Surefoot 50: Small Mercies

Jhess and Misha stood in the corridor, clad in matching khaki shorts, T-shirts and shoes, their heads arched backwards as they howled like wolves up at the ceiling, ignoring the bemused passers-by. At her appearance, however, they stopped, Jhess grinning. "There you are! And just in time!"

Her initial rush at seeing her little brother again - and, yes, the handsome spotted Caitian male - almost instantly evaporated. "Did Kami send you? Because I'm not really in the mood-"

"Kami didn't send us," Jhess declared boisterously. "Adventure did!"

Misha shook a finger up at her. "Venture!"

She breathed out audibly. "Guys..."

"In the Caitian Year of 568 After Landing," Jhess intoned dramatically, "A collection of peaceful fishing communities in the Bay of Kurosawa was being raided by a group of ruthless bandits..."

"Ruthless!" Misha echoed. "No Ruth at all!"

"It took a small but intrepid band of nomadic adventurers," Jhess continued. "Led by a stalwart Kaetini, to defeat the bandits, and restore peace and security to the Bay." He indicated Misha and himself. "We're the adventurers."

Misha crossed his arms. "You betchya."

"But we're looking for a suitable Kaetini." He made a show of stroking the tuft of light spotted fur under his chin. "Now, you don't happen to know of any Kaetini available for an afternoon of simple escapist diversion from what I know has probably been an emotionally arduous morning?"

She looked at each of them in turn... tempted. Very tempted. But she shook her head. "Sorry, guys, I'm tired, it's been-"

Misha began purring.

So did Jhess.

"Okay, okay," she conceded. "Shameless bastards."

"Rude Word!" Misha declared. "Mamas and Papas don't have to be married to have cubs!"

*

USS Triton, Deck 2, Transporter Room 4:

Hrelle materialised on the platform, immediately catching a very familiar scent. "Well, well, if it isn't Captain Butt Pimple."

Leaning against the console, ignoring the reaction of the Transporter Chief to the jibe, Weynik cross his arms. "Well, well, if it isn't Captain Meatball. You know they had to add a few extra algorithms into the transporter sequence to handle your bulk?"

Hrelle shrugged and stepped down. "They could have just used the ones they didn't need for you, Fun Size." Then he smiled, clasping a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Good to see you again, Brother."

Weynik smirked and straightened up. "And you. Come on, my Dad's impatient to start, and we're among the last Captains in the Fleet to arrive."

They stepped out into the corridor and strode forward towards the Main Conference Room, Hrelle once more noting how much more crowded this ship was compared to his own, and asking, "What do you think's up? Some last-minute changes to our plans?"

"Most likely; I know Trenagen's onboard. He must have some news about the Dominion forces in this sector."

Hrelle grunted to himself, having no love for the Head of Starfleet Intelligence. "Unless he came for help to finally get that stick removed from his ass. I might have to recall T'Varik and C'Rash from their leave on Vulcan early. They won't thank me."

"How's Sasha doing?"

"She's a stubborn bitch. Gets it from... well, everyone. But she'll pull through."

"Tell her we're all missing her on the Ajax. She's a hell of an officer, Esek. You should be proud."

"I am, Weynik. I-" He stopped at a main juncture separating port from aft, sniffing the air.

Weynik doubled back. "The Mess Hall is in the opposite direction, Wide Load." He frowned. "What's wrong?"

Hrelle stared down one side corridor, where a gaggle of crewmen in gold congregated, and sifted through the scents. "Who came over with you from the Ajax?"

"The Ajax? Just my XO, and he's waiting for us in the Conference Room. Why?"

Hrelle started down the corridor, hearing Weynik following several metres behind, fully expecting to receive a buttload of ridicule from his friend if this turned out to be a false alarm- "Lieutenant?"

Lt Jim Madison stood by some turbolift doors, but now turned to face him, his eyes wide. "Captain Hrelle? I- I didn't expect to run into you-"

Weynik joined them, looking up in surprise. "Mr Madison? What are you doing on the Triton?"

Hrelle stared hard. He thought he had scented Sasha's boyfriend, and had wanted to approach him to get some insight as to Sasha's state of mind before coming home. He had impressed Hrelle with his charm and good humour, as well as the chemistry he had with Sasha.

"Mr Madison," Weynik repeated, more forcefully now.

Madison turned to face his captain. "Sorry, Sir. I, ah, had a message from some Academy friends posted here, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to pop over and visit. Chief Maryk cleared it."

