Summer Sabbatical

He and Sibyl helped clean up and put away the leftovers and then she said she needed to go. When I saw her out, I advised her she shouldn't drive. She could get the hair color tomorrow and she'd agreed. Back inside, Tim had changed into some gym shorts and his tank top. It partially hid his pecks and further disguised the erection I'd been avoiding looking at most of the day.

"What would you like to do now?" I asked him, wondering what nearly nineteen-year-old boys do these days. The ones I'd seen lately were always on their phone, but Tim didn't seem to mess with his.

"I guess we can watch the news or whatever you do."

"I often read," I told him. "I have fairly basic cable and internet."

"We could talk about today," he countered.

"She's mostly harmless," I assured him.

"Okay, well, I can watch TV in the den and leave you to read," he said.

"I wasn't trying to shut down talking. Let me go get showered; I'll meet you in the den in a bit."

"Alright," he said.

I left him to do for himself while I went to get out of my bikini and showered. Despite my expectations, he was somewhat sheltered. Often only children are very outgoing, but Tim was an atypical only child. While he possessed a higher achievement motivation, was strongly independent and frankly outspoken once engaged, he seemed to still be slow to interact socially.

In my master bathroom retreat, I turned on the water and prepared to shower, shucking my now dry bikini into the hamper. The tankless water-heater provided an instantly luxuriant flow at temperature and I climbed in to wash off the chlorine and day's dirt. It was a habit that hadn't come naturally but I had grown to enjoy. I was a morning person and liked to shower and be clean to start the day. Jon was the opposite and showered in the evening, so he could go to bed clean and relaxed. Soon, I found it was true and now I did both.

The warm water streaming over me, hit me oddly as I removed the hand-held showerhead to spray myself. Suddenly aroused, it occurred to me that Tim might still be a virgin. There were a lot of signs that told me that might be the case, but I was unsure how or if I should approach that subject. It could make what might be a hard time in a young man's life more difficult. There was no dismissing the fact that I'd contributed to some of the sexual banter. It'd boomeranged and bestowed upon me this current state of arousal. While I had perhaps been remiss in not telling him beforehand what to expect with Sibyl, it would probably help him out of his shell.

I decided I should dispense with my often-used social worker skills and simply enjoy his company, the problem with that was the image I had of his member straining against his swim trunks. He couldn't be blamed after the show Sibyl had given him. She'd practically laid her breasts in his lap as she bent over to touch his knee. Then later as we'd played ball in the pool, we'd both been a little unrestrained with our moves to make catches.

A small anxiety crept over me as I massaged myself with the spray and my hand. There must have been a small part of me that had those same lusty thoughts for him that she'd been happy to acknowledge. It'd been almost ten years since Jon had been killed. He'd been a good lover and I missed it. I'd taken a few brief encounters since him, but none were as caring, considerate or giving as he had been. He'd taken my virginity and taught me how fantastic lovemaking could be. The act not only consumed us with both love and lust for one another, but also drove us to sense what made the other happy.

Right now, I was the only one that could give me what I needed, but as I climaxed, there were flashes of Tim's muscular arms, chest and abdominal section. I'd already felt how wonderful it was to be held in an embrace by his powerful torso, but now I wondered how it would feel to make love with him. His obvious caring nature and apparent lust for me, drove me to some particularly wicked thoughts during this long overdue masturbation session.

When I finished pleasuring myself, I quickly shampooed my hair, and then lathered up my pits and legs for a quick shave. All finished, I stepped out of the stone and glass enclosure to dry off. Looking in the mirror, I regarded myself and saw the young woman that Sibyl said I was. The person looking back at me was 'fit' as Tim had remarked. She wasn't overly muscular or busty, but the gym had given her some excellent tone amongst the womanly curves. My legs were probably the most muscular and that was from doing the stairs and swimming. My breasts were still fairly pert but after seeing Tim, I worried my midsection could use more work. My neatly trimmed bush was just a little lighter than my wet dirty blond hair and where my legs joined my body was strong and there was very little puffiness in my mons area.

