Stay

He pulled back, chuckling, then kissed my lips lightly before letting me go and pulling me to sit down with him at the table. Soon, the room filled again and I looked around at my friends as they sat down. Mavren held his head in his hands and I leaned close.

"Are you well?"

"What? Yeah... just... tired," he said distractedly.

"The girls?" Kole asked.

"They are... decent looking and all, but they are all built like me and very aggressive. I'm not complaining! Don't get me wrong... I'm just... I haven't slept much," he said with a shrug and a tired grin.

I looked at Jon and the man with him and Jon looked spooked still, but not as miserable as he had the day before. "You?" I asked him.

He looked at me, blinking, then at the man with him. He turned back to me. "It's... not so bad," he said softly.

Janel leaned close to Kole and was telling him about the way the forge was set up here and how different it was and about the young boy that had been apprenticing. Bethamin only had eyes for the man whose arm she hung on, just like Eliza, which surprised me. Lyndie surprised me most though as she sat bent over her plate, picking at her food.

"Lyn?" I asked her, leaning close.

"Yeah?" she answered, looking up with a pale face.

"You ok?"

"Great," she shrugged. "He gave me to his wife and two daughters and I am supposed to 'teach' them. The wife has me doing a lot of cleaning and stuff, but the girls... they are brats. I have to share a bed with them. I think they are around 4 and 7? They are fascinated with my hair and pull on it constantly. I'm just tired mostly, no one is hurting me or..." she cut her eyes at Bethamin and I nodded quickly.

She looked at Olin as well and I looked up at him as he sat behind me holding me. He offered me a smile, but kept talking to his friend. I turned back to Lyndie. "He hasn't," I said softly. "Not yet."

Ginny leaned across the table. "He hasn't? Really? The way he looks at you..."

I shrugged. "He hasn't. Not yet."

Janel was looking at me, his face pensive and nervous as he looked at Olin and back at me. I avoided looking at him at all.

It went that way for several long days. I stayed in the house, helping the women cook. Olin kissed me every chance he got, but never laid a hand on me otherwise. Every morning after breakfast, the nine of us sat at the table and Linus taught us their language.

It was on the sixth morning that Jon came in, smiling to himself as he sat down, then blushed when he saw all of us looking at him. "What?" he asked guiltily.

"You seem... in a great mood," Mavren said, yawning. He was always tired but he smiled constantly.

"Uh... yeah. It's... it's not nearly as bad as I thought," he said softly, then leaned in to whisper to Mavren, but we could all hear. "He does a thing... with his mouth!"

"For you too?" Eliza cried in an excited whisper. "Isn't it amazing?"

"It is!" Jon said, his eyes going wide.

"What thing?" Mavren demanded and everyone leaned in close.

Jon described in vivid detail what his captor showed him how to do with his mouth, what they were now doing for each other. The boys all looked poleaxed.

Eliza leaned in, "Badric does something similar with his mouth, but on me!"

"Is that what has you mewling all night?" Janel asked grumpily. "You are right on the other side of the wall, you know."

"This is not an appropriate conversation," Linus hissed, his face bright red.

"I might have to try this trick," Bethamin giggled.

"Tell me how it was done to you," Ginny demanded of Eliza and we all leaned close again as Eliza went into detail.

We were all giggling when Olin came in and sat down behind me with a drink. He always spent his mornings 'training', whatever that meant, and he always came back sweaty and winded.

"What about him?" Eliza asked me. "He use his mouth on you?"

"Only to kiss me," I answered, looking down.

"Is he a wonderful lover like his brother?" she asked.

"I... he has never touched me in that way."

"He still hasn't?" Ginny demanded. "He still looks at you like..."

"What do you think he is waiting for?" Janel demanded, his tone surly now.

"I cannot imagine," I shrugged. "Perhaps he doesn't see me that way but he wants his father to think he does? He is pretending with everyone else?"

"He likes you," Ginny said, shaking her head. "Anyone can see that."

"I don't know," I answered, shrugging again.

Olin chose that moment to move my hair and kiss my neck right above my collar, then moved up to my jaw and kissed below my ear. He whispered something, but I didn't know enough of his language to know what he said.