He kept looking back at Hrelle, who never broke his gaze, breathing in deeply, taking in scents around Madison. There was another, something equally familiar-

NO.

Oblivious, Weynik continued. "I see. Well, carry on, Jim, but be sure to be ready-"

"Aren't you going to ask about Sasha, Mister?" Hrelle snapped.

The young man started. "Yes! Yes, Sir, of course! It's just-"

Hrelle stepped forward, eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring, his voice a growl. "Just... what?"

Madison's face reddened. "She didn't tell you? She, ah, wanted some space between us, while she sorted herself out. So, ah, I didn't want to intrude by asking." He paused and asked, "How is she, Sir?"

"She's fine."

Weynik looked between them, before concluding, "We may be departing on short notice, Mr Madison, so make the most of your visit. Dismissed."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir." Madison nodded politely to Hrelle, turned and departed quickly down the corridor.

Weynik reached up, tugging on Hrelle's jacket sleeve. "Hey, Wide Load, what's up? What has my Second Engineer done to rub your fur the wrong way?"

Hrelle glared at the back of Madison - You lying kussik - before turning and resuming his march forward, Weynik catching up, only stopping when they were alone again. "What do you know of him?"

The Roylan Captain shrugged. "He's young, gifted, otherwise nothing of note on his record. He seemed to get along well with everyone... especially Sasha. Is that it, Esek? You being a Protective Papa Cat-"

"He has Trenagen's scent on him."

Weynik's jaw dropped. "Admiral Trenagen?"

"You know of any other?"

"Are you sure?"

Hrelle nodded, glancing down the way they came, as if expecting someone just around the corner, listening in on them. "Very recent, and for an extended period, not some casual brush in a corridor or turbolift. Caitian parents develop a particularly keen acuity when it comes to scenting our cub's intimates... and our enemies."

Weynik reeled from the revelation. "Son of a bitch... when I was debriefing Fleet Captain Shall and Trenagen, that snooty British hatstand demonstrated knowledge of events he couldn't possibly have known about... unless he had a spy onboard!" He scowled. "He must be working some cloak and dagger bullshit against my father through me."

"Or it's a play against Ma'Sala, through Sasha."

"I'll tell my father... speaking of which, we'd better get moving." He paused and asked, "Are you going to tell Sasha?"

Hrelle grunted. "What, that her boyfriend of the last few months could be a spy for SI... or Section 31? She has enough on her proverbial plate. But I'll inform Ma'Sala of my suspicions; then it'll be a race to see who gets to Madison first, Tattok or her..."

*

The trio raced out into the jungle clearing, punching and kicking the Caitian bandits they encountered along the way, Misha yelling and laughing with delight... and even Sasha was smiling. It was based on actual historical events, she knew, but it was a Cub Friendly holoprogram, with no guns or swords, and every punch to one of the bandits was accompanied by garish sound effects, and it was an effective means for a young participant to expend a lot of energy safely.

Or, in the case of Sasha, to forget her troubles for a while.

She watched her little brother have the time of his life, so carefree and innocent, dealing with alleged threats in a way she envied. And she watched Jhess, noting the obvious combat skills he possessed, even against these leaping bandits. Dad and Kami had told her about him, how he had been a soldier in the Caitian Sabrecats in the last War, had served with distinction, but now kept his service record under wraps so ignorant families wouldn't consider him a potential threat to their cubs.

He was quite attractive, too.

But she put that aside as a bandit appeared from behind, grabbing her-

One Ferasan reached up from behind the Helm station and grabbed a handful of her hair, dragging her up, as a second Ferasan leapt forward and raked his claws across her belly, drawing blood-

She stopped and yelled, as if in pain. The holographic bandit released her and froze, as if startled.

In the near distance, Misha stopped leaping onto bandits' backs and bopping their heads, to look over at his big sister. "You okay, Sasha?"

She didn't respond, standing there, trembling, her hands fists.

Jhess drew up to her, looking at her, before saying, "Computer: Jump to Chapter 6."

The clearing and the bandits shifted, morphing into the three of them being alone on Kurosawa Bay Beach, the dark blue waves lapping shallowly at the white sands, while a wall of jungle growth protected the interior.

"Oh!" Misha groaned. "I was having fun fighting!"

"Now you can have fun swimming," Jhess reminded him.

