Stay

Olin moved closer. "It's getting late. Dark. Time for bed."

I nodded and stepped back, letting Olin take my hand and lead me back to the longhouse.

For some reason, I thought something should change now that we were home and now that I was aware I was with child, but nothing did. Olin laid me down and watched my face raptly as his fingers found their mark, then smirked at me as he sent me over the edge.

I came around, the feel of his hands on my back and hip, something pulling me up from the depths.

"... can as soon as you say it to me during the day."

His words seemed strange to me as I listened to them again and again, trying to make them make sense. I dreamed of him saying the words over and over again and they refused to make sense.

When I woke in the morning, I thought of the words and I turned and looked up at him and his peaceful, smiling face.

"How long have you been talking to me while I am not myself?" I asked him.

"Mmmm. Since the second night? It took a few days to realize you didn't know you were doing it."

"What kinds of things do you say to me? Do I say to you?"

"Things you won't admit to yourself," he said sleepily. "It's early yet."

"Have I said it to you while I wasn't myself?"

"More than once, several times."

"It doesn't count."

"I know. I tell you that every time. Go back to sleep."

"This doesn't count either."

"I know. Shh now, let me sleep."

I rolled away from him, staring at the wall, thinking. I wondered if that was really me. That place he took me to when he sent my body and mind over the edge into that state that just seemed to float in the bliss. Why couldn't I remember it? All I could remember about it was that it felt amazing and thinking about the feeling made me want it to happen again. Over and over again.

He rolled to his side, following me and throwing an arm over me. "I can FEEL you thinking," he rumbled.

"Do you know what I am thinking?" I asked, reaching back to stroke his cock into wakefulness.

"I do now," he whispered, sitting up and rolling me to my back.

He was gentle as he took me and very careful not to send me over the edge, slowing down when I seemed to begin to fade.

"I want it!" I whispered, trying to encourage him to move faster.

"Stay," he whispered back, kissing my wrist.

"I will stay! Please... I need it!"

"Mean it. It must count."

"I will stay! Please!"

He moved more quickly, sending me crashing into the euphoria waiting for me.

"Stay," his whisper echoed.

"I never want to leave," I answered the voice. The bliss held me and I never wanted to leave it.

He woke me and I rolled sleepily to him to lay on his chest.

"I am thinking you will still say it does not count?" he asked.

"Hmm?" I asked, confused, then remembered. "You cannot demand it of me in that state!" I accused.

He sighed, his fingers stroking my bare back lazily. "Stay," he said finally.

"I told you I would not. You made a choice when you took me against my will, Olin. That choice was having my body and not my heart."

"You would still refuse to admit it?"

"Enjoying what you do to my body is not the same as loving you. You do not have my heart. I will return home."

"I will take you again," he said harshly.

"I will never relent. Take me as many times as you need to to understand. You made a choice. You cannot punish me for your choice."

"You love me."

"No."

"Yes. You have said it many times."

"What I say in that state isn't to you, it is to the pleasure you bring me. It is all I know."

"It is a spirit journey I send you on, I spoke to the shaman of it. He said you have a gift in that way, to take yourself to that place and dwell in it a short time. The words you say then are pure and true, not altered by confusion or anger."

"He does not know my mind, you are only saying what you wish to be true. Even so, it would not matter. I will never stay. You made that choice that day."

He growled and got up, yanking his clothes on before storming out. I laid there for a while, stroking my belly and thinking as I stared up at the canopy.

Honnah came in quietly and sat on the edge of the bed. "Have you felt him move yet?" she asked.

"No... how soon until I should feel that?" I asked.

"Any time. With Olin it was at 4 months, with Badric it was much later. He cares for you a great deal."

"I know."

"You care for him as well."

"I won't forgive him."

"It is our way, to do as he did. He did no wrong, in his eyes or ours."

"In mine he did. I asked him to wait, to give me a chance."

"You were only buying time, he knew that."

"I meant it. I truly did not know how he felt until the day he asked me to stay and even then, I was sure it was only because he was expected to, not because he wanted to."

