Somali Guide to Zombie Apocalypse

"Commence bombardment," said the task force commander. Just like that, Project Wipeout began. Captain Jason Miller and the other U.S. Airforce pilots acknowledged the order and then began bombing New York City. First, they took out each of the twenty-one bridges connecting Manhattan to the mainland and then they destroyed the rest of New York City. The zombie outbreak had to be stopped at all costs. Better NYC fall than the rest of America and the world. Sacrifice eleven million lives to save almost eight billion. Sounds like a fair deal, right?

"Oh fuck," said Rahim Ahmed as the first bomb dropped on the bridge. The six-foot-tall, dark-skinned young Somali Muslim man had been a mere twenty feet away from the mainland when disaster struck. Behind Rahim, a bunch of people were running and behind them, millions of zombies were coming. Running as fast as his legs could carry him, Rahim hit the ground moments before all hell broke loose. The bridge evaporated with a fantastic sound. One akin to the world ending. A massive chasm opened right where Rahim had been, mere moments ago.

"Come on," Fariha Osman shouted, and the tall, plump young Djiboutian Muslim woman grabbed Rahim's hand. Rahim nodded and got to his feet. Fariha nodded at him and took off. Rahim followed her, but not before taking one last look at the chasm where the bridge had been. The Island of Manhattan was now cut off from the rest of New York City. The young couple fled, ignoring the sound of cement and fire hitting the waters. All things considered, Rahim wished he hadn't left Mogadishu for NYC sixteen months ago. The zombie apocalypse has royally fucked up Rahim's shot at the American Dream.

The zombies swarmed over Manhattan, and wherever they went, they devoured the living. The wealthy and the poor, blacks and whites, men and women, none were spared. The Undead did not feed on cats and dogs, preferring the meat of Homo Sapiens. This was something which the world's scientists always puzzled over. The zombies ignored animals just like they ignored plants, preferring to hunt humans. Nobody could explain that one.

Rahim and Fariha ran through the streets of New York City, and there were millions of other people doing the same. The world's most populated city had been abandoned to the Undead. The U.S. military troops that had been battling the zombies suddenly left, their tanks and helicopters and warships deserting NYC. After the military troops abandoned the city, the U.S. Airforce warplanes came and destroyed it. America was staring down the zombie apocalypse and the zombie apocalypse didn't blink. The U.S. Government chose to sacrifice NYC to save the rest of the country. How about that?

"We need to get off the streets," Rahim said to Fariha. Nodding, Fariha pointed to a building in the distance. The sign read Hassan's Convenience Store. Rahim followed Fariha there, and it proved to be a fortuitous decision. Exhausted, the young Somali couple took refuge in a grocery store. The owner was long gone. After running for what seemed like forever, Rahim and Fariha rested. With his baseball bat in hand, Rahim took a look around the grocery store. Sure, the owner was gone but there were other things to worry about. Thankfully, the place was zombie free.

"We cannot stay here long," Fariha said, and she helped herself to a water bottle from a nearby vitrine. Rahim took a can of Pepsi from the vitrine and drank it. That turned out to be a bad idea. Rahim looked at Fariha, who frowned. Excusing himself, Rahim went to the bathroom at the end of the hall. After making sure that it was zombie free, Rahim went inside. Moments later, the young Somali man took the dump of the century. Running from zombies and explosions can really affect a brother's gut.

Ten minutes later, Rahim came back and looked for Fariha. The young woman was gone. Rahim looked for her in the grocery store aisles and even looked into the women's bathroom but couldn't find her. It wasn't like Fariha to just take off. Rahim chanced a peep outside and saw...them. A horde of zombies. There were dozens of them. Rahim hastily shut the grocery store's front door and ducked behind the cash register counter. Lying flat against the tiled floor, Rahim prayed that the damn zombies didn't try to come inside.

As Rahim took a dump in the men's washroom, Fariha looked around the store. There was plenty of food there, along with water and other beverages. There was cash in the register too. Where was the owner? Why would he or she leave such goods around? Fariha went to look at the loading dock behind the store. There was a red Pickup truck there, with the keys in the ignition.

