All Comments on 'Soiled Knickers'

A well written, intriguing story demonstrating the stiffest upper lip since the queen had to deal with her sons perfidy.

A very well written and well told tale. The occasional mis-spellings hardly noticeable in the quality of the writing. I look forward to more of your work, thank you.

Drama? Angst? No thank you, we're English. LOL! Professor, since you and I both have been watching from the sideline for years, I congratulate you for jumping into the into the fray! This was very well written! The lack of closure with the ending suggests another chapter I hope. You already know the anons will react!

very good story and very well written-am looking forward to the next installment

Incomplete, with no indication of further chapters coming. This hurt your otherwise excellent story badly. I reduced my score from 4 stars to 2 on this basis alone, because I hate authors who are too lazy to finish their stories. Especially without indicating earlier that they won’t be finishing it. Other than this I found this to be an exceptional first story. Look forward to the next.

I wasn’t sure how to rate this tale. I was torn between three ratings. The three are all at the bottom of the scale Good Read ⭐⭐⭐, Just Didn’t Like It Much ⭐⭐, and I Hated It ⭐.

After deeper thought about the tale, I threw out I Hated It ⭐. That left a Good Read ⭐⭐⭐ and Just Didn’t Like It Much ⭐⭐ as potential ratings. While I was leaning towards Just Didn’t Like It Much ⭐⭐. There was something that just didn’t set right about the tale in my mind.

1st was the use of the term lawyer instead of solicitor. During my time living in the UK, I just don’t remember lawyers being used to identify someone representing a person or organization in court or to the police/prosecutor office. It was always a solicitor.

2nd when ever I would travel between Leeds and Manchester it was mostly M62 to M60. Sometimes due to other travel plans I would M621 to M1 to A636 to finally A635 via Holmfirth. Sometime all the way down M1 to A628 to M67. I guess it just bothered me on the roads. Anal retentiveness I guess (forgive me on that).

3rd was the tale never had an ending or hook into the next chapter/part. It leads to imply there will be a next part. However, the vagueness could imply nothing to come.

Having stated all of my reasons to make its rating of Just Didn’t Like It Much ⭐⭐. My reflection on the tale hoped that you would FTDS. That being the ASSUMPTION I gave it a rating of a Good Read ⭐⭐⭐. I hope you prove me correct in my rating by completing the tale. Should you decide not to I will be fine as will all of the other consumers of your written product.

Best wishes on whichever way you go.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Enjoyed it, a few typos but nothing to spoil the overall tale.

I find this story an excellent read. So very British that I could almost hear the accent. I found a couple things incongruous. First, no early pregnancy tests were done. Wouldn't she be 'peeing on the stick' daily to check it out? Second, what is a phd in pharmacology doing performing cardiac surgery? The fields are pretty diverse. Her boss/seducer would have to be a genious to have all that under his belt. I would have found it easier if his brother was the pharmacologist or something. Third, why is the MC/narrator paying for testing the drugs? It seems the police would jump on that immediately.

Otherwise this is a 5 star story and I am looking forward the next chapter.

Good first story. Had some typos, but easily overlooked. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Solid writing and storytelling. Only problem was that was a really uninspired place to end this chapter(?). Honestly, the whole thing felt like it could have been done in one shot, unless the 'deep and shady' plot is going to be delved into that elaborately. In which case, will reserve judgement.

1.It deserves a better editor

What follows are not criticisms, just my tastes statements.

2. Mr. Barker lives totally in his head.

3. Having no knowledge of England, if I had time I would read it with a map available.

4. Is the quiet composure of all characters a reasonable representation.

5.Shucks, didn't learn any new techniques

Overall, I liked it. A few notes though: An editor, or at least a proofreader would be helpful. A few times narrative flow was broken as I went back and re-read lines several times before figuring out words that were missing or otherwise confusing. Having any other person read your story before submission would likely catch those simple mistakes and creats a much smoother read for the viewer.

Second, you provide an author's note at the beginning, but neither the story title, nor anything in what you have written state that this is a multi-part story. One kind of assumes more should be coming as the ending to this story, which I assumed was supposed to be complete, is not finished, at all. I actually downgraded the story from 4 to 3 stories, as a story that ends w/ so little resolution doesn't deserve a positive rating. If the story is going to be continued (as I suspect), that is on the writer for not saying anything about this being a multi-part story.

Great first story. I loved it. Thanks.

Hoping for a part two. Many unanswered questions.

