All Comments on 'Soul Binders Pt. 01'

I'm always up for a good necromancer story. Still a shame about this site not making it more obvious what Tags an author uses for their story, though the thematic content wasn't a deal breaker. However... As it stands, you've written an MC whose life is in danger to the point of having his governing body of mages having sent an execution squad after him... and he awakens from his power being unlocked needing to be told explicitly what to do, and overriding his rather simplistic and in the moment inappropriate questions. Nothing wrong with a weak MC, nor with femdom. Its just hard to believe that with these powerful supporting characters in his life that he is so incapable. Sure, he could have been overwhelmed in the moment, but that's not what it read like (to me). Though, if that's the direction you'd like to take this intentionally, there should have been a different cant or attitude used by Pauline as she was explaining things, and his reaction should have also been more meek/ out of control crying/ etc in order for his responses to her shifting into that more soldier-esk, Yes, Ma'am, kind of thing being more apparent as a way to drive the story. Even if not wanting to end the story in that direction, it makes perfect sense for a veteran to take command of the greenhorn in a time of crisis until they can get used to being in dangerous situations.

An editor would also prove useful. For a relatively informal thing like writing a comment, common language and grammatical errors are more understandable than for a more story-like submission. Specifically, dialogue has some punctuation difficulties, though as I'm sure many other on this site can attest to, when you're wrapped up in a story, you can gloss over little mistakes. Though, there will always be those that notice them all. I'm not one of the latter.

All in all, a young punk rocker being thrust into a far more hostile world than he was expecting, while also getting to live out some rather >.> "taboo" fantasies is a good pitch. Hoping your interest and capabilities for this story exceeded my own attempts at writing. As I said, I'm always up for a good necromancy story.

@jpz007ahren:

I'm not sure you're reading the story the same way I am. I don't think it's intended as a femdom thing at all. The bonds clearly make him the master.

I think it's more of a situation of the MC not knowing what's going on, his older and more experienced supporting character telling him what he needs to do right now to survive.

I strongly suspect that as the story progresses he'll come into his own.

This is so poorly written and rushed I can hardly keep track of what’s going on