"Strange," Fariha said to herself as she inspected the car. The tank was full of gas. Fariha smiled, thinking that this must be her lucky day. With this car, she and Rahim might make it out of NYC before the U.S. Airforce nuked the place. The young Somali Muslim woman was still congratulating herself on this good find when there was a sudden movement at the back of the Pickup. A pair of arms reached for Fariha. As the young woman shrieked in fright, the zombie bit her in the shoulder. Fariha struggled and tried to reach the pickaxe she carried on her hip but the zombie mauled her. One bite is all it takes...

Omar Hassan had it all planned out. Once the middle-aged African Muslim man saw the army tanks and helicopters leave the streets of NYC, he knew the jig was up. Omar called his ex-wife Amina Hussein but her lesbian lover, that blonde-haired white bitch Helen O'Shea answered. Helen cussed Omar on the phone and refused to let him talk to Amina. When Omar called Amina's cell phone, she didn't answer. Shrugging, Omar went to the store to make preparations.

"The bitch can die with NYC for all I care," Omar said to himself. He was glad that his son Jalil Hassan was safe in Ottawa, Canada, far from the zombie apocalypse engulfing NYC. Perks of being an international student. Canada closed its border with the U.S. and stationed Canadian military troops to stop Americans from invading the great white north. At Port Erie, Ontario, located near Buffalo, NY, and at Windsor, Ontario, located near Detroit, Michigan, Canadian soldiers stopped any and all Americans trying to enter Canada. Mexico did the same thing. If the land of the free thought it could escape the zombie apocalypse, it had another thing coming.

Omar went to the store and filled his red Pickup truck with the essentials. He had food, water, medicine, blankets, and weapons. As Omar was loading the truck, he strained himself and his heart gave out. The middle-aged African Muslim immigrant and store owner died. Unfortunately, Omar did not stay dead. Omar once thought that the only way for a person to become a zombie was to get bitten by a zombie. As it turns out, that was wrong. Any human being who dies regardless of the cause will come back as a zombie unless his or her brain is destroyed. Those were the rules of the zombie apocalypse...

The newly zombified Omar Hassan was stuck in the car because he'd lost his human intelligence along with his life. He made groaning noises as he waited in the car. He didn't know how to drive anymore. He didn't have the brains to open the car door and get out. He simply waited. Zombies are dumber than chimps or gorillas. Zombies are dumber than dogs or dolphins. All zombies know how to do is eat humans, and even then, if there is a difficulty setting, then the zombies will fail at that too.

When Fariha came into the car, Omar the zombie pounced on her. Fariha was bitten, and infected. Half an hour later, Fariha arose as a hungry new zombie. Omar and Fariha waited in the car since they'd lost the ability to think their way out of situations. When Rahim came around the loading dock to look Fariha, he saw the car. The young man was excited as he saw Fariha's silhouette inside, but froze upon realizing that she wasn't alone. Hefting his baseball bat, Rahim cautiously approached the car.

"Fariha, no," Rahim said, his heart sinking in his chest. The zombie Fariha pressed her ghastly face against the side door window. There was another zombie in there with her. Rahim quickly deduced what happened. Shaking his head, the young Somali man readied himself to do what needed to be done. Rahim let the zombies out, one at a time, and bashed their skulls in with his baseball bat. After carefully cleaning the truck, Rahim loaded it with supplies.

With a sad heart, Rahim drove out of the grocery store lot and took the side streets of NYC. He saw men and women running through the streets, and a few people on bicycles, motorcycles, skates and even scooters. Rahim didn't stop for any of them. A while ago, Rahim came to America from Somalia as a refugee. The U.S immigration authorities denied Rahim's refugee claim and he had been working under the table in NYC while trying to appeal their decision. The zombie apocalypse happened, and now nobody wants to come to America anymore. Everyone is trying to leave...

"I hope you are in Jannah, in highest paradise, my dear Fariha," Rahim said, sighing. He thought of Fariha, his fellow refugee who shared his struggle. Men who are in trouble quickly find out where their ladies loyalties lie. Fariha was a good woman and she never abandoned Rahim. In truth, Rahim blamed himself for what happened to Fariha. If he hadn't been taking a dump, he would have been there to protect her from the zombie. Shaking his head, Rahim vowed to avenge Fariha. Before Rahim takes his last breath, he would kill many, many zombies. First things first, though. Rahim had to get out of New York City...