Stormwatch - A Rest for the Heart

"What if I'm like the rest of them with PTSD and I end it before it ends me?"

"You're not alone, I'm here with you."

"And if we have a baby?"

"We will be here with you." She snuggled with Josh while that thought sank in and finally said, "What was Ellie doing?"

"Hmm?"

"What was she doing? You were shouting at her to stop."

"She..." his stomach churned; the bile was returning. "She was standing by the rear cargo door when something blew a huge hole in it, and she got sucked out of the plane." Veronica gasped in shock but once you uncork the bottle you can't put the genie back in. "She was on a safety strap and was hanging under the plane for minutes, maybe ten, maybe longer I don't know. We were over..." It was classified what they were over, but fuck it... "over the African desert and losing altitude, heading for an emergency air strip... coming down hard..."

"Go on," Veronica whispered, she really didn't want to hear the rest, but he needed to get it out.

He paused for a long moment then continued, "When we were hit, I lost a good kid and a great friend, it was horrible, I was so fucked up I forgot about Ellie. Totally forgot..." Josh looked horrible; he was staring up at the ceiling, but his mind was a thousand feet further up. He continued, "Then I remembered her and looked to where she was standing and saw a big fucking hole right where I saw her last. I thought she was gone, dead, but when I saw her strap going down into that hole, I shone a powerful light down there and I saw her, but she saw the ground coming up at us..."

Now Josh was fighting to hold back the tears as he said, "She knew that if we landed with her hanging there she would be dragged to death, so she pulled her knife and started cutting her safety strap." The horror of seeing his friend Craig dead, another friend intentionally hacking away at her safety strap so that her death would be quick... Josh began to shake violently as he remembered the look of terror on Ellie's face when she looked up at him, then he remembered... he wished he hadn't, but he remembered... He didn't know how much he said but he heard Veronica weeping in shock, it was all too much. He grabbed a towel off the floor and vomited again.

The bile burned his throat as it came up and he prayed that he didn't have to relive this ever again... the horror was just too real... When he was done, he got up and placed the towel in the bathroom and washed up, then returned to bed and lay back, Veronica laid her head on his shoulder. It was tough to ask, but she said, "what happened to Ellie?"

"I was scared shitless so I yanked her in as fast as I could, but she kept cutting, I was so scared she would cut through before I could get her in the plane, all the time I'm yelling "Ellie! Stop!" He paused as the horror of that horrible night washed over him. He shuddered and continued, "I got her in and strapped her down and I think she went into shock."

Veronica kissed his cheek then propped herself up to look in his eyes and asked, "what happened next?"

"I thought she was dead; she was losing a lot of blood and I couldn't tell if she was breathing. I put a tourniquet on her leg, and she came around, so I tried to bandage her left arm... Her leg was a mangled mess... and I was trying to bandage her when we hit the runway and I was bounced around like a rubber ball."

"Oh Effi," groaned Veronica as she tried to hold back the tears. The thought that her Effi had lived this horror and kept the memories inside, unable to share them, saddened her terribly. "Effi?" She lifted and checked on him and realized that he was completely asleep. The horror of seeing his friend desperately sawing away at that safety strap choosing to fall to her death rather than to be dragged along the runway at 150 MPH was a nightmare that he's carried with him since that horrific mission. He's flown since that terrible night, but ever since, whenever the plane rolls to the left he's filled with the fear that their guns would soon fire and reveal their position to every gun on the ground. But now that he's spoken his horror, he realized that he could sleep... but Veronica wasn't sure she could ever sleep again.

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

Josh woke feeling better than he had in ages. After breakfast he was going to show Veronica all the sights that he grew up with. His secret was out, and it was as if he had been exorcised, his demons were gone, or at least in remission. Finally, he could enjoy the exhilaration of waking up next to the woman he loved. For her part Veronica was up most of the night, the horror of what he said terrified her, and it had become too chilly to sit outside naked. She hoped her surprise would have some more healing power inside. As they stepped into the restaurant Veronica clung to his arm and said, "I have a gift for you," and she pointed toward the back of the room.

In the back of the restaurant a slightly heavy-set blond woman sat at a table and was talking to a large black man wearing a UF Gators hat. The fellow looked up and saw Veronica's neon pink Georgia Bulldogs hat and waved. "Do you know him?" asked Josh as Veronica waved back.

