Star Studded Pt. 03

Gwen said with urgent sympathy, "Lee, you need to get this part straight: he was never going to marry me. Look at the facts; I wasn't worth calling back after my period was over. That's the grim reality. So is this: I played slut for a Hollywood type for darn near two weeks: one week real time. I got my fill... oh shit, you know what I mean! You give me love, more than he's capable of.

"Lee, look at what you've done for me since this blew up. You found out that I had a hidden past. Which put you in an awkward position and made you question my devotion to you. Only to have become depressed because you were still thinking of my well-being. I'm in YOUR debt: you owe me nothing. I only wish for your continued love! Damn it, why can't you see that's a universe more than he could give me?"

Lee smiled back looking down into her eyes as she placed him back in her mouth.

She cooed and told him, "Baby, let me tell you about my hoped-for future: you're going to give them to me, and I will give them back to you: children! I want your children. I always wanted children, now I only want them if they are yours. You've rewritten me and I am so much better than who I used to be and how I used to live. I don't revel in those past days; really, I sort of hate them. I came to feel cheap because of them, then things got even worse."

Gwen stood to place his face in her hands, "I love you more than you apparently know. The way you've handled this entire fur-ball of a situation makes me love you even more. I know it seems impossible but it's true."

"It's actually quite simple Gwen. I'm jealous. I've told you I am not sure I'm the best partner for you."

Gwen was stunned, "No. Lee, I never gave him me. I had fun with him that's all. As soon as it wasn't fun, I was out, and that was happening for both of us after only a week's worth of exposure. You know what I loved the most of being there?"

Lee really wasn't sure he wanted to know though he was sure Gwen was going to tell him.

"While I liked his friendly demeanor and good looks, I never felt like I belonged with him. The sex was great for what it was, and for that time of my inexperienced life. Though I realize now how poor it really was now. What I loved was sitting on that balcony, right there on the ocean. It was wonderful, but I still felt alone regardless of his company. In the end to stay I would've had to have given a real piece of myself. My self-respect, or anything else, well, even that fantastic balcony wasn't worth it.

"Even then I knew I was going to walk away. I already knew I couldn't give every ounce, like so many of those Hollywood types I met trying to hide their desperation. He was the only one who seemed to have it right among the Hollywood set. They desperately clung to the illusion. He saw it as a fun ride to enjoy while it lasted, and when it was gone, he'd find another fun ride. That's what he has over the rest of them, it's what made it easy for a college girl to hitch her wagon to him for a couple of weeks: he isn't desperate to maintain the life style or even the image. It was a fun ride and nothing more, so it didn't require any thought, it was ALL a lark, and when it required thought or commitment, the bubble burst for me.

"But Lee, he doesn't know exactly who he is. I think he's in touch with his strengths and weaknesses and how far he'll put up with the movie star dream machine. Yet he couldn't recite his core beliefs. He never had to look at himself that closely. He's interested in a ride not a journey. The ride may be fun but it's only a ride. That's not good enough for you, Lee, you want a life. So did I, even back then. I realized I wanted someone to sit on the beach with forever and I had to earn that company. I had to fight for that life. Then I found someone else who wanted the same thing. You'll fight and scrap for it, give yourself to it and those you want to live it with. That vital point is where you so thoroughly eclipse him!"

Gwen looked sad. Lee knew instantly Gwen felt pity for the Hollywood crowd. That was a revelation. She certainly didn't have stars in her eyes for them or their lifestyle.

Her eyes were fixed, but on a thought, "I understand those poor desperate people better now; so very desperate to hang on, even though they're living a lie. I'm so desperate to hang onto you, the thought of you and your love not being there for the rest of my life terrifies me. I feel like the stupidest girl in the world for actually having paradise and inventing a way to blow it up.

"I'd already changed before I met you and worked even harder to be the sort of mate you deserved after we met!

"I feel horrid and foolish for not telling you the secret. I was so afraid Lee. Please understand it was NOT a lack of trust in you: it was my inability to face my fear! It had hurt me so repeatedly, so often, with utter regularity. I was scared to death to twist the tiger's tail."

"Gwen, we've made great progress today. I don't want to push you too far too fast. You have to tell me, but not now. Soon but not now. We did great today. We don't need more today."

