Star Studded Pt. 03

Star Studded Part 3

The conclusion.

Wednesday morning Gwen was checking her email for bills and answering correspondence that just could not be put off. Though their friends knew not to contact them, the world hadn't stopped for just Gwen. There, nestled among the appropriate emails, was one from the "friend" who had started the wrecking ball rolling at the block party. Gwen was about to delete it cursing Susan for her incapacity to understand boundaries when the subject line reached for her.

It was a plea for Gwen not to delete the message. Reluctantly, feeling she was playing the fool, Gwen opened the message. There was a brief description and an attachment followed by an apology. The link was to a recording of their entire conversation, made for their friend who just gave birth and could not attend the block party. The recording contained everything Gwen said: her remonstration of the women and her impassioned defense of Lee. Susan hoped maybe it could help, saying Gwen's words about her husband were the most romantic heartfelt words she'd ever heard. Gwen decided to listen to the recording that night after her husband went to bed. She hoped it contained something that could break their impasse.

The next morning Lee came into the kitchen dressed for work looking for coffee and breakfast. Gwen, looking tired and bedraggled, told Lee of the email and recording, adding that she'd forwarded the attachment to him already. She sounded defeated. He asked why. Her reply surprised him.

"We've talked about it all already. You still love me, but your enthusiasm and passion are damaged, you feel betrayed. I know you don't like what I did. But the facts that I'm sorry about it and it all happened before I met you hasn't moved you. Or perhaps that's what's kept you from leaving me already. Perhaps this is the best I can hope for. I'm not sure how this will help, but there it is, you can finally hear what you missed the day this all blew up. I wasn't about to keep another secret from you; I hated having one in the first place."

Lee took her hand.

"Where are we going?" Gwen asked softly.

"To bed."

"You'll be late," she thought aloud, confused.

"Yes, I will," he gave her a smile.

"Why?"

"I love you and need to prove it to you."

Gwen's eyes grew huge as she accidentally performed a wonderful imitation of a loyal puppy, trotting along beside him while never taking her eyes from his face.

Lee made slow love to her. At first, she was reluctant, as if touching her would soil him. As soon as he made it clear he was touching her anyway, she clung to him desperately. Lee wasn't sure if she was in a constant state of arousal or just barely aroused at all because of all her other emotions. Gwen loved Lee having her. Life can get complicated; this was as simple and clear as it got.

He said afterwards, "I love you. I'm working it out. I have no plans to leave you."

To his surprise Gwen became almost despondent, "Part of you HAS left me, I guess I should feel grateful for what still loves me. I think part of you has left you too. I can feel it Lee, you aren't happy like you used to be. I don't think my current behavior is a self-fulfilling prophesy, though I acknowledge my being glum can't help you feel rosy."

She looked directly at him, "I hurt you! That's the last thing in the world I wanted. The last! Worse, I don't know how to make this better, I don't know how to restore your smile or replace it with a new one, even if I give up on restoring the old one I want so badly. I love you completely!"

Gwen saw a shadow flash across his face. "Wait that's it, isn't it? You aren't so upset about my... being with that man as much as... oh My God, it was my keeping it a secret!"

Lee's old energy flashed in his eyes. Gwen felt like yelling Eureka, it might have shaken up their conversation although it would have sent the right signal.

"You really don't feel compared to him, do you?"

Lee's face danced with myriad emotions. Gwen was sure she was on the right track. She could tell Lee wanted to tell her something but held back. She pondered whether that was because he'd been off balance so long or because she had to figure it out herself.

Lee started to speak then faltered, or stopped himself, "It's that..."

"It's what, Lee? Please tell me!"

He looked confused as if part of him wanted to be happy and another part didn't. "I can't take off work any more right now, I have to go. I promise we will talk."

Gwen understood now, as Lee quickly gathered himself and shot out the door. Gwen reviewed, "I have to get it AND act on it. Okay, so I know that I must act, just not what the exact action needs to be or how it needs to be performed. But that's a start, and it's a whole lot better than what I had to work with last night.