That was a very well put together story. 5*/

I hope there will be a part 2.

Adequate tale:..BUT ends with no resolution or conclusion. Very poor form!

2 stars

Nice change from all the melodrama we're accustomed to.

Please finish the story. No star until you do.

Fair's fair, after all.

Great story, loved the mention of Cheadle {cheshire} my home village.

Sorry Professor but you have failed the assignment by turning in incomplete work. Incomplete stories need to be approved by the reader in advance before they start to read the material. This story should have been titled Soiled Knickers Part 1, or Soiled Knickers, The Beginning or possibly Soiled Knickers, This is What I Got So Far or Soiled Knickers, The Incomplete Works of ProfessorC.

A well written story without an ending. Please have some consideration for your readers. Your readers shouldn't have to invest the time reading the story only to discover you didn't invest the time to finish your story.

A great story and I can't wit for the conclusion.

It is also fantastic to see someone using the English language properly. I really am tired of the pidgin English being used here so often. No "me and Sally " but "Sally and I." There are so many other examples as well so it is a very pleasant change.

5 stars

A very well written and well described story. Would live to read more of your work. Thank You!

Good story, feels not fully done (may be your style) but a slight letdown w/out resolution.

RAACuck alert !!! Typical wimpy English story. Wives cheat and English husbands forgive 1*

A very well written and well described story. Would live to read more of your work. Thank You!

Excellent. Rather abrupt finish. How about a continuation?

So my wife cheated on me. But then I found out my mother also had cheated on my father in the past and he forgave her. So now I also should forgive my wife because she was "an innocent victim" of seduction by a big bad wolf. Yippie!

very well written but a bit of a cliff hanger will there be a part 2

Saint Dave, we'll light candles for you and thank God for allowing us to be humble sinners in the face of your grandiose holiness.

Congratulations, a fine example of British phlegm.

Always stoic, always in control, never flustered or excited.

It's truly wonderful.

The problem is, making love to them must be as exciting as reading the dictionary.🤣

No I might've helped her with her legal troubles after I had seen a divorce lawyer

Good story so far! Left us hanging with no indication of further chapters.

Hopefully this was an oversight. Gave it three stars with that improving if other chapters are posted!🌟🌟🌟

Excellent story. Well done for your first foray into this subject matter.

You do not mention a second chapter, but would hope that one was forthcoming!!!

The ending needs to show what actually happens to the good (?????) Dr. Mortenson.

Lastly, difficult to understand how the hospital would have acted and not brought the Doctor to task, fired him and avoided major litigation from employees.

But enjoyed your tale and look forward to additional stories.

3 stars so far

I would entirely agree with MattblackUK's comment. Looking forward to the denouement.

Take the last train to cuckville and you end up here. Sad that the once formidable men of England have fallen so far.

Stupid premise…stupid writer…. Maybe a Chucky one too….

Also…

‘ Dave, I'm so, so sorry," she said, "I was caught up in it. I thought he and I were going to be forever, but he couldn't leave his wife because she was severely disabled and dependent. He used, me.’

And he takes her back….she was a doctor….she was not a stupid woman!

Excellent first effort which read more like the effort of a seasoned veteran. Keep the chapters coming! Regarding the comment about MC living in his head, of course he does. I'm married to a NYT bestseller, and I believe that they ALL do.

A totally unbelievable cuck tale dressed with a little drama. The unrealistic idiot cuck husband keep saying "I will always support my wife whatever she did and she'll do", "I know that she is a liar and a slut, but I don't know what to do", "I'm going to ask my mummy what to do now that I know that my 'lovely' wife was cucking me multiple times", "I don't know what to do if my 'lovely' wife is pregnant with another man baby". WTF ???

So this is just a huge unrealistic ridiculous RAAC tale, with an evident and solid cuck component, sold as a romance-drama. Sorry for the effort in her first tale, but it's a full 1* !

A good story well told and well written. The typos sprinkled throughout every page should be addressed before posting. The possibility of all of those making it through the most rudimentary spell-check is not believable. It looks as if many of them are the result of a formatting problem (which I lack the expertise to address). With so much care devoted to crafting the words, a final polish is the least that can be done. It may be seen as a showing of respect to the story itself. All in all, those slips did not detract from my enjoyment of your writing.

.

Thank you very much for your efforts in telling this story.

