All Comments on 'Stop the World to Get a Better View Ch. 06'

Something that would help your style would be some careful attention to dialogue attributions. When it's clear that two people are talking, you don't always need to have "exclaimed Matthew" "said Mark" etc. Constant repetition of the speakers' names is unnecessary. There's also an abundance of adverbs. To show the emotions of the characters, you can show us with details, such as "he rubbed his eyes and yawned" rather than "he said wearily".

Keep writing and don't worry about the trolls :)

The story is jumpy, people are either crying or fucking, just doesn't make sense. What's going on?

Matthew was RAPED by his ex-lover! Excuse me, maybe that was a turn-on for you! You are so someone's BITCH!

so mathew was raped . the lucky fucker, glad some ones getting it.? as for you kadien shut the fuck up and get your story right its all over the fucking place