Lee came in from a day at work made long by his constant distraction. Was Gwen finally figuring this mess out? He'd resisted leading her. She had to do this on her own for him to be convinced. He'd left a trail of breadcrumbs that she hadn't seemed to have noticed. This morning however held the hint of breakthrough, he wondered how far and how fast she could move. He appreciated her devotion but couldn't understand how she didn't see she'd undercut it all.

Lee sobered further, Gwen loved him, but perhaps not unconditionally. For the first time he'd been forced to ponder how much, as the secret seemed to be a limit she wouldn't go beyond. He liked her fawning on him, for now, who wouldn't, yet he needed real progress. He thought, 'She doesn't like living like this, huh? Well, it's all up to her. I can't drive us forward, it's all in her hands.'

Lee hoped, fervently, she finally got it. He was losing his composure; he was sick of backwards multiplication. He felt hope beginning to drain away, which explained his strange reaction as he walked in the door and saw his wife; a vision of loveliness, a veritable goddess in front of him.

Gwen was standing in the kitchen, her long hair down and curled, cascading over her shoulders like a waterfall, her hips round and full, framed by her garter belt leading to thigh high stockings dripping down shapely legs, capped on pedestals of four-inch heels.

Her makeup was perfect; she had a way of accentuating her lips, small nose, and her luscious large eyes and brows, that made him incapable of seeing anything else. Lee had seen this look before. Gwen had sworn afterwards she had on a ton of makeup, yet to Lee, it looked so effortless, so natural. Ah, the wonders of womanhood.

To offset the slinky flowing sex-kitten look, Gwen was quickly and jerkily removing her robe throwing it off to the side, trying to strike a pose just for him that she'd obviously put thought into. The scene was a wonderful juxtaposition for those few seconds: at once so Gwen, while also such a fantasy bombshell.

Lee stood for a second drinking her in. However, he didn't move to have her, he didn't move to embrace her, and God help them both, he didn't look all that happy.

Gwen felt her heart sink then nodded. It was a determined nod though, saying she understood. Lee's heart leapt; could this be the breakthrough he'd prayed for?

Gwen spoke in a smooth earnest tone, "Lee, I think I get it. Still, I don't think I get all of it yet. I'm tempted to ask you about parts I don't fully understand. Buuut, I don't think that's what you need me to do. Sooo, Lee," she tried to strike a mini pose now, one foot in fantasy for him, the other clearly as his loving wife and partner in reality. "I think I grasp a really important part; I want to tell you what I think and then sort of ask for direction; direction only Lee, not for a hint, not for answers. I think I know what I need to do, and I feel I need to do it in a particular way, but damn my eyes Lee, I don't think I have that particular-way part down yet.

"S-So, I had a plan. I-I wanted to make a gift of this, and of me, to you." She waved her hand up and down like a model on a game show displaying her made up body. "I-I hope you can enjoy me again after what I'm about to tell you. Even if you aren't interested in my offer, I wanted you to see how much I respect you and want to please you. Whether I get this next part right or not, I need you to know that every part of me is yours; that I'm holding nothing back... anymore."

Those last words were of incredible interest to Lee.

She watched his eyebrows raise, "Yeah, my love, that's encouraging. I hope I'm on the right track. And Lee, I can't apologize enough if I'm wrong. In either case, please take my apology. My attempt to protect us... I-I messed it all up. I know you've heard that too much already. You need action, so here goes!"

Gwen now bent forward, not as a pose; she was trying to get closer almost trying to inject her words into him.

"Lee, there's no one I trust more than you. In fact, I trust you more than myself now. So, there's still one part of the... the secret I kept from you; one last thing you don't know. It's the last part Lee, the very last part. There will be nothing hidden or kept from you after this. I don't want to keep secrets from you. I didn't mean to disrespect you by not telling you.

"You weren't upset by my behavior back in college. You're upset about my behavior now. It wasn't my complete time with him, it is my incomplete time with you."

Gwen watched as Lee's shoulders rose and his face brightened.

"What set all your doubts in motion was my not telling YOU his name. Everyone else went bonkers when they found out. I should've realized that you were the one that was able to save me because you're different from the rest. My mistake was not doing the opposite of what I did with everyone else. Not trusting you with the knowledge, not sharing it with you so that we could deal with it together was wrong!"