"Yeah!" The cub's disappointment vanished like his opponents, and he cheered as he began stripping off.

Jhess drew up to Sasha. "Let's go for a walk while he plays."

She nodded blankly, at first about to protest that Misha should be supervised in the water, before realising that the computer would be doing that. They started along a path that seemed to just appear in the jungle where they began walking. "Sorry for ruining the fun-"

Jhess blew a raspberry. "You did nothing of the sort. There was more than enough play fighting to satisfy the cub... and the two of us as well, I expect." He glanced at her. "After I left the Service, I couldn't stand having anyone come up to me from behind. I ate at tables nearest a wall, I rearranged my furniture so I could keep the door and windows in front of me... and I had to take mild sedatives to not lash out when I was in public." He shook his head. "My body resented my brain; it had learned all of these skills for survival in the War, and then suddenly, it had to learn not to use them." He looked to her. "Esek and Kami told me about your experiences with the Ferasans. I hope you don't mind-"

"No." She thought she would have resented it, but instead she found that, knowing what she had undergone, he didn't have to ask awkward questions. "No, I don't. You, ah, got over it, then?"

He nodded. "To a manageable point. People can approach me from behind now without me worrying about reacting badly. I'm still working on my claustrophobia and cleithrophobia, though."

Sasha frowned. "I know what the first phobia is. What's the second?"

"Cleithrophobia: the fear of being trapped. I got it from the networks of caverns on Azure Aura, where the air was filled with the echoing sounds of weapons discharge... and the screams of the wounded and the terrified, on both sides. Even wearing sound bafflers, it could be deafening.

I spent much of my time down there crawling through narrow passages, so tight in places I was scraping fur and skin off me... utterly terrified throughout. Not just of some random tremor bringing down thousands of tons on my head, but of one of my comrades ahead of me dying, or being too terrified to move, leaving me... trapped down there, unable to turn or go forward or back and- and-"

He stopped in his tracks, closed his eyes and breathed in and out, his tail twitching with agitation, but already quickly relaxing again. Then he continued, as if nothing had happened. "I still have panic attacks over that... but it's better than before."

She took in his words, a part of her still suspecting it was all a setup on Kami's part to wear her down... but still recognising that the man was at least telling the truth. "I want to die."

She expected him to be shocked by her statement. Instead, he made a sound. "No you don't. You just want the bad parts of being alive to stop. The depression, the anxiety, the panic and rage and guilt. It's like a fever: when you're in the midst of it, you feel like it's gonna last forever, and you'll never be free of it.

But you can't trust those feelings. And you have to remind yourself of that, even when you're mired in the depths of your darkness: this feeling will pass." He stopped again and smiled. "And when all else fails, find yourself a cub to play with, or to hold in your arms. The Universe can be a terrible place. But we must look to the small mercies it offers, the tiny lights of kindness and compassion and positivity that do exist."

Sasha looked to him with genuine feeling. "Thank you for this, Jhess."

He held out his arms. "Anytime, Sasha."

They hugged.

She clung to him.

Themn she let her hands drift down to his spotted tail, stroking the base.

"Um..." he started hesitantly, trying to untangle himself from her.

She let one hand cup his muscular rear, while she nestled into the fur at the nape of his neck, purring.

"Sash," he said, more forcefully extricating himself and backing away, his tail hanging limp behind him. "No. I wasn't seeking that."

Immediately, acute embarrassment suffused her. Seven Hells, what did she do that for? What was she thinking? She swallowed, feeling her stomach twist into knots and her temperature double. "Sorry- Shit, I'm sorry, Jhess-"

He raised his hands. "Hey, I understand, you're a storm of emotions right now, it's okay-"

"No, it's not..." She turned and stormed back towards the beach, lashing out at branches and leaves that got in her way, or even those that didn't. You IDIOT! What did you think you were doing? He opens up to you, tries to help you, and you practically hump his leg like a little bitch in heat! You stupid fucker, stupid fucker, stupid fucker-

"ROAR!"

She spun, fist swinging out. Fucking holographic bandits-

She connected with the side of Misha's head while he was in mid-leap at her.

His body spun in place as he dropped into a pile of foliage.

"Misha?" she whispered, ignoring the pain in her hand, her eyes wide.

He lay still.

She dropped down beside him. No. No no no no no NO NO NO- "MISHA!"

*

Jhess barely twisted in time as the Sickbay doors parted, carefully carrying the cub through. "Zeke!"