"Cold you not see the way he felt for you? The way he looked at you?"

"I did not."

"Then you did not wish to. You saw what you wanted to and that is all."

"Perhaps, but that doesn't change anything. I would have tried. If I say a thing, I mean it."

"He will only take you again."

"Then he will have to do it," I answered, shrugging. "I won't stay willingly, I am going home. Unless he means to go back on his word. As I understand it, it is already going back on your word that I am pregnant. We were to be returned unharmed and as we were."

"You cannot hold him responsible for that," she chided.

"Why not? He forced himself on me again and again, I had no say. I was given nothing to keep it from happening and none of you helped me."

"It is your pride that makes you speak this way. He has swallowed his own by asking you again and again to stay. Can you not swallow your own and admit you care for him?"

"I am going home," I repeated firmly.

She sighed and got up, leaving quietly. I got up and got dressed, but was not allowed to leave the house. In my state, I was relegated back to peeling tubers and cutting vegetables.

Olin left on one of the ships the next morning, staying gone for a few weeks. When he came back, he came in and stood looking at me. I knew he expected me to do as Honnah did with Haldir and run to him and embrace him, but I just looked at him and then went back to carving up meat.

He pulled me to our room angrily, but was gentle as he pressed me to the bed. He did something then he had never done before and dropped down to put his mouth between my legs.

I had a fleeting thought that someone on his trip had recommended he try this and told him how to do it before I quickly lost myself.

It was as beautiful and Eliza and Jon had promised as I lay there losing myself. When I crested, it was different and I stayed aware as my body shook with the tremors of bliss and I stared up at him panting as he moved up and looked down at me. He pushed his cock into me, his eyes searching mine.

"Stay," he breathed.

"No," I answered quickly, before I lost myself.

He jerked to a halt, looking at me in shock.

"I am still me," I whispered.

He leaned over me as much as he could around my belly and stroked my cheek. "That... you did not enjoy that?" he asked.

"I did... a lot. But I am still me."

He looked confused, but raised up and began pushing into me again. I quickly spiraled away, my eyes closing.

When I woke, the room was dark and the house was quiet. I could feel him sleeping next to me and I moved closer to him. "You are awake?" he asked groggily.

"I missed you sleeping next to me," I whispered. "I am so used to it and you are so warm."

He put an arm around me and pulled me closer. "Stay and I will never leave you alone in bed again."

"I will get used to sleeping alone again and it doesn't get this cold back home."

He sighed.

The days finally started getting warmer and Eliza was over the moon about her little girl. I helped deliver her, which was new to me and it horrified me as I held my belly. I got to hold her often, when Honnah wasn't cooing over her. Motherhood suited Eliza and I envied how easy it came to her.

I was terrified. Eliza was much nicer to me now and she tried to talk to me about how easy it was and how I should stay so we could raise our babies together. Honnah was also constantly trying to find reasons I should stay.

Olin stopped asking.

He still made love to me every night, even when I felt huge and hideous, telling me how beautiful and perfect I was. He stayed close, always putting a hand on my belly as he leaned in to kiss me, but he did not ask again.

The day came and the ships were loaded. Honnah again took my arms. "Please, Kashielle. You are due in less than a month. Stay and let us know him."

I shook my head. "I am going home. He has already said he intends to just bring me back, but that is beside the point. I will go home."

"It is dangerous! There might be a storm!"

"We will be fine," I assured her, then pulled out of her grip.

It was a shorter journey this time as Olin refused to look at me or acknowledge me now that I was on the ship. I think he had thought his mother or someone would have talked me into staying.

There seemed to be a larger crowd on the beach this time, everyone watching and waiting expectantly.

When my father saw me stand, his face fell, but he hurried to me and helped me up the beach, leading me away from the group. "My little peach!" he cried, his hand on my stomach. "It will be fine."

"Kash?" Jenal called and I turned. Ginny was standing with him and he looked pale. I looked at them and part of me was happy for them, but another part of me felt like they didn't seem right for each other.