"Look again," said Veronica and Josh saw that the blond was staring at him in shock, her mouth opened as she shouted something. Josh looked at her and cried, "Ellie!" then he sprinted to the back of the restaurant where he dropped to a knee and they hugged like siblings that had been separated for far too long. Lately they've been on the phone every day, whenever Josh or Ellie has that dream, and recently they've both been having it.

When Ellie stood to hug Josh properly Veronica noticed several things. First, she was pregnant, Veronica gasped in delight and surprise because Ellie never told Veronica. If she had told Josh that she was expecting he never mentioned it, so it was a complete surprise to Veronica. The next thing that Veronica noticed was that Ellie was tall, well over six feet tall, she was not a small girl by any measure. But what she noticed next made her blood run cold when she saw Ellie's metal left leg. Ellie rose then stepped away from the table so she could stand and hug him properly. The black fellow she was with also rose and stepped up to Veronica. "Ronnie? It's good to meet you."

"You must be Nick, thank you so much for coming. When I found out you two were in Tampa, I had to set this up."

"No, thank you, this place is beautiful, we could never afford a place like this."

"That's the miracle of hotel points," smiled Veronica. Then her expression changed to one of concern, as Josh held a chair out for Ellie, and she eased into it. "I hope this helps, he recently started to realize that he couldn't ignore the PTSD any longer."

"Same with Ellie," sighed Nick. "We thought she had it beat, but ever since she discovered she was pregnant she's been in a complete uproar. She'd wake up screaming "Just let me go!"

Veronica gasped when she heard that, did Ellie really say that while dangling under the back end of a crippled AC-130? Why would she say that? Didn't she know that Josh would save her? Veronica had an undeniable belief that no matter what, Josh would save her. When she set up a sting for their crooked VP Brandon Mitchell, she couldn't tell Josh about it because he would save her but that would ruin the sting.

Nick and Veronica joined Josh and Ellie who were deeply engrossed in a conversation involving officers from their past and any time they mentioned someone they obviously didn't like, they labeled him or her a "nonner." The only time they came up from the depths of their conversation was when the waitress came to take their order. All through breakfast they chatted while Nick and Veronica sat on the edges of the conversation, their only contribution was when either Josh or Ellie would say to their lover, "What was the name of that guy...?" or "Where were we when...?"

After breakfast they walked down to the beach and while Veronica waded in the shallow water Josh and Ellie continued with their conversation and they showed no signs of slowing down. But eventually they got to the part where they were saying a lot of "What ever happened to...?" about friends from the past. Then they grew silent and watched the waves coming in and Veronica happily splashing in them, the ocean was restless, and the waves churned up the sand turning the water a light shade of brown. Josh never took his eyes off Veronica as she continued wading in the water while she talked to Nick who stayed clear of the waves. It was a comfortable silence between the two retired warriors. Ellie finally broke the silence and said, "You really love her, don't you?"

Josh chuckled, "What makes you say that?" his eyes were glued to Veronica's long, sexy legs. He would be heartbroken if she lost one like Ellie, but if it happened, he would be there for her.

Ellie scoffed, "I haven't known you long, only most of my adult life," she gave him an elbow that almost rolled him over in the sand, "you can't take your eyes off her. Every time she gets hit by a wave, you're ready to jump up and go to her."

"Well," shrugged Josh, "she might get her hair wet."

"You were never like that with Yazmilla."

"Yesenia," insisted Josh. Why did he have to marry a woman with a name no one can pronounce? The only thing his old friends remember about Yesenia is the fact that when Josh came home from a yearlong deployment, she had moved her sidepiece into base housing with her and was six months pregnant with another man's baby. "Yesenia was a different kind of woman," sighed Josh.

"Yeah, a fucking slut." Ellie grabbed Josh's phone out of his hand and looked at it. Every now and then while she was talking with him, he'd send a quick text message to Veronica. Ellie looked at the phone and saw that he was sending little love notes to Veronica the whole time they were talking. He sent short text messages that said, "I love you" and "I miss you." As she scrolled through the messages she scoffed, "You miss her? She's right there!"

Josh just nodded, "I haven't been here, I've been in Al Hafra."

