Stay

"We will speak once they are all gone," I whispered to Jenal.

Half the village was loading supplies into the rowboats while the other half watched as the children of the elders were all sent out into a large group again. I hugged my father close as I watched sadly.

"It wasn't bad," I said to him. "I even enjoyed most of my time there. We all did. Don't be afraid for them," I said as more of them were chosen out to spend the year away.

Olin was last again and I watched him sadly as he stepped up, looking the group over. He looked past them, to me, then marched up to me and took my arm.

"You can't!" Jenal said desperately. "She was just returned, you can't take her again!" he said in their language.

"There is nothing saying I cannot choose her every year for the next thirty," Olin replied angrily. He pulled me out of my fathers arms and I cried out in anguish as I was pushed back into a boat.

"Olin," Handir spoke as he started to pass him.

"It is done," Olin snapped.

I was numb on the voyage back and Olin did not look at me or speak to me. He didn't race with the others once we came into view of the shores either. He stood at the post like some angry god, the wind whipping his light blond hair back.

I stumbled from the boat to the dock and Honnah was suddenly there, taking my arms to hug me. "She changed her mind?" she asked Olin happily.

"No," he answered, taking my arm and pulling me from her.

"Do not speak of it," Handir said to her as Olin pulled me to the large house and to our room.

He threw me at the bed and paced, still scowling. I moved to the far corner of the room and huddled there, hugging my knees.

"This time I will do as I please with you," he said suddenly. "I will have no care for your feelings or for making you come to care for me! You will not, so I will take what I wish! I will not have to try so hard, only take! Change!" he yelled, then picked up my dress that was still on it's peg with my gown and threw it at me.

He left and I got up and changed back into my old clothes, then slipped out. Handir was sitting and there were people gathered, but it wasn't like last time. There were several looks in my direction and none of them were nice. I looked around, but did not see Olin, so I left and went to the stables.

The horses, at least, were happy to see me. I broke down as I hugged a huge roan, sobbing into her coat as she nuzzled me.

"Come away," Olin demanded from the door. "There is a feast and you must attend."

I turned and he held out a hand expectantly, signalling that had to come. I went to him and he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the grand hall for the feast. I looked around at the other youths as Linus spoke to them, explaining things to them. Bethamin, Eliza and Jon were all talking to them too, but they stopped and gave me sad, commiserating looks when Olin sat me down. When he put his arms around me, his touch wasn't light or pleasant, he held on too tightly, his grip almost painful.

I needed a way to fix this!

I put my hands on his, rubbing gently as I laid my head back on his chest, trying to placate him. Show him some small affection to get him to stop being so angry and rough. Instead, he let go with one hand, grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked my head back to kiss me forcefully. I tried to pull out of his grip, whimpering into his mouth as his grip on my hair hurt me, but he did not release me, even as he lifted his face to look down at me. His blue eyes were full of smoldering anger.

He let my hair go and I hugged his arm, trembling. I refused to look around any more that night, hiding my face in his arm and hoping beyond home that he would relent and go back to being his nice and joyful self.

This wasn't him and I felt partially responsible for that. He had real feelings for me and I had shrugged them off as if they didn't matter. As if I thought he was only putting up with me, when what he was trying to do was be patient and show me how much he cared.

I refused to stay for the late night and toasts and drunken celebrations. I got up and left and I knew he was assuming I was coming right back after relieving myself, but I went back to the big house, to our bed and pulled my nightgown on before laying down and crying myself to sleep.

He woke me, yanking on my arm, turning me to my back. "Where did you go?" he demanded. "Why did you leave?"

I blinked at him sleepily, pretending not to understand. Instead, I moved over, making room for him and laid my head back down as I waited for him. He stumbled into bed, kicking his shoes off drunkenly and when he fell back, I moved closer, curling up on his shoulder and pulling his arm around me like he used to do. He was asleep in moments and I fell asleep laying on him. It was familiar and my body was used to sleeping this way.

Honnah woke us in the morning and his arm tightened around me as he lifted his head and scowled at me. I laid on his shoulder as peacefully as I could, pretending things were normal and as they should be as I looked up at him and offered a small smile.