Gwen saw Lee lean back against the counter and he actually dropped his suit jacket, which he'd absentmindedly been holding all this time. At first she thought he was stunned that she had gotten it so wrong. Lee actually shook a bit and looked up, not happy, but with a warm glow on his face. He looked so incredibly relieved. 'Wow,' she thought, at the enormity of what he'd been holding inside.

"Do I have that part right Lee? Should I continue with my unveiling?"

He nodded fighting back greater emotion now.

Gwen fought the urge to hold him; Lee needed her to do this first. "It wasn't like you to be so upset about things that happened before I met you. Look, I don't ever expect you to be happy about what I did. I'm ashamed of it separately from how it screwed up my life. I never expect you to be happy about my past and the complications of that guy. I didn't expect a wall to grow between us, or worse that I grew it. So, I never thought of the consequences of what the existence of a wall would mean to you. My focus has been wrong all along.

"Lee, I think it's not him that upsets you: it's the wall; the very idea that I would keep part of me separate from you. I think that's half the problem: the other half is the notion that I didn't fully trust you or perhaps didn't trust my secret with you. I think THAT is what hurt you more than anything. I think there are other consequences of that wall, but I didn't want to run those to ground until in knew I was on the right track."

Lee nodded.

"Okay, okay, look this..." she motioned again to her body on display, "Was never to dodge, or make you forget, or delay this conversation; it was to be icing on top. I hope it is. So baby," she motioned behind her, "I also made you a "scotch with a rock" like you like it. I can tell you the last part of the secret on my knees if you like. You can rest that drink on my head if you want while I tell you with a full mouth? Would you like that? I'll be all yours with no walls soon. I want you to have every - thing. Everything! Can you do that for me, or can we plan it for the weekend... if I please you, that is?"

She was trying so hard to be sultry, to be what a man wants, what she knew her man liked, but there was simply no way to hide her nervousness. Lee knew she wasn't trying to delay, simply trying to figure out the part she didn't understand yet: specifically, HOW to proceed.

"Damn it Lee, I have to say it, I promise I'm not backtracking. It's important for you to understood how and why I messed up and accidentally hurt you!

"The pain of the past clouded my vision and so colored my perspective it took me a long time to see any other. Normally I'm not blind to your perspective or needs, except this baggage has been with me from before I knew you existed; my blinders predate you. I'd made a conscious decision to keep them on, to keep the secret hidden, then I sort repressed it into my default setting, it was like a damn part of me.

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to separate it from what really is me. I was living with the presumption that my secret, like a tumor, was just part of me and I had to accept it. I'd tried to remove it and couldn't, I took as a given it was inoperable. It just didn't occur to me that status could change. I was sure that picking at that wound would make it spread. It was like a scar I tried to hide away even from myself. You were the cure for the largest part, so I have no idea why I didn't think I could go for a full recovery. I was scared to lose that joy you gave me. I never expected to have that much joy, Lee. If it's true that you can deal with this and keep me, then you really are a superman. I never looked for Superman; I've always been a Batman kind of girl. I lived despite life's incredible injustices and navigated its pain. Life as a bright, beautiful, warm place was a life basking in hope, which seemed denied me because of my past actions.

"Do you understand me, Lee?"

Gwen started to drop to her knees then awkwardly stopped, "Wait do you want that, or should I bend over the kitchen table while I tell you?"

"Why don't you just tell me?" Lee said with no hint of malice.

I-It's just, it's not... terrible... news for you, and I'm going to tell you, but oh Lee, my reluctance now is something different, this isn't the accidental wall I built between us; this is foolish girl nerves. What can I say? I want to be an open book to you. But I told you things I did with another man!" Gwen was distraught.

Lee saw the pain in her face, felt it radiate off her. She looked like she expected him to slap her though she knew that would never happen.

Gwen continued, "That felt wrong, Lee, like I was disrespecting you and I don't ever want to, or have you think that I want to. I wanted you to know what happened fearing you would imagine worse than what I really did. I trust you with all this... information and to tell me if you're upset, and how to deal with it, instead of my making the decision for you - for both of us - unilaterally."

"Bingo," Lee said without rancor.

Gwen felt the breath go out of her, though it felt good. She had found the main problem!

