All Comments on 'Snowbound Ch. 02'

did you mean disposition? or is that one of the misspellings that should convey style or whatever?

kb123, you did a nice job with this installment. It's still relatively short but it's longer than the first chapter, provides some background on the characters, and gives the reader some understanding of their motivations. There's also some more description that allows the reader to get a better feel for the Western setting.

Areas that could use some work are punctuation, format of dialogue tags, and transitions between characters or scenes. Without having an editor, punctuation can be helped with a pass through a spelling and grammar program, and then rereading the story, slowly, line by line. I found such a boo-boo in my latest chapter, doing that (after it was published, of course! Oops!).

Your dialogue tags are generally good, but do a brief review on them to help with their punctuation and format. The Write Life dot com has a short primer on dialogue tags that might help improve this aspect of your work.

The transitions mentioned above are a little choppy at times but can make a big difference in the flow of the work and keep your readers focused. Using separate paragraphs for different characters speaking and/or acting is generally considered grammatically correct. An example is the second paragraph: Shane speaks. Abby sighs. She does something. Broken into two paragraphs, it allows the reader to read and focus on Shane and then switch their focus to how Abby responds to him.

Sorry the suggestions were longer than intended, but hope you'll find them somewhat helpful. That said, I'm looking forward to the next chapter in your story to see where you take us!

Hopefully you can continue.

And more hopefully write longer chapters quicker.

Just so as can get what we paid for lol.

We really don't know as much about Abby's decision to move west or about her education and family. She must have had some money to pay for the trip West and then what? A woman traveling alone at that time with no definite employment opportunity or family member to help find one would have been most unladylike for a Boston bred woman. Fill us in on the details to give us some sense of why she was so desperate.

Give us a reason to root for her and to understand why spending time with a half-breed Indian man would be risky in such a small town. Was this a dynamic she didn't fully understand?

I like the story. You did a good first chapter on set up. I would have liked more character development and information, but that is ok. I like the story line and where you are going. Please continue and I will enjoy reading more. Thanks for your time and your imagination.

Like it. Looking for more. Enough said for now.

very short!

Loved your story! Would love to see Gavin stripped of his clothes tp reveal a muscled manly chest, perhaps with a bit of sexy chest hair, to please the young Abby. She seems so sensible in accepting Gavin and rejecting the nasty Shane!

I'm ready for chapters 3, 4, etc. I think Abby and Gavin could make life together, and include loving sex between them. I think Gavin stripped of his clothes might make a very handsome man with a bit of chest hair from the european side of his family. I'm sooting for them!