"But you need to know, Lee!" Gwen blurted incredulous.

"Yes, I probably do. More than that, I need you to want to be part of me. Believing you'll tell me lets me believe you do trust me. I'm sorry, I still want the proof, but you're putting yourself through the ringer. I can't have that."

Gwen's eyes widened further, "Even now, so close to gaining what you need, you protect me first?"

"That's my job. I love you."

"I love you too. That's why I have to tell you!"

He smiled broadly, "That's right. That's it exactly!" He bent his head to kiss her passionately.

Gwen was out of breath as the kiss broke. She swallowed hard, lost in his eyes. She sighed and asked conversationally, "Why do these Hollywood manly men end up with such dorky names?" She lessoned her grip and pulled away.

"I mean Sylvester used to be the name of a cartoon cat. Arnold was a pig on Green Acres prior to Mr. Universe taking English lessons. Clint and Bruce are renowned for taking definitive actions on screen, but neither name really inspires confidence in real life."

Gwen reached for Lee's glass and took it closer to the fridge to freshen the ice. As she dropped the cube in she turned back speaking, "None of the action hero manly types have masculine names, none are called Rick, or Nick, or... Lee!" Gwen beamed!

Gwen poured a good amount of scotch in the glass and swirled it. She took a big gulp herself as she kicked off her heels, "And his name is sort of anti tough or masculine sounding, more like a preppy frat boy. The name conjures up the sort of guy who when a real man shows up and points to the frat boy's date, she leaves him on the spot for the man."

Gwen came back to Lee leaning in close feeling his hard broad chest with her free hand while handing him the glass. She slid back to her knees and gazed into his eyes as she snaked her tongue out and ran it the length of his manhood.

She was nervously lost in her diatribe as she put the pieces together for her husband, "And his surname is even worse. I mean he's eye candy, so why is he named for a part of the body that is so unattractive? It's a part that's never going to be good looking even when it's shaved, and it's known for smelling. No one is ever turned on by it, the best that can be said about it is that you don't notice it." Gwen put his cock in her mouth while starring up at Lee waiting.

Lee suddenly exclaimed, "You slept with Chad Pitt?!"

She fell back losing all color, dropping completely to the ground. This was the moment she feared he'd storm out leaving her. She prayed the ground would open and swallow her so that she wouldn't have to endure losing of her love and life more than that staggering bolt of pain.

Lee exclaimed growing louder as he went, "You got drilled by Chad Pitt? You spent six nights fucking Chad Pitt! Oh yeah, sorry, six nights and a nooner! Dear heavenly host and 64 monkeys! You had Selma and Louise's boy toy - just like they did. Crap, his wives are always on People and Gossip. Maybe you were right; maybe the first rule of Chad club is never talking about Chad club. Damn! He's a good-looking guy that even guys respect. Jeez, I'm screwed, aren't I? Oh Gwennie." Lee led his eyes to meet hers.

"No baby! No! Haven't you listened to anything I said?" she shrieked.

Lee looked at her as his face brightened. She felt the change in him, heck it seemed to flow through the whole room. What she was watching frightened her more than anything that had come to this point. Lee's lopsided toothy grin was not like him at all. He seemed to be having trouble stifling a laugh as he asked, "So wow, it must have been great being with him! What's he really like?"

Time stood still for Gwen until Lee buckled over laughing. She was numb, then a white-hot anger coursed through her.

"How could you do that to me?!" She slapped at his legs like a dog against a door it wanted opened.

Lee grabbed her up from the floor and kissed her roughly, melting her on the spot. He placed himself right in front of her then gently but insistently pushed her down back onto her knees brooking no interference.

"Do it," he said, both of them remembering exactly what Gwen asked to do earlier.

Gwen immediately scrambled to comply. She fumbled so badly she wasn't getting anywhere. She looked up, scared she was turning him off and losing her chance, to see the confusion on his face. He saw her desperation, happiness, and desire. She wanted to please him although she also wanted to be with him to reconnect. Gwen was desperate... for HIM! Lee then bent down... and held her tight! So tight she couldn't breathe. It felt wonderful!

Lee tried to process it, she'd finally trusted him, the wall was gone! She was genuine; she was sincere. This was Gwen. The Gwen he'd always known her to be: HIS Gwen.

