Splashdown Ch. 02

The story is complete and finished. It is long; eleven chapters. I don't have an editor and need one. To ask someone to edit something the length of a novel would be abusive at best. I have used the finest tech, ahem, that Microsoft Word can furnish. For my part besides writing it, I have proof read this eight times. Oy! Distressingly, I am not a paragon of grammar, one of many failings. I fervently hope there is something here for you to enjoy.

Splashdown Chapter 2

Gary

Peg was happy to see me that night, eagerly wanting to know if Kathy helped me as she placed grocery bags on the kitchen counter. She was trying to hide it, but she was nervous.

"Yes Baby, Doctor K basically took away several worries of mine. And couple that with my transfer to desk duty for a while and I have lots of happy time to spend with you."

"That's great." Peggy answered. Then we looked at each other for a while. I had learned a long time ago that silence made most people uneasy. Peg did not rattle easily, hence astronaut. But she was anxious to know if I was alright. She was also curious as hell about what we talked about.

I let her stew by going to the fridge and taking out the vodka from the freezer. I turned trying not to let my amusement show. I teased the topic, "Oh, I get it. You understand I did not want to worry you with my concerns so that's why I spoke to Kathy. And now since I said she took some of my worry away you want me to reveal what those worries were."

"Yes, exactly!" Peg jumped towards me kneeling on a chair beside the table, like I was about to share a secret of juicy tidbit of gossip. I put two big ice cubes in a wide glass then turned back towards the counter grabbing a knife and orange. When I turned back, she was staring at me open mouthed.

"Wow Gary, did you just tease freeze me? Oh my Gosh, I will have to torture you in the bedroom tonight." She suddenly looked worried for an instant. I wondered what that was about.

I asked slowly, "So, do you want to kno..."

"YES!"

"Okay, let me finish my drink, but you have to sit on my lap."

"Yes Sir," she cooed seductively.

"Crap you are good at that," I told her. Peggy had my number and we both knew it.

She beamed, "I had a wonderful teacher."

"Yes, and I have a wonderful headmaster." Peggy smiled at my entendre as I put the orange slice in the glass with the ice and let the Grey Goose cover it. I set the bottle down and sat in the chair beside her. Peg hopped up and straddled me in my chair.

She began to unbutton her cotton shirt; she wore nothing underneath.

"I thought I would go braless the rest of my time here in preparation of six months in a sports bra."

"Why do you need a bra up there? They can't sag, there's no gravity up there. Besides yours defy gravity down here."

Peg answered quickly giving me a factual answer, "Modesty." She saw me wince. The corner of her mouth turned down. She now knew she had another sort of problem to think about. Peggy correctly thought it best to stick to the original subject before breaching another.

"What did Kathy say?"

"She said we could still have children," I answered honestly with a broad smile.

"What?" Peg was stunned.

"The shielding in your body and that floating Winnebago up there is enough that your eggs will be fine, and we can still have a family."

Peggy's jaw fell, it took several attempts before she could form words with it again, "Jesus Gary, you ... you thought I would be sterile?" She was shaken that I had not shared such an important concern.

"No, I feared your eggs would be compromised making our having children unwise."

She stared at me on the verge of tears. "Christ, I never even thought ..."

"I know. I didn't want you up there worrying about some worry of mine."

"Wait, so ... so you were going to let me go? Even if my trip had that terrible outcome?"

"Could you possibly not go? I mean it's been your whole life."

She was confused, "It's been most of my life. Then I met you and you are catching up quickly." She smiled at her joke expecting me to follow along. When I didn't, she perceived there may be another unforeseen problem and rushed her dialog. "But Gary, our family, our future, you were going to let that go?"

"No, I was going to let you go ... to the space station. I am not going to be the reason you don't go. Baby, I want you to go, I think you HAVE to go. I was simply wondering just how significant the price was going to be. It's always better to decide up front to pay a high price instead of finding out later that you already have. I had to find out what the risk actually was before I could figure out any plan of action."

"Gary ... you still wanted me to go?"

