All Comments on 'Summer Desire Ch. 01'

This is a romantic and dreamy story. You are correct, English as a second language leads to the story being a bit stilted and the flow of the narrative is thus choppy. And, not knowing any better, some words do not really fit with an erotic story that well (too formal or not quite right). An example would be "swimming costume" instead of "swimming trunks", or perhaps better yet, simply "trunks" or "suit" or "Speedo's" (nod to SpeedoDave). But most critics post anonymously and do not write stories, so take their complaints (if they show up here) with a grain of salt.

Thanks for the comment! This is exactly what I was searching for feedback-wise: the unnatural, forced feel that the narration gives is something I had sort of noticed, but had a really hard time mitigating; as for the vocabulary not really fitting, that was (again) something I knew, but didn't know whether it was worth it to give that up and get more synonyms, or the other way around. Again, thanks a lot for the feedback, I'll try to create a more smooth story. Also, I'm guessing (in English especially) shorter sentences sound better (and are easier to manage).