Summer Sabbatical

In my room, I closed the door, turned on my bedside lamp, stripped off my clothes and crawled into bed. I searched out the book I'd been reading beneath my pillow and opened it to the bookmark. As I read, I found myself rereading large sections or even pages. My mind kept drifting off into past events brought to the surface by the subject material of the romance novel and my recent admissions. By the end of the chapter, which I'd struggled through, I laid the rag on my lap and just thought.

There had only been one man out of any that I'd dated after Jon that I'd seen for longer than a month. Jeremy was a teacher and we'd had something more than animal attraction. As I thought about him, I had to say I might have had feelings for him, but I'd cooled things off between us and he was now married. An exhausting mental review of every man I could remember seeing took over my mind. All of my past activities validated and solidified what I'd said to Tim. When I had dated, it'd been with the ultimate goal of sexual gratification.

Many of my sexual experiences had occurred after becoming friends with Sibyl. Maybe I'd let her love of sex influence my view of it. We generally had much different tastes in men. She had seemed to go for burly men of any age with lots of hair like her late husband Bill. I tended toward neatly groomed men who took care of their bodies. Tonight, when Tim told me she'd intentionally exposed her tits, I'd felt a sharp pang of jealousy that I could barely fathom. Then he'd admitted she'd groped him and maybe he'd encouraged it, which sent me into something close to angry envy. If all I was interested in was sex, then what would have caused that feeling? I'd always been protective of him, but there was something else going on between us. Tim's muscular body was very attractive to me, but did I harbor an additional romantic desire toward him?

For the last several years, my need for romance and love had come in substitute fashion from the books I chose. They were all of the trite authors who milled out book after book of these characters battling for romantic love. It was an addiction that attempted to fill some void in me. Somewhere in my mind was the notion that Tim might be able to not only fill that void, but repair the damage completely.

I hated myself for letting this part of my life become so neglected. How desperate did someone have to be to project romantic intentions on their nephew? The realization hit me like a miraculous mind-altering drug and it left me with a strong motivation to change my situation. I tossed the book on my bedside table and went to use my toilet. Afterward, I brushed my teeth and prepared for bed. I'd just crawled back under the covers when there was a knock at my door.

I mindlessly watched the weather channel through several cycles to see what tomorrow might bring, but couldn't get my mind off of what'd just happened. As I had opened up to Ava, she had done so with me. But it'd seemed to have hurt her, and I felt uneasy that I'd caused that with my questioning. After seeing that it would be another beautiful day tomorrow, I decided to go to bed and get an early start on the next day.

Switching off the TV and light in the den, I went to the bedroom across the hall and began preparing for bed. I removed my tank top and went into the restroom. I closed the door to the hall and used the toilet. Then I washed my hands, face and underarms with warm water, soap and a thick terry wash cloth she'd placed in the bathroom. When I opened my toiletry bag, I pulled out my toothbrush, but couldn't find the toothpaste I was certain I'd put in there. I searched under the sink and in the cabinet to see if there were some old ones left behind but had no luck. I debated upon skipping tonight, but it was only about 10:00 PM, and I kind of wanted to check that she was okay after tonight's emotionally tumultuous conversation.

As I padded down the hall to Ava's room, I could see there was still a light beneath her door. After I knocked on it softly, she came to the door in just a few seconds. As she opened it, I realized that she'd just pulled on a robe.

"What do you need, sweetie?" she asked.

"I forgot my toothpaste; do you have a spare tube?"

"Come on in the bathroom, I think I've got a couple under the sink," she said inviting me inside.

I followed her to her master bath and onto its smooth stone floor. When she flipped on the light, I was momentarily blinded by how bright it was. Ava, who seemed unaffected by it, went to her knees on the rug as she searched beneath the left sink. It was a big double vanity arrangement with a large middle section set lower for applying makeup. There were a bunch of brushes, one of those magnifying mirrors on top and a little stool placed in the opening underneath. In the corner was a big whirlpool tub and across from that was a big open shower. There were two doors on the far wall, presumably one for a linen closet and another for the toilet.

"This is pretty swanky," I told her.