"I know," groaned Ellie, "me too." Al Hafra was the African air base they were flying out of as they tried to break the grip that the east African warlords had on the food supply coming in off the docks of Port Durban and the largest port in the word, the Port of Richards Bay. This was one of those wars that was never mentioned on TV, and planes and helicopters that were shot down here, soldiers that were killed were counted as "lost in a training accidents." Ellie continued, "Look, you've got to face this. Uncle Sam used us to wipe his ass and then flushed us away like we were nothing."

"I know," groaned Josh.

"You're not going to get any better letting this burn you up from the inside. You've got to talk to someone." Ellie waited for Josh to respond, but he just stared at the patch of ground. "When I got home Nick was waiting for me. He was there for me, but I wasn't there for him... it wasn't fair. Are you being fair to Veronica?"

"I know!" growled Josh, "I just don't know what to do."

"Yes, you do," said Ellie, "you just ain't got the guts," and she handed his phone back to him. "Talking is the only thing, I can give you the number of a VA..."

"Fuck the VA," snarled Josh. The thought of dealing with a bloated bureaucracy for one more minute made his stomach twist. It wasn't the people, most of the people were great, it was the machine that angered Josh. He frowned at Ellie then hit the auto dial to a familiar number. "Hey Macy, it's me Josh."

"Oh Bonjour mon ami. Your vacation must be très boring, I will get John for you."

"No, I called to talk to you, I'm having that dream again, I'm sure John told you about it, so I was wondering if you can find someone for me," Josh was sure no one would want to take on his case.

"Oui, I will talk to Doctor Helen Lennox, she owes me a favor, I will ask her to give you a call in one week from today when you get home, but if it gets bad, I will text you her number. Est-ce que ça va?" (Is that ok?)

"Oui, merci beaucoup, au revoir," and with that Josh exhausted his entire French vocabulary then hung up and suddenly felt relief wash over him as he watched Veronica enjoy herself in the surf.

"Feel better?" Ellie asked.

"Come on Robo-Chick," said Josh as stood and looked down on Ellie. "Let's go, I owe Veronica the rest of the story."

"No. You go tell her; I've done my talking."

"Bullshit, I need a backup on this mission," and Josh scooped Ellie up like she was a small girl and started to carry her up the beach followed by a laughing Nick and Veronica. Josh lowered a feisty Ellie to the ground, and she turned to Nick and clung to his arm as they walked back to the hotel and gathered around a table on the hotel patio. After they sat and got a round of Bloody Mary's with a Virgin Mary for Ellie, Josh and Ellie held hands with their lovers and Josh said, "I didn't tell you the whole story. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Hal Rainey..."

Major Emory Hancock and his co-pilot Captain Everett Jackson were struggling to keep Ghost Rider Zero Four in the air. Something went horribly wrong; it was like every gun in east Africa knew their flight plan and they became the punching bag of every African warlord from the Suez to Somalia. They lost communication with weapons and the weapons people, a myriad of circuit breakers had popped and can't be reset, a dozen alarms were blaring, each one was telling Major Hancock that the tail of the plane was hanging on by a thread. What concerned him the most was that Josh had not checked in with him. Gravely had the best gun crew he's ever flown with and it's not like Josh to not let him know what was going on. Who is not busy? "WSO, can you check on Gravely and his team?"

There was a long pause then, "Rog, standby." The Weapons Systems Officer, Captain Harold "Hal" Rainey, call sign Hailstorm, fought his way out of the "cabinet," finally kicking open the wedged door. The Cabinet is the nerve center of the gunship, all the sensors, the cameras, the radar, the radar jamming, the threat warning receivers, the satellite receivers, the weapons systems, and the officers that manned that equipment did it from "the cabinet" and with the door jammed shut it was a potential coffin. Hal took a small pen light out of his sleeve pocket and worked his way aft. Normally an AC-130 is full of people; crew members, trainees, evaluators, and folks who just wanted a ride. But on a classified combat mission it was essential personnel only and to step out of the cabinet and not see anyone felt unusual. Commander, co-pilot, crew chief, navigator, and electronics team, everyone up front was accounted for. The weapons team and the load master were unaccounted for, a total of five people.