Masterson raced out of his office, following Jhess as the Caitian rested Misha on the nearest biobed. "What happened?"

"Accident on the Holodeck. Looked like a mild concussion." He studied the readings overhead, relaxing a little. "No fracture, no neurological damage."

"Tough little critter," Masterson agreed. "You recommend Leporazine?"

"Netinaline would be preferable for his age and race. 10cc."

Masterson nodded. "You're the paediatrician. Nurse, Netinaline, 10cc. You want to tell his parents?"

"Sure." Jhess turned. "Sasha, it's okay-" He looked around, before stepping back outside, glancing down either end of the corridor. Then he tapped his civilian combadge. "Jhess to Kami: you and Esek are needed, now..."

Sasha bolted down the corridor, ignoring the few people she ran into, literally and figuratively, not sure where she was going or doing. Oh God, she hurt Misha, she hurt her beautiful little brother, it was true, she was a monster, a monster-

"Sasha?" came Kami's voice from her combadge. "Sasha, talk to me, please..."

Sasha pulled her combadge off and threw it away. She had to go somewhere. She couldn't be near anyone. She was a danger, a threat-

She had reached the entrance to the Shuttlebay when she felt herself wrapped in the quantum swaddle of a transporter beam-

-Dropping her onto a dark floor of segmented tiles, liberally stained with dried blood and littered with broken weapons. And bodies.

She gasped, breathing hard from her running and her panic, looking around, her mind drawn back to the Ferasan ship. She reached out and grabbed a sword, rising to a defensive stance. Had they come back, abducted her in some sort of revenge plot-

"Oooh, the Kitten has Claws..." came a disturbingly familiar voice.

She spun in place towards the direction of the voice, her heart racing. "Who's there? Show yourself!"

"Of course..." From the shadows, a large figure stepped into the central light.

Sasha gasped.

It was a Caitian male, dressed in gladiatorial armour plates and a loincloth, with a thick, unruly mane, but one missing his tail, his sepia-furred skin patched in sickly grey and patches of bare skin patched with scars and face tattoos. He had a thin waist, but his upper half was almost hyper-muscular, and he grinned at her with a muzzle of broken teeth, his bronze eyes leering. "Hello, Runt of the Litter. Welcome to my world."

She stepped back. "Daddy?"

He chuckled mirthlessly. "Call me 'Daddy' again; it stirs my loins."

She raised her weapon... but then lowered it. "You're... You're a hologram. A representation of my father, when he was a slave in the Orion Deathmatches-"

"I'M NOT A SLAVE!" he bellowed in fury, snarling and making her jump. "I'm a Warrior! The greatest warrior who ever lived! I AM THE BEAST!" He strode around her in a wide circle. "I slaughtered hundreds! By blade, by cudgel and mace, by my bare hands and teeth! And I loved it! Loved every moment of it!"

Sasha rotated in place, keeping this... abomination... in her line of sight. She knew of the terrible time her father was kept in captivity: maimed, drugged, given steroids and stimulants to increase his strength and stamina, implanted with pain devices to condition him to fight and kill, forced to abandon his ideals and devolve into the thing he most feared and despised. But until now, her knowledge of it had been second-hand, abstract... "Why... Why am I here?"

"To have a little fun, maybe?" the Beast suggested, chuckling. "Let's call up some prey to kill together. I could teach you a few things... though from what I hear, you're not so bad at dealing Death yourself. Like Father, Like Daughter-"

"Shut up!" she declared fiercely. "I'm- I'm nothing like you!"

The Beast stopped pacing. "No? Tell us, Kitten, how did it make you feel, when you lobbed off the head of the Pridemaster who killed your friend?"

She stared back. How could he know- of course. He was no doubt programmed by Kami or Dad. She looked up into the darkness. "I'm not playing this game! Computer: Exit!" When there was no response, she continued, more loudly. "Computer: End Program! Computer: Emergency Shutdown! Computer: Respond!"

"No, no, Kitten," the Beast taunted. "You were dropped in here, with me, for a reason. I know I'm just a collection of photons and force fields... and I know that you're not leaving here until you answer my questions." He stepped closer. "Now tell me: what did it feel like to take that Ferasan scum's head off?"

She stared at him. Was this it? She was being forced to finally respond. "Good. It felt... good."

And she meant it, as horrifying as the notion should have been to her, to any civilised being.