"Oh Lee, just tell me HOW to do it; I AM going to tell you... his name. I'm going to tell you the name of the man I, oh, I don't know what to call it. It was six nights over two weeks. Is it an affair if no one is getting cheated on, or is it a tryst, was it dating? He was my only boyfriend at the time, and I'm not sure he was really a boyfriend. I don't want to remind you I played the harlot any more than I have to, it's just, oh God, a wife telling her husband about a past lover... that's horrible, isn't it? I don't want the cure to be worse than the disease.

"I don't want you doing the work Lee, I need to carry the water here, but I don't want to do it wrong. Please help me. There's no question that I'm going to tell you. So how do I give you his name in a way that respects you the most, and softens the blow the best? Those are the two things I want to accomplish and they seem a bit at odds. How do I serve you best, my love?"

Gwen came to him standing right in front of him setting his hands on her hips in a loving way, her crotch becoming as wet as her red cheeks were flushed.

"I'm all yours Lee. I want to do this in a way that removes all doubts you may have. Do you want to be taking me while I tell you, would that be respectful, would that convince you that I'm yours?"

Gwen became very quiet, "What I thought would show you the most respect is your having me, you know, b-back there, as a punishment for putting you through this. I need to prove myself to you Lee! How do I serve you best?"

He let out a sigh, "You are going to tell me his name, right?"

"YES, it's the last part you don't know, and you could have done a Google search and found out, though you didn't to respect me. How can I return even a fraction of that respect?"

Lee was reassuring, "Let's not think of it that way. You're on the right track." He paused, "Let me just explain what you are taking away from me by telling me, it will be easy to just blurt it out then."

"I'm just scared, Lee, I know how society reacts to looks and fame. Hell, it even worked on me to a degree, though never to the same degree as most. Now I just want genuine, I'm desperate for genuine. You are my cure!"

"Stop overthinking and throat me."

Her face glowed! She was praying he'd tell her what to do. And that he wanted her touch that she was going to let him excise her guilt by ministering to him was perfect.

Gwen threw herself in front of her husband desperately pulling out his cock and swallowing it to the base. She came back off gagging, but undeterred. "I-If you want to keep your suit on t-there's nothing like a fully clothed man in a suit taking a little naked girl to show dominance." Gwen changed her tone to something more serious, "I need to be yours, completely, in both our minds, Lee."

Lee nodded his understanding, "Gwen, I hated that you didn't trust me, of all people. Although you just said it all very eloquently; these problems should be ours, not yours and mine. I don't want a "hers and mine" love. I want us combined, together against the world, always moving as one."

"Oh no Lee. I'm yours and you're mine! I want to be yours and I need you!" She bit her lip, "W-Wait my heels... heels show devotion, but also an element of control if sexpot or vixen driven. Damn, I wish I hadn't made myself up this way now, let me kick them off; a little frail girl trembling in love as the powerful man dominates her... will that image suit you? Will it help you see I need to be yours? Oh please Lee, let me start to make this up. I have to heal us! I HAVE to convince you!"

Lee's mind recited, '3 x 6 = 18. 3 x 5 = 15. Oh, what the hell, lay it out for the poor girl.'

Lee's expression confused her. He almost looked bemused, "Gwen, your secret seemed to mean you didn't trust me, which meant you didn't love me as much as I thought. That would be a terrible reality. Instead of dealing with it, I've been holding it at bay. Hoping each day you'd figure it out and tell me.

"Actually, Gwennie, you've been holding a mirror up to yourself. I haven't loved you any less. My problem was you demonstrating your love for me had limits where I thought there weren't any.

"I'm not happy about your past lover; any of them for that matter. We've only talked about one. It's got me upset. My mind wants to make home-made porn movies of you two. It's not pretty in there," Lee tapped his temple with two fingers. "I appreciate that he didn't get more than me, but he got his first and faster and that bugs me no end. But you've explained it. I get all of it, I do.

"But there's also this itch: he didn't call you back again. If he had, I fear you would've gone. So, you say you don't miss him, and that fits with your subsequent actions. Still, there's this shrill voice screaming in my head that if he were smarter, he would've kept you and you would've been happy with him."