So,:

- the wife of the MC was a liar and a slut

- the mother of the MC was a slut (may be a liar too)

- the MC is a big cuck, not only still keeping his wife after all she did (and ready to do it again), but even ready to raise the bastard child

- the father of the MC is a cuck who kept his slut wife (maybe the MC's father is not his real father, after all)

So, what a good religious family, so filled with moral values and secular church traditions, a really good example for all the community.

It would have been better to add the cuck and the fetish tags to this fem-POV tale and even better to put it under the fetish category.

Interesting, complex enough to seem realistic. I enjoyed it a lot. I look really forward to reading more from you.

On the assumption that this may the first chapter of a larger work, I would like to make my plea that authors preface multi-part stories with a statement to that effect, so that people (like me) who prefer to read a whole story at one go will not unexpectedly be left hanging.

I was a little surprised that your doctoral student was studying historical linguistics under the supervision of the History faculty. In the US, I would expect a linguistic topic to fall under Linguistics faculty or, in this case of manuscripts in Anglo-Saxon, under the English or German faculty (where the literature of that language would usually fall). Not that anyone else would likely care.

As others have noted, there were quite a number of typos. Whether or not you are actually a professor, you are clearly knowledgeable enough and write well enough to avoid them and I’m sure that you would like to. However, I know from experience how difficult it is to carefully reas one’s own writing, and one has to have data on problems if one wishes to correct them, so about half way through I started collecting a few of the errors I noticed. Here are a few:

you will need to take overpaying the mortgage

She loo0ked at them

one hinder per cent

The new sat and talked, or rather, for most of the time Sally talked

our dads took ne into the living room

"For what?2 I asked

That was a really long story, only for it to stop without ending and no indication that this is simply a chapter 1. As this is your first story, there is no history to determine if you are bad at finishing stories or bad about announcing chapter stories.

.

This story would benefit greatly from an editor, especially if they helped you to actually finish it. There were a lot of simple mistakes as well that even a beta reader would have caught. In one case, it appears you meant to write "Then we" but it ended up as "The new" instead. I'm guessing that you got ahead of yourself with the space bar and typed "the nwe" which your spell checker interpreted as "the new" based on the grouping of letters. It's a common thing, but a good example of why using spell check is not an acceptable alternative to an editor or proofreader...

Nice story, way above the average here in this site. The author is a great storyteller. and the plot interesting. It's obvious the story is unfinished, and I'll be looking forward to the next installment. Thanks for the story. Well-deserved 5*

I enjoyed the story up to the part where Dale got the call from the police that sally had been arrested and would only be released into his custody. Dale was made at her for cheating and lying. Based on Dale going to live with parents and thing about if he wanted to stay married, divorce, or something else; him driving back that evening to bail his cheating wife out doesn’t match with the character’s state of mind. It would have made more sense for him to leave her in custody at least for one night. Everything after he picked he up was rubbish. Once Peter’s wife revealed herself a DNA expert I skipped to the last page to find out if the whole thing was just another reconciliation or if Dale had the balls to divorce his wife as she chose to have sex with another man instead of reporting him for sexual harassment.

FTDS

Interesting and an enjoyable story. I hope you finish it.

She managed to stay a virgin for years at university but fell to the predator quite quickly. Doesn't make sense unless she wanted to. Also, where is the conclusion? There surely can't be a lot more to tell?

Good writing but it's not finished.

I really wanted to enjoy this. The concept of the story is good. However, the execution is very lacking.

Definitely needs proof reading and editing to eliminate the large amount of technical errors.

My biggest complaint is the lack of consistency within the storyline and character development.

As a college aged woman Sally turned down every man that asked her for a date because they couldn't get their eye past her boobs until she met Dave. Yet, in a matter of a couple months started having sex with Peter who as he said to Dave was only looking for a set of accommodating holes. Sally at the beginning of the story was one person. Sally that started cheating was another person altogether. It's like the author tried to have a gotcha moment but it really doesn't work because of the drastically different personalities assigned to Sally.

Then there's the fact that Sally has told Dave 3 completely different versions of how/why she started having sex with Peter. At first it was they were meant to be together forever but, he can't leave his wife due to her being disabled. Then it was that she told him no but, ye was so persistent she gave in hoping he would lose interest but, then got blackmailed into continuing. Finally she said that she wanted to say no but, the words wouldn't come out and she couldn't make herself physically resist what he was doing (presumably from the drugs) ... Speaking of which, what qualifies surgeon is going to take unknown pills just one the say so of someone they've only known for a few months?