"Forgive me honey, I'm still spinning from this. My inappropriate joke was to let you know it's alright. I mean it has to be alright, right? I don't want to lose you and, well, those are my choices: keep you or lose you. I didn't want you to think that I don't want you. Do I like it? Chad Pitt! Hell no, I hate it! Maybe I'll feel insecure for a bit."

Gwen scanned him like a targeting computer, nothing about him seemed insecure. She watched him shrug before he spoke again, "Then again, if you're telling me the truth that you'd reject him for me then I feel pretty fucking studly!" His smile became large and toothy. Lee stared down at her. He was so happy with her!

Gwen's eyes went huge one more time, her mouth fell open. It really wasn't about who the guy was -- it was all about her not trusting him to know who the guy was. Lee was so happy now. He knew now and if didn't matter. She'd told him and it made him feel wonderful. This was wonderful! The world was not ending. And she no longer had any secrets to guard, no monster under the bed planning her destruction. She'd made him happy; she almost couldn't believe it.

Lee was speaking again. His voice was normal, even playful, "I mean if I'd merely beaten out one of those crooners that guys can't figure out why girls like in the first place... well there's no upside to that, but to beat a sort of regular guy, but one that's a millionaire, movie star, hunk, well, there you go - that's honest competition. A win is a win!"

Gwen felt her head begin to swim. She'd never imagined a reality where Lee could find out and it didn't have negative consequences for them.

Her breath caught as she heard Lee's tone change, "Now as to thinking he had me outgunned so badly that you wouldn't spill the beans, that may take some work on my part to overcome." Gwen cringed expecting the rebuke to worsen. She was thrown again when Lee lightened instead, "But if I've won, then it's a win against a respectable stronger opponent, and that fill my sails." Lee pondered the situation then nodded sharply making his verdict. No words were needed as he agreed with what he'd already said. Lee was indeed the victor. The emergency was past. Her perceived perpetual nightmare how somehow come to a close.

Gwen put her hands over her mouth so she wouldn't hyperventilate. She cried huge happy tears thinking that she may have bedded Achilles in college, but she married Superman later.

"But it also leads to my second apology, Gwennie. I did it without thinking if your claim was true, so I sort of tested your enthusiasm. And maybe I'm a fool... but I believe you. I believe that if you were as horny as you could be and you had to chose between the two of us, that you're in love with me enough to choose me over a guy who everyone, including me, would say is a superior physical specimen. A specimen who come with the added benes of being rich, famous, and owning a beach house. That line-up could make me second guess myself, except I have something better than all those things: you, and I believe it.

"For as much as I hate competing with him in my mind now, I also know that impossibly I've won. You said it perfectly: you are the prize I want more than any other and somehow, I've won. I guess I could focus on the fact that he ended the... tryst. Calling it a relationship seems to honor it more than it deserves. Despite all the odds and static, here we are... together. And that makes me feel like a king, a big fat fucking king! So there!"

Gwen was trembling, "So, so, you still love me?"

"Oh God, I couldn't love you more, honey."

"You can live with this?" She was stunned, truly flabbergasted.

He looked at her very seriously, "I apologize, Gwen."

"What, why? W-What's happening?" Though this was going better than she ever dared dream Gwen was still prepared for a trapdoor to open beneath her.

"I know we should make love, but I can't hold back: you're going to get fucked so royally!"

"My Lee!" her eyes were filling with tears of joy. He'd done it again, he saved her!

"I won't hold back, I don't want to, you aren't going to be able to walk for days."

"Oooh, does that mean I won't be able to leave our bed?"

He smiled nodding, "Yep. You're going to be a constant irresistible target of opportunity!"

"Get to it pile driver, you have a mine to dig! Oh, thank you, God. Thank you soooo much!"

Gwen wrapped her arms around Lee's neck and jumped his arms. He caught her one arm under her back and one behind her knees. He started them towards the bedroom. Her eyes never left his. She got bashful, then a wicked smile crossed her face, "Lee, this is whatever you want for as long as you want it. I've but one request. All play aside, make it hurt a little, Lee. Make it so I really can't walk normally. I want a clear demarcation between my life yesterday with fear, and my life today without it. I'm trading my past emotional pain for some delightful soreness, the type that when it fades is all gone. I don't think I can flip the switch and be done with my trepidation, but with such a glorious constant reminder... I think a week should do the trick."