I took out the blow dryer to dry my hair and body. As it dried, my hair lightened to the point that it was lighter than my pubic area. When it was completely dry, I didn't really like the way it looked. It looked old, and I convinced myself that with a different, more youthful hairstyle, I might think of myself that way. I tried to pull some of the curl in back straight with my round brush and more direct heat, but it wasn't looking like I wanted it to look.

In frustration, I dumped the brush and dryer on the counter. The woman in the mirror looked angry or sad and I didn't want to look either of those things for Tim. A forced smile made me feel a tad better and I gave up and went to my dresser, took out some shorts and a loose top to get dressed so I could go chat with him.

When Ava left for her shower, it'd felt a little weird. She'd asked me What would you like to do now? and then made it feel like I was keeping her from reading. I knew how to keep myself entertained, I was trying to be considerate of what she might want. My suggestion that we talk about today was an attempt to be open with her about whatever was going on with Sibyl and maybe herself. I'd been considering telling her I was a virgin, but now I wasn't sure, especially if they were going to push Candy at me.

After settling into the corner of her nice leather sofa, I turned on the television in the den. I found her basic cable included one set of a network's premium channels and I found a series, I'd been watching that contained what amounted to soft core porn in it. It also had some sexual themes that I'd felt rhymed with events earlier today. This episode was a rerun I'd seen, but I'd missed the next episode during finals week, and it was coming on right after this one.

The similarities between the situations ended with the sexual lust as far as I could tell. None of the characters, save maybe one, carried any emotions for the others. I'd about decided to stop watching the series before I'd come on this trip, but today's events combined with seeing this particular episode had made me interested again. When it was about over, I heard noises I knew were Ava, and I clicked it off as she entered the room.

"Why'd you turn that off?" she asked as she sat close beside me.

"It's just a series I'd been watching. I may be losing interest," I said hoping she wouldn't judge me too harshly for watching it.

"Oh, well I think I've seen that one anyway," she said, piquing my attention and curiosity.

"You like that show?" I asked.

"Yes, but I'll admit it's a fairly dark look at humanity," she said.

"Yeah, and there's not a lot of love," I agreed. "You want to watch the next one?"

"Sure," she said, and I turned it back on. "Have you read the books?"

"No, I guess I should," I said.

"They're staying pretty close so far," she said and snuggled against me.

Ava's leaning against me added to the experience as we watched enthralled with the cinematography and acting in this primal alternate world. When one scene hinted at the incestuous nature of the characters involved, I sensed her tension raise slightly, but it quickly dissipated as suspenseful scenes continue to reveal more and deeper plot elements. It was all over much too quickly. Knowing she watched and like the series, promptly reversed any inkling I had to discontinue my viewership.

I turned it back off and she sat up, next to me. The absence of her left me wishing there'd been another show to watch. The manner she was looking at me told me she was anxious about something. Although I waited a while, she didn't start, and I started to open my mouth, but she finally spoke, so I held my tongue.

"Look," she said and paused, "I know you wanted to talk about today," she said not really leaving me a chance to answer. "I think I should probably have given you fair warning, but there wasn't really an opportunity. I wasn't expecting Sibyl when she popped over this afternoon, but I probably should have."

"It's alright, I mean her antics felt flattering in a way," I replied.

"She's a terrible flirt and she rubs off on me when she's over."

"I take it she's over a lot?" I asked.

"Yeah, she's my friend, not just some neighbor. I don't have that many, I'm kind of a homebody. We watch some shows together, talk like gal pals and go out occasionally. But I really did think I'd get to have you to myself the first day you were here."

"I get it, you hang out together; it's cool, really. I don't have many friends either," I told her as I debated whether to tell her more.

"I'm having a real difficulty believing you don't have a girlfriend or at least some interest from women at that college."

"I've only been there a year, but I feel like all the ones I've met have their expectations set on extreme. They are either looking for a quick hook up or the love of their life. I don't even know what I want yet and need a more neutral starting point. I've never - um - you know -"

"It'll happen in due course, sweetie," she told me.

"I've been on some dates, alright? Getting a date isn't really the problem. It's where it goes from there."

"I'm not quite following."

"What do women want? They seem like they want to be treated like equals and then act like, well some, some act - like Sibyl or they act like they should be treated like royalty or you do what they want, and they decide they didn't want that."