He sat up and shoved me to my back roughly. "I will not be deceived again by smiles and kisses! I will have you," he growled.

He yanked my gown up as I tried to catch his hands and shook my head. When he started unlacing his own pants, I turned and tried to crawl away, but he grabbed my hips and yanked me back hard, pulling me down to the floor and shoving me over the edge of the bed. He pinned me there with a knee in my back as he untied his pants and shoved them down.

"Please don't!" I yelled, hoping someone would come and help me. "Stop, Olin! Please!" I begged as he moved down behind me, pulling my gown up again. He held it bunched on my back, using that hand to hold me down planted between my shoulderblades. I screamed wordlessly as his free hand touched me between my legs, feeling around clumsily. He pulled his hand back and spit on his fingers, then rubbed his hand over my mound again, getting it wet and sliding his fingers around as I begged him to stop. "Please, Olin, please! I didn't know, I will try for you, I swear, please don't do this, not like this!" I wailed, as he thrust a finger into me.

Linus spoke through the flap. "She is saying she will try and be a wife to you if you let her. She did not understand before that you had feelings, she thought you indifferent!"

"She would say anything now!" Olin grated.

"It is not so, I heard her speak to the others. She did not think you had a care for her in that way."

"Leave us and do not interrupt me again!" Olin yelled. He bent over me, his mouth in my ear. "You are mine. You will be mine, one way or another," he hissed. Then he pulled back and spoke my language. "Stay," he commanded.

I knew what he was asking and I faltered, going still. I was not going to agree to marry him to keep him from raping me!

I shook my head and he growled, then lifted up and licked his hand again, smearing it between my legs as I cried out in fear. When he pressed the head of his manhood to my slit, I panicked.

"Stay! I will stay!" I screamed.

He pushed in roughly and my scream turned wordless as I grabbed the blankets to try and pull away from the pain. He let out a low groan as he buried his cock inside me, leaning over me to grab my hair and turn my head to the side. I sobbed as he began thrusting, slow and shallow, the pain more than I had ever imagined it would be. I whimpered with every thrust and he watched my face as his cock invaded me. I felt helpless and defeated as I was held there under him and in that moment, I hated everyone here. Him, everyone out there listening and not helping, even myself.

The pain began easing finally and I stopped crying out with every thrust, and he began moving faster, as if he wanted more cries from me. He let go of my hair and grabbed my hips with both hands, pulling himself in faster and harder.

Pain spiked up, but so did something else. Something I wasn't expecting as my breath caught. It was... nice. Warm and full and pulsing, it felt good. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on it, place it, but it was foreign to me. It was beautiful though and I welcomed it, letting it fill me to bursting until I was trembling with a need I could not name. All I knew was I needed something to happen and it had everything to do with what Olin was doing to me.

"Please," I whispered to him. I had no idea what I was asking him for, I was hoping he knew.

He rammed faster, his hips slapping into my ass as he bounced off of me and I let out a sighing moan as the pulsing warmth seemed to expand larger and larger. It shattered suddenly and I cried out at the shock of it as a thousand tiny shards of pleasure shot through me, making my entire body go stiff in shock. It was as if a pane of glass were dropped to the cobblestones and it burst, sending the glass in every direction. I could only scream as those splinters of pleasure sang through me, my body no longer my own.

The light waned, then went out and I tried to breath.

Olin was on top of me, panting, his mouth on my jaw. I was aware of the pressure of him being too heavy and I tried to move enough to get him off of me. He moved and lifted me to the bed, but I was boneless as he laid me down and collapsed next to me.

I did not wake until Olin sat up on one elbow, looking down at me. I opened my eyes and stared up at his concerned expression, my body ridiculously sore.

"That is not a thing I think should have happened?" he said, confused as he looked me over. "Are you harmed? Can you move or speak?"

I blinked at him, then raised a hand to touch and stroke his cheek, still feeling languid and calm.

I remembered then, what he had done and I yanked my hand back in fear. His face went from pleased to guarded as he looked down at me.

"That isn't ok!" I said to him angrily. "You can't just force me that way!"

He looked down at me in confusion, then yelled for Linus. "She said it's not acceptable for your to rape her," Linus said through the flap.