Then the story just stops on page 7 in the middle of a conversation... WTF???

It was a unique approach but, what woman walks out of her lover's house wearing a pair of his wife's panties? Wrong brand, wrong style and wrong size but... She puts them on and the stupidly puts them in the dirty laundry for Dave to find? Points for creative approach but, it just didn't make any sense.

A good first effort. Could have used an editor. A big inconsistency between her first “explanation” of the affair (all excuses from a person who knowingly and willingly cheats) and then the reason was drugging and blackmail.

It would have been nice to know the results on the drug tests. If she was roofied, then she was raped and apparently blackmailed. The only problem is keeping quiet about it between pills. His biggest mistake was giving her a bunch of pills instead of doling them out one at a time.

Very good story. Looking forward to the next chapter. needs a final editor for typos

Nice story!!! Very well written!!!

Congratulations! 5 stars from here ;)

You make so many Typos that it is obvious that you do not proof read

Solid narrative but a little short for defining why he would cast her immediately to the side. I do like the hint that drugs may have played a major role in the initiation, but later actions are hard to defend and she makes no real attempt to. 3.8*

Entertaining. Seems to need a finish.

Good first story, unfinished in my opinion but that's your choice. I did notice one typo and one completely incorrect word usage but the quality of writing is far higher than the average here.

Nice one.

Proofreading & a grammar check would have made this into a 5 star story.

Seriously? 7 pages, 20K plus words to not have an ending?

She cheated on her husband for four months.

She cut him off from sex.

She was going to get pregnant by another man.

He swallowed it all and took her back.

He doesn't have an ounce of dignity.

He deserved everything they were going to do to him.

Next time, let him only resent himself.

And the next time will surely come, in another ten years, when his wife forgets about the next vows again.

Weak tea. She cheats, only now she was drugged with mind altering experimental meds and was going to be a brood mare?

She's been cheating on him for four months and has absolutely no remorse, in the real world it would be divorce not reconciliation.

Okay but needlessly wordy and unfinished. Nothing indicates another chapter coming so, at this point, this was a failure.

5* would have liked to hear more a about the seduction and relationship between wife and lover. The fact of withholding sex from husband and trying to have lover's baby was never discussed other than in passing. If I was husband that would be an important facanon.1tor. Wife was not fully developed in the story.

anon.1

Well done. More please!

Well written, but two major issues have been completely ignored:

1. She went off birth control and cut off sex with her husband so that Mortensen cld impregnate her. WTF?

2.She told husband that she thought she and Mortensen "would be forever." WTF (again)?

Each of these demonstrates that she mentally had left her husband even more definitively than physical cheating would have done. This was not just a "fling", a temporary sexual relationship based solely on sex and no deep emotional attachment. Yet the husband is very quickly moving towards complete forgiveness without getting any explanation for these matters.

Maybe the author will try to explain this away by the unknown drugs Mortensen had given her, but the knowing effort to get pregnant while cutting husband off from sex is a lot more than some pills made her super horny and easily seduced. Until this is satisfactorily explained, which is going to be hard to do, the husband is just being a chump for being so forgiving of her. So I am withholding a rating until Part 2 appears.

Finish the story. We want YOUR ending, not a reader's. Tale is TOO good to let it drift!

yet another pathetic cuck. WTF is the deal with that shit? Are there any men left that will actually expect fidelity, and refuse to be run over?

You need to finish it

I would give it 4*, but He's to nice a Jewish boy. Where was the pain, the hurt.

Bad boys have fun, good boys get kicked in the lower parts.

Sorry but could not relate to him, as his actions lacked any real feeling.

Good luck on your next story.

So far the husband is acting like a cuck. His wife went off the pill and knowingly denied him sex to get pregnant by someone else. No explanation for these actions can be attributed to a drug without everyone noticing a change in behavior. There is also no shown remorse for these specific actions. This story has turned RAAC. I personally hate RAAC stories as I find them lazy bad writing. ***

FTDS. I think she is full of shit at this point, and have no idea why is staying with this lying, cheating slut.

Too long. Very boring.

Firstly thank you for taking the time to write and post this. Unfortunately its terrible.

This was probably 2 or 3 pages too long, filled with worthless information which added nothing to the story apart from extra word count, as others have said Sally completely changes from a virgin who wouldn't date anyone as they had a hard time finding her face, to a slut who chests on her husband just to get her lover to stop asking. What the hell kind of reason is that?