"These are confusing times we're living in for sure. There's no single answer to your question. Women are unique like men and everyone wants different things. Maybe some think they want certain things but once getting that, they decide they didn't. We're all just learning how to communicate with one another."

"Well, I can't read between the lines to see what it is I'm being told," I said.

"You know we're in the same boat. It's difficult to see and hear what isn't said. Sibyl was telling me about this new initiative they're pushing at the high school called 'Affirmative Consent'."

"I've heard of it and think it'd work if everyone played by those rules. From what I've seen almost no one does and it sure didn't feel like Sibyl was today."

"She's nearly forty. People can't flip a switch and unlearn years of behavior. If you want her, you can practice affirmative consent while she does whatever that was."

Even though I heard them joking in the pool, it was still startling to hear, and I asked, "I think Sibyl made her breasts come out of her top on purpose while we were playing pool. Do you really think I ought to pursue her?"

She quickly raised her eyebrows as if surprised, seemed to think about it and then said plainly, "You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do."

"She's very attractive for any age. I think she wants me, 'cause she rubbed against me during pool a few times and groped me once after she won the game," I said.

"That's a little out of character," she told me and frowned. "She was just complaining about how long it's been, so she'd flirt with any man," she assured me.

"Well, maybe she perceived tacit approval with my comments and ogling but I'm not sure she's what I want in a relationship."

"I'll tell you what she'd tell you herself; you're of age, she thinks age is just a number, she's not interested in a relationship and she likes sex."

"You aren't her wing-man, are you?" I asked half-jokingly.

"No, I think she's genuinely interested despite attempting to set you up with Candy. I don't judge who people find attractive," she assured me.

"Being desired is nice, but I want more than lust for my - um -" I said and paused momentarily.

I was going to say 'first time' or 'loss of virginity', but in my hesitation she started speaking, "Have you had any experience, sweetie?" She hadn't cut me off, but I'd missed my opportunity to say what I was feeling. I knew she was attempting to be gentle, but her question sort of made me feel like a kid and I delayed answering another fraction of a second too long. Suddenly Ava was quickly apologizing, "I'm sorry sweetie. Sorry, that's not my business. I shouldn't have asked you that."

"No, it's fine, I'm not ashamed. I had a girlfriend at the start of last summer, we kissed, petted and performed oral on one another, but we never had sex. When she went back to her college in the fall, we broke up. There was another girl I took on a few dates. The last date was to a movie theater where we made out while the place was empty. She gave me head but I was so nervous about being discovered that I didn't last very long. I guess that made her decide not to continue; we didn't really break up, she just ghosted. That's about the extent of my sex life outside of watching porn."

"Unless you're in a rush to lose it, I think the way you're going is fine," she tried to assure me.

"Can I ask why you don't date? I heard Sibyl telling you to Get out there and chase younger men, when I came back from the beach," I admitted.

"You heard that, huh?" she asked. Her eyes looked up and to the left as she thought back to what they'd said. "I guess you heard the rest too?"

"Yeah, but I didn't hear anything very bad," I confided in her.

"Well, let's see. Why is dating complicated for me?" she asked herself aloud. "Hmm, I guess I'll start with the part you know. When I lost Jon, I was pretty devastated. Staying with you and your family, I eventually moved beyond it."

"Those are some of the best memories I have," I blurted out.

"Me too, sweetie," she said and reached out to put her hand on my shoulder. It didn't feel sexual, it was comforting. She looked like she might have tears welling up and she took her hand back to wipe her eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry, Aunt Ava. You don't have to relive that," I told her trying to let her off the hook.

"No, it's alright; I want to tell you. You were part of the reason I went back to school for my teaching degree. I don't know if you knew that, but even at a young age you had a positive effect on me."

"You made a huge impression upon me too. You're my favorite Aunt and mean the world to me," I told her suddenly feeling like my heart might burst.

That just made her tears come faster and she sat there weeping. I put my hand on her back and patted her gently while we sat. There was a long period of empty silence while she remained like that with her eyes closed and the occasional tear trickling down her face. She seemed to be working through something I couldn't fathom, and I didn't want to speak first, especially if what I'd said had hurt somehow. So, I said nothing and continued rubbing her back while she worked through her feelings.