"Hey Jen," I said softly.

He looked down at my belly and he looked pained. "Can we talk?"

"Yes, a moment," I answered, glancing at Ginny again before turning back to my father. I hugged him close, squeezing him with all my might.

I stayed that way until I heard Handir yelling for the children of the elders to gather. I let my father go and turned to watch and Olin was standing halfway to me, his arms crossed as he watched me.

I walked to him and he watched me angrily, then his face went wary as I took his hand and led him to my father.

"Olin, this is my father. Papa, this is Olin, the father of my child," I said softly, switching languages for them.

Papa offered Olin an awkward hand to shake, but Olin clasped his wrist.

"Olin, here, where I am from, if a man wants to marry a girl, he must ask her papa."

Olin blinked at me, looking confused as he looked at my father. He stood up straight then and looked down at my father earnestly. "I wish to take Kashielle's heart as my own, to bond her as my mate. I ask you to give her charge over to me."

I translated to my father and his face went red as he listened. He looked at me. "Is this what you want, little peach?"

I nodded and shrugged, playing it off. "He will just take me back with him anyway," I said teasingly.

Papa nodded at Olin slightly. "Tell him to take good care of you and my grandbaby," he said, his voice choking.

"Kash!" Jenal hissed. "We need to speak!"

I nodded, then turned to Olin. "I will be right back, I wish to speak to Jenal and Ginny."

He looked uncertain as he looked past me to Jenal, but nodded slightly.

Jenal led me away quickly, out of earshot. "Kash! Kash, I was so worried. Don't worry, I will take care of it like it was my own! I will, Kash!"

I blinked, "You and Ginny aren't married now?"

His face screwed up in offense. "Do you not remember that she is my cousin?"

I did now that he had said it and I mentally kicked myself. That was why they had seemed wrong standing together.

"It doesn't matter," he said quickly. "Stall them. Keep them here as long as you can! We discovered a few things and the king's soldiers are on their way! Linus has been working with them all along! They have others like Linus who work with them. They mark the easy villages who are out of the king's reach and small enough that they cannot defend themselves. Nothing too large. They make us think there is nothing we can do, but we sent away, Kash! The soldiers will be here any time!"

I felt a panic overtake me and I pulled away from Jenal and ran to Olin.

"We have to go! Now! They have soldiers coming!"

Olin snarled and picked me up, running to the beach as he yelled. He put me in a boat with supplies as the men started gathering up weapons and their small shields.

"Get her to the ship!" he yelled at the men, the other youths packed in with us. "Keep her safe!" he yelled as Handir blew a small horn.

Men began pouring out of the ships and rowing to shore as Olin pushed us off into the water. "Come with me!" I yelled.

"My fight is here," he yelled back.

I screamed in anguish as I was rowed away back to the ship.

I had to stand on the ship and watch as the people from my village were rounded up and separated into groups. The men separated into smaller groups and were locked into houses, barred from the outside and the women were herded into the council hall and locked in. I was stressed and worried, watching as the men formed ap and yelled, working themselves up for a fight.

It happened before sunset, the king's soldiers riding into the village from the wooded road. There were twice as many of them and I let out another wail of fear as I watched. It was over in moment's though it seemed like an eternity and I watched in shock as the men cheered over the dead bodies of the king's soldiers. Three of the soldiers were drug away from the carnage, still alive and I could make out Handir questioning them. Where was Olin? I saw others being helped and carried to the boats, but so many were too bloody to tell who they were.

It wasn't until he rowed up to the ships that I recognized him and I let out another wail of relief and fear. "Is any of that blood yours?" I asked.

"None!" he answered, laughing. He launched himself into the ocean, then came up, laughing again as he pushed his hair out of his face. He climbed the ladder and pulled me close, kissing me. I hugged him, not caring that I was getting wet. He took me back to the beach as the villagers were let out and gathered up.