"It is not rape, it is a duty she performs for me! A duty I require!"

"To her it is the same."

Olin looked down at me. "It is not! I can take you as I please, it is my right as the one who laid claim to you! So long as you are not pregnant or permanently disabled when I return you, I may do anything I please!"

Linus repeated it, but I didn't wait for him to finish. "You'll not make me fall in love with you this way! I was willing to try, to give you a chance, but not like this! Even if you do force me back here every year for the next fifty, I will never willingly stay here with you! You cannot treat people so!"

As soon as he heard the translation, he growled angrily and got up. "Send Honnah in!" he demanded.

Honnah came in looking guarded as I yanked blankets up to cover with. "Something happened," he said to her quietly. "She seemed to... lose herself then her body shook and she would not wake, even when I moved her."

Honnah seemed to relax. "She is fine, it only means she enjoyed some part of it. If you wish to know more, speak to your brother about the books he has read." Honnah gave me another glance, then left as Olin gave me a smug look.

I got up and got dressed angrily, wiping tears away from my eyes as my legs wobbled under me. The room was empty when he pulled me out, but there was food at our places on the table. I ignored it and started to leave, but he yanked me down to sit next to him.

"Eat," he demanded, pointing at the food.

I huffed in annoyance, but ate quickly before getting up again. He yanked me back down and turned me to face him.

"Do not show me your anger, you are mine and you will stay mine. This day and the next. All days ahead, I will keep you here with me," he said, his voice sounding choked with emotion. Then in my language, pleadingly. "Stay."

"NO!" I yelled, shaking my head and pulling away from him. I fled to the stables and climbed in one with a sorrel, just to make sure he couldn't follow. I went to the corner and slid down the wall, crying helplessly.

I did not realize I was even tired until I woke to my name being called.

"Kashielle!" Olin called softly.

I lifted my head sleepily and the Sorrel was laying on the ground next to me, her giant head in my lap.

It felt odd, hearing him call my name. I didn't know he knew my name.

"Kashielle!"

"What?" I answered sleepily.

The sorrel rolled to her feet and snorted at Olin who had moved closer. I stood up and went to the gate, stepping up on the lower rung.

"What?" I repeated.

"Come," he said, gesturing and eyeing the sorrel warily.

I grinned, I couldn't help it. "Come and get me."

He frowned at me and motioned me to come to him again.

I waved, pretending I thought he was waving at me, still grinning.

He stood up straight, his hands clenched in fists, his cheeks going red with anger. "Come!" he commanded.

I cocked my head slightly and reached up to rub the sorrells jaw as she nuzzled into me and tried to pull me off the gate with her chin on my shoulder.

Olin moved fast, so fast I had no idea what was happening as I flew over the gate and he spun me away from it as he danced back. He had leapt close and grabbed my free arm and yanked me free before me or the horse had reacted. I stared up at him, my mouth an O of shock as he shook me. The sorrel snorted and kicked the gate, then they were all kicking their gates and stamping. Olin dragged me out of the stable and I could see it was getting late, the light turning to dusk. When I tried to pull out of his grip, he picked me up and tucked me under an arm, carrying me into the large house kicking and fighting.

He set me on the bench hard and caught my hand as I took a swing at him. There was laughter around the table.

"I see you have won her over already," Handir chuckled.

"She hid from me with the horses! They tried to keep her from me!"

There was more laughter all around. "They probably have bigger cocks!" a man yelled, to more laughter.

He sat down next to me, his giant hand on the back of my neck, holding me there. "Tell her she will never hide from me again!" he yelled at Linus.

Linus looked at me and repeated it.

"I didn't hide! I fell asleep."

Linus translated and Olins hand loosened slightly.

"Tell her not to sleep of a day!" he said to Linus.

Linus gave me a long suffering look and repeated it.

"I didn't mean to, it just happened!"

Olin listened to the translation, then growled. "Eat!" he commanded, letting my neck go.

I picked up my fork and looked around, my cheeks burning with shame as everyone stared at me. I think it was Eliza's smug look that tipped me over the edge. With a scream of rage, I raised my fork with every intention of burying it in Olin's arm, but his reflexes were ridiculous as he grabbed my wrist and turned me away, driving me to the floor behind the bench. He straddled my back and held me there, prying the fork from my fingers. He pulled me up and carried me struggling and screaming obscenities at him to our room.