"Here we go," she said.

As she stood up and closed the cabinet, her robe briefly came open. Her back was too me, but I saw everything in the big mirror. Her breasts were firm with medium sized areolæ and her bush was a neatly trimmed brownish-blond triangle with puffy lips protruding out slightly. Her eyes weren't red anymore, but her face was flushing pink as she turned to hand me the brand-new box of toothpaste.

"Sorry, I'm not used to guests and I sleep nude."

"I like how it's laid out," I said at the same moment and turned red. "I meant the bathroom, not your um - no - I like how you are laid out, too - sorry. I don't know what I'm saying," I said flummoxed with the hole I kept digging deeper.

"It's fine, I'm sure it'll happen again," she said waving it off and holding her robe closed. She rambled right on, "I blew most of my savings on these renovations, but I love them and am counting the paychecks until I can afford to get that guest bath redone too," she said recovering from the exposure.

"Well, I did help Mom and Dad redo ours, so I could help you do it more economically while I'm here," I offered.

"What a strange coincidence. April usually tells me about all the things you're doing, and she never mentioned that," she said looking puzzled.

"I probably shouldn't say, but I think they're having money problems. This trip they're on is to help with business. All of the stuff we used, in our renovation, they bought on clearance. I mean it was good quality, but I could tell they were doing it on the cheap and might not have undertaken it if there hadn't have been a leak that ruined the wall and subflooring. In any case, I'd be glad to help."

"I'll have to look at my finances," she said thoughtfully.

Her breath was suddenly one of those stuttered post crying deals and I found myself asking, "Are you alright Aunt - I mean Ava?"

"Yes, I am. I think having you here is just what I needed," she assured me.

"I wouldn't ever want to do anything to hurt you. I'm still feeling terrible about before," I told her.

"I know but you shouldn't worry, and you didn't hurt me, dear. Like I said, I've been holding that in a long time. Having you there to help me let it out has lightened my spirits like you wouldn't believe," she said.

She moved toward me to give me a huge hug as I stood there. I watched as if in slow motion while her robe came open again. If there was any hesitation, I didn't feel it; she needed that hug as much as I did. I couldn't believe how tightly she was holding me. The warmth of her naked skin on mine was something I hadn't expected and soon the erection that'd plagued me most of the day returned to full vigor. I was sure we both knew it was happening, but it didn't seem to matter to either of us. She kept holding me and I held her right back. I was certain I could feel her tight nipples on her breasts pressing into me and it made me even harder. When she ultimately released me from the hug, those long tight nipples seemed to drag down the skin of my chest.

"Thanks," she said finally. "I didn't mean to keep you," she offered. "You really did help me tonight, though," she said.

Then as she stood up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek, they touched me again. As she relaxed back flat on her feet, I bent to kiss her forehead. It felt like I was in a dream from which I didn't want to awake, but I suddenly felt a little awkward.

"Good night. I hope you know that I love you, Ava."

"I love you, too, Tim," she said with an odd twinkle in her eyes.

When she turned toward the light switch, she didn't bother to close her robe and I got another long look. Her lengthy nipples protruded excited from her significantly contracted areolæ and she watched me looking as she flicked off the switch. I moved quickly from her bathroom and saw her following me out into her dimly lit bedroom. I headed for her door and turned to pull it closed, but she was there. She was holding the front of her robe together mostly, but if the hall light had been on, her bush would have been visible.

She said, "Good night, sweetie."

"Thanks again for the toothpaste, Ava."

As the door closed there was an aroma I knew instantly was her. My girlfriend, Tammy, had smelled a little like that last summer whenever she was excited. Ava's scent was even more intoxicating, if that were possible, and I was certain I hadn't smelled that from her before that moment. Was she excited by me like I was by her? I wondered. In that moment, I knew the memories of her holding me and seeing her in the mirror would probably replace the need for porn for quite a while.

After switching off the lamp, I crawled back in bed. I hadn't invited Tim in to expose myself, but I felt a little guilty about the event. The stupid belt had been missing for years, I didn't use my robe often and I'd just dug it out of the back of the closet this morning in preparation for him being here. So, I was pretty sure it'd been accidental but when it'd occurred, I didn't behave rationally. I'd meant what I told him, and the careless handling of my robe just happened.

