go to college this fall."

Karen wasn't sure what her mother meant by that last statement. It sounded like a threat to her. She needed to find some way to deescalate the situation, though she wasn't sure if what she was about to say would bring calm or make things far worse.

"Mom," she began, "I'm sorry you are so angry. There is a reason why I did what I did."