Not a light was working in the entire weapons bay, even the emergency lights were dark, but he could see some glow sticks. Hal could see that there was a glowstick on the floor and as he got close, he saw that the glow stick was on somebody that was laying on the ground, it was Staff Sergeant Craig Dempsey, soaked in blood, his chest was ripped wide open. Hailstorm had never seen a dead body outside of a casket before, especially not someone in his chain of command. Hailstorm started to panic, he stared at Craig for what seemed like a long time, the sound of wind roaring in his ears. "Get your shit together Rainey!" he told himself and he noticed that he heard yelling, like someone telling someone else to stop.

He looked up and there were a couple more glow sticks, he aimed his penlight and saw the new kid, Wayne something, Hailstorm never got his last name. The kid was strapped into a jump seat, his flight suit was covered in blood, and he didn't look very alive. Next to him was Wyatt, his arm in a sling and his face as pale as a ghost. Hal started to move toward The Ws when a movement in the dark to the left drew his attraction. He trained his light to that side, and he saw Gravely, the weapons team chief, and he suddenly slipped and went out a huge hole.

"WHAT?" shrieked Veronica. "You fell out of an airplane?" Her eyes were wide with fear and panic.

"My boots were slick with hydraulic fluid," said Josh as he wished that he had ordered a different drink, "No," he said glumly, "that's a lie I tell myself, it wasn't hydraulic fluid, it was Craig and Ellie's blood, that's why I slipped and fell."

Ellie shuddered and said "I saw his feet come out the hole and I just closed my eyes; I didn't want to know what happened." She leaned against Nick who put a protective arm around her.

"Well, you didn't fall back into the airplane," said Veronica, "what happened?"

"It was Hailstorm," said Josh.

Hal Rainey jumped toward the hole and found Josh clinging to a safety strap; the jagged edge of the hole was jabbed through his flight suit cutting into him. Hal quickly scooped his hands under Josh's arms and hoisted Josh up, the sheet metal gouging holes in Josh's back and side, but Josh never let go of the safety strap.

Now the sun was starting to rise, and the land was starting to come up at them quickly. While Hal held Josh so he wouldn't slip on the blood-soaked floor, Josh hauled Ellie into the airplane as fast as he could. She was in bad shape; she was now unconscious and bleeding from her mangled left leg and arm. Josh and Hal secured her to the floor then Josh found his first aid kid and started to apply a tourniquet to her leg. He didn't know how tight it should be so as soon as he saw the blood flow stop, he tied it off. As he was doing that, Hal ran forward to report what happened to the pilot, Emory Hancock.

"Sir, we got..."

Major Hancock cut him off. He was busy fighting the controls of the wounded bird that wanted to plow a hole into the ground and simply shouted, "Strap in, tell me later."

Hal returned to his station and started to strap in. In the back, Josh cut open Ellie's sleeve and was wrapping gauze around her arm when he found out she had returned to consciousness. "That was my favorite flight suit!" she complained.

"Jesus Ellie, don't you have something else to..." Josh never finished the sentence because just then the plane hit the runway and Ellie saw Josh slam into the deck then bounce off into the dark.

As Ghost Rider Zero Four careened down the runway, Maj. Hancock hit the brakes and reversed the pitch on the propellers slowing the plane down dramatically. Josh slammed into the broken M-102 Howitzer mount, breaking his arm and several ribs. The tire that was shot out was sorely missed but there was another tire on the left side that survived most of the landing. They were slowed down to about 30 mph when that one blew with the power of an IED propelling Josh back toward Ellie where he stopped in a twisted heap.

Josh returned to consciousness with an EMT working on him, they were strapping him to a back board and preparing to put him on a stretcher. "Let me up," he groaned, "I can walk."

Ignoring his comment, the EMT said, "are you the person who put the tourniquet on Sergeant Stadelmeyer's leg?"

"Yeah, is she ok?"

"Looks like you saved her life." They muscled Josh on to the stretcher and started to lift him out of the plane.

"What about Wayne? I think he had a punctured lung."

"He'll be fine too. That's two saves in one day, you just rest. You earned it."

Josh tried to relax as they hoisted him out of the plane. They'll fix it up and get it to fly again, at least once, just so they won't have to say that it was destroyed by enemy fire. He heard a voice say, "Sergeant Gravely, how are you feeling?"