Summer Blonde Pt. 02

I tried to call Aby when I got home, but she wasn't in. So I ended up calling one of my high school friends and chatting about random bullshit just to get my mind off of things for a while. When I finally made it over to Aby's a few days later, I still had bruises on my neck and arms and of course she was furious with Matt, who for some reason I immediately defended. Matt asked me to go on a date that Friday, but Aby insisted we have a girls' night.

On Friday I was still upset, and with some encouragement from the girls, I drank way too much. They wanted to know what was wrong, and, when I didn't say anything, Aby began telling them what I'd told her. They all started chiming in with different relationship and sex advice.

"No." I finally spoke up, "It's more than that. Things have been weird for a while."

"You mean this isn't the first time he's gotten too rough?" asked Sarah.

"No, I mean like. I like him, but I don't know if I want to date him. I mean I don't and I do."

"Maybe he's just not the right one for you?"

"No, he's great. He really is. I just. I don't know if I'm gay," I blurted out. I must have been really drunk to make that admission, but the girls took it in stride.

Shortly after that, the alcohol caught up with me, and I had to excuse myself to throw up in Aby's toilet. It was late and the bus wasn't running any longer. I was about to fall asleep on Aby's couch when Lucretia said she lived nearby and had a spare mattress I could crash on. That sounded better than Aby's lumpy sofa, so together we stumbled over to her place. She shared an apartment with two other women and the place was a mess. She guided me into her room and dropped me on the bed.

"You need anything before bed?" She asked.

"A toothbrush?"

"OK, come on."

I realized that I'd never seen her outside of the Cave or Aby's place before. There was something surreal about drunkenly brushing our teeth together side by side in a messy bathroom with pink sailing boat patterned wallpaper. I went back to collapse on the bed while she finished getting ready. I was almost asleep when she came back dressed only in an oversize t-shirt and lay down next to me.

"Hey," she said. "You all right?"

"Yeah." I was a little confused since I thought I was getting my own mattress, but I thought maybe she wanted to keep an eye on me because I threw up before.

We were face to face only inches apart and I looked at her for the first time without makeup. She was 26, which seemed old to me at the time. She had a pretty face, with short hair, a round face, and a small mouth with Cupid's bow lips... which I thought made her look a little like Betty Boop.

"You know," she said, "we never got the chance to spend any time alone."

"Yeah, that would be nice. I don't really know much about you."

"Well, what would you like to know?"

This threw me off guard. I had no idea what to ask.

"I'm not sure." I finally said. "I'm actually fighting not to fall asleep."

"That's OK, we can talk in the morning. But you can't go to sleep like this."

She started pulling up my dress and after awkwardly trying to take it off while lying down, I finally sat up and pulled it over my head. She sat up with me and took off my bra, staring at it.

"Did you make this yourself?"

"Yeah. Well, I bought the bra, but I sewed in the padding myself."

"That's what I meant. God, I wish I'd know you while I was 13." She looked at my shorts. "Are you wearing something under those?"

"Yes."

"Off they go." She grabbed them by the waist and pulled them down, accidentally pulling down my panties part of the way with them and releasing my now semi erect penis. Instead of saying anything, she just pulled my panties the rest of the way off before covering me with a blanket and laying down next to me again. It seemed like she was just treating me like a sister, and I was embarrassed for getting an erection.

She reached over and ran her fingers through my hair.

"I love your hair. It makes me jealous," she said.

"I like yours too," I said and awkwardly ran a hand through her hair. "It's so cute."

"Are you comfortable?"

"Actually I'm a little hot. Do you have a thinner blanket?" She'd covered me up to the neck with a comforter even though it was still summer.

"Just take off the blanket if you're too hot."

"But I'm not wearing anything."

"So?"

She sat up and pulled off her sleeping t-shirt. Underneath she was just wearing panties and I couldn't help but stare at her breasts. She was slender up top with an A cup, then a small waist and a nice thick curve around her hips.

"There," she said, laying back down. "Does that make you feel more comfortable?"

"Uh."

"Come on." She pulled the blanket back off of me before I had a chance to think about what to do with my erection, but if she noticed it, she didn't say anything, and her eyes remained locked on mine. She ran a finger along my face and over my lips.

"You have really nice lips," she said. "So when you said you weren't sure if you're gay. What does that mean?"

"Uh, like I probably like women more."

"So women like me?" I was a little dense back then so my first thought was now the girls weren't going to feel comfortable around me if they knew I was attracted to women.