"Baby, if that really was a problem, then I wanted to make sure you knew that even if wiping away our planned future was in the deck, that as long as I have you, my future will be fine."

Peggy was shaking her head overwhelmed, "Oh God, I've heard of this scenario. There is some emergency, and the wife can either save her children or her husband, a lot of women will choose the future, meaning the kids, and let their husband die.

She thought it through, her conclusion blanking her face, "Gary you faced that choice. And you decided to save me and let the children go."

I nodded, "That's an interesting academic discussion. But really, I was only confirming if I did have to make that choice. I didn't," I shrugged deciding to follow the idea out. "If I really had to decide between kids that were living and real, it would depend on a number of factors: if the kids are very young then the parents could probably have more -- never replacements but different kids. The point being the couple could still have a family. However, if the kids are older, have promise for humanity, and have well-established personalities then it becomes a real choice.

"For many women however, the man is sworn to die protecting them, the children were what she owed both their families and species: if the kids lived so did their father in a way, so you serve him best by letting him die. And of course, find a new man to share their lives, raise the kids, and sleep with the wife."

I shook my head ruefully and gestured in a sweeping motion with my arms,

"I'm not saying saving the kids would not be the right call for us, but I would take no solace in another man living what should have been my life. Perhaps another man might take solace there, not me."

Peggy was hard to read, she was both troubled and flattered. It seemed the one aggravated the other.

"You would choose me, Gary? You knew my priorities concerning space and that I put off our original timeline for children in the hopes that I would be chosen to go up. That would piss some men off, but you agreed to put off having our kids. But if we had them, you would still choose me."

Peggy was equal parts flattered by how besotted I must be with her and abashed at how badly she had underestimated my concern regarding her not telling me about the change in her mission's duration.

My answer was simple, "I have chosen you. I don't know if other folks would agree with our choices: they don't have a career like yours. I also don't' know our kids yet. In fact, as the eggs are not fertilized, they are just eggs, not our children. We want our kids to do something grand for humanity, right? What are the chances they will do more for our species than what you will do with your flight? You are helping us reach another planet and then all the other planets beyond."

"But Gary, you have talked about kids since we got really serious. It was a concern marrying me. Once we even talked about when I might retire from active space consideration and having our kids late in the game, but still having them. Children have been important to you since the beginning."

"Yes," What was I supposed to do, say something like, "You can't always have what you want?" I let the one word handle it.

"So, you would give them up? Have you had a change of heart?"

"Space was your dream before you were my dream. Space was your dream before you knew me. If you never married, you would stay with the space program for the duration, not just until your flying days are up. Most likely you wouldn't have kids. It's your dream, your life, it's who you are. How can we be together if I make you deny your nature? Could you ever look at me again? Would you see me as the man who you love, or the man who stole your purpose from you? Even if you were not resentful of me, would you still be able to love me?"

Her lips parted of their own volition as she stared at me.

"I love you, Peg. I want you. I chose you, not as a baby incubator, though I would still like that eventual outcome, but as you. I want to have my children with you. I don't want my kids anymore: I very much want our kids. And if I can't have that I'm not interested. If you were sterile, I would not leave you just to have kids. Understand?"

She was actually digging her nails into my neck without realizing as she searched my eyes for, well, everything. Peg digging her nails into anything was a challenge as she was a worker; she kept her nails short.

"Gary, you would give up having children ... so that I could be ... happy? What if I could not be happy without children?"

"Then that's your call to not go up, not mine. I'm sorry I can't make that call. I won't. My decision would be that you go, that you fulfill your destiny. I'm not sure I really believe in destiny per se, but you catch my drift."

"But Gary you really were going to give up your dream of children to facilitate my dream of space flight?"

"Yes. If that was the verdict, but it isn't. We will still be fine having kids."

"Jesus Gary, I want to have children, our children and I plan to! But that you would make that huge sacrifice on my behalf ... I don't believe I have ever been this turned on. I was going to tease you, rub your ice cube all over my nipples and entice you into bed. Now I think I'm going to stand up and take off our pants and re-straddle you right here."

"A decision that profound should not be thwarted."