When she sat back up and began to speak, her voice had a little quaver at first, "You don't know how happy hearing what I mean to you makes me."

"Aunt -"

"Honey, just call me Ava," she sniffed back the tears. "You're clearly an adult, you can just use my name."

"Yeah, okay, Ava that's going to take me a while. I - um -" I restarted but stopped.

"Look, what I was trying to tell you was that," she stopped and sighed, "that I'm realizing I haven't really moved beyond losing Jon like I'd thought."

"It's been a long time," I told her softly. "You deserve to be happy."

"It's been over ten years, I just didn't realize I was holding on to him, even though much of the time I was married to Jon, I'd been alone. I loved him so much, but he was gone from my life most of the time before he died. After I moved back here and finished college, I found being alone wasn't so bad. Staying alone, meant no one could ever hurt me like that again."

"Aren't you lonely, though?" I asked.

"Sometimes. I admit I've pushed an important part of my life away. I occasionally want a man's company but have avoided their love. So, I've dated, but only -"

I cut her off saying, "I think I understand, you really don't have to tell me any more." I hugged her tightly and whispered, "I'm so sorry; I hope you can find someone."

"I've only dated for sex, Tim," she blurted out. Then she braced herself and continued, "When I couldn't stand being without the physical comfort of a man, I went out to get laid," she said and then broke down sobbing against my chest wracked with guilt or perhaps self-loathing.

"Don't do this to yourself, Ava. You shouldn't be ashamed; I'm sure Jon didn't mean to hurt you or want you to stay alone," I told her and gently patted her back some more. "Please don't cry, Ava," I said feeling like I had brought all of this back out of her. "I'm so sorry I made those memories come back," I hugged her tightly and felt tears from my own eyes.

"They - aren't - memories," she replied between gasps. "I've been so lonely for so long," she said at last, "and I'm so glad you're here."

She moved her hands around me and clenched me close. We held one another, while I wished with all of my heart I could change her situation. There had to be someone out there for her. In the pit of my stomach, I wished I could be that lucky guy, because to me she was beautiful, loving, thoughtful, sexy and had all of the attributes I desired in a woman. We held one another for a long time. She'd crossed the line of happy tears to sad sobs in moments and I could sense the upheaval in her. We remained in that position for the longest time. The warmth of her body was starting to cause an issue for me when I heard her breathing change. Such a long time had passed that I wondered if she were falling asleep.

"Aunt Ava," I whispered. "Are you awake?"

"Yes. I'm sorry I unloaded all that on you. You were so much better at pulling that out of me than any of my therapists or even your mom. I feel a lot better, sweetie, thanks for listening and comforting me," she gushed.

I wasn't sure quite what to say, she'd simply opened up to my inept question. "I'm here for you, Ava and I hope you do feel better," I assured her attempting to further comfort her.

"Yes, you are, and I'll be here for you. If you ever need to open up or talk about something, I want you to know I'll be there for you too. It doesn't matter what it is, you can tell me anything. I'd never break our confidence and you will never get any judgment from me. Even if you've gone back to school, you should call me, and I promise that I will do whatever I can to help you."

"Okay," I said trying to take in what she was telling me.

After several more minutes, she straightened up and said, "Thanks again, that really did help. I'm going to go read for a while and then go to bed."

"Alright, I'll see you in the morning then," I said.

"Good night, Tim," she said and stood up. "Don't stay up all night watching porn," she teased.

I laughed and assured her, "I left my computer at home, so I'll head to bed after watching a little more TV."

I hated that I'd broken down like that with Tim, but his question about why I didn't date had struck a sore spot that I hadn't really known I had. On top of that, I was reevaluating my assessment that he'd been sheltered. And it wasn't so much that he was in a shell as he was reserved. He watched and observed before engaging, but once he was, he was quite open. His simple uninhibited inquiries bored to the center of the problem and gave me a unique insight on myself through his eyes. The fact that his birthday was the same as Jon's had always been bittersweet for me. It brought melancholy memories up from the past while welcoming fun new memories with Tim.