"Well. I mean I'm your guest, so it's not like I would do anything, but I mean you're an attractive woman."

"But since you're my guest, you wouldn't be interested in me?"

"Well, uh, I mean, I wouldn't start anything, since you invited me."

"And if I started something?"

"Like what?"

She leaned over and kissed me on the lips, and after taking a second to process, I leaned over and kissed her back. I was super turned on and my dick was so hard it almost hurt.

We gently kissed while slowly exploring one another's bodies with our hands. I took my cues from her, and when she ran her hand over my chest and played with my nipples, I ran my hand over her chest and felt her breasts. She ran her hands over my stomach. I did the same, and after what felt like an hour, when she finally touched my cock I put my hand between her legs, slippery and wonderful, desperately feeling around for her clit. After masturbating one another for a few minutes she fished a condom out of her bedside table and put it on the bed. When it became obvious I wasn't going to do anything with it, she opened it up herself, put it on me, positioned herself on top. Holding my cock with one hand to aim, she slid down over me and moaned loudly.

She was loud, she was wet, and it was probably only because I was still so drunk that I didn't cum immediately. I reached up to play with her tits as she rode me. Her eyes were closed, her head tilted up to the ceiling; she was moaning, off in her own little world of bliss. I couldn't take it and I came hard, my hips bucking, groaning out loud. She stopped moving and opened her eyes.

"You came?" she asked with some surprise in her voice.

"Uh, yeah."

"Damn, I was really close."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was nice." She leaned down to kiss me before slowly pulling off my now mostly limp cock covered by a very full condom. She handed me some tissues so I could clean up. The whole time she stared at my penis. "You know before I'd pictured you had a small one. I'm glad I was wrong."

We lay there cuddling for a while, naked and uncovered. My whole body was tingling and my head was full of white noise. It was the first time I'd ever had sex with a woman.

I don't remember falling asleep, but I woke up again just before sunrise. Lucretia had forgotten to close the curtains and light spilled in. She was still asleep, her face turned towards me. I'd been taken totally off guard the night before, but now I had a moment to think. I didn't know how I felt about Lucretia, but seeing her in the soft morning light, all I wanted to do was wake her up, holder her in my arms and kiss her. I wasn't in love with her, but being with her and having sex with her had just felt right in a way that sleeping with Matt never had. But I loved Matt. It was confusing.

I felt like two people. Beth wanted to date Matt. Beth wanted to sleep with Matt. Beth really was part of me, but she wasn't all of me and the more I tried to be Beth all of me, the more I felt like a boy. I was somehow a boy and a girl and I had no idea how that was supposed to work, but one thing was becoming clear, a romantic relationship with Matt wasn't going to work.

I started to cry. My throat was dry and my head was pounding. I'd felt so good just a few minutes ago and now all I wanted to do was disappear, anything to make this feeling go away. I quietly got up and went to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet trying to choke back the tears so no one would hear me. When I looked in the mirror my makeup was a mess so I washed it all off. I stared at my reflection and I saw a teenage boy looking back at me.

I tried to sneak back into bed, but Lucretia was awake.

"Hey, you're awake." she said.

"I needed to use the bathroom, sorry I woke you up." I said, laying back down on the bed.

"It's OK I forgot to close the curtains. Are you OK, you don't look so good?"

"I'm alright. Um, can we cuddle?"

She laughed. "Oh course"

She took me in her arms and we gently caressed one another until we fell asleep again.

A few days later, dressed as Beth again I worked up the nerve to meet Matt. I told him I wanted to break up. I said I realized I wasn't in love with him and skipped all the other details. I think he was a little blindsided. He didn't say much, but it was obvious he wasn't happy. I cried and said I didn't want him to hate me and he hugged me for what turned out to be the last time. It didn't seem fair. If we both loved one another, why couldn't we be together? After all that had happened and all that I'd felt for him, just like that he was gone out of my life and I didn't see him again that summer.

I was heart broken and confused and I felt guilty and second guessed myself constantly for months afterwards. Some times even all these years later on quiet evenings when I'm feeling lonely I still wonder if we somehow couldn't have made it work. It was my first experience of the uncertainty of feeling an attraction to someone and not knowing if you want to be their friend, or be them, or fuck them.

If you made it this far thanks for reading and thank you for your feedback and ratings. It really does motivate me to keep writing. I've got one more shorter story from that summer if you want to read it.