I stayed quiet at lunch, avoiding talking to the others and avoiding looking at Janel, who was scowling darkly at Olin no matter how many times Linus nudged him.

The days seemed to pass that way, and to me they began blurring one into another. The cold weather started in and we were all given warmer clothes and even clothes to wear under our dresses and layers.

Olin kissed me as often as he saw me, but at night he only held me against him and slept. The others all whispered and giggled and talked when we met for lessons, but those were getting shorter as we learned more and more. I learned fastest, since Linus stayed in the house with me and was constantly translating what the women were all saying.

I understood what everyone around me was saying by the first day of winter, but I had yet to speak a word to Olin, even though I understood him when he spoke about me to others. I only smiled politely and looked lost, pretending I didn't know.

It was early one morning and I was out helping make breakfast when a man came in talking about a word I did not know. The women all went and looked out and I followed and gaped. The ground was white, and cold white fluff was falling from the sky. I touched one, catching it in my hand and it melted into a tiny drop of water.

"It's frozen water!" I cried in shock, watching as it covered everything. I wanted to go out and see more, but the women pulled me back in to finish breakfast.

When the others came and Olin started to leave, I was too excited to sit and listen to them. I followed Olin out the door and he grinned at me as I looked up at the sky and the falling 'snow'. He grabbed my hand and pulled me across the village to a wide arena I had never been to and put my hand on a rail.

"Stay and watch," he said to me, making 'stay' motions with his hands like he still thought I couldn't understand him.

I held the rail and looked around, watching the snow fall and he went out to the arena with a dozen other young men and half a dozen young women. I stared in shock as they all, the women too, began training with the sword he wore at his hip.

Even the women!

I stared in wonder as I moved down the rail to see them better. My heart thudded in my chest as I ducked under the rail and went onto the field, grabbing up one of the dull blades on a table and going to where the women were.

They all paused, even the men, watching me.

A woman laughed and called to Olin, "I think this one means to skewer you, cousin!"

"I think it is not so, she has a different fire in her. Train her if she wishes!"

The woman trained me, all of the women helping me and showing me how to hold the sword and basic moves.

I was grinning ear to ear when it was over and Olin led me back for lunch.

Handir laughed. "I heard she means to marry a sword!"

"She has a need to learn," Olin laughed, then leaned in to kiss me. I had learned to just let him kiss me, turn my face to his when he wanted it. He did not care that I did not kiss him back and it no longer bothered me when he kissed me. I felt like it was all show.

The others were all watching me in surprise. "You are learning the sword?" Lyndie asked. "Do you think they might teach me?"

"Megga hardly lets you leave for lessons with Linus, there is no way she would let you leave for anything else," Ginny grinned. "She still mad about the dye?"

"I told her I had never dyed anything before! And how was I to know that left too long it would ruin the fabric, I thought it would just be a darker blue."

"So she is still mad," Ginny laughed.

What we had learned was that we were treated less like captives and more like extended family here. Save for those of us who were 'bedfellows'. The only one of us who fell under that category who wasn't happy, was me. Jon talked about his captor like he was completely smitten and Bethamin had already said she would marry hers if he asked. Ginny said she was having fun, but wanted to go home. Mavren was on top of the world, talking about how two of the daughters were already pregnant and he was sure Josslin was too, she was just being greedy with his time. Only I was feeling like something bad was going to happen soon and like I couldn't let my guard down.

Today though, today I felt different. I had found something here I was enjoying and I was excited to go back tomorrow and every day after.

"She smiles more today than she has since arrival," Honnah said to Olin.

"A smile suits her," Olin agreed.

I looked away, trying to hide my blush.

"She is not needed for preparing dinner, take her and show her more," Honnah told him.

"It was as I intended," he said, nodding.

I ate quickly, excited to go see everything else. He grinned at me and for once, I smiled back.

When he led me outside, the first thing I saw was a man trotting up on the largest horse I had ever seen in my life. The man vaulted off and tied the horse to a post and called a greeting to Olin before hurrying into the house. Olin released my hand and followed the man and I was sure I was supposed to follow, but I was more interested in the horse. He was massive, a grey dapple with a dark grey mane and huge, hairy fetlocks. He also had hair below his chin like a horse beard and I giggled as I went up to him and held my hand up. He lowered his head to my hand and huffed his hot breath into my palm, then stepped up and butted his head into my chest. I giggled again as I scratched behind his ears and long his jaw. His eyes closed in pleasure as my fingers worked and my heart felt full as I snuggled with the giant beast.

