All Comments on 'SPH at Work'

move along, nothing to see here. It's rude to stare at the mentally disabled.

All of these satirizes are really creative and have potential but all are too short. The devil is in the details. She made him get everyone and then he jerked off in front of him. That scene itself could be as long as this whole chapter. Tell about the audiences reaction, his embarrassment. How is he feeling during that? Is it arousing, or just embarrassing? Does he just want it over or does he slow a bit because the humiliation excites him? You need more in your stories to hold audiences and get better scores. Just one guy’s (who is really into SPH) opinion. Take it or leave it.

I usually appreciate something in every story posted on this site, but this one was one of the weakest I've read here. If you're inclined to post another story in the future, please think it out more, use your imagination, add a LOT of detail, and then read it over for grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, and just plain poor writing. Sorry.

Don't write the story from your perspective if it's going to be mostly about events that didn't involve you. In this case the 'I' should be another named character and the story should be told by an omniscient narrator. This is basic stuff. I'm not going to bother getting into the details.