Dave doesn't seem all that bothered by the fact that his wife has been cheating for months and attempted to get pregnant by the good Dr, infact Dave has all the emotional responses of a typewriter.

There are multiple errors which should of been corrected by simply rereading your story and then there is the ending.

Is this the end of this story? If there is going to be a part two how long is it going to be? Afterall every piece of evidence proves Sally innocent so what is left to say? And if this is the end of the story why would you end it halfway through a conversation?

You had an idea but failed to put it onto paper, I hope your next story reads smoother than this.

Well written, adult story. I look forward to the continuation.

Obviously l now see this is Part 1 with another part to come

No voting until l get to read the entire story

Suffice to say so far it’s excellent and l look forward to the next part.

Great story telling from an English man. Now if she was given an experimental drug to break her ability to resist his advance plus the blackmail . He is toast. Will the good old boys network at the hospital break the tradition of covering up. She can sue big time if all the facts are in.waiting for the finish.

Very well written overall so congratulations for your first stroy here. That said, I too wonder how Dave is nmot having more trouble with her statement that she thought she and Dr, Bastard would be together for ever and that quite apart from the cutting Dave off to get pregnant.

Dave is a serious man, well educated, apparently liberal of thought, caring and very much in love with his cheating wife, sainlty even.

However, I don't believe in Saints, saints are a human construct and just part of the insidious population control devive known as 'religion' in all it's many and varied forms - almost all of whom claim to be the only true one.

Look forward to you FTDS. Excellent storytelling despite my difficulties, I'm always happy to suspend disbelief for a good story.

Fairly well written and overall a good storyline. However, it is lacking a bit. I echo many comments below when I mention the MC's lack of emotion- it's quite unrealistic. And the matter-of-fact (almost bland) handling of the situation by the parents seems almost cold, and again, greatly lacking in emotion.

I'm going to assume there is an additional part to this.

agree with Wargamer

FTDS

You need to label it as part -1

Well written but I will score after the conclusion.

Was she drugged and when is the issue to resolve

This is a very good story and very well written. It definitely needs a part 1 label, or ‘to be continued’ at the end with a sequel following (soon?). With Dave’s career they certainly don’t need Sally working - if she wants her marriage to work then she ought to have no problem throwing her career away to bring the hospital management into at least a scandal for trying to bury Peter’s assault and harassment. She’s a perfect candidate to work with a charity helping women. This story has many directions it could head. I’m anxious to read what follows.

But it would have been nice to know up front that it was Part 1 of ?

Thanks for posting here, and bring on Part 2.....

I would have to say a star last born. Interesting characters, great back story. Minor typos, and the ending …well it hangs in mid air.

It’s 5 stars from me…perfection is not to be found in this world, but this one was close.

Chilley

Ditto 'Wargamer', but I must say some of the overly detailed minutia is killing the flow of the story taking it from good to fair. We do not need to know what they ate at meals or who had what pint, etc, etc, etc. Plus she should be able to pee on a stick to determine pregnancy, by now.

\

Hooyah....

I am assuming a chapter 2 is coming...

Excellent first part 5*.

She carried on an affair. 4 months. 120 days.

Performed very difficult operations and medical procedures. Maybe there were some drugs involved? But for fucks sakes she was right enough in her mind to know she was committing adultery. Knew she was giving him sloppy seconds..

Then she agreed to cut off her husband. Stopped taking her birth control. And continued to perform all the duties a surgeon and doctor does in an excellent fashion. Yet he's just gonna take her back? Just like that?

Was she manipulated? Yeah. Was it a form of blackmail with the video? Yeah. Some kind of drug. Yeah.

But c'mon. She wasn't wasn't some mindless zombie. She knew what the fuck she was doing.

And he forgives her just like that? What...like a week in and he's back sleeping with her?

And what's this horseshit about accepting another man's baby if she's pregnant? He's just ok with it?

That's where you know this story is a gigantic wagon full of steamy horseshit.

Nobody's going to accept a child bred into their wife under these circumstances. And pretend to live a happy life with her and some bastard child.

NOBODY would accept that. And if there is a man out there reading this who was married and their wife purposely stopped taking BC and intentionally fucked another man with the clear purpose of getting pregnant. Denying you your first child? And you knew. And accepted it? And forgave her and raised it like it was your own?