Kissing his cheek afterward, though, that wasn't as innocent. The kiss itself was, but I wanted to feel him again. Honestly, I wanted to hug him again, to feel his muscular chest, arms and his straining manhood press against me as it had while we embraced. Repeating that action would have been a step too far and I might have attempted to convince him into my bed. I worried that my sexual attraction to him needed to be reigned in before something happened. There was a strong desire to blame the romance novel I'd been reading, since it was about a young man and a middle-aged woman. But my realization that some part of me wanted him romantically had me acknowledging that wasn't true. On top of all that, I felt a little hypocritical putting my bare tits on him after having just talked about affirmative consent.

Added into the mixture of emotions I was working through, was the fact that this was my sister's only son. He was her only child and my only blood related nephew. Jon had some younger siblings who didn't have kids while we were married, so, they might possibly have kids now, but after his death I didn't keep in touch with them it was simply too painful. If other nieces or nephews existed, they wouldn't be blood related, but Tim, my little Timmy, he was. He was all grown up into a wonderful strong young man and I had lust for him. Guiltily, I was still lusting for him.

As I lied in my big king bed, I couldn't get to sleep. My heart had been racing from the moment the robe came open. In my mind, I kept replaying that moment when he saw me in the mirror. Had I let loose on purpose or was it simple inattentiveness? Sibyl and I had made lots of overt statements and she'd even exposed her tits to him, but I couldn't believe that I intentionally uncovered myself. I certainly wasn't excited when my 'wardrobe malfunction' occurred. However, I had become very excited as we touched when I hugged him.

I had initiated that lengthy embrace, but I couldn't remember what I was thinking. I had known the robe was open but hadn't cared or noticed that there would be skin on skin contact. Did I become excited first or had it been when I felt his stiff erection pressing into my belly? I wondered. He stood half a foot taller than I did and the feeling of the warm bare skin of our chests pressed together had stirred something deep inside me. When my nipples stiffened, I felt him get harder and he held me a little tighter. Something had kept me from escalating further, perhaps it was the guilt or fear. I never wanted to do anything to hurt or endanger him.

I looked at all of the things I could have done to avoid what had happened. I could have gotten a new robe or made a belt. I could have gotten the toothpaste for him alone. I couldn't believe I hadn't simply stocked a toothbrush and toothpaste when I'd put the new towels and soap in the guest bath earlier today before he'd arrived. A thousand ideas that all led back to one thing. It had happened and couldn't be undone. Even at that moment, I couldn't decide if I would undo it, given the opportunity.

What did Tim feel? Was he struggling with all of this like I was? Was he lusting for me the same way I already suspected he did for Sibyl or was it more complicated? I worried about how I might ask for forgiveness if my actions harmed him. Finally, I worried what we might do in the days and weeks ahead. This was his first night here and somehow, it'd gotten off to this bizarre start.

Thursday morning I awoke with a huge erection and was thinking of Ava. After leaving her room last night, I had masturbated repeatedly until I fell asleep. It was so wrong and inappropriate, but after seeing her and feeling her excitement from touching me, it was all I could think about. Countless times, I tried to go to sleep only to find myself aroused again. But now, I worried about how we might interact for the rest of my time here. I got up and dressed in another new tank top and the other swimwear I'd bought. Yesterday, I'd avoided putting them on, but today, I figured what was the worst that could happen?

When I went to the kitchen, I found there was fresh coffee in the pot, but no sign of Ava. Looking out the back window, I found that she was down by the pool. She had on a different bikini and it suddenly felt like I was looking into a dream. She was wearing a yellow suit that nearly matched the one I'd imagined before making the trip. I poured a cup of coffee, got some cream from the fridge, and decided to join her down there.

She spotted me from the moment I opened the door, maybe she'd even seen me at the window. I couldn't tell with her sunglasses covering her eyes. As I sat in the chair beside her, she removed her glasses and looked me up and down. Her suit was much more revealing than the one I'd imagined.