She did, and we enjoyed the fruits of her decisiveness. I love a strong-minded woman!

* * * * *

MECO

(Main Engine Cut Off)

Peg came back the next day from the flight center and tip toed around me. All of the relief and joy she felt when I came back from Kathy thinking my issues were resolved was gone. After a few years of marriage even couples that aren't always on the same page can smell trouble. As soon as she started the old "walk just past your spouse then check them out with the corner of your eye trick", to gauge my mood I figured I would just cave to the inevitable.

There was no point putting this off, "What is it, darling?"

Peggy froze, looking upset and nervous, there are worse combinations though this one is rarely fun.

Peggy started wringing her hands together. She was a little pale, stammering before she got traction on her words. Okay time out, for those who may not have connected the dots: stammering, nervous, pale, handwringing; these are bad signs when exhibited by an astronaut. I could hear flight control calling to me, "Husband we have a problem!"

Peg was tripping all over herself and looked like she might be ill. As she was a "Vomit Comet" veteran that was bad.

"I, uh, I have to tell you something and I really don't want to. Let me explain further ... there are things I have to do to prepare for space flight that I did not expect. And we need to discuss them."

Peg seemed just this side of disconsolate, way beyond gloomy, just past miserable. That's not a wonderful place on the dial especially for an over stimulated husband who was hoping to have a nice evening with his sexpot wife.

"Wait, should I make a drink? We don't have to get divorced or anything, right?" I quipped.

"Uh, well, that's up to you," she mumbled at the floor.

So, anyone who is not married understand when you get that response from your wife it's called a buzz kill. I appropriately pursed my lips. I've read the marriage manual, that was my minimum required response.

I looked at Peggy with quite a bit of qualm, "You aren't serious, are you?"

"No, no, I will never leave you, but you are going to be disappointed in ... things, and I just don't know how to tell you. Especially on top of your magnanimous decision about letting me go into space even if it cost you your future children."

At this point she actually began to tremble, "C-Couple that with my being gone three months, a-and then six months and ... I don't know how to tell you this." Her mouth had curved down, her eyebrows made sorrowful commas over her frightened sad eyes.

"You aren't leaving me?" I repeated her words as I felt the ground dissolving beneath my feet.

"I will never leave you Gary. But I'm scared you might want to leave me."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Do you have feelings for someone else?"

"Noooo! Nooo, no, no. It's about ... sex."

I paused, actually feeling my heartbeat change.

"Are you having sex with someone else?" I said it like a joke except my heart was pounding.

"NOO! Noo, please. Please make a drink and make it a strong one, we will share it." Peggy leaned back against the kitchen counter bringing her trembling hand to her furrowed brow. Without changing that position and with her eyes closed momentarily, she began to speak again, "Gary, I only want you. I only love you." Distraught she added, "Baby, I will be gone for SIX months!"

"Yes, I am keenly aware of that!" All the joking was gone from my voice.

She looked like she might puke, "There are a couple ways to go. I am on the pill."

"I know." I was now faking being completely in control. Peg needed me to be in control.

"The progesterone r-regulates my period and my cramps. I used to get them so badly ..." she trailed off looking trapped.

"Sure ...." I had no idea where she was going.

"Six months is the new norm up there, so they are changing the protocols. The menstrual cycle can be a real burden up there, for everyone."

I narrowed my eyes, "My wife's body cycle, is no body's business. It is not community property."

Peggy froze, she was breathing shallow, perhaps too shallow. She was eyeing me gravely. She had expected a bad reaction to whatever she was going to lay on me, but that response had thrown her. I had no idea why.

"They can give me shots to suppress my reproductive cycle, but it is supposed to kill my libido too."

"When would they start?" I said with a disapproving hum to my voice.

"Well, if we did that, soon, very soon." There were tremors in her voice, and she had a hard time swallowing afterwards.

"Launch is still four months away. Shit. So, we would be about a year without sex." She could hear the dismay in my words.

"Well, sex might work. We might have to use lube."