Olin cried out from the door and I looked up, still smiling. He froze, a hand out in warning, then moved closer slowly.

"You must not!" he said soothingly, as if trying not to spook the horse. The horse huffed and stamped his foot, raising his head as Olin got closer. "Step away!" Olin whispered. "Step back! It will crush you underfoot!"

I felt so confused as I rubbed the horse's flank.

The horse bared its teeth at Olin and stamped his foot again, getting restless.

Olin backed off, then darted into the house and yelled something.

He came back out with Linus, speaking quickly. "He says that horse is trained to kill anyone who comes close except for the man he bonded with. Step away slowly and don't upset him, or he will stomp you to death."

I laughed and petted the huge gentle giant and he lowered his head for me again. "That's ridiculous! He is a sweet boy, look at him," I said happily, scratching his ears again.

The man who had ridden him in came out and he froze too, watching me in shock. "Frekta has not killed her?" he asked in confusion.

"It seems he likes her," Olin answered, looking confused himself.

"Is she a witch?"

"I would not discount it."

"Has she bewitched my Frekta?"

"They think you are putting the horse under a spell," Linus called. "You should step away and come here."

I shrugged, gave the horse a final scratch, kissed him on the jaw, then walked back to Olin who pulled me against him as if he had been afraid for me. The man went to his horse and the horse nuzzled him.

"See? He's nice," I said to Linus.

Linus looked to Olin. "She believes the animal is nice, not a killer."

"The horses are all trained to kill anyone but their riders!" he said breathlessly. "We will see more about this!" he said, then pulled me in the opposite direction. Linus followed and I looked back at him, shrugging.

"Why do you insist on making him think you can't understand him?" Linus asked me.

"So he doesn't expect conversation," I answered.

Linus sighed, but kept following.

Olin led me to a stable full of the giant horses and I paused at the door, looking around at all of them. I smiled and started to the closest one, but he held me tight. "Hold her here," he demanded of Linus, holding me out until Linus took my arm. "Tell her to watch."

"Watch him," Linus repeated, sounding put upon.

Olin moved to the closest stall and the horse got agitated, trying to snap at him and kicking at the door. He went up and down the stalls and they all did it when he got close. He came back around the other side and when he got closer, he stopped at a stall with an all black horse and it came to the door and extended it's head. He pet the horse and it nuzzled him.

"Bjonkalla," he said to Linus. "He is mine, he will kill anyone but me who tries to touch him or ride him."

"That one is Bjonkalla and it's his. It's the only one he can touch," Linus repeated to me.

I nodded and pulled away from Linus, then turned and went to the closest stall. The horse came close and nudged my face, lipping my hair and ear as I giggled and scratched her chin. I went up and down every stall, petting them and scratching them and hugging them as they nuzzled me. Even Bjonkalla. When I pet him, Olin came close, looking down at me as the giant black beast snuffed my shoulder and pulled me in closer to scratch at his shoulders.

"You are a witch?" he asked. "Bewitching them, taking their anger away as you pass."

I looked at Linus and he rolled his eyes. "This really is getting old."

I smiled and looked back at Olin like Linus had translated. "No, just good with animals. Papa said they sense my gentle nature and are drawn to me."

Linus translated and Olin touched my face as he looked down at me. He leaned down and kissed me and I let him, even when he pressed for more, forcing my mouth open the way he did sometimes.

I felt a stirring this time though, a connection I had not felt the other times. This way of kissing meant something deeper to them and he was sharing that with me. Confused, I pulled away and went on to the last two horses who were eagerly waiting for their nuzzles and scratches.

The next day, Olin led me straight to the stable and stood me in front of a man, introducing us. He left me there and the man put me to work. I fed the horses and groomed them and walked them. I was in heaven, even if I was missing out on training with a sword. It became my new job and it wore me out. I no longer got up to help make breakfast, I slept in until Olin woke me with a kiss and pulled me out to eat. I was sore and tired by the time dinner came, but I was happy. Olin watched me, always smiling his smile that said he was well pleased.