"Nice speedo," she commented.

"You look very nice in yellow," I returned her compliment.

"Thanks, I just got it this spring."

"Did you want to talk about -" I started to ask.

"I'm thinking about the bathroom remodel," she said at the same moment. "Would you really want to work for me during your vacation?"

"Sure, it was kind of fun working on the one at home," I told her.

"How long did it take?"

"We didn't work on it constantly, but less than a month," I assured her.

"It might take some time to get things ordered though," she said thoughtfully. "I'm really excited about working on it together if I have enough saved."

"I'm sure the biggest portion of the work you had done was the labor and you won't need to pay me. Being here at your place for the summer is the best vacation I could have imagined."

"You might be right about the labor, I'll have to check," she said. Then she changed tact and asked, "Sorry, I interrupted you asking - um - I feel like such an old fool. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine and you aren't either old or a fool, so knock that off."

"It was my fault," we both blurted out.

"A bunch of it was my fault," I told her. "I didn't pack properly, and I asked you about dating and -"

"Look, Tim, we can debate about who did what, but I am fine. In fact, I'm better than fine. And if you're all right, I'm even better. I meant what I told you about how you lifted my spirits. You helped me get that admission off my chest. Somehow, I'd known about my dating issues, but hadn't admitted that even to myself. What happened after, in the master retreat I chalk up to timing and weakness," she said and took a deep breath as if bracing herself for my rebuttal.

"Okay, if you're alright, I'm great. I think there was something very unusual happening and I hope it didn't make you think I'm a pervert."

"Never, sweetie. I hope you know I feel the same," she said. "I'm warning you now, Sibyl already phoned to say she was out picking up the hair color she wants me to use before she goes to Candy's graduation. She'll probably be over here before noon."

"I've been thinking about her, and you're right of course. She's a flirt. I can flirt back and that doesn't have to mean that I want to be in a relationship with her. I'll be fine, I'm a big boy."

"That's an understatement," she said testing my restraint.

"Et tu, Brute?" I asked in mock seriousness.

"What a line. You're not being assailed and definitely not assassinated."

"It felt like something that might make you laugh. I love seeing you happy; it makes my heart sing. I'm going to get in the ocean again before she comes over. You want to join me?" I asked as I stood to take off the tank top.

"I usually stay up here, under my shade sails out of the sun and occasionally go skinny dipping."

"That's dirty pool, Ava."

"You're doing better today," she said glancing at my crotch.

"I'm not made of stone, though. If you really do skinny dip, I give it about one hundred percent chance of full raging embarrassment."

"Well, I'm a bit of a nudist. I'll occasionally go in the pool during daylight but only when I know people aren't looking, but I definitely go in the spa in the nude at night," she said playfully. "In any case, I'd be happy to come down to the beach with you. I've got some sunscreen right here," she said, raise the lid of the little side table and handed me the can. "If you'll do the honors," she said and stood in front of me with her arms and legs spread.

I sprayed her down getting it on all of her exposed skin. Then she undid her bikini top and held up the cups so I could get around her neck. After she tied it all back, she took the can from me and waited for me to assume the position. She got me covered pretty well then told me to close my eyes and gave a quick spray of my face, turned the can on herself and did the same.

"Ready to go or you want to collect your board first?" she asked.

"We can just bob in the surf," I told her, heading for the gate.

She followed behind me and at the gate, I held it open for her. Then we crossed the wooden walkway over the dunes. There were very few people out this early. I think she observed the same thing and she took my hand as we walked to the water's edge. Her hand was smaller than mine, but I loved the way her fingers gripped me warmly. When we got to the water, we walked out until the waves were coming in, so we had to jump up as they passed us, and she released my hand.

I was chest deep, but she was over her neck, and used her hands to keep above the waves as they crested. They weren't very rough, but we attempted to body surf on a few. Each time we walked back out from riding one, I thought about how closely her bikini resembled the one I'd daydreamed. Her areolæ and bush were practically visible through the translucent yellow material. As the morning progressed, the waves became better and soon we were able to catch the stronger swells.