"MIGHT?" I said that too loudly, then I thought about it: it wasn't near loud enough, I wanted a megaphone next time. This was stupid, what the hell had they told her? She actually ducked her head at my outburst and gaped at me with deer in headlights eyes, throwing in her mouth agape for good symmetry.

"Peggy, I need you being into our romping. I need you on edge and frantic, screaming like a banshee and urging me on. That's you. That's my girl and I love you for it. On their fantasy drugs you wouldn't be into the sex, would you? I can't imagine that. That would almost be like cheating on you with another girl, I don't think I could do that. Just seeing you excited, does something wild for me. I don't support that option. I love sex with you, it's my favorite hobby. And I am giving up too much already."

Peggy didn't say a word, she didn't even make a sound.

I was angry at this. "I want, no I insist my woman have fun. My partners have always gotten off, that's part of who I am. Tell me the other options because they may take you away from me for six months but not a year, and they should never alter me. I don't work for those dumbass motherfuckers. I keep them alive: they are in my debt."

Peggy was dumbfounded at what had just rolled out of me. First that I did not respect the powers that be. Hell, the folks in most of those positions now succeeded in spite of themselves. They were political appointees. Gene Kranz was long gone. I thought the agency's only hope was the present dead time where there was no press interest, the political appointees would get stuck there with no chance to move up, so they would move themselves out, which might make it possible for a genuine person to move in. I prayed for that sort of thing, and for plagues that only affected politicians.

"Gary, we have actually talked about some of their ideas. I have reaped many benefits of birth control. But there's another catch now with the extended stay up there."

"Great. Hit me," I took a swig of our drink. Peggy took it from me and took a bigger swig.

"I don't like the idea of messing with my cycle. I am younger and I want children, so that just seems to be fraught with trouble or potential for trouble so ..." She looked at the floor. I had no idea what was of such continued interest down there.

"Yeah ..." I said, impatience dripping from me.

"Well, the more traditional way is to increase the dosage on my pills."

I shrugged. That would do the trick, probably unnecessary if I knew my progesterone chemistry correctly, "Great, sounds good. I am not sure why we would want to pursue anything else."

Peg tried to stand still, but her trembling was back. For a split second her eyes darted around looking for something that wasn't there: escape, an answer? I didn't know which. I only knew I was annoyed to be in this damn conversation, and I didn't even know what we were really discussing.

"Well Gary, there are other options, a-and we should at least look at them. Another option would be to perhaps switch to longer term injectable progesterone, and while that kicks in, aaaand to make sure I'm not pregnant up there ... we use condoms until lift off."

"What?" I said it rather quietly. Poor Peggy began to shake. I thought she might wet herself. She had an expression like she had just met Jack the Ripper in a dark alley. My anger was gone replaced with a calm cool rage, almost undetectable until I actually lifted my victim's recently resected heart and took a bite out of it in front of them.

"G-Gary, they suggest we don't have sex, b-but if we do that you wear a condom."

I let the last sentence hang in the air, dying the lonely death it deserved.

"Peggy, dear. I'm not going up, so why do they want to fuck with my going down?"

She laughed despite herself. "Baby, they went all over my heath today and will be all week. And they were especially sure to go over my, um, reproductive system."

"What?" I wasn't just going to kill her doctors, I was going to murder them, painfully. No that wasn't enough, I was ready to start a wave of genocide on medical technicians. No, I was going to figure out the mysteries of time travel so I could carry my holy jihad against their ilk across the ages.

"I phrased that p-poorly. They want to make sure I'm not pregnant. Cosmic rays could cause me to lose the baby or it could be born with abnormalities. They really don't know what to expect, so they won't send me up if I'm pregnant. I knew that part, Gary. I didn't know about the condom thing. I figured that birth control would do the trick, as it is now."

"You do this as I tell you, this is no joke. You say my words exactly as I say them."

"Y-Yes Gary."

"Tell the doctors that If I don't get to fuck you, that I will fuck them ... in the ass. And that I am exactly the man that if I decide that's what it takes to make an object lesson of them, that there is nothing on God's green earth that can stop me. I can get to them or their careers. Do I need to repeat it, so you say it right?"