Well either you are Jesus Christ himself? Or you are the world's largest pussy with zero self pride. Zero self worth. And you will be walked all over your entire life. What I am saying is you are worthless as a man and a mate. You are less than. Period. End of story. Full stop. And there is no argument to be made for you.

That's why this story with this MC expressing this? Accepting the fact that he is a an actual cuckold? That's when this story enters fantasy land and becomes bullshit. Impossible to believe.

Not badly written. Started out well enough. But steered into unbelievable territory and I could hardly stand it by the end.

Her father that's the bishop? He raised this treacherous piece of shit liar slut? Performed the marriage ceremony? Is a bishop in the C of England for fucks sakes. And that's his reaction to finding out she was s cheating conniving slut for 4 months? "Son, if she's pregnant with another man's baby are you staying married and raising a bastard?"

When he says he'll leave it up to his wife but won't encourage her to abort it? Yeah right.

And then bishop daddy is like "gee...you are such a great cuckold son..."

He's not angry? He's not upset that his daughter acted like a tramp? Has been named in a divorce action as the "other woman" cheating on her own husband? That her name will be known publicly? Which means as a bishop...that her name means HIS name will be publicly known? And he isn't upset or worried or angry? Right. Because we all know that ecclesiastical politics is just so forgiving within the church of England. Just in case you missed it...that was sarcasm.

It's kind of naive.

Give us all a break here with that dialogue and story line. Just dumb and not well thought out.

I don't know what the rules are in his country, but I would think that every employee of the hospital receiving a flash drive with Mortensen's confession could put paid to the 'old boys' attempts to protect him.

She was drugged or she's too naive to even be a doctor. 'What need for a test for social diseases?' [She's no idea how these diseases are transmitted?]

Thanks for sharing...

Pleased in the fact that you actually tell a story!

There's a lot of 1-2 page "wonders" with little to no character development on this site

Sorry could only get to page 3

IT WAS SO DAMN BORRING!

5 stars. I assume it will be finished? A part 2?

I was a manager once with an ex-USAF employee and his English wife. They met when he was stationed over there for the USAF - not in any time of war.

She told me something once very interesting. For "classy folks" in England, the man is expected to be in control and always show self-restraint, sexually. Even IF a woman comes on to him too strongly. In the USA traditionally, the reverse is true. Guys were expected to always try for seduction, with "good" girls retaining self-control. This was back around 1980 in my life. So the '70's had finished and a lot of the "sexual revolution" had happened.

But in reading all these stories here set in England, this basic template (that I was told) really does seem to happen, a lot. Thanks for this story.

Thoroughly enjoyable for this reader.

Excellent beginning ! 5*

I liked it. I may love it if it ever gets a proper sequel. There is still a lot left unresolved. What was in the pills, what did the pregnancy test reveal, how did the hospital hearing go, did they drop her charges and charge him, there are so many unanswered questions. This is too good a story not to have an ending.

"But, really, I haven't taken anything from you,"

* She does not take full responsibility for the affair.

"So I'm right then," I said, with a feeling of great sadness, "and do you intend to carry on this affair?"

"I'll give it up if you want me to," she said.

"I'll take that as a yes, then," I replied.

"No, if you want me to, I'll give him up," she protested.

* She will not end the affair of her own free will, she wants to continue with her lover.

"Dave, I'm so, so sorry," she said, "I was caught up in it. I thought he and I were going to be forever, but he couldn't leave his wife because she was severely disabled and dependent. He used, me."

* It wasn't "just sex." she could leave her husband for her lover, but he had his wife disabled

the husband is the most pathetic character I've ever read.

Good beginning but has to have a second chapter (at least). An interesting issue which clearly raises concerns about the inferred state o medical treatment in the UK. Hopefully not that egregious.

Please continue. As a first submission to the group it is a very good start.

Nicely done. I know many of the places you mention in Leeds so it felt 'right'. Please, finish it off!

Might need an editor, some typos but it didn't spoil the story too much.

Wow was he so freaking calm about all of this! No way would I hold my temper as the way she first described it she was willing to leave and live with this guy and father his child,. So now she is drugged?

Dump her, she was drugged but she didn't;t care..

I cannot see how this can be well written, the outline is good the whole piece is riddle with grammatical errors. Did you even try proof it by yourself ? Or could it be you are not English born? A tidy up is in order and obviously an editor required.

Agree with a few others about the flat emotion of the MC, suggest you try a lot more emotion and for pities sake don't let the MC cry unless it his dad or mom dying.

No score until it is completed.