I cried as those who had sent away to the king were executed and I couldn't look at Jenal as he stared at me, his eyes full of betrayal. He stood next to my father, staring at me as the three elders were executed.

Handir announced that because I was of their village and had given warning, no more would be made example of, but their tribute would be raised to half and nine more youths would be chosen out.

Jenal glared at me as he was shoved to the boats.

I was able to hug my father again and say goodbye properly this time before being led to the boats in the dark night and rowed out to the ships.

By morning, I was feeling more stressed. I called Olin over and he knelt next to me, smiling and stroking my face gently.

"We need to hurry," I said, my voice strained. "I think he is coming early. Unless you want to deliver him at sea."

Olin went pale, looking down at my belly, then jumped up and called out to his men before blowing two bursts on the horn at his waist. The men started rowing faster, quickly pulling away from the other ships, though two caught up and stayed close. I could see Handir on one, yelling out to his men, encouraging them. Olin did the same and we made it back across the sea before evening. Olin was shouting as we got close to the dock and I saw people running and scurrying. He lifted me out to a waiting man before getting out and taking me. He trotted quickly to a smaller house that I had been in before, the birthing house. There was a tilted table with two wide platforms to step on as you squatted down.

I was grimacing in pain by the time they got my dress off of me and Olin was close, petting my hair.

"Out out!" Honnah chided, trying to pull him out.

"I am not leaving her side!" he said, taking hold of my far shoulder, his arm braced across my shoulders. He threaded his fingers through my other hand and leaned in close, pressing his lips to my temple as he whispered encouragement to me.

After all that time in the boat, it was over in moments at the table. He was small, so small, but his lungs were good as he squalled noisily, kicking his tiny legs.

"He is a fighter!" Honnah laughed, tears streaming down her cheeks as she laid him in my arms.

Olin laughed as well, his relief plain as he kissed my head and touched the tiny hand that was flailing.

"He will have my name," Olin said quickly. "Bring Ossric to say the words!"

Honnah called out the door, but I was focused on the tiny little face as I held him. Soon, he was taken from me and cleaned as Honnah and another woman helped me down from the table. I could hardly stand, but I leaned heavily on Olin as he helped me around the room. I knew this wasn't the way back home, but Honnah said it was better, and I knew Eliza had been up and around the same day as well. Not stuck in bed for a week after the child was born like back home. I trusted them.

I was dressed, then given the baby back, wrapped tightly in a white blanket and he was sleeping soundly. Olin chuckled as he ran fingers through his bright red curls, then kissed my head again.

Ossric came in and immediately began blessing the baby, but Olin interrupted him. "No blessing or naming until you have bonded us. He will have my name."

Ossric smiled and led us out to the grand hall and began saying the words over us as everyone gathered, trickling and then pouring in. I held the baby, staring down at him in wonder through it all, pausing when Olin kissed me and everyone cheered.

Ossric immediately began blessing the baby after and asked for a name. I had not even begun to think of a name, but Olin spoke up. "Heindal Offrika!" he announced loudly and there were more loud cheers.

I looked up at Olin, laughing from exhaustion and happiness and relief. "I want to stay and celebrate, but I may pass out soon. I need sleep."

Olin grinned and led me to the longhouse where a cradle was waiting for us in our room. He took Heindal and laid him down, then tucked me in and kissed me.

"Kashielle Offrika, you will stay, always," he whispered.

"Yeah," I nodded sleepily, smiling up at him.

Heindal was strong and a fighter, growing rapidly and it still amazed me to look at him. By the time he was one, I was expecting another, another boy I was told. By the time he was two, we had our hands full with him and the baby, he was into everything. Honnah said he was just like Olin, a handful and always having to be chased down.

By my fourth, I finally had a girl.

Four beautiful children who looked like Olin, but with bright red curls. Honnah seemed to think that was how it was meant to be. Handir was just enamoured with all of his grandkids.

Olin and I began spending one week on the first of winter away in the shack. We didn't wear clothes the entire week, holding each other and losing ourselves in each other. It was it's own bliss and I wanted to stay.