I still did not understand him or what it was he wanted from me, but I did not question it. The days passed more quickly, the year seeming to fly by as I worked with the horses and laughed with my friends.

The week the village began preparing the ships for the voyage across the sea, there was a lot of quiet moments with the nine of us at our table. Eliza and Bethamin were both staying, and Jon was somber because he had not been asked to stay. Everyone else was excited to go home, though Lyndie said she would miss the girls. Jenal watched me more and more in that last week and I felt as though there was an emptiness there when I looked at him. I had always known we would marry and have a family, but now... I could not see that future with him. I wanted more than to just be a wife and mother. I liked what I was doing here, I loved helping with the horses every day.

I supposed I could do that back home, there were stables. It wasn't really against any rules for me to work as a woman, but I had never seen or heard of it being done. I moved my food around on my plate and stressed about Jenal. He expected me to marry him.

The night before we were to leave, Olin pulled me into our room and I looked up at him blankly.

"Stay," he said in my language, speaking it as though he had learned to say the word that day.

"I like the horses and I love working with them and I have even enjoyed my time here, but I can't stay. I have to go home and start my life," I said, shrugging and smiling vacantly.

"Stay," he repeated. "Bond. Marry."

I froze, staring up at him in shock. "You haven't once expressed an interest in me beyond kissing," I said softly. "Are you only asking this to save some sort of face with your father? Like you don't want him to know you aren't a man?"

"Stay," he said again, pleadingly.

I shook my head and pulled away from him, pulling on my nightgown.

He did not hold me that night, laying with his back to me. In the morning he was terse as he woke me and led me out to the table.

"Ask of her why she will not stay and bond me," he demanded of Linus.

Linus looked at me with a flat expression. "Why won't you marry him?"

"I don't have feelings for him and I want to go home."

"She does not feel the same affection and she misses her home."

"Does she have a love?"

"Do you have someone back home?" Linus asked with a sigh.

"There is no one back home waiting for me," I said, not looking at Jenal.

Linus repeated it and Olin made a vexed sound. "You have been happy! I have seen it. We have all seen it! Why would you not stay? I have done well in not forcing anything on you, waiting and being patient, have I not?"

Linus was turning red as the entire table was watching the exchange.

"If she said no, then it is no," Honnah said sadly. "You did try, you did well."

"It was for nothing!" Olin said, upset. "Ask her why?" he demanded of Linus again.

"I miss my family, I have my life waiting for me," I repeated, refusing to look up at anyone.

He was almost rough as he pulled me out to the ships and he wouldn't look at me through the entire voyage home. I stared out to sea and at the other ships. Jon had been asked to stay at the last moment and he had been so overjoyed he couldn't stop crying as he hugged the rest of us goodbye. Lyndie even cried when she hugged the girls bye. Honnah hugged me, but she wasn't her usual happy self, she was cold and stiff.

I had spurned her son. I still did not understand it, not at all.

Once we got within sight of our home, I stood and clutched my stomach, excited to see everyone. I was smiling and biting my lip until Olin moved to stand in front of me. I looked up at him.

"Stay," he said again.

I shook my head.

He growled and turned away from me and I went back to watching the shore, my heart heavier now. There was no race this time and the small rowboat to the beach seemed to take an eternity. I was up and out, running to my father before the boat was beached and he caught me up, laughing as he hugged me. "Oh, my sweet little peach! I was so afraid for you? Look at you! You look stronger!"

"I probably am!" I laughed, refusing to let go of the hug.

Handir spoke up as they landed. "You have your children back, save those who chose to stay back. They are bonded by now," he said slowly, allowing Linus to translate.

"My Jon is married?" his father demanded, shocked.

I finally pulled away and turned to watch and was surprised to see Jenal striding towards me and not his family who were all moving to him. He stopped a foot away.

"Kashielle, I announce my intent," he spat almost angrily.

I looked around, blushing as his family caught up to him. He hugged them, but stared down at me, waiting for me to respond.

"Gather the children for the next choosing!" Handir yelled.