He tossed me on the bed and backed away from me, staring at me like I was a thing possessed.

"You can't just haul me around and make me do as you wish, posing me like a doll for your enjoyment! I won't do it!"

"Turn her over your knee!" someone yelled.

"Take a strap to her bottom!"

"Work her fire out in your bed!"

Olin sighed and backed up to the wall, then slid down it and put his head in his hands.

Things went quiet out front. They were still talking and laughing, but they weren't paying attention to us anymore.

I watched Olin for a moment, then got up and went and sat down next to him. He looked at me and I could see the pain in his features, the struggle there.

"I wasn't trying to hide from you or upset you," I said softly, in his language. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. I shouldn't have goaded you. I was going to come out, I was only... I don't know. But I was about to come out."

"My heart yearns for you, but you look away, always."

"I didn't know. You were kind and happy, if a bit strange to me, but I didn't understand. It never occurred to me that you were trying to be nice to me and patient with me. I thought you were simply disinterested and putting on a face in front of others. Like perhaps you had no interest in girls yet, but you knew your father expected you to, so you pretended."

"That... does not make sense. I kissed even when we were alone."

"Habit, I thought."

"You felt nothing?"

"I felt... I don't know. I felt like it was a thing you did that I had to put up with. I didn't let it feel like more, it just became habit to me too. There was once... when I realized that it had a deeper meaning to you and I felt... confused. I didn't know what to think. You do not seem surprised at all that I can speak to you this way."

"I have known for months that you speak our language more fluently than the others did. I heard you speak with the women and the others often enough, you just never spoke to me."

"You never really talked to me either."

"We did not need words, I thought. We were close, our touch, our kiss, sleeping. It did not need words. Your eyes when you smiled at me... it was all my heart needed. I thought you felt the same."

I looked down at my hands sadly. "If I would have known... I would have seen you differently. I knew I wasn't in love with Jenal like I thought I was, but I wasn't focused on that."

"The blacksmith?" he asked angrily.

"Yeah. We were sort of... something before we were taken. Not really, but we had talked. I thought my life was with him. I realized a few months back that it was never about feeling that kind of way about him, it was about expectations and what I should do. I didn't feel that kind of way about anyone, I was just... happy. If I had known... if I had thought to look at you in that light..."

"You know now."

"I also know what you did to me this morning and I can't forgive that," I said quickly. "I won't."

His face went blank and I saw his hands go tight again. He stood up and stepped out of the room and I sat there, wondering what he was doing. He came back in after half an hour and motioned me up. I stood and he took my arm and pulled me out of the large house. His horse was out front and he set me up on him before vaulting on himself, then taking off at a run.

I cried out and grabbed hold of him, and he put a single arm around me to hold me in place as he focused on the reins. Fear crawled up my spine. He was taking me out to kill me, to get rid of my body. He was going to dump me in a swamp or river. Tie me to a tree and leave me to starve and be eaten by bears and wolves! Every new thing I imagined was worse than the last until I was shaking.

It was dark in the woods and he didn't slow at all, making me tense about a branch swooping down and sweeping us off the horses back. At this point I was clutching Olin harder than he was holding me, flinching at every crack and noise around us.

He finally reined in and I tried to look around, but it was dark. He pulled me down and carried me, pushing on something until I heard a creaking, then he carried me into a structure and set me down.

"How can you see anything?" I demanded.

"You can see nothing?" he asked curiously.

"No! It's dark!"

He said nothing, but I heard him moving around the room. Soon, there were sparks as he started a fire and lit a little tallow candle. I looked around at the little cabin and the small bench I was sitting on. It looked small for one person, the bed narrow, the room closed in and tiny. If I felt it was small, Olin had to be feeling it worse.

I wondered what his plan was for this place and why he had brought me here as I stood and looked at the few dirty things piled in the basin. It was old and half falling apart and very dirty all over. I hoped this was just a stop on our way to wherever he was taking me. Or maybe this was it, this was my punishment, living out here in this rickety old shack alone.