All Comments on 'Summer Rain'

Poorly written.

nice attempt though

I agree...nice attempt but not very romantic.

Good title, though the writing was bland and contained too many cliches.

eg: 'I start chatting to a man on a dating site, we agree to meet after a couple of days of chatting and talking about everything under the sun.'

This actually tells the reader nothing, when you should be sketching in character and personalities and conveying the excitment the narrator is feeling about her date.

Read more fiction, learn, and have another try.

The first couple of paragraphs seem to be very unrelated. Take your time and write them so they flow naturally to build the story.

You didn't find him attractive at all, but ended up having sex with him in public. Why? Elaborate on why your feelings changed.

Have some dialogue between the two characters. The story seemed more like a journal entry than a crafted story.

5'4" for a woman isn't that tiny for a woman. For him to be on his knees and still have his face at breast level to be able to lick your breasts just isn't realistic.

Get an editor. You have a lot of misspellings and grammatical errors.

I mostly was bothered by the present tense used in this story, past tense tends to be reflective and dreams or fanatsies or later thoughts can enhance a story greatly. the language tends to be a little simple, which can be effective, but not so much in a romantic tale, it should be "flowered-up" a bit

Names would have been nice, then pronouns and names can alternate for more variety

First person present is a difficult tense to carry off in erotica and this story misses just as do most written in this style.

Dialogue would enhance the story. Two silent anonymous people having illicit sex in a garden could be a good story - but it takes a lot description of the feelings, events, and actions in order to bring off the "It is happening this moment" idea.

"The day I meet him, I am slightly disappointed that physically he does nothing, and I mean nothing for me."

" He is not good looking, or sexy, so not my taste physically: Too tall, too slender, But I am polite and have coffee with him."

so, in interest of being civil:

"It is pouring with rain and hazy, rain and heat mixed making a lovely hazy light.

I face the wall and arch my back. He wastes no time, he pushes his huge, wet, rock hard penis into my very tight wet, dripping, wanton vagina.

He mounts me like a wild stallion! He fucks me like one too!!!! "

Can you imagine what it would been like if she had been attracted the guy?

lol