* * * * * *

During their crisis Gwen and Lee had missed two monthly get-togethers with their neighborhood friends. The first because they were still hashing things out together and the second because Gwen didn't want to deal with the old syndrome about her past boyfriend. The next day Lee pulled Gwen onto his lap in the backyard. He explained things had changed now and she had to finish the process. She still wanted to move away. He explained that if they needed to, they'd move; hurting their careers was a small price to nurture their love and trust, but he had another idea.

"Gwen, suppose we keep that moving thing in our back pocket and conduct an experiment. I know those girls want to hear how Chad had a ten-inch shlong and could make you projectile squirt from across the room."

She had to laugh; Lee could blow up the situation to such ridiculous proportions that it overcame the dread in her heart.

"Only you can do that dear."

Lee smiled, "That's my girl! And that's my point, Gwen. Why don't you try being honest with them? Tell them what you told me, that it was the best in your life - up to then. But it was also fueled by the values and fantasies of a young girl not a mature woman."

"Oh Lee, doesn't that..."

He cut her off, "Tell them it was the best up to that point. Tell them that the lesson you learned was that sex with love was even better than a young girl's fantasy. Tell them that even with a moderately long relationship a guy learns what works with you, and then it's better than a one off with the Sexist Man Alive. Tell them you don't mean to burst their bubble but that's the truth. Tell them with him it was pretty standard stuff, nothing weird, the same stuff you do on vacation just to break in the room before the serious business starts."

"But it was with a movie star?" Gwen offered cringing.

"Exactly. Look them right in the eye and don't let them make more of it than it was. I think that honesty ought to handle them. Just keep in mind a lot of gals and guys are pretty miserable in the sack. So, some of your friends might not have the same experience with sex as we have together. But Gwen, only tell them that if it's true."

Gwen's eyes did the huge puppy dog thing again, "Lee, I will honor you. Every single thing I did with him, you do to me in the warm-up phase every Friday night, before you get serious. I'll tell them about your prowess."

Lee shook his head like she'd misunderstood, "No Gwen, only do that later if you feel you must. Make sure to tell them sex with love is better than any sort of fling or one night stand, even with a movie star. You can sigh when you say it. But you know what they really want to hear, it's not really about the sex, it should be as dreamy as any other detail in the story but doesn't have to be anything more. What they really want to hear is that one of their own made it with a star. So, by extension they can reach one of those foolish childhood goals themselves. Just don't let them wreck their realities by over playing it. You are going to have to burst their bubble a little bit."

Seeing Gwen wasn't convinced yet Lee tried a different approach, "This isn't sexual but think of how happy the guys would be if I could make them believe that they didn't have to shut down the youthful fantasy of winning the Superbowl or the Indy 500. Think of the happiness of keeping a dream and its spark alive. Tell them that while they can have their dream, that dreams decay in the light of day. That it's best to keep wild fantasies alive by never letting them touch reality."

Gwen countered concerned, "But Honey, winning the Indy 500 doesn't come part and parcel with betraying your loved one. I don't have to compete with the race for your affections. If you remember the win fondly it doesn't undermine me. Your loyalties aren't split between the race and me. It's not an intrinsic threat to our love, family, and marriage. When you add love, sex, celebrities, and jealousy into the mix things get complicated fast."

Lee nodded conceding her point adding, "Tell them he rocked your world but not in a way that makes it sound like it stayed rocked, not by him. Don't make them feel sorry for you that you can't reach that height again, and don't start them disrespecting me that I can't get the job done or that I'm not as great a high. They shouldn't think there are fruits available for them greater than what their marriage can provide."

She beamed, "That's true babe! You get out what you put in. They all have that power, maybe I can make them aware they still do, that it never goes away. I doubted I had it..." She looked down totally abashed, "forgive me that you had to go through so much hell to make me realize all that I had." Now she looked back up with pride in her man, "You know, being so confident about it all, you're going to be a sex symbol; they're going to want to try you - even if their fantasy Chad was available. You won't let them, will you?" He face heated as she knew her answer, "You are Superman that way!"